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#121 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 10:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moon
I wouldn't call anyone abnormal. It's not about trying to make anyone feel bad.
I was quoting jeca, who in fairness didn't say that people who didn't like sex talk were abnormal, but she said "joking comments and discussions of a sexual nature are healthy and normal and those that dissaprove I must say in all honesty *may*lack those things(healthy, normal comfortable with their sexuality)." I myself roughly equate "lack of normal" with abnormal, but I may be misunderstanding her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moon
But if I am one of those people who wants to have a discussion, then I need other people to discuss it with...having the discussion by myself is a little weird and I hate when I have to keep changing chairs. :LOL All you have to do is click the x to avoid it. Same as I do with religious discussions. You don't have to even tell us you're doing it.
:LOL I'm pretty good at talking to myself, I do it all the time, I guess I forgot that maybe everyone else doesn't enjoy it as much as I do. But, really, I'm not saying the discussion shouldn't take place. I'm just saying if MDC says it is family friendly, it is not fair to those who try to avoid naughty talk by coming to family friendly sites to have the discussion where there is no warning. And I'm mostly playing the devil's advocate on this one -- I don't actually mind just avoiding what I don't want to read. But with the religous discussions, they happen in the religion forum. TAO wasn't an adult/risque/innuendo/profanity forum -- it was a place to Talk Amongst Ourselves. Avoidance was more difficult there, IME.

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#122 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 11:01 PM
 
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With all the talk about heavy moderation,ect. I have a few suggestions.

1)Make PRIVATE forums. These forums can only be viewed by those allowed into the forum. This would be great for sexual related talk,as well as for serious subject matter(for example,I believe an abuse survivors forum has been suggested). For people who don't want to see sexual related matter,they won't see it. And for matters that would be best kept private between members sharing similar experiences,it would be an easy way to protect those posters.

2) Since you would prefer certain words not be used,and even words that stand in the place of profanity not be used,why not add a filter to the software that would put where an undesired word would be. Now,I'm not in favor of heavy-handed moderation,but I think if you're going to deny the use of profanity in any way shape or form,there should be some way to filter it out,instead of closing threads because of it.


Feel free to offer your suggestions below. This is how change happens.
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#123 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 11:08 PM
 
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Good suggestions!

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#124 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 11:28 PM
 
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#125 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 11:28 PM
 
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I really like the idea of a place to go to talk about sex. I don't mean trashy AT ALL! Something like "Behind Closed Doors". Example: I have issues as far as not wanting to have any as I am nursing two babies and well...I need advice...which I posted on another thread and got PM's saying that people have been in my shoes. I know the need is there to be supported in that aspect of our lives. Thank you for listening!! And it could be a private board with a password.

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#126 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 11:33 PM
 
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I don't *think* it would need a password. I'm pretty sure most vBulletin boards have a way to do private forums. You would only need to be allowed into the forum.
I think in the case of private forums,mods/admin could make the rules as far as post count,ect and let whoever meets the criteria in. Once you're invited,you could go into the private section.
I'm sure this is some amount of work for the admin(as you'd need admin capabilities),but in the end I'm sure it would be SO worth it.
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#127 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 11:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaSarah
I really like the idea of a place to go to talk about sex. I don't mean trashy AT ALL! Something like "Behind Closed Doors". Example: I have issues as far as not wanting to have any as I am nursing two babies and well...I need advice...which I posted on another thread and got PM's saying that people have been in my shoes. I know the need is there to be supported in that aspect of our lives. Thank you for listening!! And it could be a private board with a password.
Me too! Sex has been uncomfortable sometimes since Angelo has been born. I didn't know where to post questions like that. I don't feel comfortable asking people I know IRL.

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#128 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 11:39 PM
 
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Yes, it doesn't need to be password protected, but I wasn't sure what the other options would be.

LLL PMed me saying...look at the picture in your siggy!! Go for it, or something along those lines. It gave me a great laugh. I know my man is wonderful, it is just that with no sexual drive, I feel like it is something that I HAVE to do. It is very hard on both of us. I feel so frustrated with myself. It is so hard.

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#129 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 11:40 PM
 
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Can't you post questions about sex in partnership in Parents as Partners? Especially if they are related to conception, pregnancy, or parenting (such as: I'm not so into it since I've had kids/been breastfeeding/pg, etc).
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#130 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 11:42 PM
 
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Hang in there,Mamas.
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#131 of 140 Old 03-15-2005, 11:47 PM
 
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I don't think so. And almost all of the threads that I have read in there are so negative about partners (which is perfectly fine) but I don't see it as a place to talk about my sexual relationship with my husband. It seemd to be a place to talk about other aspects of marriage.

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#132 of 140 Old 03-16-2005, 12:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brisen
So because I feel that sex is sacred and private, I'm abnormal, but I'm not allowed to even object to the sexual content for fear of implying that those who feel differently than I do might be abnormal? Are you seriously calling the "prude" mamas abnormal here? I don't disagree that some discussion is healthy, but just because some mamas don't want to get way into it and aren't so "comfortable" with their sexuality that they can disclose anything and everything in detail to strangers on the internet doesn't mean they are unhealthy or abnormal, either. I don't think Bonny was at all implying that y'all were abnormal, just different strokes for different folks. The only reason I would see for having the sex talk forum as separate and locked is for the family friendly issue and minors. I don't think anyone wants to make that forum locked and completely separate because we think more graphic sex talk is abnormal.
Where did I say that??Actaully I said that WE who feel completly comfortable talking about sex sholdn't be made to feel abnormal. Reversing teh words won't change the original statement. As it stands the moms who feel "uncomfortable"talking about sex are the only ones getting their way as though the rest of us are somehow "abnormal" for being totally okay with sex.


I don't feel that either is abnormal so I don't feel that either should be punished for their feelings that's why I think a locked adult forum is a great idea. I understand some (espcially religious )think or were taught that sex is sacred and for no one to hear but some may need help in their sex lives, some may want new ideas, sme may simply be lonely well you get the picture the topic does come up amonst women even (GASP)mothers.

BTW, does anyones child actually cruise the boards at MDC?
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#133 of 140 Old 03-16-2005, 01:46 AM
 
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Ok all these threads need to stop....

the issues have been laid out there over and over again...

time to give Cynthia and Peggy time to deal with it.. the faster we shut up maybe we can get some issues resolved and have TAO back...

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#134 of 140 Old 03-16-2005, 03:03 AM
 
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I hate to post after tricia's admonition not to post. But I wanted to say that I really really do not want a "private" board. It's not because of I don't "do" innuendo or swear words - trust me - if there's a private section, I'll be there.
But if it comes, I fear for this community. I've seen it happen several times, where there is a group of people with an additional communication route -the board falls apart. They don't bring their joys and disappointments to the main board. It hurts the spirit that makes a place addictive.

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#135 of 140 Old 03-16-2005, 03:32 AM
 
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I'd also love to do what I'm told, but as an anarchist, it doesn't happen often. So I shall also add another post also, spurred on by Apricot's post. I was a member of an Australian parenting site. They had a locked section called "Relationships". You needed 50 posts to enter. Once I entered, it was great. Anything was allowed, as parents knew that if you went in there, you had to do your own bloody child supervision and make sure they aren't reading over your shoulder. It wasn't hard obviously, to do that. Anyway, it was great because it was relaxed, there was no NEED for innuendo as sex talk was allowed and also why we were in that section. Some ridiculously high percentage of marriages break up because of sexual problems. We helped each other with this, which is an important part of a household and a marriage and children's development - KEEPING THE RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only that, but you get to know more of the innermost things of those who wished to share, which helped give perspective on the rest of the board when interacting with each other. They were healthy, helpful, constructive discussions, with the odd bit of fun thrown in. One woman didn't even know where her clitoris was. We helped her find it. Some of you may think this is disgusting or irrelevant, but that is a limited perception. Perhaps ya'll have wonderful, sexually fulfilling relationships, or at the very least, someone in real life to discuss things with. That isn't so with all others.

So, in my experience, it did NOT ruin the board, in fact, it wasn't the biggest part of the forum at all. It was an extension of the whole. The bonus for the magazine who owned the board was that there was no sex talk elsewhere. Bingo.

ETA - There may be a locked forum for parents wanting to break the abuse cycle. I would imagine that the nature of those discussions would be less than family friendly - and yet, still a brilliant addition to the community.

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#136 of 140 Old 03-16-2005, 05:05 AM
 
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My two cents... and forgive me if this has been covered here, but there are a lot of overlapping threads and I am mixing them up in my head. The bottom line in the past has been that Peggy O is not interested in posting that type of forum. I do not recall her reasoning for that nor even if it was stated. In her shoes I would worry about what search engines would turn up if more of that type of discussion were hosted here. (I don't know if search engines can penetrate 'protected' forums like those proposed. I already worry about who random word searches brings in here but assume most of the weirdos realise quickly it's a bad match.) Being "Family Friendly" has a specific definition somewhere...but I can't seem to find it. If I do I'll post it or link it. The thing is, it's not just about OUR kids sitting on OUR laps it's about all kids. About a 12 year old homeschooler working on a report, whose parents have set up the computer to only view FF sites, etc... And we have had a few young members in the past.

There was something else I was gonna say but nakking interupted my train of thought.
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#137 of 140 Old 03-16-2005, 05:31 AM
 
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True about Peggy not wanting it. We will be told officially soon, I assume.

BTW, as I said, if some of the abused mamas I know and love got to spill their beans in the abusee forum-to-be, it would be very far removed from family friendly. I want to know how the line is drawn. Talking about sex and/or violence is ok, but sex/innuendo/marriage saving - not ok?

There is something wrong with this picture.

Either that or the family friendly law makers have left a gaping hole in the equation.

Hunger is political.  Wherever there is widespread hunger, it is because people with guns are preventing other people from bringing in food.  
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#138 of 140 Old 03-16-2005, 05:56 AM
 
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You are most certainly correct on all counts Calm. No doubt about that.
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#139 of 140 Old 03-16-2005, 06:07 AM
 
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As promised, from the research junkie/answer broad:
http://www.familyfriendlysites.com/f....asp?stindex=2

Mothering is on their directory but I can't find their little linky thing anywhere here... so if any one does, link it on back here, please.


Here's the thing. I honestly believe that this place, warts and all is so valuable to so many of us that it scares me when stuff like all these happens. I do think, though... that if we all try we can find so much in common. So much more binds us than divides us.

Love you all.
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#140 of 140 Old 03-16-2005, 08:26 AM
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I'm finding it hard to go through these very long threads and respond to every single comment, thought, and suggestion, especially those that delve into other side issues. So I'll give a brief, general response that I hope will cover most of what has been brought up.

This suggestion has been presented several times in the past so it's not something new nor is it something that has not been given consideration. Peggy has said, time and again, that yes, sex is a part of our lives as women and not any less important than our mothering. Though we try to make room for some discussion of this nature, as sex surely does weave in and out of parenting issues, discussions of sex in the aspect that is being asked for here (as I am perceiving the intentions in this thread and the desire behind a private forum) is not something that we wish to host, publically or privately.

While "family friendly" concerns are a part of that it is not the core issue. Peggy makes the general decisions as to what is appropriate on the boards, regardless of the family friendly guidelines posed by internet organizations and committees, and explicit sex talk is not something she feels we should undertake the hosting of.

As she has stated previously, there are many other ways to have such discussions amongst yourselves privately with those you trust and feel comfortable with, and we encourage you to do so and will even support your efforts. A private forum of your own with your own moderation and administration will surely fulfill your needs much better and we have no problem with someone setting something like that up and inviting members to join for their own needs in this regard.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Though it may feel at times like we don't want your input or don't take your feelings and expressed needs and desires into consideration I assure you that is not the case at all. But Peggy does have to define and decide on many things regarding scope and purpose as well as the use of the limited resources we have available. Somethings present more concerns and complications for us than others and require more effort and resources than we are able to expend.

I'm closing this thread now. I have directed Peggy to the issues here and if she has anything to add to what I have said or has any change of feeling about offering such a forum I will post to update you all.

Peace!

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