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#61 of 366 Old 11-01-2011, 07:14 PM
 
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I have been a member for some years now, and now, a 2 time cesarean mother and possible third time due to the charming laws of Florida, I cannot understand why, on my favorite parenting forum, those of us who have had cesareans, or are going to have them for whatever reason are on this fringe?  And I do not understand the social groups.  Maybe i'm too old.  I don't see them, can't find them...where do they exist?  

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#62 of 366 Old 11-01-2011, 10:23 PM
 
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Here's how I see it: is it more important that MDC be ideologically focused on natural birth or that MDC be a source of information and support for women trying to achieve their best birth?

 

If the ideological focus is the important thing, then I get the need to restrict conversation around c-section to topics such as how to avoid a c-section and why having a c-section is so inferior to having an unmedicated vaginal birth. 

 

But if helping women, and being a source of information and support, is the more important goal, then NOT providing a forum on c-section is a problem. Women who are trying to have their best birth need to understand c-section and how it can fit with an orientation towards natural parenting. Women are best served when they can share and process their birth experiences no matter how those experiences go.

 

I guess it's pretty clear that I think that helping women & providing information & support is more important than adhering to a strict ideology.

 

Women are asking for this forum...all kinds of women...those who have had c-sections and those who haven't, those who are new to MDC & those who are "old timers"...and many of us who carry the title "supporter" under our name. A c-section forum on MDC would fill a need and would IMO make this a better site.

 

I'm still hoping Cynthia is reading this thread and will weigh in at some point....


I actually think Television is worse for most kids (long term) than being born by c-section.  And one can absolutely avoid television, if one chooses, but there absolutely ARE necessary c-sections.  Come on, MDC, please - you have a forum dedicated to television watching, why not something as important as a c-sections?!?

 

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#63 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 01:33 AM
 
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I have had two c-section births.  

 

The first was an emergency birth, complete with techs/nurses sprinting down the hall with me on a guerney and starting to cut before I was completely draped.  It was traumatic, in every way but one:  I had a living baby out of it.    The labor, the surgery, his first apgar being "2", the after "care", the nursing staff...all sucked.  The surgery was even done badly and had lots of scaring.  

 

My second birth was scheduled (although the schedule kept moving up as my pre-e worsened) and was as healing an experience as I have ever had in my life.  It was transformative and wonderful and healing.  It was such a spiritual and joyous experience that it erased and overpowered the negativity of that first birth.  

 

Both experiences impact my life.  Both made me feel alienated when I came back to my friends here to share the experience.  It didn't matter that I cloth diapered for 6 years straight, breastfeed, including tandem, for 7-8years, babywore, heck, just go down that NFL checklist, I did it.  I also homeschooled and had a SN kiddo and dealt with all of that.  But every time I mentioned my births, there was either an undertone of "well, if you had done _____ than you could have controlled it", or "your doctor lied", or "well, *maybe* you were one of the few", or I was accused of promoting birth with interventions because I dare be happy about my (second) experience.  Why am I not allowed to be at peace with and proud of how I birthed my children?  I am nearly a decade away from that first birth and my reception I got here afterwards still makes me angry.  The birth was difficult enough, early parenting challenging enough, we shouldn't be criticized for a few hours of our lives, we should be able to celebrate it like everybody else.  What is a few hours compared to the YEARS, almost decades of NFL/AP parenting.  It is but a blink.


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#64 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 09:06 AM
 
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Why am I not allowed to be at peace with and proud of how I birthed my children?  I am nearly a decade away from that first birth and my reception I got here afterwards still makes me angry.  The birth was difficult enough, early parenting challenging enough, we shouldn't be criticized for a few hours of our lives, we should be able to celebrate it like everybody else.  What is a few hours compared to the YEARS, almost decades of NFL/AP parenting.  It is but a blink.


This is such an important point.

 

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#65 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 09:46 AM
 
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Having read more posts, I'm just wondering - are those of us who were traumatized and who did hate our c-sections, going to be able to post in this hypothetical new forum? Or, are we going to be shut up, so we don't mess up everyone's vibe? I'm getting the feeling that a lot of people want MDC to be another shiny, happy "c-sections aren't so bad" place, just like pretty much everywhere else on the effing net. If that's what it is, that's what it is. But, the fact that MDC wasn't like that is the only reason I found this forum in the first place.

 

Except for threads about recovery tips and such, i'm very unlikely to post in the forum, anyway. I'm finding MDC surprisingly hostile on this subject, of late. I just want to know if the sub-context of "if you were traumatized, shut up, because we don't want to hear it", is intentional or not.


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#66 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 10:04 AM
 
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I personally think that hearing about different experiences with  c sections is relevant and useful.

 

However, if you are very traumatized by your sections, I don't know if a forum where lots of people are discussing them in detail would be healthy for YOU. You might find you get better support in the "Healing Birth Trauma" forum.

 

I don't think anyone should be made to feel they cannot talk about their birth experience if they have something they need to say or share. That's the whole point of this thread.

 

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#67 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 10:15 AM
 
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Having read more posts, I'm just wondering - are those of us who were traumatized and who did hate our c-sections, going to be able to post in this hypothetical new forum? Or, are we going to be shut up, so we don't mess up everyone's vibe? I'm getting the feeling that a lot of people want MDC to be another shiny, happy "c-sections aren't so bad" place, just like pretty much everywhere else on the effing net. If that's what it is, that's what it is. But, the fact that MDC wasn't like that is the only reason I found this forum in the first place.

 

Except for threads about recovery tips and such, i'm very unlikely to post in the forum, anyway. I'm finding MDC surprisingly hostile on this subject, of late. I just want to know if the sub-context of "if you were traumatized, shut up, because we don't want to hear it", is intentional or not.


I certainly hope this is NOT the intention for a c-section forum. I don't believe that would serve anyone's interests, and I wouldn't be interested in posting, in fact I would probably lose interest in MDC altogether. My c-section was traumatic for me, and I'm unlikely to change my tune on that score.

 

Here's what I want, not that my wishes should dictate the group! But being clear about what we're asking for seems very important, so I'll state it here.

 

What I'm hoping for is a forum where women can discuss their actual c-section experiences & questions, without worrying that they are violating some kind of unspoken ideological framework. What I want is exactly the opposite of a "vibe" or a "subtext" that makes some women feel bad. I want a clearly stated intention to create safety for the TRUTH, no matter what it looks like. Knowing that birth is messy, the truth about birth is messy, and there are no absolutes.

 

I want this because I believe there is something radically transformative & healing, at both a personal & systemic level, about women telling their personal truths and seeking support from each other. I also think that such a forum is the right response to the mainstream medical dogma that tells women that their knowledge is inferior to their doctor's knowledge or "the system."

 

In order to make room for this, I believe we all need to be clear that just because I experience something around c-section, doesn't mean that everyone in my situation is going to have the same experience. In fact, we need to think of c-section, and birth itself, not as a unified, same-for-everyone, objectively understood experience, but as something with a lot of variation and difference that is unique to each woman and each situation.

 

Where I think we get into trouble is when we decide that all c-sections have some inherent quality, or that birth in general has some inherent quality, that must be true for everyone, and if someone's personal experience doesn't match that, well they must be lying or crazy or defective or whatever.

 

Not all births are the same, not everyone has the same experience, and why do we have to fit everyone in the same box, whether that box is a "mainstream medical" one or a "natural birth" one? Do all women who have unmedicated vaginal births need to be thrilled by them? Do all women who have c-sections need to feel ashamed and traumatized? Do we believe a woman who says, "my c-section was unnecessary and traumatic"? Do we believe a woman who says, "my c-section saved my baby's life and I'm grateful for it"? Do we believe birthing women to know what their experience was and to speak from the wisdom of that experience to other women who might learn something or heal something because of that sharing?

 

If the answer is "yes" then I see no reason to deny a c-section forum on MDC. Frankly, I think that all of the birthing forums would benefit from a statement of intention that helps everyone understand what is being welcomed here and what is not.

 

Storm Bride, I am sorry you feel a hostile vibe here. I am not reading the same thing, but I am not you and I did not have your experiences. I don't know if my vision of a forum that is radically open & supportive is really possible...perhaps like "natural parenting" itself, it's ideal that is great is theory but doesn't ring true for everyone. But I am hopeful that as a community we can come to place where none of us feel like we have to hide.

 


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#68 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 10:20 AM
 
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I personally think that hearing about different experiences with  c sections is relevant and useful.

 

However, if you are very traumatized by your sections, I don't know if a forum where lots of people are discussing them in detail would be healthy for YOU. You might find you get better support in the "Healing Birth Trauma" forum.

 

I don't think anyone should be made to feel they cannot talk about their birth experience if they have something they need to say or share. That's the whole point of this thread.

 



I've been told that my views of my own c-sections are damaging and offensive to others. I've been told that directly, but there's an underlying vibe of it here at MDC, and it's been growing for a while. If the potential forum is only going to be for people who are okay with their cesareans, then I want to know that going foward, is all. I prefer advance notice that my experiences aren't valid, instead of posting and then getting slapped down for finding my c-sections to be hideous experiences.


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#69 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 10:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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stormbride, i have to tell you that we should be discussing the hypothetical forum, first of all, because we still don't have any word of the mods decision. 

 

also, to me, and i am just being honest here, you do contribute to forums when you participate; however, when it comes to births, especially a discussion of surgical births (and i am avoiding using language that you've explicitly explained disturbs you personally), i think that you really seem to be re-living your trauma each and every time you think or talk about it.  healing happens differently for everyone, but you in particular seem to be trying to heal your wounds in a manner that some people can take as combative or argumentative or accusatory.  i hope that you can find healing.  no one's going to silence you/shut you up, or at least i don't imagine so, and haven't really seen anyone try to do this.  i feel like in general people tiptoe around your feelings as you seem so, so deeply wounded.  i really don't know what to suggest for you but i do want you to heal.  i just would like to suggest to you that bringing forth your anger and mistrust of what happened to you medically doesn't seem to be helping you to do that.  and yes, it does appear to be something that some people would be bothered by, but that's also why mdc has an "ignore" button, too.  much as i disagree with you personally, i wish you the best, and no one is going to stop you from saying anything you like (though i really hope that you are able to re-frame your own discussion and progress past your experiences, for your own sake).


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#70 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 10:41 AM
 
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stormbride, i have to tell you that we should be discussing the hypothetical forum, first of all, because we still don't have any word of the mods decision. 

 

That's probably a good point. 

 

also, to me, and i am just being honest here, you do contribute to forums when you participate; however, when it comes to births, especially a discussion of surgical births (and i am avoiding using language that you've explicitly explained disturbs you personally), i think that you really seem to be re-living your trauma each and every time you think or talk about it.  healing happens differently for everyone, but you in particular seem to be trying to heal your wounds in a manner that some people can take as combative or argumentative or accusatory.  i hope that you can find healing.  no one's going to silence you/shut you up, or at least i don't imagine so, and haven't really seen anyone try to do this.  i feel like in general people tiptoe around your feelings as you seem so, so deeply wounded.  i really don't know what to suggest for you but i do want you to heal.  i just would like to suggest to you that bringing forth your anger and mistrust of what happened to you medically doesn't seem to be helping you to do that.  and yes, it does appear to be something that some people would be bothered by, but that's also why mdc has an "ignore" button, too.  much as i disagree with you personally, i wish you the best, and no one is going to stop you from saying anything you like (though i really hope that you are able to re-frame your own discussion and progress past your experiences, for your own sake).



Trust me - talking about it here doesn't make it worse. It doesn't really help very much, anymore (which is why I don't do it as often as I used to), but it doesn't make it worse. If the forum is approved, and goes in the direction I'm beginning to expect that it will, I'll probably just avoid it.

 

I have absolutely no interest in "reframing" my experiences, thank you very much. I am healing, whether I'm doing it the way other people think I should or not. What I'm not doing is "reframing", because I can see no way to do that and still honour what actually happened to me. Honestly...a lot of women here have had c-sections that were 1) necessary, and 2) consented to. I don't expect people with that background to be able to relate to me, or my views on this subject. If I can ever figure out a way to avoid "bringing forth" my anger and mistrust, without losing them, I'll do that. But, trusting medpros (as a group - there are a few who are wonderful) would be really stupid, with my background.

 

 

ETA: I just want to add, for the mods and admin - whether I end up participating or not, I do think an MDC cesarean forum is a good idea.


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#71 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 11:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

Having read more posts, I'm just wondering - are those of us who were traumatized and who did hate our c-sections, going to be able to post in this hypothetical new forum? Or, are we going to be shut up, so we don't mess up everyone's vibe? I'm getting the feeling that a lot of people want MDC to be another shiny, happy "c-sections aren't so bad" place, just like pretty much everywhere else on the effing net. If that's what it is, that's what it is. But, the fact that MDC wasn't like that is the only reason I found this forum in the first place.

 

Except for threads about recovery tips and such, i'm very unlikely to post in the forum, anyway. I'm finding MDC surprisingly hostile on this subject, of late. I just want to know if the sub-context of "if you were traumatized, shut up, because we don't want to hear it", is intentional or not.



Of course! It's not like it would be a "how wonderful c-sections are" forum.  No one thinks c-sections are wonderful here, I'm sure, but that doesn't change the fact that they happen and even save lives at times. 

 

The forum could be all-encompassing.  Many of us, I know, have mixed emotions around our c-sections.  Some were traumatized, some felt it went smoothly and have no regrets, and so on.  Besides the birth healing board, I would guess that a c-section forum would be exactly the place to vent your frustrations or explain your feelings as why your c-sections were horrible (you in general, not just talking about you, Lisa, I know you aren't alone with your experiences).

 

  How would a supportive Mothering community ever be okay with telling anyone to shut-up and that they don't want to hear it?  It's not like the vbac forum bans stories about failed vbacs or ruptures - I've seen plenty of them over the years and they were met with support - even though most people who post on the vbac forum are in favor of or hoping for a vbac.  Saying that you could only post positively about c-sections is like saying you can only post happy perfect stories in the UC forum or Homebirth - no transfers or stories that include excessive bleeding or a baby with breathing problems. 

 

I really, really don't get the concern that a c-section board would somehow normalize or accept ERC's; that's giving too much power to a support forum.  You might have some women who share that their c-section was a great experience and they were happy with the outcome and would do it again, but you will also have plenty of members who talk about the recovery, the feeling of being cheated out of their ideal birth, and everything in between. 

 

I'm not holding my breath, but am very curious as to what admin and Peggy decide since it's something many members feel strongly about, and, I have yet to read a compelling reason why a c-section sub-forum should not exist.  If there are any MDC'ers who honestly think it would be a bad idea, you should speak up so the rest of us can try to understand where you are coming from. 

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#72 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 11:16 AM
 
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Of course! It's not like it would be a "how wonderful c-sections are" forum.  No one thinks c-sections are wonderful here, I'm sure, but that doesn't change the fact that they happen and even save lives at times. 

 

The forum could be all-encompassing.  Many of us, I know, have mixed emotions around our c-sections.  Some were traumatized, some felt it went smoothly and have no regrets, and so on.  Besides the birth healing board, I would guess that a c-section forum would be exactly the place to vent your frustrations or explain your feelings as why your c-sections were horrible (you in general, not just talking about you, Lisa, I know you aren't alone with your experiences).

 

  How would a supportive Mothering community ever be okay with telling anyone to shut-up and that they don't want to hear it?  It's not like the vbac forum bans stories about failed vbacs or ruptures - I've seen plenty of them over the years and they were met with support - even though most people who post on the vbac forum are in favor of or hoping for a vbac.  Saying that you could only post positively about c-sections is like saying you can only post happy perfect stories in the UC forum or Homebirth - no transfers or stories that include excessive bleeding or a baby with breathing problems. 

 

I really, really don't get the concern that a c-section board would somehow normalize or accept ERC's; that's giving too much power to a support forum.  You might have some women who share that their c-section was a great experience and they were happy with the outcome and would do it again, but you will also have plenty of members who talk about the recovery, the feeling of being cheated out of their ideal birth, and everything in between. 

 

This isn't exactly my concern, but I do kind of get it. ERC is normalized, outside of the natural birth community. I think the NCB goes too far in the other direction sometimes, but I can understand why some people might be nervous about c-sections being blown off here, as well. (Every time I see someone talking about her great recovery - which she absolutely has the right to talk about! -  I can almost see this little ghost of the "you're so lucky you didn't have to push", "you cheated!", "well, your baby was big - it's a good thing they did the c-section", etc. sentiment that I've come across too many times, irl.) Heck - I recently had someone here suggest a genetic reason why I might have such an "unusual" amount of pain, because I mentioned that I have post-op pain for weeks, not days. My SIL was doing sit-ups two weeks after her c-section. Except for her, I had the best recovery of anybody I knew irl when ds1 was born. I don't have "unusual" amounts of pain. In general, my pain tolerance has always been quite high. It worries me a bit when the idea that a normal recovery is a couple of days of painkillers, followed by a pain-free recovery without meds, is being promoted, yk?

 

I'm not holding my breath, but am very curious as to what admin and Peggy decide since it's something many members feel strongly about, and, I have yet to read a compelling reason why a c-section sub-forum should not exist.  If there are any MDC'ers who honestly think it would be a bad idea, you should speak up so the rest of us can try to understand where you are coming from. 

 

I agree. I know the MDC ideal is natural birth. But, not everyone is going to get that ideal, and I do think women who have had c-sections, or know they're going to have a c-section, or even just want to talk about the possibility (ie. create a "just in case" cesarean birth plan), should have a place to do it. There just doesn't seem to be a good reason not to have such a forum.

 


 

 

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#73 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 11:42 AM
 
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Having read more posts, I'm just wondering - are those of us who were traumatized and who did hate our c-sections, going to be able to post in this hypothetical new forum? Or, are we going to be shut up, so we don't mess up everyone's vibe? I'm getting the feeling that a lot of people want MDC to be another shiny, happy "c-sections aren't so bad" place, just like pretty much everywhere else on the effing net. If that's what it is, that's what it is. But, the fact that MDC wasn't like that is the only reason I found this forum in the first place.

 

Except for threads about recovery tips and such, i'm very unlikely to post in the forum, anyway. I'm finding MDC surprisingly hostile on this subject, of late. I just want to know if the sub-context of "if you were traumatized, shut up, because we don't want to hear it", is intentional or not.


I certainly hope not. I think the forum should be a place where women can talk about their experience - whether it was positive or negative. 

 

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#74 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 11:45 AM
 
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It seems fairly obvious that one of the primary reasons people are asking for a c-section forum is so that there would be one place on the board where women who had a c-section and weren't traumatized by it would be able to mention this fact without being told to shut up, sit in a corner and think about what we've done, and come back when we feel bad like we should.

 

It may be the norm to think c-sections are a better idea than they really are outside the NCB community, but I don't see why this is a reason that women who would have prefered a natural birth, but feel that their c-section was medically warranted, and did ok with the disappointment, should be so unwelcome.


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#75 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 11:57 AM
 
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If there is a c-section forum I hope everyone is allowed to post in it.  Is everyone allowed to post in the UC forum , even if they had an awful scaring UC?  The guidelines for all the birth forums should be the same imo.

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#76 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

Having read more posts, I'm just wondering - are those of us who were traumatized and who did hate our c-sections, going to be able to post in this hypothetical new forum? Or, are we going to be shut up, so we don't mess up everyone's vibe? I'm getting the feeling that a lot of people want MDC to be another shiny, happy "c-sections aren't so bad" place, just like pretty much everywhere else on the effing net. If that's what it is, that's what it is. But, the fact that MDC wasn't like that is the only reason I found this forum in the first place.


It has been my experience, in the time I have been at MDC and from reading old threads, that the people who are being told to shut up are the ones who speak positively about c-sections. You always say that your experiences are being invalidated and shot down, yet then you say things like "I'm getting the feeling that a lot of people want MDC to be another shiny happy c-sections aren't so bad place, just like pretty much everywhere else on the effing net," you are being disrespectful of women who found their experience to be positive. You can't have it both ways.

 

Also, I am just so tired of everyone thinking that mainstream women and OBs are all "rah-rah c-sections!" I have never seen evidence of that.


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#77 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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I actually think Television is worse for most kids (long term) than being born by c-section.  And one can absolutely avoid television, if one chooses, but there absolutely ARE necessary c-sections.  Come on, MDC, please - you have a forum dedicated to television watching, why not something as important as a c-sections?!?

 


This is a really good point.



I for one, went through three miserable weeks when I was pregnant with DD where I was terrified about having a section because DD was breech and in Kentucky, doctors will not deliver breech babies. Midwives need to establish a relationship and no midwife would have come for the delivery of a baby for a woman that wasnt her patient. In the end, my choices were an external version or a csection. I'd stood on my head with clothespins on my toes long enough. Thank goodness the version was a breeze.

When I looked online for support during that time (I was just a lurker here back then) I saw two different views:

1. OMG, I had a csection and loved it. It was so easy, the baby's head was perfect. ect.ect. (totally normalized approach. Most of these people werent mourning the loss of a NCB)

2. Never let a doctor violate you and cut you open and take your baby away from you. You will have problems nursing, you wont get bonding time, you'll be in so much pain for days afterwards, ect. ect. (people totally only telling the worst parts)

It seems like MDC would be a great place to meet in the middle of those views, and a place where women who are facing an unwanted section could ask questions and get responses from women who have had sections and didnt get to have their perfect birth. A place where people could go for support about physical and mental aspects following a c section, and a place where people could share their birth stories with other women who has similar experiences without it being looked at as a failure.


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#78 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 01:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alittlesandy View Post


It has been my experience, in the time I have been at MDC and from reading old threads, that the people who are being told to shut up are the ones who speak positively about c-sections. You always say that your experiences are being invalidated and shot down, yet then you say things like "I'm getting the feeling that a lot of people want MDC to be another shiny happy c-sections aren't so bad place, just like pretty much everywhere else on the effing net," you are being disrespectful of women who found their experience to be positive. You can't have it both ways.

 

When I'm being told that I'm offensive and damaging when I talk about my own experiences with c-sections, then there's an issue, imo. I've been told I need therapy because I was traumatized, not just to help me cope, but because I've obviously got something wrong with me if a c-section traumatized me. (No, I'm not getting therapy - if there's one thing I've learned through my obstetrical "care", it's that I can't trust professional care providers to act in my best interests, and if I can't trust them with my body, I'm sure not going to trust them with my head). I've had it suggested repeatedly, in one way or another, that I shouldn't post here, because it's not good for me (not up to anyone else to judge - I know what helps and what doesn't). I've also had the experience (back in '05) of looking for one place - just one - that didn't blow off c-sections like they're a walk in the park, and anybody who didn't just love hers was nuts. This was the only place I found (I discovered ICAN after that, through posts here).

 

If other women don't hate their sections, that's great. I've never once - ever - suggested otherwise. What concerns me is the vibe (and I had someone basically say it directly to me in the last couple days, via PM) that if we were traumatized, we'd better shut up, because we might scare or offend someone, and that I'm misrepresenting what a c-section is. To be honest, if I'd heard a lot of "c-sections aren't so bad" and "it hurt for a couple days, but it was easily managed with painkillers, and then it didn't hurt after that", and "well, at least it saved my vagina/sex life" type of comments (and, yes - I've seen the last one more than once, and I've even seen it - only once that I recall - at MDC), then had any of my first three experiences, I'd have been beyond choked at all the women who'd told me how easy it would be. If I'd heard scare stories, and then had an experience like my last one, I'd have been relieved. I have no desire to scare women facing c-sections, but I'm not being disrespectful by saying I don't want this hypothetical forum to be a shiny happy place that's all about how c-sections aren't so bad. Sometimes, c-sections aren't so bad (even my last one wasn't a nightmare). But, sometimes, they are that bad. I've seen too many places where that's sugar-coated, and anyone suggesting c-sections aren't always awesome is jumped all over. I really don't want to see that happen here.

 

C-sections aren't good or bad. They're both, depending on a large number of variables.

 

 

 

Also, I am just so tired of everyone thinking that mainstream women and OBs are all "rah-rah c-sections!" I have never seen evidence of that.

 

I genuinely envy you that. I've seen evidence of it all over the place....both online and irl. Telling someone she "cheated" by not having to labour is pretty "rah-rah c-sections". Telling a woman she's "lucky" that she never had to push out a baby is pretty "rah-rah c-sections". Having my very first hit when I googled "c-section support" be "I had a c-section, and it was such a great experience. I was a bit nervous, but it was awesome...and now I don't have to worry about wrecking my sex life, because I get to have another one next time" is pretty "rah-rah c-sections". (The quote is not exact, as it's been a long time, but it's very close, and the "get to have another one" part is exact - the woman had a string of responses agreeing with her and/or expressing envy that she didn't have to push out a baby.) Comments such as "so cool - now you know exactly when the baby's coming" are "rah-rah c-sections". It's out there - a lot of it's out there. It's not all mainstream women, or all OBs, but the sentiment is absolutely out there.



 

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#79 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 06:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Honey693 View Post

If there is a c-section forum I hope everyone is allowed to post in it.  Is everyone allowed to post in the UC forum , even if they had an awful scaring UC?  The guidelines for all the birth forums should be the same imo.


I agree. and I also believe that a guideline for all forums is that they be places where everyone is treated with respect and each person can speak her truthfully about her experiences and feelings with fear of judgment or criticism or patronizing or condescending remarks. Life is full of experiences--some which are joyful, others painful, some easy, some challenging, some comfortable, some traumatizing--and I think that MDC should be a place where anyone who wants to share their experiences can do so.

 


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#80 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 07:00 PM
 
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I just think there is no right or wrong way to bring a baby into this world. I agree, C-sections are given when unnecessary at times, but a lot of times they have saved lives. I personally believe that everyone should do what they are comfortable with, what is best for their babies. If that means a c-section, then so be it. You're not less of a woman because you didn't have a natural birth. 

 

I would join this group, as a mother who had her first born via c-section and may need another section when my baby is ready to enter the world. I am 30 weeks pregnant and I often feel judged because I had a section. I even had someone tell me I was less of a woman because my DS wasn't born vaginally. There was nothing I wanted more than a natural birth. 

 

You know what, when your baby is born into a loving family, it doesn't matter how the baby came out.


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#81 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 07:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by EuroMama View Post


You know what, when your baby is born into a loving family, it doesn't matter how the baby came out.


And, this is what I can't handle.

 

If it doesn't matter to you, that's great. But, that's not the same as "it doesn't matter". It does matter to some of us. It matters a lot. When my baby was born into a loving family, it did matter how that baby came out. It's that simple. Blanket statements like this are dismissive, and somehow, it seems to be completely accepted to make them, as long sa they're "positive".

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#82 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 09:50 PM
 
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I think she might have meant it more in the sense that it shouldn't matter to anyone ELSE? You can feel however you feel about the way your child came into the world, but nobody else should be judging you for either how it happened or how you feel about it.

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#83 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 09:51 PM
 
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I phrased that wrong & I understand what you're telling me. To me, it didn't matter how my baby was born as long as he made it here safe. But I understand, that to others it matters. 

 


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#84 of 366 Old 11-02-2011, 10:07 PM
 
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Sorry - that post came out way more hostile than I meant it to. I actually came back to delete it, but since you've already seen it and responded, I'll let it stand. :o


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#85 of 366 Old 11-03-2011, 04:57 AM
 
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Long meeting.

 

 

So has no one yet said that there SHOULDN'T be this subforum?


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#86 of 366 Old 11-03-2011, 05:57 AM
 
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You mean other than the admins?

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#87 of 366 Old 11-03-2011, 06:48 AM
 
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Its ok. Don't worry. I didn't take offense to it. :)
 

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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

Sorry - that post came out way more hostile than I meant it to. I actually came back to delete it, but since you've already seen it and responded, I'll let it stand. :o



 


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#88 of 366 Old 11-03-2011, 06:52 AM
 
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I think a forum or subforum would be helpful (besides the psychological issues) from the standpoint of other post CS issues and how others are dealing with them.  For example, two things that immediately come to mind are the problems I have developed with pain in that area as well as problems with peeing, uterine pain, etc. (I think we tend to forget that it is such a radical surgery and even after five years for me, I still have physical issues); the other issue, which is something that has come up a lot recently with me is when DD asks how she was born.  I try to phrase it in as comforting terms as possible but I'd be curious to know how others handle it.  I know it may not seem like a big deal to some, but I really struggle with these conversations. 


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#89 of 366 Old 11-03-2011, 06:59 AM
 
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One benefit would be a "helpful hints" thread.  For instance, a mom told me to really be careful with working in the kitchen since the counter height would mash up against my painful area.  Boy, was she right...and it helped.

 

 

Also:
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by erigeron View Post

You mean other than the admins?

 

Have admins actually said this, or is it assumed?  Just checking.  Thanks.
 

 


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#90 of 366 Old 11-03-2011, 07:11 AM
 
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I am actually an old timer but have a new user name.... I am on the fence. I have read the whole thread and I see too much that is not what mothering to me stands for and is here for.

 

Storm Bride- I hear you. I hear you. I hear you.

 

I have fears what a forum like this could turn into. 

 


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