Tolerance and Understanding for Special Needs Parenting Please - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-05-2007, 12:00 AM
 
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Originally Posted by bdavis337 View Post
really? i sooo need to pick uo that skill!
When you have a giant butterball turkey sized human/ colon-compressor doing tai chi in your abdomen 24/7, you pick up lots of interesting new skills.

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I added it Finch! LMAO!
OMG!!! :
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Old 12-05-2007, 12:11 AM
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If we could just always keep this as the "new post" for the subforum, our problems would be solved.

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Old 12-05-2007, 12:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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you forgot the antlers
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Old 12-05-2007, 12:12 AM
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you forgot the antlers
Oh yeah. I have to say that image is making me superhappy DS was adopted.
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Old 12-05-2007, 12:15 AM
 
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antlers added - geez you're a demanding bunch!
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Old 12-05-2007, 12:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by bdavis337 View Post
Probably not. Then again, the idea of laying on top of, and deliberately squashing my tantrumming toddler isn't very GD either, and it's not made me very many friends, IRL or 'round the parenting subforums here in these parts......

Please please please don't anyone ever look in the front window to see me holding my 35 lb toddler to the floor by his upper arms while resting a bit of my weight on his thighs. He'll most likely be screaming and wailing, and it's possible I'll be unhappy myself. It won't be a pretty sight, that's for sure...........
I tottaly know what you mean, me and dh holding down a screaming thrashing toddler and forcing his mouth open just to brush his teeth isnt very gentle, but it has to be done. and of course then theres cutting toenails :
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Old 12-05-2007, 12:33 AM
 
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OMG, peeky, that was freaking perfect!
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Old 12-05-2007, 12:35 AM
 
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I tottaly know what you mean, me and dh holding down a screaming thrashing toddler and forcing his mouth open just to brush his teeth isnt very gentle, but it has to be done. and of course then theres cutting toenails :


I don't even bother with the toenails :
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Old 12-05-2007, 12:38 AM
 
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If we could just always keep this as the "new post" for the subforum, our problems would be solved.

we could just keep bumping it with updates on finch's farting status
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Old 12-05-2007, 12:39 AM
 
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I don't even bother with the toenails :
i have to eventualy, they get ingrown and he wont let you touch them in his sleep either
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Old 12-05-2007, 12:50 AM
 
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This thread has brightened an especially challenging day for me .....


You guys are rockin awesome!!!

Here's me I married then we had dd15 , dd11 , ds10 , and then and now we and I blog!
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Old 12-05-2007, 12:51 AM
 
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we could just keep bumping it with updates on finch's farting status
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Old 12-05-2007, 01:02 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Finch View Post
When you have a giant butterball turkey sized human/ colon-compressor doing tai chi in your abdomen 24/7, you pick up lots of interesting new skills.

OMG!!! :

 upsidedown.gif  Please see my Community Profile! energy.gif blogging.jpg about Asperger's Syndrome!

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Old 12-05-2007, 01:08 AM
 
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we could just keep bumping it with updates on finch's farting status
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Old 12-05-2007, 01:38 AM
 
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we could just keep bumping it with updates on finch's farting status
If I try really hard, I'm sure I can make some topol stains on my drawers eventually.

: Okay, that was gross. Sorry.
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Old 12-05-2007, 01:43 AM
 
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This thread has brightened an especially challenging day for me .....


You guys are rockin awesome!!!
Yes, that. Today has just been....sigh, it's not even worth reliving it to explain it. This thread cheered me up though.

I do know though, that with every thread I'm starting here from now on, this will be at the top of my post:

This is the special needs forum, please remember that when posting advice

Mom to Dakota (6), Coy, (4), Max, (4), Lily (4), and Auri (June 19th 2010)!
Visit Lily's site at www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilymathis1
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Old 12-05-2007, 01:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Finch View Post
If I try really hard, I'm sure I can make some topol stains on my drawers eventually.

: Okay, that was gross. Sorry.
oooooooh yeah, i think that one crossed the line
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Old 12-05-2007, 01:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Kathryn View Post
I do know though, that with every thread I'm starting here from now on, this will be at the top of my post:

This is the special needs forum, please remember that when posting advice
great idea!
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Old 12-05-2007, 02:11 AM
 
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I think a sticky at the top would really help. It hurts when you are frustrated and post and poeple who respond jump to conclusions because they dont know the full story/dont realize what board they are in. This is a place of fun, support and advice. While it is open to all, everyone elses "styles" do NOT work here... no matter how much the offending poster thinks they should.

We are all awesome AP moms, we just "crunch" differently. (but we still taste just as good!!)
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Old 12-05-2007, 02:23 AM
 
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We are all awesome AP moms, we just "crunch" differently. (but we still taste just as good!!)
unless we eat too much garlic. then we taste garlicky.
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Old 12-05-2007, 02:25 AM
 
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We are all awesome AP moms, we just "crunch" differently. (but we still taste just as good!!)
i dont crunch, i snap crackle and pop :
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Old 12-05-2007, 02:26 AM
 
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I don't think there should be any big change (especially a pop-up prompt, or closing the forum to "outsiders.") Why?

1. People with SN kids are already perceived as outsiders to "normal" society. I don't want to reinforce that perception.

2. I actually like it when holier-than-thou APers come into the forum (by mistake or not) and tell someone here how to parent. Because then the moms here do an AWESOME job of rallying the forces and defending the choices of the original poster/SN parent. I think these semi-rare, usually semi-insulting posts from the non-regular posters help foster the great sense of community we have here. We defend each other, and that's pretty cool. It's definitely a part of why this forum feels so safe and supportive.

3. People who don't regularly post here either come here purposely and lurk, or they come here accidentally and learn. If there's a sign, or a pop-up, or a start to each thread that automatically says something like "are you REALLY sure you want to be here???, " then to me that seems like it's encouraging pushing people away. Sure, some people that stumble in here are obnoxious and rude--but most aren't. I bet most either lurk or post respectfully. I'd hate to put up a big sign that makes people feel pushed away or discouraged from exploring.

I think we're doing okay as we are. Better than okay, actually, because this forum is fantastic.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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Old 12-05-2007, 02:29 AM
 
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unless we eat too much garlic. then we taste garlicky.
tottalt OT whim, but ds loves looking at pics of linden! he goes "oooooooooooh" and "ahhh" when he sees him
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Old 12-05-2007, 02:31 AM
 
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Kathryn~ Just went back and read that it was a tough day for you. s, mama.

And whoever (whomever?) it was that started talking about giving birth to a creature with antlers, and someone's who-ha getting sucked up into their uterus? Thanks, folks. I read that and snorted in the middle of my class this evening.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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Old 12-05-2007, 02:33 AM
 
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i dont crunch, i snap crackle and pop :
you know what i meant! Lol
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Old 12-05-2007, 03:05 AM
 
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I am laughing so hard at the turn this thread has taken. I love this board!

I do agree with Elisabeth though. While it is nice to vent about insensitive, "I'm a better parent than you" posters, I wouldn't truly want to discourage anyone from posting here. I lurked for a long time before posting and I tend to be a little overly sensitive sometimes, so something like that really would have discouraged me from posting.
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Old 12-05-2007, 03:09 AM
 
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I'm moving this over to Questions and Suggestions so that we can discuss this issue.

I think a forum guidelines sticky is a great idea. We're actually trying to make guidelines for all our forums so we can welcome members to the forum and give some general guidelines.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kodama View Post
Having a special needs child is tough. A lot of times, we end up doing things that we would not have ever considered we would have to do: special diets, switching from breastmilk to elemental formulas because of severe allergies, melatonin (I would have NEVER done that before DD was born but it is a lifesaver for us now), therapies, getting help from the state, putting a child on medication(s), and the list goes on.

Sometimes our children due to their special needs and sensory issues are extreemly picky eaters who only want to eat certain foods that may be viewed to others as unhealthy. Other times, kids have certain diets where it is actually medically appropriate to feed the kids high fat foods like hotdogs. We already feel self concious about all this as it is. However, we have had to put aside all our lofty ideals and focus on what is best for our children versus our dreams of how we would do things if our kids had zero medical issues.

I am sure this goes without saying, but a lot of us here believe that attachment parenting goes beyond the basic extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, and whatnot. It is about having a strong bond with them and providing what they need in order to become healthy, happy, and sucessful adults.

Is there any way that we can get some protection here from the random posters who are not special needs parents? In the past few days, I have seen some rather judgemental comments from people who are not special needs parents. I am just asking for some protection from them or even a sticky that says "what you see here may not be 100% crunchy. The posts here are from parents who believe in the AP ideals but have had to adapt them because of the individual needs of their children. Please respect that and keep your judgmental comments to yourself."
I'm sure a lot of your ideals go out the window once your facing parenthood with a special needs child . I'm so pleased we have this forum to offer and I'm proud of the support, love and exchange of ideas that take place here.

If posters are being judgmental, rude or unsupportive you can always hit the report post button. You may also PM the forum moderator or an administrator. We're very protective of our members and will absolutely step in if posts are unsupportive or rude.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristine233 View Post
I totally get your frustration. But this is only a tiny tiny part of MDC so I don't think something like this would be enforceable and I personally wouldn't ask them to change things for us. MDC is before all else, a natural family board.
You really put that beautifully, Mothering is the Natural Family Living magazine and our boards reflect the values of Mothering Magazine. This in NO way means we expect all families in all situations to fit into a neat little mold. All families are unique and all children are unique so there is not a one size fits all here. Especially in the case of special needs parenting. I won't pretend to know the challenges you go through, nor will I negate your feelings by pretending to know. You are free to post here with your unique challenges and parenting practices as long as it's within our user agreement (meaning your not advocating spanking ect.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristine233 View Post
BUT I do wish the main board were less judgmental when posting in the special needs area and realized that we try to do the best for our kids, even if somethings aren't viewed as natural family living or AP because of the adaptations we've made for our specific kids.

Thats why I don't call what we do "Attachment Parenting", I call it "Alternative Parenting". While a lot may be the same, everything is adapted to what works for our family.

Also: I think many people just don't realize what sub forum they are on when posting replies. It would rock if people took 2 seconds to read that first, lol.
I agree that many times people read the 'new posts' section and don't realize what forum they are in. Unfortunately, there is little that can be done about that. We don't have the ability to have a popup (as some have suggested). This happens in may forums. What we need to do is understand that this will happen from time to time and deal with each situation individually by reporting the post, PMing the member a gentle reminder or letting a moderator/administrator know about the situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer3141 View Post
Aren't there special rules for the "surviving abuse" forum?? Personally, I think this forum needs the same gentle reminders.
Surviving Abuse is a closed forum that members need to meet specific requirements to gain access. This is the only closed forum on MDC and currently, we have no plans to make any other closed forums. I think it would be a disservice to new members or members who may not have an SN child, but have a desire to learn. I would hate for a new member with a SN child to not know the forum exists.

Let's work on some forum guidelines, but keep in mind that they need to kindly worded.

Also, lets keep in mind that we can not post about other members on the board or use them as examples. Let's start from scratch and list some items that we feel would be important.

Do we all agree that the forum should be support only?
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Old 12-05-2007, 03:13 AM
 
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I wonder if maybe we could have a smilie? One that says:

Be gentle. I have a child with special needs.

That would make it easy to tag a particularly sensitive post.

I actually don't think the forum should be support ONLY. If that means no disagreement. Special Needs moms do things wrong too. And I think it may get hard to express that if otherwise "organized."

While there is not say a "wrong way" to grieve, there are some wrong things to do for a special needs child. It would be wrong to suggest that someone let their child just sit in their bumbo on the table while they made dinner not nearby...even if the child needed the bumbo as a therapy or feeding tool.

Granted, I haven't read this whole thread yet. : It's been a really hard day here.
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Old 12-05-2007, 03:25 AM
 
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I wonder if maybe we could have a smilie? One that says:

Be gentle. I have a child with special needs.

That would make it easy to tag a particularly sensitive post.

I actually don't think the forum should be support ONLY. If that means no disagreement. Special Needs moms do things wrong too. And I think it may get hard to express that if otherwise "organized."

While there is not say a "wrong way" to grieve, there are some wrong things to do for a special needs child. It would be wrong to suggest that someone let their child just sit in their bumbo on the table while they made dinner not nearby...even if the child needed the bumbo as a therapy or feeding tool.

Granted, I haven't read this whole thread yet. : It's been a really hard day here.
I agree, support only could be bad, but it definatly needs to be a safe supportive place. We dont flame (from what ive seen) when a SN mom is doing something wrong, we suggest other ways to help. There definatly needs to be some room for discussion and disagrement, but not for flaming.

I think forum guidelines would be great, and I think the suggestion from kathyrn about adding the quote to your threads would be useful, at least until we can get something set up.
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Old 12-05-2007, 03:35 AM
 
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How about something that says "please read the special forum guidelines before posting" so that people have to read something before they post.....kind of like the pop ups that say "I have read and agreed to these terms and conditions etc".....or has that already been suggested? sorry...long day

Here's me I married then we had dd15 , dd11 , ds10 , and then and now we and I blog!
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