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Terrified Of Natural Birth

2K views 47 replies 35 participants last post by  ShineliketheSon 
#1 ·
I did a quick search to see if this has been covered yet, and didn't see anything come up (although, I admit, I didn't search hard). I apologize ahead of time if this had already been discussed.

I have given birth once, and it was a routine hospital birth. I begged to be induced early and my doctor happily consented. I was induced at 39 weeks, and had the epidural within hours of arriving at the hospital. I felt no pain during anything (except the when they put in the IV) and had a very easy labor and delivery. The pain came AFTER the birth, and it was horrible, especailly since I hadn't expected it. And they kept threatening to put the catheter back in if I didn't make myself pee.... Ugh.

My dd had the vaccines and shots and eyedrops. They said she was cold, and took her for 4 hours after she was born. My dh nearly went crazy!

Breastfeeding was a disaster thanks to the lactation consultant being on vacation. A random nurse told me the reason I was having a problem was because I had flat nipples, and she gave me a breast shield to use. This was very, very wrong. I listened because I was uneducated and ignorant about the whole thing. The breastshield screwed up everything, and I ended up just pumping for 2 months, before finally switching to formula.

This time around I am much better informed. I am still having a hospital birth, but at a much nicer hospital. My problem is that I want to go natural so badly... I want that feeling after the birth that I missed out of before. I want a chance at a quicker recovery. I want things to be better for myself and the baby.

But I am terrified of the pain. I am scared that I won't be able to do it and I'll cave in and get the epidural and be disappointed with myself. At this point, I have made up my mind to at least try to do it natural, but I wish the doubts would go away.

A home birth would be awesome, but we can't afford it. Honestly, I would rather do it naturally in a hospital first, and then next time try for a hb, provided that we have the money for it (we can't afford it now anyway).

DId anyone else have this struggle? How did you manage? Did you make it w/o the epi?

I keep wondering if I could have made it through with dd w/o the epidural. I made it to 4cm without any pain at all... but the real pain starts later, or so I've heard.

I'm sorry to ramble. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed with this right now. HOw silly... I still have 20 weeks or so to go....
 
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#2 ·
Try looking into a birth class, like Bradley, or hypnobabies. I don't think I would attempt a natural birth without some kind of technique to help me deal with the pressure.
I'm glad that you're reading up more this time about breastfeeding and everything, it will be so much better for your baby =)
 
#3 ·
I agree with pp. I've never done Bradley, but I have done Hypnobabies home-study (that's what I'm doing now). This is my first pregnancy and I now feel confident in my body's ability to manage pain.

But...I will tell you that I started this pregnancy TERRIFIED. It was a surprise pregnancy. I had lost a lot of weight and must have become very fertile!
But I still didn't trust my body. I started with an OB at a hospital and have switched to a homebirth. Maybe what you can do is settle in between and go with a hospital midwife practice. They tend to be more encouraging of natural birth than OBs. They usually have lists of classes available, including Bradley, Birthing from Within, Hypnobirthing (different than Hypnobabies), etc. I think it would be hard to go natural in a hospital without some sort of coping techniques.
 
#4 ·
Education is the best start. Next, think about getting a doula - seriously. Studies show that simply having another woman continually present (not even interacting) reduces interventions and increases positive outcomes.

If you plan to not get the epi but are scared about commiting to it, just remember to take one contraction at a time. Sometimes it helps to not think of the whole labor at once but to say "I know I can do one more" Watch some natural births online if you can, or get a copy of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - LOTS of birth stories and great encouragement that you can do it.

If you can practice relaxing through a pain stimulus that is a big help too -my hubby gives me a shoulder rub, finds a spot of tension and presses good and hard while I practice just breathing and relaxing through it instead of the usual "ow-ow-ow-that-is-really-hurting-me" reaction
Holding an ice cube in your hand for one minute is also a good trick for this - from Birthing From Within, also a good book with lots of resources.

I have had two natural posterior births (one was 22 hours), I say this so you know it is not just women with easy labors who extol the virtues of going naturally. You Can Do it!
 
#5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahlynne View Post
Education is the best start. Next, think about getting a doula - seriously. Studies show that simply having another woman continually present (not even interacting) reduces interventions and increases positive outcomes.

If you plan to not get the epi but are scared about commiting to it, just remember to take one contraction at a time. Sometimes it helps to not think of the whole labor at once but to say "I know I can do one more" Watch some natural births online if you can, or get a copy of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - LOTS of birth stories and great encouragement that you can do it.

If you can practice relaxing through a pain stimulus that is a big help too -my hubby gives me a shoulder rub, finds a spot of tension and presses good and hard while I practice just breathing and relaxing through it instead of the usual "ow-ow-ow-that-is-really-hurting-me" reaction
Holding an ice cube in your hand for one minute is also a good trick for this - from Birthing From Within, also a good book with lots of resources.

I have had two natural posterior births (one was 22 hours), I say this so you know it is not just women with easy labors who extol the virtues of going naturally. You Can Do it!
What a lovely post! All your info is really helpful.

BTW, I agree Birthing From Within is a great book and has some good techniques in there (like the ice as mentioned above). It also makes you feel comfortable about birth as a normal process. I think Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is great as well. Those two books are sitting on my coffee table!
 
#6 ·
I highly suggest Hypnobabies. It will 1) give you the skills to relax and deal with the contractions, and 2) it will help you deal with your fears beforehand, so you aren't going into labor with this anxiety.

Whether or not it's Hypnobabies you choose, find a tool to use and you will feel much more confident AND committed to natural birth.

You really can do this
 
#7 ·
I agree with the birth class suggestion. We did Bradley with our first baby. Also, Active Birth by Janet Balaskas was really helpful for me in learning how to move during labor to deal with pain and help baby come.

Of my four births so far I have only had pain meds with one and that was because she was not turned the right way when I began pushing and I tired out. My first and last births were home and the two middle were hospital (one transport and one transfer of care for induction).

In addition, I think a doula would be great! We have never officially hired a doula but we've always had extra midwives on hand that acted in that capacity. This upcoming birth I am having a girl from our church who just started her book work for becoming a midwife come up and help with our daughter who wants to be at the birth and give some extra support if I need it.

Lastly, water!!! We haven't done a water birth yet but I have used the shower and tub in all of my labors and it is a tremendous help.

P.S. I thought this quote from the Midwifery Today email was great...

"What makes pain intolerable to women is fear. What takes the fear away is
knowledge, relaxation and focus. Yes, when these things are incorporated, there
will still be pain but it will not be intolerable. Remember, you are hearing
this from a certified wimp." ~ Gloria Lemay
 
#8 ·
What a great post topic.

I'm not even pregnant...have never been...and am TTC#1. I have LOADS of anxiety about this.

I am an anxious person. Every painful/stressful experience I ever have is a '10' in the moment. My anxiety makes those painful experiences 100x's worse. I get panic attacks...I used to take medication for it - but haven't in years.

The original poster mentioned something about the 'threat of the catherta' being motivation enough to her. I can SO RELATE to that - when most of the other women around here are probably doubled over in laughter thinking they'd take a catherta any day.

I wrote a whole damn blog post back in april about going to the ER for a ruptured cyst (what we though was my appendix) - got a foley (the antichrist) and they filled my bladder. THE WORST PAIN EVER. It about makes me tear up just thinking about it. The feeling of a mcdonalds straw up your urethra...and then how it moves with your body...is MADDENING.

Okay. Im done with that.

So - anyway - childbirth - scares the crap out of me. (and my family!). And being in Georgia - I think the 'birth plan 'options - from what I understand, are not all that attractive.

Either do it out at home with a midwife (no way. in hell -- i fear i would die) - or you take your pick of hospital with almost 40% cesarean rates. AWESOME.
not.
 
#9 ·
I did Bradley, and I had a doula, and I had a husband who was on board and supportive. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was painful, but most of the time there were breaks between contractions, and the time there weren't breaks didn't last long.

Read, take a class, get a doula, and exercise - the exercises recommended in the Bradley classes are squatting, pelvic floor (kegel) exercising, hmm there are a couple other exercises that hopefully I'll hear about again in the refresher course. But get your body ready. People don't squat much in adulthood but exercising those muscles will really help you.
 
#10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by zenproofstella View Post
Either do it out at home with a midwife (no way. in hell -- i fear i would die) - or you take your pick of hospital with almost 40% cesarean rates. AWESOME.
not.
What makes you think you would die? Statistically speaking, the outcomes are at least as good for homebirth mamas and their babies as hospital births.

I am a huge, huge pansy about pain. Like, my eyes water if I stub my toe, I live in fear of going to the dentist because the cleanings hurt my teeth so much, and if I get a splinter it's basically the end of the world. But I'm still having a homebirth with a midwife, even though I've never done this before and have no clue what to expect. My mother and grandmother and all of my aunts and my great-grandmother and her mother and so on...they all had unmedicated births. And they all survived and had healthy babies. So why can't I?

Incidentally, my understanding is that the pain from a C-section is pretty intense and the recovery is no treat either. You're looking at what, like 6 weeks of pain and limited mobility instead of being up and walking around within an hour or so after a vaginal birth? No contest IMO.
 
#11 ·
I don't like pain.

I had a natural waterbirth in a hospital with a midwife.

Was it painful? Yep. Could I get into my own head and deal? Yep.

For me, it wasn't a particular method, or class, but rather dealing with the whole thing mentally.

Fear=tension=pain that whole cycle, I knew it, and mentally tried to avoid the fear.

Reading about opening up, and breathing with your body, and low vocalizations then internalizing this.

Your body will do it. You just have to be there for the ride!

For me it was the thought to go with it, don't be afraid, don't fight it, and do instinctively what you need to (make noise, change positions, etc) to let it happen.

Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May is also good reading
. Remembering to smile and relax my bottom helped immensely. I couldn't handle anything more crazy to remember than that during labor.
 
#12 ·
Knowledge is your friend. Even if you don't take a birth preparation class, just knowing what your body is doing during labor helps immensely. If you know generally what to expect, it won't scare you when it starts happening.

Many women I know had the epidural when they were around 8 cm, because the pain became really intense then and they didn't think they could deal with it for hours and hours more. No one told them that they were in transition, which is generally very short, and that they could get through it if they just took it one contraction at a time and rested as much as possible in between. For me personally, labor was very manageable and only really started to hurt when I reached transition. But when that happened, I didn't think, "Oh, this is unbearable, I need drugs!" Instead, I thought, "Wow, this is intense - I must be in transition and almost ready to push!" Thinking about it in that positive way was really helpful, because I knew that the intensity meant real progress and that I would be meeting my son very soon. And half an hour later, there he was, nursing like a champ!

And as others have said, I was up and around immediately after the birth, I felt wonderful, strong, and so happy, our son was very alert, and we got off to a great start with breastfeeding and bonding together as a family.
 
#13 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by zenproofstella View Post
The original poster mentioned something about the 'threat of the catherta' being motivation enough to her. I can SO RELATE to that - when most of the other women around here are probably doubled over in laughter thinking they'd take a catherta any day.

I've never had a catherer and that sounds way more scary than having a non medicated vaginal birth!
 
#14 ·
> What makes you think you would die? Statistically speaking, the outcomes are at least as good for homebirth mamas and their babies as hospital births.

I just want to say that this is not true. According to the World Health Organization (the same people who rail against formula and c-sections), giving birth outside of a hospital inexplicably has a higher perinatal mortality rate than giving birth inside a hospital.

Give birth wherever you want, but don't be convinced by people who tell you home is safer than hospital. It may be a lower chance of c-section (by a lot) but it is a minutely higher risk of death for your child (by a little).

I want to add: I support natural childbirth. I support nurse-midwifery. I support giving birth in hospital-adjacent birth centers. I support avoiding medical intervention when possible. But please don't let the birth overtake the child. Birth is just one day, and even if the recovery is hard you'll be a mom forever. If you become too attached to "the perfect birth," you may lose sight of the perfect child and almost-perfect birth.
 
#15 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by ima-06 View Post
I just want to say that this is not true. According to the World Health Organization (the same people who rail against formula and c-sections), giving birth outside of a hospital inexplicably has a higher perinatal mortality rate than giving birht inside a hospital.
Isn't that for the entire world combined (with places where there is no prenatal care) and not just for the US? It would be completely irrelevant to this discussion if it wasn't US only (or a country with similar care i.e. Canada).
 
#16 ·
Yep, read either of Ina May's books, or both! I've checked them both out from the library, so they are free. All those wonderful stories! (There are a couple in Spiritual Midwifery that took me aback, so maybe read the other one first. You want stories will as much positivity as you can get, and she put a couple with negativity in Spirtual Midwifery on purpose to demonstrate how the medical system can go wrong.)

With my first child, I hit transition a lot earlier than anyone could have predicted (I went from 3 to 10 in half an hour). I was completely panic-city, it wasn't the pain so much as the intensity. With my second child things progressed just like a What to Expect book. Dilation was a cm an hour...yadda yadda yadda.

It's hard to know how your labor will be. Giving yourself affirmations can help
"I am strong"
"I can ride out this wave"
"My pelvis is open, my baby is safe"

Or chanting a mantra

"Open"
"Soft"
"Down"

Some people rely on their faith in their Higher Power.

All of these can be used in conjunction with something like Bradley or Hypnobirthing. I had a tape I listened to every night of my pregnancy with my son that had a meditation and affirmations.

Have good support people with you during labor who know your desires and can support you in them (but in the same turn of events, if something changes and you need an intervention, they won't make you feel bad).

Every labor and delivery is different, so you have to go with the flow. But you CAN do this!
 
#17 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by ima-06 View Post
I want to add: I support natural childbirth. I support nurse-midwifery. I support giving birth in hospital-adjacent birth centers. I support avoiding medical intervention when possible. But please don't let the birth overtake the child. Birth is just one day, and even if the recovery is hard you'll be a mom forever. If you become too attached to "the perfect birth," you may lose sight of the perfect child and almost-perfect birth.
I have to second this statement. After that song by the Van Zants a couple years ago, my husband and I say to each other quite often,"If you want to hear God laugh, just tell him your plans." Sometimes things go exactly as people want them to, but more often things happen to throw a monkey-wrench in our plans. Have a plan, be prepared, but don't beat yourself up if it ends out different.
 
#18 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Malva View Post
Isn't that for the entire world combined (with places where there is no prenatal care) and not just for the US? It would be completely irrelevant to this discussion if it wasn't US only (or a country with similar care i.e. Canada).
Yes. The WHO is lumping in averages from countries where there is little or no prenatal care and the women have no access to medical attention after the birth, clean water, or basic nutrition and sanitation. These also include births that would be risked out by any experienced midwife or healthcare provider. In many countries, homebirth is the only option even if the woman would clearly benefit from a more medicalized intervention like induction or C-section.

You simply cannot compare homebirth statistics in, say, Uganda, to homebirth statistics in the United States, Canada, and Europe. When you adjust the numbers to represent only births in countries with modern medical systems, homebirth is at least as safe as hospital birth.

Here is a great source of information on homebirth safety stats and facts: http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=407301
 
#19 ·
I agree with the previous suggestions to educate yourself, work through your fears, and to consider a midwife instead of an OB. All these steps will help you toward a NCB.

FWIW do you have any ideas on why you fear child birth so much? You need to work through these fears so you can relax while in labor. Being scared actually blocks some of the hormones you need and releases adrenaline which causes more pain. For me being educated is what helped me not fear the process.

The midwifery model of care generall allows for greater sucess with NCB than the OB route. There are many midwives who work in hospitals. There are also birth centers that are attached to hospitals.
 
#21 ·
I also HIGHLY recommend getting educated and looking into some classes like Bradley or Hypnobirthing.

I did the Bradley classes and loved it. I was prepared for a natural hospital birth, thought about homebirth, but couldn't afford it, but ended up being induced for preeclampsia. I was NOT happy. I was so heartbroken that things ended up that way. HOWEVER, I decided I would still go natural and didn't look back. I was given Cytotec and Pitocin and endured an intense labor BUT I still did it without an epidural. It was hard but completely worth it. I would not change a thing about it. The whole experience was incredible. I stayed positive and had a supportive husband. Another key for me was having a doula. She was awesome and helped me through the tough times when I wanted to quit.

You can do this! You just have to convince yourself you are capable and worth it.
Good luck.
 
#23 ·
Thank you all so much for your support and information. I will definitly(sp) be picking up the books that were mentioned, and checking into Bradley classes.

I have watched quite a few youtube vidoes of natural births and that is actually what convinced me I wanted this in the first place. Seeing the looks on the faces of women in labor and after birth... it makes me cry because it's so beautiful.

Haha. I have been watching a lot of maternity ward and other birth shows on discovery health, and the obvious agenda on those shows makes me so angry that it makes me what to go natural even more. So, if I keep watching youtube for encouragment and tlc/discovery to confirm my disgust with what childbirth has become... maybe I'll be set
 
#24 ·
You can do it. I think that is the most important thing to remember. I had an amazing natural birth, in a hospital. I didn't use any particular method. I told myself repetedly, "this is going to hurt". And it does. Don't try to convince yourself it won't hurt, but try not to be afraid of the pain. I fully believe fear intensifies pain perception a lot. And really, once that baby is in your arms, thats that, and "what pain". I also found, like others said, the pain wasn't really bad until about 9 cm, and that was when my water broke too. The midwife said once the water broke I lost the cusion between babies head and my cervix. So that last cm, maybe 45 minutes, was tough, but once you start pushing, whole differant ball game.

And I belive being induced creates stonger than normal contractions so it would be hard to judge your pain on your first birth.

And like someone else said, in the end if you need the epidural, you need it. You still have a beautiful baby at the end. It is definatly good to go into it informed though, and be willing to at least want to try to go natural.

I must say I have a hard time with the mentality of "give me the epidural the minute I walk in the door". If you don't try, how do you know what your body can do.

Good luck!
 
#25 ·
I've had two unmedicated, natural hospital births with only midwives present. Here's how I did it:

Given a labour with no contraindications to a vaginal birth (I'm completly supportive of c-section when they are truly required to save a mother or baby), I would never allow the cocktail of harmful chemicals that we so innocently call 'epidural' into my baby's bodys and nervous system. Never Ever.

You really need to find your reason and dig yourself in, own it. I'm a very stubborn person and I let myself get worked up, angry, outraged about the thought of my dear ones being subjected to the drugging affect of an epidural. How dare anyone offer to harm my child in such a way. How dare they think that I am not strong enough to do this on my own, that I would rather but my child in harm's way than complete my birth the way it was meant to be completed.

Read about the drugs. Learn about the side effects that are seen up to four weeks later in newborns who've had epidurals. These are chemicals with half-lives measuring days!!! in adults with normal, fast metabolisms. How long do they sitck around in your tiny baby? Think about a birth where the pain ends completely the moment your child is born and pulled onto your stomach. Think about looking into his bright eyes and having him instinctively try to nurse because he's alert and not sleepy with synthetic chemicals. He is bonding with you to 100% of his ability, because that's the way we were made to birth our babies.

So, that's me. I know it's not everyone, and I know that I've probably just offended a few people. But, those are the thoughts that keep me medication-free during birth and I'm not ashamed to share them.
 
#26 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Matilda_z View Post
I've had two unmedicated, natural hospital births with only midwives present. Here's how I did it:

Given a labour with no contraindications to a vaginal birth (I'm completly supportive of c-section when they are truly required to save a mother or baby), I would never allow the cocktail of harmful chemicals that we so innocently call 'epidural' into my baby's bodys and nervous system. Never Ever.

You really need to find your reason and dig yourself in, own it. I'm a very stubborn person and I let myself get worked up, angry, outraged about the thought of my dear ones being subjected to the drugging affect of an epidural. How dare anyone offer to harm my child in such a way. How dare they think that I am not strong enough to do this on my own, that I would rather but my child in harm's way than complete my birth the way it was meant to be completed.

Read about the drugs. Learn about the side effects that are seen up to four weeks later in newborns who've had epidurals. These are chemicals with half-lives measuring days!!! in adults with normal, fast metabolisms. How long do they sitck around in your tiny baby? Think about a birth where the pain ends completely the moment your child is born and pulled onto your stomach. Think about looking into his bright eyes and having him instinctively try to nurse because he's alert and not sleepy with synthetic chemicals. He is bonding with you to 100% of his ability, because that's the way we were made to birth our babies.

So, that's me. I know it's not everyone, and I know that I've probably just offended a few people. But, those are the thoughts that keep me medication-free during birth and I'm not ashamed to share them.


I know not of what you speak - but it sounds good to me!

;-)
 
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