homebirth to C-section...I am SO SAD! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 06:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hey mamas-

super bad day today!! I am 37 weeks and some days. This is my first baby (2 previous miscarriages) and I had planned on having a homebirth. I have been so so so excited to birth at home and I have managed to get through this entire pregnancy with no medications, etc... I have tried to do everything "naturally".
My hubby was so excited and we were both so against medical intervention.

Well, the thing is that something came up (prefer not to say) and both my midwife (who HATES unnecessary medical intervention), and my back up ObGyn (who is one of the rare docs these days that is totally homebirth/ midwife friendly, and very non-medical for a doc) BOTH told me that they think it is best for me to go ahead and schedule a C-Section considering the current situation and the risk to the baby.

I feel SO SAD and SO DISAPPOINTED! Not just that, but I feel like right from the start I am a bad mother and I am not giving my baby a fair start! I am so scared about things like not bonding with the baby, having a hard time breastfeeding, risks to future children, and all the other things that go along with having a C-section. I am scared of them giving my baby medicines and vaccinations that i didnt want to give him... I just have so many fears... that this may mean I may not be able to have as many children.... I am just completely crushed!

I have to get it in my head that this IS what is going to happen and try to change my thinking about it, but I am having the hardest time doing that!

Can any mamas who have had C-sections give me words of encouragement? Any who have had C-sections that did not have problems bonding, breastfeeding, etc? Is there anything that I can do to make it a better experience for me and my baby?

My midwife will be coming with me but more as a doula. That should be helpful in dealing with hospital staff, and all the things like vaccines, etc.

I would love any tips or comforting words!! Please tell me this is not the end of the world and that it is still possible to have a wonderful birth experience!! (Is it?)

Faiza married and with , mama to DS (09.23.08) and with #2 (due in June 2010).
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#2 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 08:38 AM
 
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I couldn't read and not respond. You are a wonderful mother. Sometimes cesarean births are necessary and a wonderful experience is still possible.
Penny Simkin's "Birth Partner" has great cesarean information to help prepare you and those who will be with you.
A friend of mine who has had three cesarean births said Hynobirthing techniques helped here tremendously.
Take care mama. I know you will find lots of encouragement here.
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#3 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 08:51 AM
 
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I've had 2 c-sections after 2 "failed" labors. Although I was so emotionally devastated after the the birth of my DS (2nd child), I didn't have time to prepare for the idea of a c-section. I was so sure my VBAC would be successful, that I didn't prepare for the possibility of another section.
But you have some time to prepare yourself emotionally. Try to work through your feelings now.

As for after the section, I had no problems bonding or breastfeeding with either child. With my DS, my midwife was excellent and made sure my baby was NEVER separated from me. My husband held him in the OR. We went into recovery together and he nursed for the first time. He never went to the nursery. No formula. No circ. He never had a vaccine. We coslept.

As long as you have a good support system (midwife and DH) and stay firm with your wishes, I think you'll be fine. Good luck!
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#4 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 08:53 AM
 
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You may tell me to shut up and go away...

Do your OWN research on the the reason for the section. I know a woman who was told she'd have to have a section due to an HPV (warts) flare up in the 36th week. She was told if the baby got it s/he could get warts on the vocal chords and asphyxiate later in life. They did NOT tell her the chance of that happening is less than 1% - WAY lower than the number of babies who have respiratory distress due to being born by section. They also didn't tell her that viral shedding, which is what makes HPV infectious, can be silent and they don't test for it, meaning many babies might be at risk of it and no one is any the wiser, OR that about 30% of those babies who get HPV get it in utero and the mode of birth makes no difference in those cases.

I AM NOT suggesting you have HPV, i just want to illustrate that what could be an unacceptable risk to your ob or midwife might not be one to you. No matter HOW pro-homebirth obs are the fact is they see a lot of medical births, they see a lot of what can go wrong, and it colours their view. Likewise a midwife who hasn't seen your specific situation very often might be reluctant to recommend against the ob without a large eividence base, kwim? An ob might with honesty be able to say "i know 2 babies who died of this" and it could be equally true that those 2 babies were the only 2 in the COUNTRY to die of whatever it was.

Anyway, if you have done your independant research and are in agreement that a section is the only way to go (i would assume it's something medical since positional things can change right up to and during labour) then examine the bits of your birth you want to have your way and which bits you can let slide. Things like delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin and nursing, baby with mom at all times etc. ARE possible with a section but you might need to insist. With sections they tend to say "it's not policy" a lot - you tell them it is against YOUR policy to let them do whatever it is you're unhappy about. Insist. You pay them, you're in charge. One can even have a slower section, i've read about it, where the head is delivered and then they wait a few minutes before delivering the body, to give the baby a chance to realise what is happening. There have been positive studies on this method. I know a woman in Australia who assisted in her own section - the ob delivered baby to the arm pits and mum lifted him out of her belly and onto her breast. There is a lot which is possible if you look into it.

Above all remember that a necessary section is just that, necessary. If you had a choice you'd be at home, but you don't. Grieve for the birth you are losing, let yourself feel the disappointment, those feelings are so so valid. Then you can get to grips with enjoying the birth you are getting.
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#5 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 09:25 AM
 
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out of curiosity, why do they say you need a section?

Here is the cesarean resource thread
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#6 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 09:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks for that link! i will definatly check it out!

Faiza married and with , mama to DS (09.23.08) and with #2 (due in June 2010).
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#7 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 11:23 AM
 
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I had to respond as well. I had two c-sections as well. My first child was premature, but with the help of a great hospital staff and lactation consultant we had no difficulty bonding and having skin time. Nursing took longer due to her size, but she got the hang of it eventually and nursed 3.5 years. My second child was full term and DH held him next to me and he was nursing within 20 minutes of birth (and still is at 3.5).
It's okay to mourn what you dreamed and planned for. I would just encourage you to find out how your hospital does sections so it's not all unknown. You wil have your midwife and DH there to advocate for you and DS. You can still have a beautiful experience and begin bonding and nursing your baby right away. Oh and for me as far as recovery goes, I left the hospital on day 2 with DS and felt fine, used very little pain meds. I was up and around quickly the first time as well, just stayed in the hospital until DD was released.
Take care,
Pamela
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#8 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 11:26 AM
 
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hello..

You will be just fine with your c section. I remember three years ago , feeling the same way. I had two subsequent homebirths and then had to have a c section because I suffered a 4th degree laceration into the rectum. I was strongly advised to have a c section or risk fecal incontinence. So, basically, there are some very valid reasons for choosing a c section. I was very disappointed and fearful, but everything turned out just fine, I made a birth plan and passed it out to the nurses and of course my doctor already knew where I stood with my plan. I had no problems with bonding, breastfeeding, no circ, no vaccinations, etc. The baby was held by my husband during the repair after the baby was born and then I held the baby in recovery and started breastfeeding immediately. We co slept too. I was out of the hospital in 48 hours! The recovery is more difficult, but with a lot of help and support, you will do just fine. I remember someone telling me it's not the way the baby gets here, just focus on the baby and that he-she is here! Good Luck and God Bless...
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#9 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 11:44 AM
 
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Oh, (((((hugs)))). How disappointing.

I hope I can help a little, along with the other awesome moms who've posted. I had a c-section at 37 weeks and, while I'm hoping not to have another one with this baby, it was fine. I had enough time during my labor to accept the idea which I think can make a difference and the hospital was fairly supportive.

I didn't actually do any of the c-section things I've since learned about--I was so exhausted and drugged (from previous labor, not from the section) that I didn't really care that much about what happened afterwards--my DH took care of all that.

I think they brought him to me in recovery (I think I recall a nurse worrying that I hadn't seen the baby since they showed him to me in the OR) and I may have fed him (like I said, not normal procedure, but I just wanted to sleep). Then in my room, they brought him to me whenever I asked. He had one formula feed bc I had GD but otherwise I breastfed him. We didn't have any feeding problems or bonding issues and I was out of the hospital the next day. My recovery was fine--no infection, no long term pain.
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#10 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 02:58 PM
 
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First- You ARE giving your baby the best start! If the c-section is truly needed, that is the best start you can give the baby- that they will enter the world healthy. A vaginal delivery at the expense of your child's health is not the gift you really want to give them. And there are many ways to make the c-section "yours". I had a c-section and had no trouble bonding or breastfeeding or anything like that. It was very hard on my body, but it was what needed to happen, and I did recover fine. And there are ways to make it special.

And, for future children, I suppose it depends why you have the c-section in the first place (something that will repeat, or is just this baby), but LOTS of women go on to have plenty more kids and have vaginal deliveries. Michelle Duggar (the woman with 18 kids!) had a c-section with her first set of twins (kids 2&3) and then had vaginal deliveries up to kid 15 (with some homebirths in there I think), then another vaginal delivery after that. So, a single c-section does not necessarily restrict the number of children you have (if they all must be c-sections, then maybe... but if each subsequent baby is ready to go the old fashioned way, then, there is lots of hope for more!).
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#11 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 03:30 PM
 
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I had a c-section with my ds1 and am getting ready to have another with ds2. Like others, I had no problems breastfeeding or bonding. My ds was never in the nursery, never left my side. I was breastfeeding within 30 minutes of his birth. My dh held him while they sewed me up and then they both went to the recovery room with me.

You will be fine!
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#12 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 05:18 PM
 
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Oh mama, I'm so sorry! I had an unexpected c-section with DS after planning to have a drug-free hospital birth. I was post-dates, induced with pit, filled with fluid, and subsequently c-sectioned. My milk came in just in time to avoid supplementing (barely), and after that DS and I have been really close. He's a mommy's boy!

Here are my suggestions:

1. Find a La Leche League leader or independent lactation consultant who will visit you in the hospital and REFUSE the hospital LC--they are usually big formula pushers.

2. Bring comfy clothes, flip-flops, and any other comforts from home that you can to help it seem less medical. If you're up to it, ask to have your catheter and IV removed ASAP.

3. Have visitors bring you food you like from home, a box of whole wheat bagels with peanut butter, fruit, or restaurant takeout to give you something GOOD (and healthy) to eat and to boost your spirits.

4. See if your DH can stay with you. The hospital let DH stay with me the whole time and it really helped (although he had to get his own food and his bed was teeny-tiny).

5. If you're feeling good, and baby's doing well, ask to go home ASAP. It's such a relief to get back to normal.

I had to respond to this because my own DS just turned 3 yesterday. Yes, I'm angry at what happened, yes it was emotionally, psychologically, and physically hard on me, BUT when I look at my beautiful little boy, I don't care how he got here--he's here, he's miraculous, and I AM his mother. No one can cut that out of you.
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#13 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 08:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyAnnZ View Post
You are a wonderful mother. Sometimes cesarean births are necessary and a wonderful experience is still possible.


Enlist the staff, your partner, and your midwife/doula to get what you need in the hospital. Read up on it ahead of time, and make sure you know what the hospital policies are, and which ones you can negotiate.
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#14 of 21 Old 09-03-2008, 10:38 PM
 
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You've been given a lot of great advice. I had one of those questionable c-sections. I'll never know for sure if it was necessary. It's hard no matter what, but knowing that you will have a c-section gives you time to plan....AND you do not have to go through hours/days of labor before the section. That in itself will make you stronger! By the time I had mine, I was spent and broken! Enlist as many people to help you after the birth as possible. Be strong - it will go well, Rain
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#15 of 21 Old 09-04-2008, 02:28 AM
 
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I had a c-section almost a year and half ago with my son. I'm now at the end of my first trimester and I'm hoping for a VBAC.

He was taken to the nursery (hubby went with him) and I was in recovery for about an hour and half, waiting for the epidural to wear off. I made a point BTW of once they parked me in my cubicle to start flexing my toes and getting my feet moving ASAP because I knew they weren't going to send me to maternity and to my son until I was moving my legs.

They took me to my room and 5 minutes later my son was with me.

If you weren't planning on getting a nursing pillow, get one, or at least invest in a few extra pillows. It helped for nursing, it helped for laying down (and getting up).

Laying on my side helped me get my intestines (and sorry for the TMI) and bowels going which was important because they refused to let me eat solids until then (I tried explaining that after fasting for pretty much 48 hours (don't ask) I won't be able to have a movement unless I eat something but they wouldn't let me eat something unless I had a movement..grrrr).

Wife to 1, Mom to 4
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#16 of 21 Old 09-04-2008, 02:56 AM
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I've two c-sections. The first one I'll always wonder if it was necessary, the second was. With the second one my husband held our daughter and carried her to the nursery and then they met me back in recovery. DD fell asleep and I nursed her as soon as she woke up. She stayed in my room, actually my husband did too. We didn't have any trouble bonding or nursing.
The first c-section was 22 years ago, so I don't feel the details are as relevant.
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#17 of 21 Old 09-04-2008, 11:16 AM
 
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I am sorry.

I will say, this is no reflection of you as a mother or a question of giving your baby a head start in life. There are plenty of people who had unnecessary c-sections and their children turned into happy, healthy adults.
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#18 of 21 Old 09-04-2008, 01:16 PM
 
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I had two c-sections. What gave me peace is that there were no what-ifs. I did everything I could to increase the chance of a vaginal birth every step of the way. I wasn't able to hold my kids right away since both had meconium and had to be wisked away to the nursery due to that. (They were born at 41 and 42 weeks, which does increase the chance of meconium. Though meconium is possible with an earlier birth, it's much less likely). I was able to nurse my daughter at only 30 minutes old. She had very low blood sugar and my birth plan specified that she was to be nursed first. My birth plan may have not ended up going with the birth I had hoped for - but I made sure to add things about after the birth as well. (Especially since my DH is not nearly as vocal as I am about things!) I wasn't able to see my son for 4 hours since I had a reaction to the epi and he had trouble warming back up. (I did not let my daughter have a bath until after she had been bf. I didnt' think to make them hold off on the bath with my son, who was my first child).

There were no issues with bonding at all. There were no problems with them breastfeeding. (Well, until my milk came in at 2.5 days with my son. But he was a perfect nursling in the hospital!) My daughter latched right on at 30 minutes old and nursed for 10 minutes straight, with swallowing and with milk dripping down her chin even! Plus, it got her blood sugar right back up. It really helped that I have a wonderful OB - the type who believes that being pregnant is a natural state, not an illness. She got me out of a slew of post c-section hospital policies that I hadn't thought off. Like I was allowed to eat solids earlier than usual, I had one less bag of pitocin used after the birth, I left 47-48 hours after each of my c-sections, she got the cathedar out earlier for me, etc. Having a dr who was all for a natural no-med birth helped me even when I ended up with a c-seciton since she understood what I wanted and agreed with me.

My epidural was awful. It made me throw up and made my right arm completely numb for about 10 hours. During the c-section, I was leaning over throwing up the entire time. Plus, I hated that sensation of not knowing I had legs, or an arm. My spinal was wonderful. I didn't throw up at all. My arms didn't go numb. I could still feel pressure, just not pain. So I could feel them take my daughter out of me during the c-section. Also, I had no spinal headaches from the spinal but did from the epidural. Neither of my c-sections were scheduled. But they usually use a spinal, not an epidural, here if the c-section is scheduled.

*About family size, you can try for a VBAC quite easily after one c-section. Many women even have VBAC's after two c-sections. (Due to some medical reasons, I'm too high risk to do VBA2C). And even if you do have a slew of c-sections, I've known women who have had up to 5 c-sections.
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#19 of 21 Old 09-04-2008, 03:10 PM
 
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Both of my c-sections, one planned, one emergency had no effect on my bonding and I had no problems breastfeeding at all

I'm planning a vba2c and doing my best to turn a currently breech baby. If I can't I'll have another c-section and will be beyond dissapointed but know that if that's how I can best safely bring her into the world, then I'll schedule it in gratitude and send all my thoughts to a relaxing, healing babymoon.

It is incredibly hard to let go to an idea that you are so invested in and hold such attachment to and I hope that you can be at ease by the birth of your blessing.
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#20 of 21 Old 09-04-2008, 09:51 PM
 
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I've had three C-sections - the first was for a prolapsed cord, the second was planned and the third was planned also because by then, no one would touch me for a VBAC.

I should note that I'm pregnant with my fourth and that one will also be a section.

I didn't have any trouble starting nursing, although in my curious case, I lose milk at about four months.

Do what is best for your baby, that is what makes you a good month.
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#21 of 21 Old 09-05-2008, 01:56 PM
 
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Threejane did you get your thyroid checked after birth? I began to lose my milk at 5 months and it was part of my Hashimotos' (underactive thryoid). Just a thought.
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