Tell me if this would tick you off (sorry, long) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 65 Old 09-01-2008, 07:54 AM
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Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
Well, I completely understand being irritated and angry. Her tone came across (to me) as rather pompous, and I can't stand the implication that homebirthers are all ignorant Luddites who haven't done due diligence and researched the matter thoroughly before coming to a conclusion. I don't think you need to kowtow to her or try to justify your decision to her or anyone else. You and your partner are adults, this is YOUR birth and YOU are doing it the way you want to.

That said, there's no reason to send her an angry email in response. Although the tone of the email was incredibly rude and condescending, in my opinion, it's possible--maybe even likely--that she wrote it out of love and concern for you and your baby. I would respond with something short and gracious, like

Dear ____,

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your concerns with us regarding the impending birth of our child. Although we have weighed our options carefully and made our decision, we do appreciate hearing your perspective. We look forward to introducing our child to you after the birth!



Don't ever think you're not entitled to your feelings--you are! I would be angry too. But frankly, everyone is going to have an opinion about how you do EVERYTHING with your baby--birth is just the beginning. Get used to graciously blowing off unwanted advice.

Oh, and congrats!
this is very true. and i agree completely. i think the best course of action is to be the bigger person. this response is nice, and kind and strong, not filled with justifications and defenses. i'm sure she's expecting that, but it's your birth, your decision, not hers. this interchange will determine the tone of your relationship, since you do not know her very well. if she keeps sending you email like this, then it would call for a more hostile tone. but until that point, i would try to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she is sending this from a place of love.

good luck to you mama, and let us know what happened if you want to share.

married to my best friend sam sahm to beatrice (04/07) and mourning lucia, born still 12/22/08
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#62 of 65 Old 09-02-2008, 10:56 PM - Thread Starter
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OK, so I responded by basically saying:

Dear SM,

Thank you for taking the time to voice your concerns regarding our decision. I appreciate how much you are looking out for me, my DP and baby.

I want to assure you that DP and I have done our research, and we feel very confident in a decision that is ultimately ours. I hope you respect our decision, and I hope you also start to feel that same confidence in our decision with time!

My DP is also going to respond as well because he ultimately kind of "owns" that relationship in a sense. I don't want to create family drama on his side of the fam...

I really really really appreciate all the love, support and advice I got on this! It's nice to get all sides of things because we all know that the preggo hormones can get us fired up (sometimes rightly so!!).

For anyone interested, I don't think that SM will be down visit until after the birth anyways...when we will have a healthy baby boy to show off! I can't wait to change people's minds, one at a time!
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#63 of 65 Old 09-03-2008, 03:34 AM
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Originally Posted by mischievium View Post
Hey now, I'm a nurse, too. And a NICU nurse, at that-- being a nurse doesn't automatically make you a slave to the hospital mindset.
I agree. My DH is a nurse in many fields and he is the one that suggested I birth at home with a MW. We ended up finding a suitable birthing center. But he is the one that wanted a non-hospital birth...he mostly works in the OR and has seen some goings ons.....
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#64 of 65 Old 09-03-2008, 10:22 AM
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I agree that she was probably just concerned ... and I would probably respond or have DH respond to her saying something like others have suggested "thanks for your concern, we have done tons of research blah blah" and then include something about raising your baby too because it is quite possible that she'll have opinions on many other matters and how you are raising your child ... family bed if you so chose ... breastfeeding on demand ... cloth diapers ... attachment parenting or whatever ... perhaps not but maybe it would be easier to address it now so people - all people - know to give you freedom and space to raise your baby the way you see fit, starting with the baby's entry into this crazy world ...

Perhaps adding something about how so many new mothers receive unwanted opinions and you prefer for DH and you to make decisions and if you need advice or help, you'll ask.

I had plenty of unwanted opinions and advice from my SIL whose opinion I don't even really respect with regards to parenting ... so maybe it's just a sore subject with me! LOL!

Again, thank her for the concern ... be very polite but firm that you are doing the very BEST for your baby and your BABY is your only priority in this matter. This is not about some birth experience but about giving baby the best possible start in life. I think people need to get this part of it ... they think we make decisions because they are popular or easier or more comfortable for us when in fact, we want the best for our babies which is why we make the choices we do.

FWIW, I had two unassisted homebirths - one 10lb and the other 9lb 12oz and know plenty of other uc and hb mamas who have birthed 10lb babies with various complications ... there is a lot to be said for feeling safe during labor and birth, and being able to follow those instincts God gave us rather than be directed by a physician with a vacuum or forceps or scissors in hand! Yikes!
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#65 of 65 Old 09-03-2008, 11:00 AM
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good response! Keep us posted!
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