Birth & Beyond: C/S sub-forum? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 172 Old 01-14-2006, 06:32 PM
 
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Might not be the most popular opinion here, but I couldn't agree with this post more.

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The vast majority of women I meet believe their cesarean was necessary.

If we allow that misinformation to slip by unquestioned, we are complicit in this country's 30% cesarean rate.

It's not my job to say "Hmm, a doctor forcing you to push to the count of ten while lying flat on your back and then claimed you weren't making progress and that you're body doesn't work is probably WRONG." But it's also not Mothering's job to create a forum for every exception to every rule, ya know? If questioning the validity of so many women "needing" cesareans is seen as rude, hurtful, and unsupportive, then where do you draw the line? I've seen and heard, here on this board, a lot of women who simply believe more in the medical model of birth than in the midwifery model of birth. The c/s support forum would not - in fact, could not - distinguish those women who truly needed a cesarean from those who chose one out of fear, ignorance, and a general distrust of their bodies.

If we made subforums for every exception to every rule, not only would Mothering's message of natural birth, AP, and NFL be horribly diluted, but it would then be no different than many other parenting boards out there.

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#62 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 12:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by momma2emerson
Considering the large numbers of women who have csecs, and a good number of those are necessary (especially on MDC), I think a Cesarean Support and Questions sub-forum would be a fantastic addition to MDC. I don't think it takes away from MDC's natural living message. There could be a sticky at the top stating the purpose of the forum, which should include healing from a traumatic birth experience/unwanted surgical birth, planning for an unwanted, but necessary surgical birth, and should not include debate over whether an individual's birth experience was medically necessary.
I agree with this. I don't think providing a place for women to find information and support from an NFL/AP stance is "diluting" Mothering's message. The simple fact is that there are not many (if any) mainstream places online where one can find support while grieving a birth experience without having your feelings negated by comments along the lines of "the important thing is that you and the baby are okay." I fail to see how recognizing the real pain and loss that many women go through when dealing with surgical birth translates into supporting a medical model of birth. If anything, it does the opposite.

I also had a compromise suggestion, as I doubt a c-section forum will happen.

What about a sticky in the b/b forum with links to information and statistics about c-sections, a pointer to the c-section support thread in b/b, and links to support groups?
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#63 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 12:35 AM
 
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I'm having a hard time following the thread, but then I've been pretty tired lately. Could some one summarize? Some people seem to want a "safe" place where c-sections won't be judged (trying to prevent a particular c-section or unnecessary sections generally), but that's a confusing thing to ask MDC to provide. Kinda like, I spank my kids sometimes so give me an AP spanking support forum? Or should we have a forum for care of circumcized penises? So I'm thinking I've gotten lost.
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#64 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 12:39 AM
 
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I wanted to say that I agree why many here feel the need for a ceseran birth forum, but I just think, after much thought and even pursuit of this idea in the past that its not a good idea.

Even after reading this thread, you can see that some would question posters on the necessity of their ceserean births. Some women who choose, yes -- I said choose, to have a csection because they feel its the best choice for their personal situation would be seen as ignorant or misinformed, etc. IT would just bring about hurt feelings, and defensiveness.

I often feel I need to clarify why I had a csection and why I need to have all my children by csection as to not be judged as stupid and ignorant. I was an educated, informed woman, seeking a natural childbirth - I was also a woman who used to down women for their birth choices, seeing women who had csections as stupid, ignorant, misinformed, or lead astray by SOBs who had csections and epidurals. I couldn't imagine that informed intelligent women would ever find themselves in a situation to be cut open. Cruel joke, twist of faith, or a lesson in life -- anyway you see it, I learned a valuable lesson as a woman when *I* was that very woman in the OR having a baby.

I so wish that the natural family living communities and attachment parenting communities would embrace the nearly one third of women who have cesarean births without judgement or finger pointing and without assuptions. Unfortunately, this has yet to evolve but my hope is that it will. It seems that a group or community that shouts of wanting tolerance and acceptance of their beliefs and practices, would indeed practice such things. How "we" judge others often reflects back on how "we" ourselves are judged.

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#65 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 12:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymommy
I'm having a hard time following the thread, but then I've been pretty tired lately. Could some one summarize? Some people seem to want a "safe" place where c-sections won't be judged (trying to prevent a particular c-section or unnecessary sections generally), but that's a confusing thing to ask MDC to provide. Kinda like, I spank my kids sometimes so give me an AP spanking support forum? Or should we have a forum for care of circumcized penises? So I'm thinking I've gotten lost.
Actually there are attachment parenting forums (not here) that support families who do spank their children. And I am of the belief even though my children our not circ, that information on how to care for a circumcized penis would be good -- since some couples choose cir for religious reasons.

I believe wanting a safe place is reasonable, its just not reasonable here. This forum, venue I personally feel is not evolved enough to handle it. Just the other day I mentioned a friend of mine who had a csection at 33 weeks for HELLP syndrome to an ultra-crunchy mom and she went into this whole spill about how it could all be avoided. She knew absolutely nothing about my friend, but just assumed she was a fast food eating, extremely mainstream ignorant girl. Which was not the case at all. I've been told more than a few times that I eventually would have had my babies vaginally had I trusted my body -- but I found out a after I had my last child that my cervix is also deformed and it just aint gonna happen.

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#66 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 01:06 AM
 
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Kim,
I totally respect your comments and after reading what has been said on just this thread, I am starting to agree with you. C/S moms won't get support here, it's a sad truth that we must face. I hope that you are able to create your website soon as I see that as a wonderful resource for women!
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#67 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 01:07 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheFence
Actually there are attachment parenting forums (not here) that support families who do spank their children. And I am of the belief even though my children our not circ, that information on how to care for a circumcized penis would be good -- since some couples choose cir for religious reasons.
Oh, I was just talking about here, what I expect here at MDC. The support group for AP parents who spank is welcome to meet in my living room. The circ care group will have to use another building.
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#68 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 01:27 AM
 
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I've never seen a circ care question go unanswered here. There are plenty of MDC mamas who have circed and have dealt with infections, etc. after the fact. In fact, this is the first place I would go for good information if one of my babies were circed by some freak chance, or if I adopted a baby who had been circed before I got my hands on him. I sure wouldn't go to a mainstream board, even though people might be nicer to me there.

And that's sort of my point about C-sections, too. If there were a place elsewhere where we could refer women planning/recovering from/deciding about a surgical birth for GOOD information, this would not be such a big deal to me.

If we aren't going to fill a need that's totally congruent with AP and NFL principles, and that is completely unfilled elsewhere, because a vocal minority of posters are ignorant jerks about that 5-10% of C-section births (more among MDC moms) that are actually a wise choice, then I think we're really catering to the dumbest common denominator among us. And I'm not OK with that.

I don't think the Surgical Birth forum needs to be a 100% "support" forum, I just think that we need a larger, more organized way to discuss the preparation for and aftermath of C-sections. I want a whole surgical birth plan thread, for example. And a thread about people's experiences with drugs and lactation. And a thread about/for doulas at a surgical birth. AND, on top of all that, a "support" thread for people who want to talk about the experience of surgical birth, be it good, bad or indifferent.

Really, this is a housekeeping issue. Nobody is suggesting that things be talked about here that aren't already talked about to some degree. But the discussions can be hard to find and follow, and that's a problem.
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#69 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 01:49 AM
 
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When it comes to nonjudgemental support, what lots of people don't seem to get is that whether or not a csec was "necessary" is often not just a simple yes or no. We all know a huge number of unnecessary csecs are performed, judging by statistics, but which side of the fence any one birth experience goes on may not be that cut and dried. Maybe at the beginning of a labor the potential for vag birth was there. Maybe later in labor things changed. Maybe consenting to a csec recommended by 2 MDs is not exactly the same as "choosing" to have one, though I feel that it was my informed choice when I was in that position. and what's the big deal about trusting/not trusting your body? I don't get that whole concept. doesn't it so oversimplify the question as to be insulting to everyone involved.

Okay can you tell I needed the csec forum? I never found the threads in b&b, I only found the vbac thread, and I wasn't pg at the time so it wasn't exactly what I was looking for. Maybe because I was still on oxycodone, I needed it to be very easy to find. I was very confused by the apparent hole in the forum system, maybe that reflects the state of my mind at the time, but I think a csec forum would be a good thing.
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#70 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 02:18 AM
 
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I don't understand why so many posters feel a Cesarean Support and Questions forum would be a place where debate over cesareans was tolerated. Many of the forums on MDC have rules about what is and is not allowed to be discussed within. As long as the appropriate topics are made known in a sticky, why couldn't it be a place for healing and support from other mommas who share your crunchy views and have been there, done that?
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#71 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 02:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymommy
Kinda like, I spank my kids sometimes so give me an AP spanking support forum? Or should we have a forum for care of circumcized penises? So I'm thinking I've gotten lost.
Yeah, I think you're missing the point. It's not kinda like those example at all. Not even close. Choosing to circ or spank is 100% the choice of the parent. C/S are often of no choice to the woman whatsoever.
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#72 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 03:30 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie
And that's sort of my point about C-sections, too. If there were a place elsewhere where we could refer women planning/recovering from/deciding about a surgical birth for GOOD information, this would not be such a big deal to me.

If we aren't going to fill a need that's totally congruent with AP and NFL principles, and that is completely unfilled elsewhere, because a vocal minority of posters are ignorant jerks about that 5-10% of C-section births (more among MDC moms) that are actually a wise choice, then I think we're really catering to the dumbest common denominator among us. And I'm not OK with that.


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Originally Posted by mamameg
Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymommy
Kinda like, I spank my kids sometimes so give me an AP spanking support forum? Or should we have a forum for care of circumcized penises? So I'm thinking I've gotten lost.
Choosing to circ or spank is 100% the choice of the parent. C/S are often of no choice to the woman whatsoever.
Also, sometimes a c/s can save a mother and baby's life. Sometimes, due to medical necessity, it's a choice a mother has to make, even though she would prefer to do things differently. And for most MDC moms, that's a well-informed, harrowing, difficult choice they make after researching all the options. It certainly is not comparable to choosing to spank a child.
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#73 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 06:42 AM
 
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I believe wanting a safe place is reasonable, its just not reasonable here. This forum, venue I personally feel is not evolved enough to handle it.
As sad as it is, I am beginning to see your point. The ignorance I'm seeing is astounding. I suppose some feel so threatened at the mere thought of a c-section board of any kind that they'd prefer women to seek answers elsewhere rather than muck up MDC with their 'unnecessary' surgical birth stories, questions, concerns, comments, etc. Very sad indeed.
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#74 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 09:42 AM
 
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I agree with everything Smithie said. I had a c/s after 18 hours of labor and I just don't bother to bring it up here because I don't feel the need to give my whole freaking medical history in order to "justify" it.

I'll never forget being one month postpartum and telling a woman who was a doula about my c/s and have her roll her eyes at me when I told her I had a c/s for shoulder dystocia and say "That's what they always say!", like I'm some kind of moron who got duped. This whole board gives off that vibe, ime.
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#75 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 11:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mamameg
As much as I would like to see a c/s forum, I do see OnTheFence's point. A "support only" thread is given the respect of being support only (and moderated accordingly), and debate is not allowed. In a forum, it would pretty much be a free for all (except for UA violations). ALL MDC members are welcome in ALL forums, regardless of their experiences. For example, hospital birthers can post in the UC forum and debate the practice as much as they want, as long as they adhere to the UA. The same would go for a c/s board. Anyone could participate in the discussions and it could potentially open up a slew of very negative attacks.
But if the rules of that forum were against negative attacks, those posts could be moderated. I think the very presence of a conscientious and kind moderator on the forum would keep the hostility to a minimum. (As a side note, are the moms here so vehement that we have to worry about this being a huge problem? I mean, really?? Seems like the majority of folks here are very kind--though there are certainly disagreements.)

And yes, I suppose there would be people who would go out of their way to post in a c/s forum (even if they had never had a c/s themselves) just to leave negative messages--but I still tend to think it would be minimal, and that the rules and mods could keep things on track, and that it would eventually pass once people got used to the forum being present. On the other hand, some of you have pointed out the innate hostility that seems to go with "I had a c/s"...which is just...sad.

I don't know--some of you have been her longer than I have--maybe I'm being too naive in thinking that mamas who needed support would get it from this community. BUT...I am part of this community, and all the pro-c/s forum moms who have posted here are, as well. The naysayers don't own the place, ya know!

Quote:
I am still having a hard time reconciling this, though. I know MDC is against c/s on the whole, but this leads me to think... is the real reason MDC doesn't want it a philosophical one, or would it just be too much work to moderatet it and they can't be bothered?
And I don't suppose it's occurred to them to ask any of us if we'd like to moderate the new forum?
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#76 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by candiland
The vast majority of women I meet believe their cesarean was necessary.
And I daresay they don't read or post here. The MDC crowd is not your typical birthing bunch.

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The c/s support forum would not - in fact, could not - distinguish those women who truly needed a cesarean from those who chose one out of fear, ignorance, and a general distrust of their bodies.

If we made subforums for every exception to every rule, not only would Mothering's message of natural birth, AP, and NFL be horribly diluted, but it would then be no different than many other parenting boards out there.
Since there seems to be some confusion about the purpose of the originally-proposed forum, let me reiterate the purposes I had in mind:
1) To provide emotional support to women who had c/s that they did not want
2) To provide emotional and practical support for women who have to have a c/s (without judging their reasons...they wouldn't post their questions here if they were mainstream mamas, so we have to assume they have done their homework...to do otherwise is just plain rude.)
3) To provide resources and information for people who wish to avoid a c/s and don't know how to go about it.

That's all. It would not be a means to distinguish or judge whose c/s was the most necessary. It would not be a means to promote c/s. As Smithie pointed out, these are already the purposes of c/s threads that show up in B&B, so it's just a matter of "housekeeping" to get them all contained under one umbrella for ease of access.

Please remember the single truth behind this request: Natural-thinking parents sometimes have c-sections, too. And they need the support, info, and feedback of other natural-thinking parents.

And the fact is, if we want this kind of support, MDC is all we have. There is no other forum that meets this need.
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#77 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 11:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by OnTheFence
That Cesarean Sections go against the core of Motherings philosophy of birth, and therefor debate, questioning and judgement would take place in that kind of forum. Based on my experience here I agree.
See, I think c/s doesn't go against a natural-parenting philosophy. An elective c/s or one that is caused by interventions and medical routines/habits are the ones that go against the MDC philosophy. Yes, there are a very small handful of people here who are so against c/s they would never have one in any case, but I don't think that's what this board and Mothering as a whole are about.

Besides, it is often true that a "coerced" c/s is a reason why a mom turns to natural parenting and a place like MDC. Shouldn't we make such regretful moms feel welcome and help them heal?
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#78 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 12:26 PM
 
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I'm an ignorant jerk? Now who is acting like they haven't evolved :

For anyone who thinks that a csec is in line with Mothering's philosophy, I'd go read Peggy's editorial in the Nov/Dec 2003 issue.


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#79 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 02:55 PM
 
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I don't have any magazines kicking around from 2003, but there is nothing you can say that will make me believe that Peggy O'Mara is an opponent of medically necessary Caesarean sections. Her WHOLE LIFE is devoted to the well-being of women, children and families.

And I'm sorry if you are offended at being called on your uninformed rhetoric, but if you do not believe that AP/NFL mamas sometimes need surgery to give birth safely then you are 1) not reading any studies whatsoever, including the ones done on midwife-assisted births or the ones done in countries where surgical birth is deeply unpopular among women and doctors and 2) not LISTENING TO and RESPECTING the words of your fellow MDCers who have BTDT are posting here saying that MDC failed them. Those are your own self-imposed limitations, and I'm not inclined to deny anybody a better resource for surgical birth information because you, personally, are not up to speed on the issue.
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#80 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 03:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fyrflymommy
For anyone who thinks that a csec is in line with Mothering's philosophy, I'd go read Peggy's editorial in the Nov/Dec 2003 issue.
I don't think the question is "in line vs. out of line"--the issue is much more complicated than that, since there are so many different reasons for and approaches to c/s. I don't think anyone at Mothering is "against c-section" wholesale; the belief here seems to be that c-section is not a normal, natural form of birth and therefore not a good "choice" unless medically necessary. Would you agree/disagree?

(And please note, I'm not asking which c/sec's you would consider medically necessary...for this discussion, that's beside the point. I just want to make sure that everyone has a chance to be clearly understood.)

I would also beg everyone to keep this civil. If it devolves into a 'brawl,' then we will never reach a practical resolution, one way or the other. Thanks.
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#81 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 03:40 PM
 
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I would love a c/s forum.
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#82 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 03:54 PM
 
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Now that I've read the thread...

It's a perfect example of why a c/s forum is needed.

My second c/s was supposed to be a homebirth, am I acceptable for MDC? It came after 72 hours of natural labor, am I acceptable? I plan on having a HBA2C next time, am I acceptable now?

If I FAIL (because it's all my fault, you know, I'm just too stupid to get a baby out) again, what are you going to do? String me up and flail me and revoke my membership?

I just feel sick. The amount of judgement I see sometimes on this board just disgusts me.
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#83 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 04:05 PM
 
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And lest we forget the mamas who ended up with not medically necessary c/s but "legally" necessary c/s. Mamas who live in bassackwards states with no midwifery protections and laws, mamas who are turned away by MWs for things like postdates, breech, twins, etc because the MWs are afraid to loose their livlihoods due to rediculous laws and/or lack thereof. Those mamas need support too.

Its ok to have a gold standard (BFing, natural birth, etc) but lets not blame the victims here when the cultural and institutional cards are so stacked against us.

Jenn, perpetually tired mom to DS(9): DD(4.5): DD(2) :
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#84 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 04:20 PM
 
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Good point, BensMom. I'm trying to marshall my resources to preserve the option of vaginal birth if I seem to have a favorable breech presentation, and it's looking grim. I would have to go to The Farm, pretty much, to get care with a non-punitive, non-CPS-calling hospital backup available.

So... a cross-country journey when I'm hugely pg? The cost associated? Childcare for ds while I'm making the trek? Tough questions for a natural birth mama. Questions I'd LIKE to be able to discuss here, in an environment where nobody can tell me some ridiculous thing like "surgery is never necessary for a breech birth, you don't need to have hospital backup" without being corrected by a mod.
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#85 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 05:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BensMom
And lest we forget the mamas who ended up with not medically necessary c/s but "legally" necessary c/s. Mamas who live in bassackwards states with no midwifery protections and laws, mamas who are turned away by MWs for things like postdates, breech, twins, etc because the MWs are afraid to loose their livlihoods due to rediculous laws and/or lack thereof. Those mamas need support too.

Its ok to have a gold standard (BFing, natural birth, etc) but lets not blame the victims here when the cultural and institutional cards are so stacked against us.
I don't really have a dog in this fight, I just want to understand. Jen, your post here really hits a lot of stuff on the head. 35 years ago (I am bad with history so please correct me), the cultural and institutional cards were not stacked against vaginal birth for mamas with postdates, breeches, twins. These moms did not often schedule elective cesarean sections. I wish to work to get back to that because we've got a lot more surgery but are moms and babies healthier? I don't think they are. Here we are with 27 countries where it is safer to be born than the US, right? So we have an opportunity to be the culture, we have to be the institution, to say, We know the Truth. I think we can be compassionate on MDC, and still say, the evidence shows that you may be quite safe trying a vaginal birth, do you understand your options?

I'm switching gears to the homebirth/hospital birth analogy. So many moms have said to me, I can't plan a homebirth because of X. And I say to them, can we talk about that? Do you know about this information and these resources? And I recall with such joy in my hearts the moms who did realize that they could homebirth. And the ones who didn't, that is their choices not mine and no harm done. I was one of those moms in my first baby's pregnancy in 2003 saying, homebirth is not for me. And I was challenged as to the wisdom of my choice, and I realized I was wrong, and so as it turns out I never planned a hospital birth.

So back to the culture pushing women to elective cesarean for breeches and twins, and the culture pushing women to induction for postdates with a consequential rise in those women's risk of needing or being told they need an emergency cesarean. Is it more loving for us to pm the mom with a list of providers who will do her vaginal breech/twins or let her go to 43 weeks (or more)? Is it more loving to support the culture that is more likely to lead to her having major abdominal surgery, or is it more loving to fight it with all respect to the difficulty of her situation? What will the woman involved in her dilemma really want, one, five, ten, twenty years from now?

Musing. There is truth if we find it. I want moms to choose their cesareans, or their cesarean avoidance strategy, informed by truth. MDC is one place that has more truth than most. My expectation is that the more birth plans are chosen informed by truth, the less cesarean moms will have regret and pain.

Bless every c-section that saves a mother or baby from harm.

M
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#86 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 06:29 PM
 
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ITA with you, M, and that's why I'm so adamant about wanting a c/s subform. Right now we are not "being the culture" of information. We are being the culture of denial, dismissal, personal attacks, etc.

If anybody has ever objected to a getting a list of providers who offer vaginal delivery for breech babies, I'd be surprised. Anybody who'd like to PM such a list for the Seattle area will incur my lifelong gratitude, and I'll keep passing the info along.

I've seen people object to being harped on when they've already made their call about c/s, and seeing as how SO MANY c/s decisions are debatable either way according to the NFL perspective (we are unique in considering the welfare of of baby AND mom, after all, and in considering the large and complex body of actual research rather than the Word of God According To Dr. Somebody), I think it's reasonable to say "yes, I am educated about X Y and Z, thanks for asking, but this thread is about how I can reduce the risk to my breastfeeding relationship in the days following my surgery. Do you have any experience with that?"
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#87 of 172 Old 01-15-2006, 10:30 PM
 
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I want moms to choose their cesareans, or their cesarean avoidance strategy, informed by truth. MDC is one place that has more truth than most. My expectation is that the more birth plans are chosen informed by truth, the less cesarean moms will have regret and pain.
I think that a c/s subforum (in an ideal world) would provide a great place for this sort of information. A place to find lists of providers who will take so-called "high risk" mamas who are facing a c/s otherwise. Contact information for doulas who will attend planned c/s moms or who have experience with VBAC moms. A place to find out which hospitals allow c/s moms to nurse during recovery. A place to ask mamas who've been through the experience how long does it take before you can breastfeed without incision pain? What pain medications are safe while breastfeeding and what side effects might they have on a nursling (new infant as well as older toddler)? How long until you can safely carry your toddler? Does arnica gel and calendula help with scarring? What to do when your incision makes it too painful to co-sleep with an active toddler who is still night-nursing? How best to get into and out of a bed that is just a mattress on the floor? What supplements speed healing, what types of scar massage work the best, what yoga moves help stretch those damaged muscles? A place to find out if other mamas have nightmares about the surgery, or cry for the delivery they "lost", or need to know if it's normal to have a panic attack at the thought of another pregnancy.

Basically how to heal emotionally and physically and intellectually from a natural living perspective. Information that isn't readily available online (or at least not readily available in one place).

I don't think anyone is advocating a forum where mamas are encouraged to have a c/s, or where women who had a c/s are told "there, there, that's okay". But a forum where mamas who DID have a c/s don't have to feel defensive, or stupid, or uninformed, or duped, or looked down on. Where they don't have to explain (unless they want to) why they had their c/s....where they can instead find out what to do next, what to expect next, what their future options are.
Sadly...I don't think mdc is an "ideal world" type place in this respect. But it could be. I am always amazed at how many mamas from different life styles and life choices get along here at mdc (even if it's just because some mamas just don't go into forums and threads that they know they'll disagree with). How women who have made VERY different choices about their lives, who come from VERY different backgrounds and beliefs, can get along through a shared interest in natural family living and the love of our children. And there are forums here at mdc which have certain special guidelines and restrictions (beyond the standard "good manners" rules) which help maintain a positive environment (I'm thinking of forums like "Surviving Abuse"). So I know it's possible...

So I wonder...there's been a lot of negativity just here in this thread. But perhaps, if we act with compassion and respect for each other and love for our children and families (regardless of how those children arrived!) we can create a place where no one has to feel defensive? It would be wonderful if mdc could provide a place for the sort of c/s forum I think many women here need, but if it's going to be a place of contention and further heartache for mamas in need, then perhaps we should simply let the idea be for now?

Be pretty! Be practical! Be Pagan! Visit Pagan Hearth & Home!
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#88 of 172 Old 01-16-2006, 12:34 AM
 
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Are the mods even reading this? Is anyone listening? Has the decision been made based on the comment on page 1 of this thread? If so, I would like to know, so we can stop wasting time talking (and getting our hopes up). But after 87 posts and 5 pages, I would like to think that someone with authority would have a comment either way.

Jenn, perpetually tired mom to DS(9): DD(4.5): DD(2) :
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#89 of 172 Old 01-16-2006, 12:51 AM
 
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Just adding my vote in favor of a sub-forum for c/s issues. I had an emergency c/s and would love to have one place with all the info gathered together as I heal from this unexpected and traumatic birth experience. I also have trouble finding the NICU/preemie thread that is out there somewhere. I find the B&B forum very confusing, just because of the volume of posts.
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#90 of 172 Old 01-16-2006, 01:51 AM
 
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Although I'm not a frequent poster until very lately, I've been reading and lurking for quite a while. I want to vote most certainly FOR the c/s subforum! Thankfully, I was able to deliver my dd as naturally as possible in a hospital. However, had we gone an hour longer, my midwife would have started talking about c/s! It definitively would not have been my desire and I would have been crushed. I was told over and over again that it didn't matter how the baby came out, what mattered was the health of the child. Yes, the child matters most, but the birth mattered a LOT to me personally AND because of the promise of better health for my little one!

Tomorrow a friend of mine goes in for a c/s because the sonograms "show" that her baby is getting alarmingly large for gestational age. She has agreed to it, but I really believe if there was a place like a c/s subforum that I could recommend to her, she would think EVEN MORE carefully against what she is planning to do. Also, within the last two weeks, another woman I know from church has a planned c/s for the very same reason! Her baby was NOT too big to birth naturally!! The babe was large, but not impossible to get out - if the docs weren't so unreasonably worried and feeding that by the spoonful to the momma!

I guess I just really think such a place is super important because of the reasons wombatclay, smithie, and anonymommy have conveyed so much more eloquently than I. IF i had not been lucky and things progressed as they did THANKFULLY... I would ache for a place to commiserate with other mommas who so strongly desired a natural birth! There are no midwives in my area now... so I'm planning to UC - even though my husband will FREAK out when he realizes that is the plan. If things go wrong and I have to have an emergency c/s after trying for however long to birth my baby at home on my own... I would need somewhere to go to get my heart back! To once again reinstate the courage to determine once more to try for homebirth next time. This is THE only place that is SO for it as to be nazi-like in a VERY good way - because it helps those of us who have little to no support to grow courage. I would need it. I'm sure there are others who DO need it!!!

IntactaLactavist, HomeBirthin' Baby Wearin' Co-sleepin' Homeschoolin', City girl gone Country Livin' SAH(HSing)M

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