WWYD - Long Road Trip during Third Trimester - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 07:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is a ways off, but I've been thinking about it as we are taking a trip to visit my inlaws today. My DH is an only child and is very close to his family. They live 4-6 hours away in New York.

We used to go visit them practically every Christmas and Thanksgiving, but this was getting to be ridiculous as it meant my family (local) got robbed of seeing us during the holidays and the driving all the time was a little crazy.

So we made a compromise: We see his folks during *one* holiday (either Thanksgiving or Chistmas). Every year, we'd switch the holiday (IOW- one year we'd go up on Xmas and on the next we'd go up on T-day). During years, he'd miss X-mas, we'd still go up afterwards so he'd get to spend time with his grandparents during the New Year.

This year, we are supposed to visit his folks during X-mas. I will be at 32 weeks (the 3rd trimester starts a week before Thanksgiving).

*Mammas, in your opinion, do you think this is a good idea?

*Would it be selfish of me to ask us to stay here for *both* holidays?

I'm not really thrilled about being that far away from my midwives, our birthing center, and hospitals we are familiar with. Also, I'm not at all that keen about being in NY so close to the due date, either. I hear they have really stupid laws regarding vaxing and eyedrops after the birth, and I don't want that.

I'd consider offering my dh to go on his own, but I don't want us to be separated that late in the pregnancy (at 32 weeks). I may be okay with him going up by himself over Thanksgiving, though.

Still, I hate to think I'd rob my dh of spending the holidays with his family.

I know it's very early to think about, but I want to get it out of the way so it's not a last minute decision. What do you think?

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#2 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 08:32 AM
 
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i don't think this is selfish at all. this is your first pregnancy, right? explain that you are nervous about driving and/or losing your birthing partner during this time. this is definitely the time to do what you need and especially what makes you most comfortable. if they don't understand, then that is their issue, not yours. just make sure your husband is on board and understands your hesitations. you need to stand as a unified team, especially as this is his family.

can you, or would you want, to invite them all for christmas to your house? they can help cook and help you nest a bit.

believe me, when you have children, holidays become a thousand times more sensitive and important for grandparents, at least for the grandparents in my life and my friends' lives. take the time NOW to set limits.

good luck.

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#3 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 08:45 AM
 
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I personally would have no problem travelling that far up to at least 36 weeks.

If it makes you uncomfortable, how about you make an exception to your routine this year and go visit his folks for Thanksgiving instead of Chrismas? You get to travel a month earlier.
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#4 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 09:25 AM
 
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I'd stay home, and I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

Let me add, though: You might be fine to travel at that point. I certainly traveled by air later than that and was fine with it. I, however, had problems with long car trips (or any extended sitting in chairs, actually) and would have been in agony for a 4-6 hour drive at that point.

So, either I would swap hols this year- go Thanksgiving instead of Christmas, if that would work for you- or I'd just call and say, "love you, miss you, not up to traveling right now, see you next year with the baby." And if they argued with me (and quite frankly, I think my IL's have learned not to), I'd get my husband and say, "here- deal with your family."

Actually, I'd probably have made him make the call in the first place.

And as for selfish- pfeh. You have a need to take care of yourself right now. Do it, whatever that means.
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#5 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 10:16 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malva View Post
I personally would have no problem travelling that far up to at least 36 weeks.

If it makes you uncomfortable, how about you make an exception to your routine this year and go visit his folks for Thanksgiving instead of Chrismas? You get to travel a month earlier.
:
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#6 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 10:59 AM
 
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So how many weeks will you be at the time of the trip? I was 34 weeks when i drove back from MX to NC by my self with my 3 kiddo's. It wasnt to bad..but by the 4th day of driving i was starting to hurt. I'm 36+ weeks now and i couldnt imagine being in the car for any longer than 2-3 hours right now. That 2 weeks makes a huge difference in how the baby is sitting and having to go wee every few hours. It's ok to decline anything you want to...your the prego's mama and you call the shots. Like right now i really dont feel like driving far fromt he house anyways...i want to be close to home right now...maybe it's the nesting instinct coming out.

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#7 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 11:26 AM
 
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Being a veteran mom here LOL... This is baby #4 for me and I am 32 weeks now and would have NO problem driving 4-6 hrs to visit my inlaws. In fact we are taking an almost 4 hr drive to a college football game next weekend( with 2 teenagers DH and my 4 yr old. Personally I would do the Thanksgiving trip. 32 weeks is NOT a bad time I feel great ( Im also measuring a couple weeks ahead but I do have big babies)
I would kick back in the car take a book or project ( I knit) and let your DH do the diving. Stop every hour or 2 to walk around / pee. Drink lots of fluids and enjoy yourself. I was 30 weeks last pregnancy when I flew to CA to visit my inlaws.

LOL and who knows maybe they will even have you a suprise shower

Jeana Christian momma to 4 sons Logan 18, Connor 15, Nathan 6, and bonus baby Jack 1
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#8 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 11:27 AM
 
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I am going to be 38 weeks and having a shower 4 hours away. My midwife said to go but to come in and get checked before going and to take a copy of my records with me. I say play it by ear. You will know how you are feeling closer to that time. I will say that i was told I would need to stop about every 90 minutes to stand up and stretch to keep from getting blood clots. Good luck whatever you decide.
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#9 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 03:39 PM
 
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I wouldn't go if it was me. We took a trip when I was 32 weeks pg with DD2, just 6 hours away. It was miserable, we stopped constantly but I threw some thing out in my back sitting in the car, I could barely walk because it felt like I was being stabbed in the lung. Course I just wanted to be home with my MW, etc.. and I was across the state. I can say that I will never do that again.

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#10 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 03:50 PM
 
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I would be fine with it, myself, but if it makes you uncomfortable, I would suggest switching holidays and going up for Thanksgiving instead.
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#11 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 10:20 PM
 
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If I was in a similar position, I'd offer up going on Thanksgiving if he wants a visit with his family that's a (mostly) sure thing, and staying home on Christmas.

A lot can change in a 4 week period, especially by the 32 week mark. If you have a caregiver appts before or in between holidays, they'll let you know how good an idea it is for you specifically to travel
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#12 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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I wouldn't be concerned at 32 weeks at all, probably more about the 6 hour drive rather than being that far from home. Around 36-38 weeks I would be staying put.
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#13 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 11:37 PM
 
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I will be 32 weeks next week and will be travelling (driving) 6 1/2 hours up into the Sierras for a little Labor Day weekend r&r.
I didn't even think twice about it since we are driving and can stop as much as I need to. I will bring lots of pillows for the car and an icepack too.
I would do it unless you don't want to for some reason. Its not like flying.

Happily married with two tots (babyboy.gif J 10/18/08) & (babygirl.gif T 5/03/10) 

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#14 of 23 Old 08-23-2008, 11:45 PM
 
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There is no way I'd be traveling in the third trimester. It gets very uncomfortable very quickly. I've only taken long trips in the second trimester, and have had relatively "easy" pregnancies, but man, it is miserable beeing cooped up in a car for that long! There is no way I could do it.

I don't think it's selfish for you guys to stay home together for the holidays. Yes, he won't be with his parent's, but you're his family now too, and it's not at all wrong for you guys to just stay home, spend some quiet time together before baby's arrival. JMO.

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#15 of 23 Old 08-24-2008, 12:17 AM
 
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It is completely up to you. It sounds like you don't want to go, so I wouldn't. I am currently 29 weeks and I just got back this weekend after 34 hours of straight travel. That's a far cry from 4 hours, but I was tired and swollen beyond belief, and it's taken me days to recover. We have friends who live 4.5 hours away and want us to come visit soon before the baby is born. However, I've passed because I don't want to be in a car for longer than 2.5 hours and I don't want to deal with driving through mulitple large cities and their traffic patterns.
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#16 of 23 Old 08-24-2008, 12:25 AM
 
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First baby? I'd stick near home by 36 weeks if you are SURE of your dates. Earlier if you aren't sure. 32 weeks wouldn't phase me much for a 4 hour away car drive - but I understand your concern.

I agree with everyone who says go Thanksgiving instead of Xmas. Better weather; you don't have to pack all the gifts; you are earlier in your pregnancy and more comfortable with a car trip.

I also agree with whoever said learn to set limits now. If you don't, you will get run over when baby comes and everyone wants their grandparent time. Your baby, your decision. If you have the only grandbaby, I can guarantee you that they won't write you off!
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#17 of 23 Old 08-24-2008, 12:48 AM
 
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I'm thinking of taking a five hour trip when I'm about 34 weeks...after being on bedrest we haven't been to my parents for months and we won't get to go again for more months, so I might grab that window. I'm not sure yet. I'm not worried about doing the trip though and would do that without a problem if I'm still able to sit comfortably in the car.
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#18 of 23 Old 08-24-2008, 01:17 AM
 
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I just did a bunch of traveling. First there was a family thing in Rochester and Ithaca, at 31 w. That was about 10 hours driving that weekend. Then I went on a 2 week camping trip, which was 6 hours from home, that was during 32-34w. The traveling was uncomfortable, but not horrible. The stopping to pee all the time was a major time suck. I understand your concern about NYS, but I figured the risk of premature labor was so low.
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#19 of 23 Old 08-24-2008, 01:54 AM
 
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I got back today from some traveling last night. Today, I am in so much pain. My neck aches, my hip aches, I now have a pain in my pelvis that I didn't have before, and the list keeps going on. After the driving last night- I'm done. NO more traveling for me in a car/bus/train after 30 weeks. Good luck.
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#20 of 23 Old 08-24-2008, 04:49 AM
 
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I wouldn't do it but only because trravelling hurts when I am not pregnant but also, when pregnant, you can guarantee I will need to pee every 30 mins, it makes the whole thing longer. If I am nervous, make that a stop every 10 mins. But thats just me!
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#21 of 23 Old 08-24-2008, 02:35 PM
 
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I think some of it depends on your overall health...

I drove by myself at 34 wks from AR to MI - 15 hrs, but I did have 2 stops over night (we were moving). Plus I stopped every few hours to potty and walk. After that though I started getting bh contractions often and steady. My homeopathic Dr told me to stay close to home and no more traveling. It was really hard on my body.

Don't push yourself. Do whats best for you

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#22 of 23 Old 08-25-2008, 02:35 AM
 
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I'm currently at 32 weeks, and the thought of traveling makes me want to scream in agony. Okay, okay, I'm exaggerating...but only a little.

I just have such a hard time imagining being comfortable while cooped up in a car for longer than 30 minutes. I'm already uncomfortable enough in the spaciousness of my own home. It hurts my back just to think of sitting (or even reclining) in a car.

If I were you, I would stay home and have the parents come visit. I think it's okay to express your hesitancy in traveling to your husband, and to look at alternatives. Another thing to consider is that you'll probably want to start your own traditions at some point, which may mean that you'll be staying home for the holidays. Set boundaries now rather than later.

We've already skipped a couple of weddings and events due to my discomfort level. My SO is fine with it. He understands that things are a little delicate at the moment. I'm sure your husband will feel similarly.
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#23 of 23 Old 08-25-2008, 09:42 AM
 
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It is totally up to you! If you don't feel comfortable with it, don't do it.

I just got back from a six hour trip at 30 weeks feel perfectly fine. Fine enough to do it again next week We made a 11 hour drive when I was 34 weeks with DD and had no issues. Knowing how I feel while traveling I'd be willing to do a 4-6 hour trip up until 36-38 weeks, but if you don't think it will be ok for you then stay home Maybe invite the family to your place for the holidays.

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