Where should we go? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#121 of 273 Old 03-16-2005, 04:43 PM
 
3girlsmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 3,578
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Carrie- It sounds like we have similar brothers. His goal in life when we were kids was to beat me down anyway possible. He lives 20 from me now and I only see him when I have too. I found it much harder to deal with him when I had my dd. I have a real hard time having a "regular" conversation w/ him. If I do say things he doesn't want to hear he then runs to mommy and tells her what a bitch I am and complains to her that I'm a condesending know it all. He feels the need to try and be little me whenever possible when we are at extended family events. My mom still thinks this is all "normal" and will laugh and say "oh why can't you two get along?" It makes me want to beat the ever loving out of both of them. Not good for my health and well being.

Anyway Carrie I just wanted to let you know I understand where you are coming from and I'm jsut glad I didn't watch that show.
3girlsmommy is offline  
#122 of 273 Old 03-16-2005, 05:10 PM
 
3girlsmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 3,578
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mine came after me w/ a weight belt. The only reason he didn't connect was because I moved at just the right time and then his girlfriend came in and "caught" him. She was my saving grace. My brother always told my mom I was exagerating and of course she believed him. I on the other hand would get into trouble because sometimes I would be able to scratch him and then he would have visable marks. Whenever I showed her my bruises she would dismiss them. My dad worked like 60 hours a week so although he was my ally against them he wasn't around much.
3girlsmommy is offline  
#123 of 273 Old 03-16-2005, 05:18 PM
 
ComaWhite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
.
ComaWhite is offline  
#124 of 273 Old 03-16-2005, 06:18 PM
 
Forevermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Southern California
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would very much like to be part of the new forum. Thank you!
Forevermama is offline  
#125 of 273 Old 03-16-2005, 06:23 PM
 
AngelBee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: New Brighton, MN
Posts: 20,762
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by boingo82
I want to sub too.
DS is only 11 months but I know from my dealings with DH that I need to work on this. My first instinct in marital disputes is also yelling, hitting.
I struggle also because my parents *were* good parents, they were, but I have to reconcile that with the fact that my mom spanked us older kids with a spatula, and once pulled me up stairs by my hair. My mom yelled and screamed and threw things. I sometimes wonder if I imagined it, because she isn't like that any more and doesn't treat my little siblings the same way. :
It doesn't make sense on the one hand. I only a few weeks ago, thought for the first time, "OMG, my parents didn't do everything right" and it wasn't even about spanking, it was my mom being racist and my dad a bad tipper. I guess in a lot of ways I love my parents and want to think that they did everything right. Does anyone know what I mean?

This is going to be such a struggle for me, like I say my DS is young, I have already been tempted to scream at him and I hate that. : Luckily DH wasn't spanked and is on board for no spanking. I am afraid I'll slip up and DH and DS will both hate me for it.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

AngelBee is offline  
#126 of 273 Old 03-16-2005, 07:03 PM
 
3girlsmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 3,578
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
andrea- s
3girlsmommy is offline  
#127 of 273 Old 03-16-2005, 08:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
annettemarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the Restricted Section
Posts: 41,827
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
To all you wonderful mamas-

Hang in there!

Flowers, fairies, gardens, and rainbows-- Seasons of Joy: 10 weeks of crafts, handwork, painting, coloring, circle time, fairy tales, and more!
Check out the blog for family fun, homeschooling, books, simple living, and 6 fabulous children, including twin toddlers

annettemarie is offline  
#128 of 273 Old 03-16-2005, 10:21 PM
 
LaLa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: LaLa@Mothering.com
Posts: 5,719
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


and despite the beginnings look at how many amazing women are making the choice for a better path.
Sometimes it seems like AP NFL is composed primarily of women who survived tough child hoods and who are making it right for their children.

I am also looking forward to having that safe space. I would like to have the option of a different user name for that forum, which I know may not be possible, but either way I think it is a fantastic idea


hugs to everyone
LaLa is offline  
#129 of 273 Old 03-16-2005, 10:46 PM
 
Gemini's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: What a mess.
Posts: 7,419
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I like Overcoming Abuse. I'd like to participate as well.
Gemini is offline  
#130 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 11:42 AM
 
fullofgrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: New England
Posts: 15,783
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'll be there whatever name is used. I know I've repressed a lot of my childhood fear, and when it comes back in flashes, it's just overwhelming.

Wife of 1. Mom of 3. Conquering disability challenges, one achievement at a time.
 

fullofgrace is offline  
#131 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 12:31 PM
 
Ambrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Brainerd, MN, USA
Posts: 3,905
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
stafl
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoMJM
The problem (as I see it) with a title like Overcoming Abuse is that to me it doesn't feel specific enough. I could make a poll I guess......or we can just be happy with whatever Peggy thinks is best.... I am ok so long as the forum happens!



I like Cynthia's idea. I don't think the forum should be specific, but open to discussion of all sorts of the different kinds of abuse. "overcoming abuse" does that, it wouldn't leave anyone out with nowhere to go and talk about things that they might really need to discuss. "Abuse" has many different levels and meanings. It isn't just about hitting someone who can't defend themselves. It isn't just about being hit when you were that someone. And many many people have experienced many different sorts of abuse in their lives, and they are all inter-related to one another, and in my opinion are different manifestations of the same core problem. It is a chain, it is a cycle, it is abuse, even when someone tries to justify it or make excuses for it or calls it by other names.

Is that it will turn into a forum focused on abuse and not breaking the cycle.

The original post was asking for a place where us parents want to go to get support in trying to Gentle Discipline but are having diffuculties because of our past abuse experiences....

In no way do I think that there should be guidelines as to what abuse would be acceptable.... HECK NO. I'm not like that.

I DO think that the forum title should have something to do with "Breaking the Cycle" BECAUSE the forum is about breaking the forms of abuse in our lives and NOT passing it to the next generation.... our children.

People can overcome all types of abuse if they really work on it and try and focus, and these people might not have children... not everyone here at MDC have children... but the original intent of this forum was for Parents to gather support from other Parents to become better Gentle Discipliner's and not get looked down on by those that "never seem to fault".

That's just my .02 and if it comes off snarky, or insensitive, I apologize, it's 9:30AM and my DD didn't go to bed until 4 and woke up at 8.... : so my brain isn't fully clear. But I am sure some mama's will get what I'm trying to say and maybe can explain it better to those that may misinterpret it.

GREAT MOM to dd (5) and )ds( [sept 26 2006]
Ambrose is offline  
#132 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 01:01 PM
 
halfdozenscrambled's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sunny side up
Posts: 202
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


So many facets to this. So much pain and sadness.

After twelve years, it's still a daily struggle for me. It has become much easier (through years of practice and mistakes) to deal gently and lovingly with my younger children. (Maybe a little insight for boingo82?) But the older ones... They're still constantly putting me in "new territory". New challenges, new struggles, and the skills to deal with them the way I *wish* I could just don't come naturally.

Would a private forum be as simple as needing to apply for a password to enter? Or, like mods and mod fori, where each approved member would have software-level access to that specific forum?
halfdozenscrambled is offline  
#133 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 01:10 PM
 
halfdozenscrambled's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sunny side up
Posts: 202
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lasiuslightning
Is that it will turn into a forum focused on abuse and not breaking the cycle.

The original post was asking for a place where us parents want to go to get support in trying to Gentle Discipline but are having diffuculties because of our past abuse experiences....

In no way do I think that there should be guidelines as to what abuse would be acceptable.... HECK NO. I'm not like that.

<SNIP>

That's just my .02 and if it comes off snarky, or insensitive, I apologize, it's 9:30AM and my DD didn't go to bed until 4 and woke up at 8.... : so my brain isn't fully clear. But I am sure some mama's will get what I'm trying to say and maybe can explain it better to those that may misinterpret it.
I think I know what you're saying, and I don't think it came off badly.

If we have a forum devoted to this, though, I'm sure that means we would have the opportunity for many threads that would encompass different facets. There could be a thread for women who are currently experiencing abuse, a thread for people to talk about dealing with flashbacks, of course a thread for sharing *how* we are struggling/dealing with overcoming abuse and trying to use GD. And myriad others, I'm sure. Mods, please correct me if I'm totally off base here!

One topic I'm sure will crop up, which is far too common these days, is moms who were sexually abused or assaulted, dealing with breastfeeding/intimacy issues.

There's no way that we'd be able to keep it all in one thread to start with, KWIM?

Hope you get some better rest today/tonight.
halfdozenscrambled is offline  
#134 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 01:10 PM
 
hotmamacita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
CB I have more to say to you but I'd like to do so when the forum is private. Until then,

I like OVERCOMING ABUSE b/c it is broad. And part of overcoming abuse and its deceitful and devastating effects is breaking the cycle of abuse.

WIthin the forum, I hope to see threads or sub-forums addressing things such as childhood sexual abuse, verbal abuse, domestic violence in childhood, identifying abuse, breaking the cycle, and so many more....

LL-your post didn't seem snarky or disrescpectful at all. I do want to encourage you not to worry. OVercoming abuse is a long, long process and some people struggle with hitting and others do not. I do not want to focus primarily on GD related issue within EVERY thread in the new forum because to some it won;t apply but abuse is still impacting their lives.

BUt again, I think overcoming abuse is a very appropriate beginning for out journey. I am encouraged and impressed with MDC and its mamas for wanting to go on the journey.

LEt me encourage all who read this that looking at, processing, and overcoming childhood/present day abuse and their manisfestations IS a journey, a very personal one. ANd it will look differently for everyone. It will also stir up a lot in others souls as we read each others' stories. We must bear that in mind as we embark down this road together.

I am so greatly Hopeful for each and everyone who will participate in the new forum. I look forward to seeing you there. I know it will be difficult at times but it is a journey well worth taking and it is a priveledge to do it with others.

hotmamacita is offline  
#135 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 01:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
annettemarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the Restricted Section
Posts: 41,827
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
You all are great! One thing I have noticed (and I am sure this will be discussed on the board) is that there are definite stages to overcoming abuse. Some of us will be focusing mainly on the abuse, because we are still processing what happened to us. I think this often comes to the fore when we have our own children. We look at them and think, they are so sweet and innocent and perfect. How could any child deserve what was done to me? Was I any less worthy than this little one? Some of us are finished processing that, and are working out the "how" of being a mama, despite our background. I'm not quite sure where I am sometimes!!! I don't think it's necessarily a linear process, KWIM?

Anyway, I am so thankful we have found a place to come together mamas! I cannot wait til the new board is up, and please know that I am here if anyone needs me.

Annette

Flowers, fairies, gardens, and rainbows-- Seasons of Joy: 10 weeks of crafts, handwork, painting, coloring, circle time, fairy tales, and more!
Check out the blog for family fun, homeschooling, books, simple living, and 6 fabulous children, including twin toddlers

annettemarie is offline  
#136 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 04:08 PM
 
stafl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: standing in a doorway
Posts: 9,227
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
LL - what name would you suggest for the forum, then? I think Overcoming Abuse is self explanatory, and exactly what I would want from such a forum. I don't want it to be specific to one particular aspect of abuse.

I'll share with you some stuff...baggage, of my own. My father was abusive to me, physically violent at times, emotionally controlling, alcoholic. This is the cycle I am fighting to break free, it has been a chain around my neck all my life. My past eperiences color my perception of the world, I know that. I can't change what happened, but I can control my own actions and reactions to current and future events. My first husband was also alcoholic and abusive. I can't separate the struggles I've had with GD from the other struggles I've had as a result of that abuse I suffered as a small child, and throughout most of my adult life as well. It's all related. AND, I am also very much aware of how I have at times not recognized abuse for what it was, denied it, or just honestly didn't remember it (something like stress-induced amnesia I guess it is, I'm no head shrinker so I don't know).

anyway, my whole point is that I totally agree with everything HMC said!




stafl is offline  
#137 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 04:38 PM
 
fullofgrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: New England
Posts: 15,783
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OK, I know I said that whatever the name, I'll come, and I still will. But, in thinking about it, I'd like for the name to have a more positive sound and spin to it than Overcoming Abuse. I understand that the intent in using that name is to be broad in scope, but I think a name like Breaking the Cycle or Breaking the Chain sounds more... impowering for all of us who already know we are working on overcoming the abuse we went through. KWIM? A more impowering name reminds us that just by reading and posting there, and even on what we may feel is our worst day, we're not just passively trying overcome abuse, we're doing hard work by tackling our memories of it head on and STOPPING the abuse chain/cycle, right here and now. Does that make sense?



OT: But does anyone else ever listen to Shania Twain's Black Eyes, Blue Tears (a song about having been abused in the past and now being 'forever free to dream') when you're feeling that need for extra emotional strength -- a kind of "I can do this!" inspiration?

Wife of 1. Mom of 3. Conquering disability challenges, one achievement at a time.
 

fullofgrace is offline  
#138 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 04:42 PM
 
hotmamacita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Great point, FoG. And I agree, whatever the name I am there.

I kinda like Clinging to Hope but that's not really telling of what its about and all.

Whatever the mods decide, I am cool with. As long as it happens.

Peace and

P.S. stafl--
hotmamacita is offline  
#139 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 07:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
annettemarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the Restricted Section
Posts: 41,827
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I've always wanted to be spot on about something!

Flowers, fairies, gardens, and rainbows-- Seasons of Joy: 10 weeks of crafts, handwork, painting, coloring, circle time, fairy tales, and more!
Check out the blog for family fun, homeschooling, books, simple living, and 6 fabulous children, including twin toddlers

annettemarie is offline  
#140 of 273 Old 03-17-2005, 08:36 PM
 
Ambrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Brainerd, MN, USA
Posts: 3,905
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
If we have a forum devoted to this, though, I'm sure that means we would have the opportunity for many threads that would encompass different facets. There could be a thread for women who are currently experiencing abuse, a thread for people to talk about dealing with flashbacks, of course a thread for sharing *how* we are struggling/dealing with overcoming abuse and trying to use GD. And myriad others, I'm sure.
I totally agree. I do believe there will be tons of threads, tons of topics, and tons of support and help.

Quote:
LL-your post didn't seem snarky or disrescpectful at all. I do want to encourage you not to worry. OVercoming abuse is a long, long process and some people struggle with hitting and others do not. I do not want to focus primarily on GD related issue within EVERY thread in the new forum because to some it won;t apply but abuse is still impacting their lives.
Thank you, first off. I was so worried my lack of sleep and my lack of good articulation skills would come off harsh somehow....
I don't expect every thread to have GD somewhere in it and how to implement GD or anything like that... I guess I'm trying to say that the original intent of asking was in referance to GD and parenting. I understand expanding the forum TOTALLY and I agree in expanding it, but even those that aren't parents still have to break the habits they may have aquired through times of abuse... KWIM?

Quote:
LL - what name would you suggest for the forum, then? I think Overcoming Abuse is self explanatory, and exactly what I would want from such a forum. I don't want it to be specific to one particular aspect of abuse.
Probably Breaking the Chain, or Breaking the Habit... (but that sounds like nicoteen addiction to me... :LOL I do like Breaking the Cycle too. But like others have posted, no matter what the name as soon as I reach 500 posts I'll be there, I'm just giving my .02



Quote:
OK, I know I said that whatever the name, I'll come, and I still will. But, in thinking about it, I'd like for the name to have a more positive sound and spin to it than Overcoming Abuse. I understand that the intent in using that name is to be broad in scope, but I think a name like Breaking the Cycle or Breaking the Chain sounds more... impowering for all of us who already know we are working on overcoming the abuse we went through. KWIM? A more impowering name reminds us that just by reading and posting there, and even on what we may feel is our worst day, we're not just passively trying overcome abuse, we're doing hard work by tackling our memories of it head on and STOPPING the abuse chain/cycle, right here and now. Does that make sense?
She said it a heck of a lot better than I think I could have ever worded it.....


Alright there is my expanded .02 (so would that make it .04 :LOL ) but now I must go feed my Lethia-bug

GREAT MOM to dd (5) and )ds( [sept 26 2006]
Ambrose is offline  
#141 of 273 Old 03-18-2005, 05:38 AM
 
mamamillie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: by the beautiful bay
Posts: 1,360
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So, the whole forum will be private, right? As in, I know there are posting requirements, but it won't be out there for everybody to read, will it? You will have to meet the requirements or be a member or whatever to even get in, right? Just want to be sure....b/c if it will be open for anyone to read, then I am in agreement w the pp who said it would be good to be allowed a seperate username for that forum.
mamamillie is offline  
#142 of 273 Old 03-18-2005, 11:31 AM
 
fullofgrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: New England
Posts: 15,783
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
vBulletin software is set up so that admin can put a certain group of users (us) into a group that is the only group allowed to view posts in the forum and post in the forum, so we keep our same usernames, our forum 'permissions' just change a bit.

Then there are two ways a board admin can set the forum, both of which will keep out members who are NOT in our usergroup of abuse survivors:
1) Admin/CM can set the forum so all members can see the forum title, but if they are not in our usergroup of abuse survivors, they would be unable to enter the forum, unable to view posts in the forum, and unable to post in the forum. But they would know that the forum is there should they need it once they meet the requirements.
2) Admin/CM can set the forum so it is completely invisible to members who are not in our usergroup of abuse survivors (meaning it won't show up on the forum listing or in the drop down menus), but it will show up for us. So again, by the forum being invisible, members not in our abuse survivors usergroup would be unable to enter the forum, unable to view posts in the forum, and unable to post in the forum.

Clear as mud? Hopefully that made some sense!! LOL!

Wife of 1. Mom of 3. Conquering disability challenges, one achievement at a time.
 

fullofgrace is offline  
#143 of 273 Old 03-18-2005, 12:58 PM
 
Mummoth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 3,468
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
fullofgrace-- that was a very clear explanation.

I think I like Breaking the Cycle/Chain for alot of the reasons that have been mentioned already, but I don't care much. I'd join even if it was called "Screeching Banshee Mothers Unite"

I had no problems being an AP parent to one child, but since DD was born I feel like I'm turning into a monster. I burn out dealing with DS. For example, I go into my room to change DDs diaper, and leave the door open so I can keep an ear on DS. He comes in halfway through, and starts jumping on the bed or playing in the closet (two things he's not allowed to do) I try & get him to stop. Sometimes telling him to go pick out a story for me to read works, or some other distraction. If he doesn't co-operate I end up barking at him like a drill sargent or threatening to put him in his room for a time out (which I don't want to rely on because the only way to keep him in his room is to lock him in there... we put a hook & eye on his door to keep him OUT of there as he figured out how to get onto the top bunk despite the lack of a ladder) Then when I'm done changing DDs diaper I try to get him to come out of the room with us. I usually end up physically removing him. Sometimes I go put DD down & come back for him, sometimes I can get him to walk if I guide him by holding his upper arm, sometimes he collapses on the floor and I slide him out using my foot (hardwood floors) I'm glad he's got a shaved head now because there were a few times I *just barely* resisted the urge to grab a handful of hair to pull him out by. I'd like to stress I DID resist the urge.

He's a smart kid & he knows when I'm doing something I can't walk away from to deal with him. I don't bathe DD until after he's in bed for the night because that was sheer chaos (trying to get him involved didn't work) DD doesn't get an uninterrupted nursing session between 10am & when DH gets home most days (sometimes not until DS bedtime... it depends on DH's level of involvement for the evening) Parenting has always been easier for me in the spring/summer when we can get out of the house more easily... I'm hoping that holds true with 2 children!!

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

Mummoth is online now  
#144 of 273 Old 03-18-2005, 01:53 PM
 
hotmamacita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd prefer the forum to be completely private.

I also want to articulate that membership within the forum should require a committment to confidentiality. If you read another's story and are tempted to share it with another MDC mama, another person who has no clue who MDC, etc...anyone, you must agree NOT to. Confidentiality is EXTREMELY important in abuse recovery. I feel very strongly about that.

I have been apart of revocery groups either as a member or as a leader for 16 years and if confidentiality, and a few other things, are not upheld, the group falls apart and damage to the soul entrenched.

Again, it is extremely important to uphold confidentiality. I want to encourage all who are wanting to join, to begin to consider what this might mean to you.

I'd like to respectfully request that the forum, if this is possible, be private to mods who themselves are not members. Is that even an option?

I request this not in anyway to be exclusive but to insure that those who are members feel their stories are safe. I'd be happy to talk with all the mods about why I feel this is important.

This is an awesome venture that we are embarking on. And I want to say that there IS freedom.

When I began my journey down this path 16 years ago, I viewed myself as some twisted oak tree that was deformed and set apart from other trees. But as I walked down the path, sometimes so terribly lonely and full of despair, othertimes so richly joyful and with another friend, I realized that my goal is not to untwist but to celebrate and enjoy the beauty of my growth and to be free from shame. I have so much more to say but my little one is standing at my leg.

Be encouraged mamas. Whatever creed, background, conviction, faith, or passions you share will be honored here. But most of all, it is my desire to see that your stories, your sacred stories are confidential.

hotmamacita is offline  
#145 of 273 Old 03-18-2005, 01:57 PM
 
fullofgrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: New England
Posts: 15,783
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by hotmamacita
I'd like to respectfully request that the forum, if this is possible, be private to mods who themselves are not members. Is that even an option?
Not sure what you mean, can you clarify so I can know if this is technology feasible software-wise? (I work on another vB board) Are you meaning you want only mods who are abuse survivors to be able to access, view, and post to it? Or something else?


ETA:
Quote:
I also want to articulate that membership within the forum should require a committment to confidentiality. If you read another's story and are tempted to share it with another MDC mama, another person who has no clue who MDC, etc...anyone, you must agree NOT to. Confidentiality is EXTREMELY important in abuse recovery. I feel very strongly about that.
Forgot to say that I agree with this 100%!!!

Wife of 1. Mom of 3. Conquering disability challenges, one achievement at a time.
 

fullofgrace is offline  
#146 of 273 Old 03-18-2005, 04:08 PM
 
lotusdebi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Facebook
Posts: 6,653
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd like the option of different usernames.
Some of us know each other in real life. Perhaps the added confidentiality of different usernames will make it easier to open up and share our stories.
It may also cut down on issues coming up from confidentiality being broken by accident (referring to something that was talked about in our forum when posting on a GD thread, for example).

I hope that makes sense.

You can find me on Facebook. PM for info.
lotusdebi is offline  
#147 of 273 Old 03-18-2005, 09:18 PM
 
magnoliablue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: NJ
Posts: 2,479
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do not know whether or not I posted on this thread previously, but I would like to be a part of it. Thanks. Karen
magnoliablue is offline  
#148 of 273 Old 03-20-2005, 12:29 AM
 
hotmamacita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Will somebody e-mail or PM me when the forum is up and running or if I can help in anyway?

Thanks, mamas.

hotmamacita is offline  
#149 of 273 Old 03-20-2005, 01:13 PM
Administrator
 
cynthia mosher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 1999
Location: Arabia!
Posts: 28,879
Mentioned: 14 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 86 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoMJM
The problem (as I see it) with a title like Overcoming Abuse is that to me it doesn't feel specific enough. I could make a poll I guess......or we can just be happy with whatever Peggy thinks is best.... I am ok so long as the forum happens!

I think something general would be more all-embracing. Some members may not have any issues that are affecting their parenting but need a place to talk about the abuse they experienced.

I'll give it a general title for now and submit the suggestions that have been offere to Peggy for her to decide.

cynthia mosher is online now  
#150 of 273 Old 03-20-2005, 01:22 PM
 
MommytoMJM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Behind Cinderella's Castle in Orlan
Posts: 1,632
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lasiuslightning
Is that it will turn into a forum focused on abuse and not breaking the cycle.

The original post was asking for a place where us parents want to go to get support in trying to Gentle Discipline but are having diffuculties because of our past abuse experiences....

In no way do I think that there should be guidelines as to what abuse would be acceptable.... HECK NO. I'm not like that.

I DO think that the forum title should have something to do with "Breaking the Cycle" BECAUSE the forum is about breaking the forms of abuse in our lives and NOT passing it to the next generation.... our children.
This was my point as well....I just didn't word it well enough.
MommytoMJM is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off