So did the mods really just leave us on our own here? - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-08-2011, 08:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Do any of the rules even apply anymore and is MDC about to go down the toilette? No more bannings?
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Old 06-08-2011, 08:56 AM
 
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Nope, we're still here! smile.gif

This question has come up a few times recently. Yes, a lot of the rules that we had in the older UA don't apply anymore, but some really important ones still do. I think we're all still getting the hang of the new UA, members and mods alike. That said, we made this change trusting that our members could keep MDC a nice place to be and hold fruitful discussions without strict restrictions, so we rely on your reports and, well, general good behavior. lol.gif

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T spells BRAND NEW User Agreement!!

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Old 06-08-2011, 09:29 AM
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There are still rules. We do have a User Agreement founds here: http://mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

 


Mosaic explained it pretty well. :)


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Old 06-08-2011, 12:36 PM
 
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I like that the forums arent being heavily moderated anymore. I seriously considered leaving MDC because of it. 


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Old 06-08-2011, 01:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sharlla View Post

I like that the forums arent being heavily moderated anymore. I seriously considered leaving MDC because of it. 

 

Totally agree.  I actually did leave MDC for a period of time because of the heavy moderation, and I know of a number of others who have as well.  I'm all for the new version.


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Old 06-08-2011, 01:37 PM
 
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Totally agree.  I actually did leave MDC for a period of time because of the heavy moderation, and I know of a number of others who have as well.  I'm all for the new version.

 

 

Me too. A month after joining I made the faux-pas of saying how healthy it can (CAN, in certain circumstances) be letting a baby cry in loving arms (NEVER alone!). As you can see from my emphatic parentheses, I am still kind of paranoid about it. I got an official warning that those kinds of posts aren't welcome here. I am as anti-CIO as anyone here and was shocked that I wouldn't be welcome because I had a colicky baby and after weeks of trying everything I saw the value in letting him be colicky. I was so pissed and left MDC for about a month before tiptoeing back and ever-after watching what I say. I do appreciate that out-and-out CIO advice is not welcome here and have even flagged a couple posts that were recommending leaving the baby alone to cry at night. However, the old UA was just too strict IMO.
 

 


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Old 06-08-2011, 01:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've still got wounds from when MDC was to heavy handed with the switch they cut from the rose bushes they used on me and bruises they allowed some members to give while they kicked me while I was down. I think MDC needs to protect it's members a little more, but not mod as heavily as they did before.
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Old 06-08-2011, 02:04 PM
 
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Me too. A month after joining I made the faux-pas of saying how healthy it can (CAN, in certain circumstances) be letting a baby cry in loving arms (NEVER alone!). As you can see from my emphatic parentheses, I am still kind of paranoid about it. I got an official warning that those kinds of posts aren't welcome here. I am as anti-CIO as anyone here and was shocked that I wouldn't be welcome because I had a colicky baby and after weeks of trying everything I saw the value in letting him be colicky. I was so pissed and left MDC for about a month before tiptoeing back and ever-after watching what I say. I do appreciate that out-and-out CIO advice is not welcome here and have even flagged a couple posts that were recommending leaving the baby alone to cry at night. However, the old UA was just too strict IMO.
 

 


The thing is...I've gotten advice EXACTLY alone those lines and seen (and participated in) threads that say the same thing...You know the ones: A mom asks "Is it CIO when it's in Daddy's arms?" and everyone says, "No, it's totally different. Don't feel bad about it!"

 


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Old 06-08-2011, 02:20 PM
 
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What are the main differences between the old UA and the new? 

 

And P.J.--love your new picture!  I have yet to get DH to take a BFing picture of me & my LO and know I will end up regretting it...I am STILL a bit self-conscious about nursing in front of him (though our baby is 14 months!), though I could care less about nursing in public...go figure...


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Old 06-08-2011, 02:39 PM
 
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I've still got wounds from when MDC was to heavy handed with the switch they cut from the rose bushes they used on me and bruises they allowed some members to give while they kicked me while I was down. I think MDC needs to protect it's members a little more, but not mod as heavily as they did before.

You are not going to be "protected" if you do and say something stupid. And if you don't then you don't need protection anyway. shrug.gif Seriously, how can an internet message board protect against hurt feelings?  How do you even moderate that w/o going back to old UA? I had quite a few warnings from the mods and have had my ass handed to me by some members. You get over it and move on.
 

 


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Old 06-08-2011, 03:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You are not going to be "protected" if you do and say something stupid. And if you don't then you don't need protection anyway. shrug.gif Seriously, how can an internet message board protect against hurt feelings?  How do you even moderate that w/o going back to old UA? I had quite a few warnings from the mods and have had my ass handed to me by some members. You get over it and move on.
 

 


The issue I was talking about was not me doing something stupid (not that time) and I was followed and attacked and name called by a few members. No one can really protect me from hurt feelings,but I expected a mod to tell the others to stop the name calling and to have reminded them that name calling wasn't cool.
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Old 06-08-2011, 04:00 PM
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What are the main differences between the old UA and the new? 

 


About 2 pages. LOL

 

Seriously, the old UA was very long and very detailed.  The new one is very short and sweet, and covers the bits we need covered.

 

 

 

I think that MDC has conclusively proven that there is no way to make everyone happy with all moderation policies at all times.  We did what we thought we needed to at the time, and now we have realized we need to go another way.  There are several threads in Q&S in which Cynthia has explained the changes a bit more, or the reasons behind them. :) As the saying goes, when you know better, you do better. 


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Old 06-08-2011, 04:05 PM
 
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What are the main differences between the old UA and the new? 

 

And P.J.--love your new picture!  I have yet to get DH to take a BFing picture of me & my LO and know I will end up regretting it...I am STILL a bit self-conscious about nursing in front of him (though our baby is 14 months!), though I could care less about nursing in public...go figure...


The main differences are that there are many less details.  People are asked to be respectful, but that's about it.  Before, people were constantly pointing out how each others posts violated the UA and everyone, including mods were worn out and tired from it.  Now, we have an ideal of natural parenting, but know that it doesn't mean the same thing for everybody.  People can talk much more freely about their own ways of parenting without worrying about it being a violation of the user agreement.  However, they also have to be prepared for people to vehemently disagree with them.  MamitaM, I don't know which thread you had that made you feel kicked while you were down.  I'm sorry that you felt that way. 

 


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Old 06-08-2011, 04:07 PM
 
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Quote:
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You are not going to be "protected" if you do and say something stupid. And if you don't then you don't need protection anyway. shrug.gif Seriously, how can an internet message board protect against hurt feelings?  How do you even moderate that w/o going back to old UA? I had quite a few warnings from the mods and have had my ass handed to me by some members. You get over it and move on.
 

 




The issue I was talking about was not me doing something stupid (not that time) and I was followed and attacked and name called by a few members. No one can really protect me from hurt feelings,but I expected a mod to tell the others to stop the name calling and to have reminded them that name calling wasn't cool.

Guess I figured it was all "sticks and stones". I don't need my big brother to protect online like I once did on the playground
 

 


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Old 06-08-2011, 04:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Guess I figured it was all "sticks and stones". I don't need my big brother to protect online like I once did on the playground
 

 


I don't either,but when you're really down and out and in a dark place and a few people say some pretty mean things then it's not easy to hear and just ignore it.
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Old 06-08-2011, 04:24 PM
 
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Wow. That's.. uh... quite a change! 


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Old 06-08-2011, 04:25 PM
 
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Guess I figured it was all "sticks and stones". I don't need my big brother to protect on line like I once did on the playground
 


I don't either,but when you're really down and out and in a dark place and a few people say some pretty mean things then it's not easy to hear and just ignore it.


Maybe buts that the beauty of the internet vs real life.  You can shut off your computer/shut down the site and walk away. It's not like you have to see those girls on the playground again tomorrow.

 


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Old 06-08-2011, 04:27 PM
 
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People can talk much more freely about their own ways of parenting without worrying about it being a violation of the user agreement.  However, they also have to be prepared for people to vehemently disagree with them. 

 

I can deal with this. 


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Old 06-08-2011, 04:42 PM
 
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Guess I figured it was all "sticks and stones". I don't need my big brother to protect online like I once did on the playground
 

 




I don't either,but when you're really down and out and in a dark place and a few people say some pretty mean things then it's not easy to hear and just ignore it.


No, it's not easy.  I've been chased out of forums before as well and it did hurt.  I learned a lot, but people were much harsher in their posts than anyone would have been in person. Sometimes you really do just have to accept that a thread isn't working out for you and leave it, never to look back (or at least not until your curiosity can reconcile with your hurt feelings).  When I first started homeschooling and frequenting the homeschool board, I said that I thought it was ok for social workers to monitor homeschoolers.  O.M.G.  the responses to that!  I've since changed my stance (with the help of some gentle posts on that thread and life experiences), but I was completely taken by surprise by those responses.

 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words hurt worst of all";) 

 


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Old 06-08-2011, 04:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No, it's not easy.  I've been chased out of forums before as well and it did hurt.  I learned a lot, but people were much harsher in their posts than anyone would have been in person. Sometimes you really do just have to accept that a thread isn't working out for you and leave it, never to look back (or at least not until your curiosity can reconcile with your hurt feelings).  When I first started homeschooling and frequenting the homeschool board, I said that I thought it was ok for social workers to monitor homeschoolers.  O.M.G.  the responses to that!  I've since changed my stance (with the help of some gentle posts on that thread and life experiences), but I was completely taken by surprise by those responses.

 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words hurt worst of all"wink1.gif 

 


I did my best to ignore them and to leave the threads they were in where the problem started,the followed me to other threads.
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Old 06-08-2011, 06:20 PM
 
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Me too. A month after joining I made the faux-pas of saying how healthy it can (CAN, in certain circumstances) be letting a baby cry in loving arms (NEVER alone!). As you can see from my emphatic parentheses, I am still kind of paranoid about it. I got an official warning that those kinds of posts aren't welcome here. I am as anti-CIO as anyone here and was shocked that I wouldn't be welcome because I had a colicky baby and after weeks of trying everything I saw the value in letting him be colicky.

 


yes, I spent a month suspended from mothering for comments I made about how homeschooling can mask special needs. They were seen as not supportive of homeschooling, and the board was support only.

 

My kids homeschooled until they were 10 and 12 and some of the woo that gets repeated on the homeschooling board all the time isn't true if your child has LDs or SNs. Some other former homeschoolers with special needs kids have left mothering over this issue.

 

The party line in the homeschooling community is that when kids are developmental ready, the will just learn the things they need to very easily.

 

IMHO, it's true for some kids, but not for others. For some kids, buying into that just delays getting them the real help they need from professionals to reach their potential. Yet the party line gets repeated all the time on the homeschooling board here -- moms are told over and over not to worry that their child is obviously behind.

 

But the truth is the people saying that have never met the child, and don't have a clue if the mom should be worried.  Sometimes, moms should be worried and call in experts.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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Old 06-08-2011, 06:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree with you linda.
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Old 06-08-2011, 08:52 PM
 
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Sing it sister!  I've been through this myself. 
 

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yes, I spent a month suspended from mothering for comments I made about how homeschooling can mask special needs. They were seen as not supportive of homeschooling, and the board was support only.

 

My kids homeschooled until they were 10 and 12 and some of the woo that gets repeated on the homeschooling board all the time isn't true if your child has LDs or SNs. Some other former homeschoolers with special needs kids have left mothering over this issue.

 

The party line in the homeschooling community is that when kids are developmental ready, the will just learn the things they need to very easily.

 

IMHO, it's true for some kids, but not for others. For some kids, buying into that just delays getting them the real help they need from professionals to reach their potential. Yet the party line gets repeated all the time on the homeschooling board here -- moms are told over and over not to worry that their child is obviously behind.

 

But the truth is the people saying that have never met the child, and don't have a clue if the mom should be worried.  Sometimes, moms should be worried and call in experts.



 

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Old 06-08-2011, 09:03 PM
 
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Mamita, did you report the name-calling? The mods here still do moderate but they tend to wait for a report, rather than reading every thread looking for violations. They were getting burnt out from the heavy moderation.

 

I prefer light moderation, myself.

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Old 06-08-2011, 09:06 PM
 
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The thing is...I've gotten advice EXACTLY alone those lines and seen (and participated in) threads that say the same thing...You know the ones: A mom asks "Is it CIO when it's in Daddy's arms?" and everyone says, "No, it's totally different. Don't feel bad about it!"

 


Can you please explain this to me. Maybe I really tired, but Im reading it as if you do think its CIO if they are in daddy's arms. Im confuzzled smile.gif

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Old 06-08-2011, 10:50 PM
 
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No, it's not easy.  I've been chased out of forums before as well and it did hurt.  I learned a lot, but people were much harsher in their posts than anyone would have been in person. Sometimes you really do just have to accept that a thread isn't working out for you and leave it, never to look back (or at least not until your curiosity can reconcile with your hurt feelings).  When I first started homeschooling and frequenting the homeschool board, I said that I thought it was ok for social workers to monitor homeschoolers.  O.M.G.  the responses to that!  I've since changed my stance (with the help of some gentle posts on that thread and life experiences), but I was completely taken by surprise by those responses.

 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words hurt worst of all"wink1.gif

 




I did my best to ignore them and to leave the threads they were in where the problem started,the followed me to other threads.


same here, i cant tell you how many people are on my ignore list lol 

 


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Old 06-08-2011, 10:52 PM
 
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The thing is...I've gotten advice EXACTLY alone those lines and seen (and participated in) threads that say the same thing...You know the ones: A mom asks "Is it CIO when it's in Daddy's arms?" and everyone says, "No, it's totally different. Don't feel bad about it!"

 




Can you please explain this to me. Maybe I really tired, but Im reading it as if you do think its CIO if they are in daddy's arms. Im confuzzled smile.gif

no she's doesnt think that, she's using that as an example because she was saying letting the baby fuss in your arms is not CIO and she got slapped on the wrist by a mod for it but other people were saying basically the same thing (daddy) and it was fine.

 

The old UA was very subjective, i've gotten warning several times over some ridiculous things that other people got away with all the time, very frustrating
 

 


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Old 06-09-2011, 04:24 AM
 
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The thing is...I've gotten advice EXACTLY alone those lines and seen (and participated in) threads that say the same thing...You know the ones: A mom asks "Is it CIO when it's in Daddy's arms?" and everyone says, "No, it's totally different. Don't feel bad about it!"

 

 

Oh I know, there are many such threads. Since my baby was colicky and we all suffered so terribly, I am the first one to jump in with a hug and offer advice when mamas lament about their crying babies.

I think what I did "wrong" was cite a controversial book (The Aware Baby) and say the specific damage it can cause if a child's emotions are always suppressed (for example, by shoving a boob in its mouth every single time it complains). I was told that it's not allowed here to suggest that a mother not comfort her hurting child. 

Since then I was always careful how I worded what I said. I never meant to say you shouldn't be there for a hurting child, just that sometimes we all need to express our pain. Sheesh! I guess I'm still upset about it.

 

Yeah, I am glad there's less moderation now!


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Old 06-09-2011, 04:30 AM
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Oh I know, there are many such threads. Since my baby was colicky and we all suffered so terribly, I am the first one to jump in with a hug and offer advice when mamas lament about their crying babies.

I think what I did "wrong" was cite a controversial book (The Aware Baby) and say the specific damage it can cause if a child's emotions are always suppressed (for example, by shoving a boob in its mouth every single time it complains). I was told that it's not allowed here to suggest that a mother not comfort her hurting child. 

Since then I was always careful how I worded what I said. I never meant to say you shouldn't be there for a hurting child, just that sometimes we all need to express our pain. Sheesh! I guess I'm still upset about it.

 

Yeah, I am glad there's less moderation now!




You know, my first was the baby to shove the boob in her mouth because that almost always fixed what was wrong. (She still eats a ton today at age 6) My DS (16 months) really just needs to complain sometimes. He gets angry when he wants to complain and I try to boobify him. LOL Different personalities and all that.

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Old 06-09-2011, 07:38 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post




The thing is...I've gotten advice EXACTLY alone those lines and seen (and participated in) threads that say the same thing...You know the ones: A mom asks "Is it CIO when it's in Daddy's arms?" and everyone says, "No, it's totally different. Don't feel bad about it!"

 




Can you please explain this to me. Maybe I really tired, but Im reading it as if you do think its CIO if they are in daddy's arms. Im confuzzled smile.gif


I don't! In fact, I'm one that says "My son just needs to cry it out sometimes and we do it in arms...he's been like that since birth." 

 

 

 

I think the current moderation level is closer to real life. Well, as close as the internet can be. When you say something IRL and people disagree there isn't a mod there to step in and say, "Now take that back!!"


Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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