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Old 11-08-2004, 10:43 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm sure I'm not the first one to ask this. Why is there no dedicated SAHM subforum here at MDC (seems like a natural for either Parenting Issues or Finding Your Tribe), or if there is why can't I find it? I know there are various SAHM threads in different places, but that's not quite the same as a board just for SAHM issues.

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Old 11-09-2004, 03:01 AM
 
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I don't remember the official verdict (there's been this discussion before) but I think that those threads usually fall into the other forums, such as Finding Your Tribe.

Maybe if there was enough demand, it could happen.

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14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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Old 11-09-2004, 12:39 PM
 
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The answer I've heard is that most moms here are SAHM's so they don't need a special forum. However, try posting a SAHM post and you'll be attacked by the WOHMs and you'll learn very quickly that SAHMs have a muzzle over their mouths here when they try to discuss issues specific to SAHMs and not all moms in general.

I think there should be a SAHM forum.

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Old 11-09-2004, 01:36 PM
 
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Moving this to the Q & S forums...

Tana, if you were to get attacked by a wohm for posting a sahm post, you should notify a mod. Such behavior is against the UA and isn't allowed.
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Old 11-09-2004, 02:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5
I don't remember the official verdict (there's been this discussion before) but I think that those threads usually fall into the other forums, such as Finding Your Tribe.

Maybe if there was enough demand, it could happen.
from what I can tell, there has been "talk" but no "action"

the discussion is like a sailboat. the wind blows in and out of the sails.
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Old 11-09-2004, 02:46 PM
 
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This topic seems to be the purple elephant in the MDC livingroom.

Here is a request thread for a SAHM forum:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=203545

If you feel that there is a true need here at MDC for a SAHM forum, then probably the best approach would be to contact the administration of MDC and request one respectfully.
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Old 11-09-2004, 04:26 PM
 
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:

And you thought you were asking an innocent question...

No, "because SAHMs do not have unique issues to talk about," and, "they might make comments offensive to WOHM/ WAHMs."
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Old 11-09-2004, 04:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AJP
I'm sure I'm not the first one to ask this. Why is there no dedicated SAHM subforum here at MDC (seems like a natural for either Parenting Issues or Finding Your Tribe), or if there is why can't I find it? I know there are various SAHM threads in different places, but that's not quite the same as a board just for SAHM issues.
SAHMs deserve a safe space to discuss their issues, just like working, single, lesbian, adoptive, multiples, a special needs moms deserve. A FYT thread just doesn't do it, and none of the other forums are quintessentially safe spaces for SAHMs.

muzzled here, too at times!
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Old 11-09-2004, 05:35 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for the replies. In reading through the thread last month that Lisa posted a link to, it seems to me the mods have made up their minds that there will be no SAHM (or more correctly SAHP, don't want to exclude dads by any means) forum or subforum, and I feel sad that they don't recognize the "need", at least as much need as there is for all the other divisions. There have been quite a few times since I joined MDC that I wanted to post a SAHM-specific question, concern, observation or vent but didn't do so because it just didn't seem to fit into any of the existing areas. (Speaking of venting, didn't Cynthia say in one of those posts from the SAHM forum discussion last month that vent posts were not appropriate at MDC? I totally don't get that. Seems I've read a whole lot of venting posts here - i.e. "why the &*%# can't I pee in privacy?" - and SAHMs surely have a need to vent now and then about frustrations unique to their situation.)

I hope I'm wrong and they *are* giving it honest consideration.

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Old 11-09-2004, 05:52 PM
 
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I hope you are wrong too - I haven't been able to understand the reluctance, it seems like every argument has been given a careful and considerate response by those that want the forum but so far it's been to no avail

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Old 11-09-2004, 05:53 PM - Thread Starter
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[QUOTE=meowee]:

And you thought you were asking an innocent question...

:LOL Shoulda known better. I suspected the subject had come up, and seeing as how the issue of being a SAHM can fan certain defensive feelings into flames, I should have expected it to have been on the contentious side. I looked for it but was unsuccessful. (I find searching for anything on the computer to be difficult while under a barrage of a steady stream of questions about dinosaurs and their individual attributes, which is my son's ongoing obsession and one about which he can converse for hours. And is it my imagination that the questions escalate when I get anywhere within 10 feet of my computer?) Anyway, sorry to pick at the scab. Or maybe I'm not sorry. Mods, I respectfully request a SAHM forum! I would frequent it, I would post, I would reply, I would not bash WOHMs. Pretty please.

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Old 11-09-2004, 06:16 PM
 
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They must be aware of the 11th commandment...

Thou shalt not create a SAHM forum.
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Old 11-09-2004, 08:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meowee
They must be aware of the 11th commandment...

Thou shalt not create a SAHM forum.
:LOL Oh no! I do not like that commandment one bit!

Jenny, proud maker of red things
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Old 11-09-2004, 08:41 PM
 
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I wish we could have a SAHM forum too...the FYT threads get way too lengthy.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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Old 11-09-2004, 08:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AJP
I'm sure I'm not the first one to ask this. Why is there no dedicated SAHM subforum here at MDC (seems like a natural for either Parenting Issues or Finding Your Tribe), or if there is why can't I find it? I know there are various SAHM threads in different places, but that's not quite the same as a board just for SAHM issues.
No. But a subforum to Learning at School was just added.

Because - you know - the learning at school forum gets so much traffic

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Old 11-09-2004, 08:48 PM
 
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being new here, I am also confused about the lack of SAHM forum..... I never realized a lot of the dynamic of being a SAHM til it was a reality, and I'd like to discuss some of these murky issues..... and the occaisonal venting, like when people ask, "Are you working?, too?" .....
I think there are different issues particular to SAHMs and I don't understand why this would offend anyone! seems obvious to me since there are forums for everything else here!

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Old 11-09-2004, 10:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbowmoon
I wish we could have a SAHM forum too...the FYT threads get way too lengthy.
I know. It's no fun and doesn't feel like a "safe place" to discuss difficult issues.
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Old 11-09-2004, 11:24 PM
 
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not only that, but the issues seem to get buried alot of times in FYT. :

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Old 11-10-2004, 12:29 AM
 
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I hate to be the pessimist here, but from experience I can say don't waste your time. They have made it abundantly clear that they don't care. In fact, they just ignore us and don't even answer our legitimate questions like:


WHY DO THE WOHMS GET A FORUM??????????????????????????
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Old 11-10-2004, 01:21 AM
 
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come on, think about it. what's your image of the "average" mothering mother? Well for me, it's like this (this is the assessment I've come up with after being here...over 4 years.) this is sort of the default as I've percieved it:

-wealthy (aka definitely not poor)
-married
-stay at home mom
-christian
-at least 2 kids
-probably drives an suv or minivan
-midwestern

that's why there needs to be a forum for working moms, in my opinion. working moms are the freaks, here, not you guys! If you ever need to talk about the issues central to staying home all day, there are bajillions of threads about how to clean and do laundry and entertain a child all day long. That's one reason why I come here. It's one of the few places where people like me who "do not work" are not treated like dirt. Of course, most of the moms who stay home have maids here, as well as husbands, but whatever. At least there is unity on the staying home front. Not saying, shut up be happy. Just saying, I sort of disagree that the SAHM thing is lacking here.
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Old 11-10-2004, 01:58 AM
 
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Originally Posted by boston
-wealthy (aka definitely not poor)
-married
-stay at home mom
-christian
-at least 2 kids
-probably drives an suv or minivan
-midwestern

<snip>

Of course, most of the moms who stay home have maids here, as well as husbands, but whatever.
I agree with most of your post, but I think it is funny how much our opinions of the average Mothering mom differ. I would say,

-poor or at least lower middle class
-married
-sahm
-pagan
-at least 2 kids
-drives a minivan, van, or car
-midwestern
and -no maid

Maybe this is just based on who I have met thru here. I would be totally shocked to learn most mamas here have a maid.
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Old 11-10-2004, 02:03 AM
 
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Wow. You're making a lot of assumptions Boston.


By the way, I'm not rich and I most certainly do not have a maid. None of the MDC moms I've met IRL seem to be unusually wealthy. If you ever looked at the SAHM threads you would see that a lot of us are sacrificing a great deal financially to be SAHMs. Some of the people here do have a lot of money. That's one of the cool things about a forum like this. A lot of people that would otherwise not cross paths IRL do cross paths here.


Cynthia has said that SAHMs cannot have a forum because it would divide the community. So I asked why the WOHM forum was not seen as dividing the community. I never got an answer. I do not begrudge the WOHMs their forum.
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Old 11-10-2004, 02:33 AM
 
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A maid?! I don't think I've seen even a single mom here say anything about a maid. I know a lot of SAHMs and none of them have maids. I do think that we are better off than a lot of other people though. Having internet access is a luxury. Unfortunately being able to do things like join organic coops, cloth diaper and buying stuff from WAHMs is not cheap. I don't think most of the moms here are actually poor compared to the rest of the country. I think we're also a pretty educated bunch.
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Old 11-10-2004, 05:32 AM
 
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:LOL about the maid thing. I'm going to go to bed tonight and dream that that were true.

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Old 11-10-2004, 10:55 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by indie
Wow. You're making a lot of assumptions Boston.
Just trying to fit in here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by indie
By the way, I'm not rich and I most certainly do not have a maid.
Good for you! I didnt say everyone was rich and had a maid. but every single time I log on to this place someone is talking about her maid. Maybe y'all havent seen that, okay fine. The last thing I want to do is accuse everyone of having a maid unfairly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by indie
Cynthia has said that SAHMs cannot have a forum because it would divide the community. So I asked why the WOHM forum was not seen as dividing the community.
Indie, please think for a moment about minority vs majority and why the minority would need a little special treatment. WOHM are minority. So they need a retreat. Plain and simple.
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Old 11-10-2004, 11:34 AM
 
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I think it's actually really hard to find support here (in one place) hence why I feel it imperitive we have a SAHM board, as everything is scattered about. and no I don't feel everything here is directed to SAHM's at all.

we are definitly not rich or have a maid! :LOL

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Old 11-10-2004, 11:39 AM
 
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Okay I've just changed my mind about the need for the SAHM thing. Personally, I think it would be nice if there was a SAHM board, if only to assert that this is *not* the standard. Even though it kind of is here, it's not in the United States at large (forgive my Americancentricism I am working on that.)

So, administrators, if you're reading this and I hope you are, what about it?

Oh and, please note that I am trying to get a single moms forum. Thanks.
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Old 11-10-2004, 11:43 AM
 
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can I ask what changed your mind boston? just curious

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Old 11-10-2004, 11:55 AM
 
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well I was thinking about it, and how it's just assumed that you're a sahm here, and then it hit me that it maybe shouldnt be that way. maybe it should not be assumed either way. this assumption alienates the working out of home moms, which isn't right.

I guess I think that it wouldnt divide us so much. I think there are a million things already dividing us, it's not likely that a forum for SAHM's will destroy the community. I think that the SAHM forum will be very busy, and when people who id as SAHM's post about everyday stuff in there, a lot of non-SAHM's might miss out because they won't be in that forum. But this could be solved by havinga policy that the SAHM forum is for issues specific to being a SAHM, like...I dunno, scheduling stuff and home-during-the-day centered concerns.

Mostly I think that having a forum for that dynamic would help balance out the site in that WOHM's coming to the site would think, "oh look, this site is inclusive." So mainly I'd want to see the SAHM forum for the benefit of WOHM's, and also because so many of you have posted here arguing that it's needed. I think that says something.
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Old 11-10-2004, 12:01 PM
 
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by the way I was being sarcastic about the maid thing. I know not everyone here has maids, not even most. but it is REALLY common here. I do in fact see a maid comment nearly every time I log on. I think part of it is that the majority of us ARE financially stable (as opposed to poor). I see all the time comments about buying brand new expensive cars, expensive diapers, toys, clothes. And no one blinks. But this could also be attributed to the fact that there are thousands of people here, and mostly all of us have internet (still a luxury) and subscriptions to Mothering (luxury). My point being, we are a group of mainly financially stable people. Or else we wouldnt even be talking about 15$ diapers with 300TC and organic mattresses and stuff like that. I dont know, i'd be embarassed to tell anyone if I had a maid, I certainly wouldnt slip it into conversation like some of them do here. After all, we're Mothers. We work our asses off. We don't need to hear people bragging about how much help they have around the house. but that's a touchy subject for me, havign no help whatsoever around the house, I guess. I will try to stop ranting about maid-havers now.
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