Can it be a new rule in the TP... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 09-30-2006, 06:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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that people can not use guilt to try to sell their stuff? I see threads like that all the time..."Help, I have to pay the bills! PLEASE buy my stuff!" It bothers me. It could just be personal. Maybe it doesn't bother anyone else.

I wish things could just be for sale or not. Not people trying to give reasons why their stuff should sell more than others or trying to make people feel sorry for them and guilted into buying something.

Maybe it's just me though...
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#2 of 28 Old 10-08-2006, 06:47 PM
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We'll discuss this and see if it is an issue of concern that perhaps a "guideline" can address.

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#3 of 28 Old 10-09-2006, 03:00 AM
 
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I completely agree with the OP--it does bug me--but I'm not sure how I feel about yet another TP rule. I'll have to think about this.
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#4 of 28 Old 10-09-2006, 03:04 AM
 
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I also agree with the OP. I do not like seeing reasons I should buy peoples stuff. I want to buy it becasue I like it, not becasue of a guilt trip. I have seen this technique used several times by the same person.

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#5 of 28 Old 10-09-2006, 03:59 AM
 
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I agree on a personal level....but am unsure if it should be a rule....

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#6 of 28 Old 10-09-2006, 12:20 PM
 
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While it might be annoying to some potential buyers, I think people should be able to sell their stuff however they please. If people don't like it, they don't have to buy from that person. There's no reason to feel guilty. It's not your fault that someone is in dire straights, and it's not your responsibility to get them out of it. Just move on to the next post if it bothers you.
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#7 of 28 Old 10-10-2006, 04:57 PM
 
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yikes, i just did this... its more of a reason the diapers are for sale than a plea for financial help, but someone might see it as one. who would decide what is an acceptable explanation for a reason for the sale.

also, i personally do not mind when people explain if they are selling for financial need. if they are selling the same thing as someone else, i will tend to buy the MINs item, knowing it will help her. JMO, though.

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#8 of 28 Old 10-10-2006, 04:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by fek&fuzz View Post
While it might be annoying to some potential buyers, I think people should be able to sell their stuff however they please. If people don't like it, they don't have to buy from that person. There's no reason to feel guilty. It's not your fault that someone is in dire straights, and it's not your responsibility to get them out of it. Just move on to the next post if it bothers you.

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#9 of 28 Old 10-10-2006, 05:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by fek&fuzz View Post
While it might be annoying to some potential buyers, I think people should be able to sell their stuff however they please. If people don't like it, they don't have to buy from that person. There's no reason to feel guilty. It's not your fault that someone is in dire straights, and it's not your responsibility to get them out of it. Just move on to the next post if it bothers you.



i aslo buy things from moms needing cash or paypal for bills or new diapers or whatever. enough people obviously feel the same or it wouldn't work to sell stuff. i don't see what's wrong with mamas helping mamas. it's allover mdc, why not in the tp?

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#10 of 28 Old 10-10-2006, 06:05 PM
 
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yikes, i just did this... its more of a reason the diapers are for sale than a plea for financial help
That totally makes sense to me. Sometimes I wonder, if this item is so great, why is it for sale anyway? In such a case, knowing the seller has a reason (whether it is that the babe outgrew it, they got more than they needed as gifts, or they need the cash) helps me to make a decision.

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#11 of 28 Old 10-10-2006, 11:36 PM
 
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I edited a thread in the TP yesterday because of this thread here. I didn't want to be seen as just someone making excuses to sell something. It never bothered me to see others do it, so I didn't think it bothered others this way.

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#12 of 28 Old 10-12-2006, 11:22 PM
 
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i aslo buy things from moms needing cash or paypal for bills or new diapers or whatever. enough people obviously feel the same or it wouldn't work to sell stuff. i don't see what's wrong with mamas helping mamas. it's allover mdc, why not in the tp?
Yep.
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#13 of 28 Old 10-13-2006, 02:37 PM
 
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I agree with the OP. Although I do not mind a quick reason why they are selling (so potential buyers know there is nothing wrong w/ the item) it is so much better as a short note like "Nothing wrong with the dipes--just trying to raise some cash" or "Clothes are great, just need to get some bigger ones." It's the titles and prefaces of "PLEASE PLEASE I need cash to pay the (insert bill here) or money for groceries because (insert story here) PLEASE!!" that bothers me. My Freecycle has a rule against including begging and stories in your posts as well.

Basically I just think it is unfair to the other selling mamas. IMO it generates more potential buyers when you have a sob story because people want to help, but at the expense of the next mama who may need the money even more but doesn't want to put her story out there. And she shouldn't have to. So then mamas who really need the money may feel pressured to add their stories too or it ends up being a war of whose story is sadder. KWIM? I hate sounding like hard : and I really feel for the mamas who need help but I just think it should be fair for everyone.

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#14 of 28 Old 10-13-2006, 11:06 PM
 
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I agree with StrawberryFields. I don't think the story is always a testimony to the biggest need either, but sometimes just the willingness to post in that manner. And while I think they are mostly genuine, there are occasions when I have my doubts.
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#15 of 28 Old 10-13-2006, 11:09 PM
 
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Ditto StrawberryFields x 2.

I don't know if it needs to be a rule or not, but it makes me feel guilty, like the mama's not going to be able to pay her bills because I won't buy her stuff that I don't need. :
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#16 of 28 Old 10-13-2006, 11:13 PM
 
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the only reason I have looked at some of the for sale threads is because of the creative titles

ETA: there is no such thing as "fair for everyone"

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#17 of 28 Old 10-13-2006, 11:21 PM
 
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I would not like to see this happen. There is usually an "excuse" ( I don't like useing that word because of the negative connotation that is associated iwth it) on why the stuff is for sale. Out grown, have two, did not work etc.... I think that it is sad that to make it so that a certain "excuse" cannot be used. What about other things that would make you feel guilty? What if a mama is getting rid of her stash because her babe passed away? Would you not want to know about that because your of not wanting to feel guilt? I don't think that it is right. And furthermore, should this happen and mama's not be able to state that something is being sold because the family is in major need, everyone is going to know anyhow because there will be no reason given. It will just become proverbial elephant in the room that no one wants to/can acknowledge.

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#18 of 28 Old 10-14-2006, 12:39 PM
 
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That's the nice thing about a free market: If you don't like the posts with reasons, then you are free to not buy from them, and you can go buy from the mom's who don't list reasons.

If you are drawn to the sadder stories, you can buy from them.

No one is being forced to buy from anyone, and if you feel guilty, that's your problem, not the problem of the seller. If it turns you off, don't buy from them, then there is no unfairness to the other posters.

Do you really think another rule about posting needs to be put into place?
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#19 of 28 Old 10-14-2006, 02:29 PM
 
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Are there really so many rules?
I think a few of us agreed with SF b/c she stated that expressing need is acceptable, but it's the long desperate stories that one doesn't want to wade through. As is people who don't like it probably are doing what you say- just skipping over posts that they don't like and buying from those that don't bother them. But I don't see what's wrong wanting some simple guidelines along the lines of leaving out lengthy emotional appeals.

Likewise (and I don't think this can be a 'rule' but it illustrates the unfairness and distate I sometimes feel over compassion) I dislike it when I'm selling something and someone will say "I don't have any money. I'm broke! But I really want this! Will you take $20 less?" Regardless of what I might want/need the funds for, I wouldn't bother selling it if I had wads of cash laying around. They could offer less, say that's the best they can do right now, and just leave it at that. Occasionally I feel like the need is being used to manipute others possibly also in need. I want to help out other mamas too but sometimes it just doesn't feel right.
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#20 of 28 Old 10-14-2006, 02:35 PM
 
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I find it okay when someone mentions they are doing it for a specific reason. But I too, am turned off by the long sob stories. Granted, they may be true, but everyone is trying to sell stuff. I don't think the long stories are all that professional. Or often nessecary. IMO,they can be kind of degrading. You shouldn't have to degrade yourself to make a sale.
I also don't like it when I put a very low price and people get miffed because I won't go as low as the highest they are willing to pay. If i had the money, I wouldn't need to sell it!

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#21 of 28 Old 10-15-2006, 10:27 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BetsyNY View Post
Ditto StrawberryFields x 2.

I don't know if it needs to be a rule or not, but it makes me feel guilty, like the mama's not going to be able to pay her bills because I won't buy her stuff that I don't need. :
I agree.

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#22 of 28 Old 10-15-2006, 12:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jennisee View Post
I completely agree with the OP--it does bug me--but I'm not sure how I feel about yet another TP rule. I'll have to think about this.

I'm feeling a little over-ruled, too.
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#23 of 28 Old 10-15-2006, 02:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by StrawberryFields View Post
My Freecycle has a rule against including begging and stories in your posts as well.
And here there is a rule about no charity/raising funds to help mamas threads. That's what it becomes with the reasons given and you feel guilted into buying.

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IMO it generates more potential buyers when you have a sob story because people want to help, but at the expense of the next mama who may need the money even more but doesn't want to put her story out there.
Yeah that, or who isn't lucky enough to even have anything to sell though she desperately needs money for bills, not to mention groceries.

Quote:
And she shouldn't have to. So then mamas who really need the money may feel pressured to add their stories too or it ends up being a war of whose story is sadder. KWIM? I hate sounding like hard : and I really feel for the mamas who need help but I just think it should be fair for everyone.
I agree.
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#24 of 28 Old 10-15-2006, 03:10 PM
 
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here is my take on the situation:

i dont like reading about another mama in need. most of the mamas on the TP are selling stuff b/c they need the $$. they are either selling b/c they need to size up or buy other things, or pay bills. I don't think anyone on the TP is sitting around with loads of cash and just trying to make another $5 on an outgrown outfit, etc. I know that when I worked, everything my kids outgrew (that I didnt keep) either got sent to goodwill or were given away. so,I assume when lookign at the TP that mamas are in need.

the mamas that state "i need to sell this b/c....(insert sob story)" should be able to state that. no one is compelled to purchase her items. but why have a rule? so that those of us who are not in that situation can sit around and pretend that some mamas on here are not suffering the way they are?

I *believe* it is difficult for most mamas to post that they need to sell their kids clothes or diapers b/c of (insert sob story). I feel badly for them. I feel embarassed for them. I have things for sell on the TP and I have simply listed them, not my sob story (i have one right now if anyone wants to check it out..im sure you will be able to find it here). It can't be easy to state you need to sell something for some reason. My first batch of diapers for the baby were purchased from a mama here who had a brand new stash she was building but she was in college. she needed to sell for tuition. I jumped at the chance. But I don't know what I would have thought of a mama who was selling a $300 stash for no reason given.

If you don't like the sob stories, move on. No one is forcing you to buy. but have a heart. maybe there are some who are takign advantage of teh sob story sells strategy, but i think thats very little. i know that i purchased one thing from a mama with a sob story several weeks ago, but i noticed none of her other stuff sold, so i dont think that strategy really works. No, its not YOUR fault that a mama is in need, but why do we have to have a rule?

I for one think there are too many rules here sometimes (not in the TP necesarily; but the board in general).

I vote for allowing ppl to post the "whys" of their posts on the TP. I don't do it but there are some here who do and that should be their "right" (not in G-d given right, but it shoudl be an option).

I don't know if what i am saying is very clear right now b/c im trying to get out the door with teh baby, but i woudl like to see a poll taken here if there is going to be a change in the rule. It woudl make me sad to believe that the majority of mamas here are so offended by another mama's sob story that they would vote to ban them from posting such.

one final thought...what if you REALLY needed to raise $100 or they were going to cut your electricity off? what if you didnt have family to help you out in times of need? what if your exdh never paid c/s and you did your best but yuor car just broke down and thats where the tightly budgeted $100 went? what if your state did not offer benefits for someone like you b/c you worked? what if JUST THIS ONCE you really needed $100 by the 20th (or whatver) and were willing to sell whatever you had? How horrible would you feel posting that information? (remember i stated there is no other place to go for the $$). And after all that, some mothers were talking about how they are offended b/c you posted all that personal information? : : : :

thats just my take on it.
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#25 of 28 Old 10-15-2006, 03:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree that there should be a poll. But it bothers me *because* I can't pay my own bills or buy enough groceries. I realize that is a personal issue and I'm probably just bitter. I'll own that. Even if I did have something to sell though, which I wish I did, to raise money I would *not* post any whys. It just feels tacky and manipulative. But maybe it's because for *me* that's how I would feel if *I* did that.
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#26 of 28 Old 10-15-2006, 03:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BetsyNY View Post
Ditto StrawberryFields x 2.

I don't know if it needs to be a rule or not, but it makes me feel guilty, like the mama's not going to be able to pay her bills because I won't buy her stuff that I don't need. :
You know, that's a good point. Since MDC is about anti-materialism, simplicity, and NOT buying things you don't need, does MDC really want to host threads that try to guilt people into buying things they wouldn't ordinarily buy? Still thinking...
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#27 of 28 Old 10-15-2006, 04:26 PM
 
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I just see it as listing the reason things are being sold in the first place. I can buy or not buy things, but I do like to know why they are being sold.

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#28 of 28 Old 10-15-2006, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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But it's not just stating a reason when it says "**PLEASE! Help me pay my electric bill!!!!! **"
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