"but...you HAVE to go to the hospital" - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 07:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD just told me this. She was talking about when the baby comes and said "You have to go to the hospital to have babies K (her aunt) is." I told her "K wants to go to a hospital because she thinks she will be more safe and comfortable there, I don't" I think its strange that she thinks so, I had her little sister at home. (actually I think I'm suspicious that she thinks so, probably some family member brainwashing behind my back.) Now I'm thinking it would be good for her to be at the birth. To see how it can be done, and forever etch in her mind the way a normal birth looks. I just am hesitant because she is young (she will be five) and shes loud and bouncy and talkitive and it might bug me in labor. I don't want to concentrate on anything else. y/k?
For those who have done it with kids there...did it help or hurt the process and what did you/would you do to prepare for them, to keep them busy during the lulls and such?
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#2 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 07:59 PM
 
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My son was supposed to be at my daughter's birth - he was almost six. We prepared him - he went to most if not all of my prenatals, we read books, he saw movies, and we hired a doula to be with him in case he wanted to leave or something. Unfortunately my mom took him to lunch when the midwife got there to induce me and he missed it - she arrived less than an hour after they left. He's still a bit put out though that he missed it, and said that "the next baby, I'm not leaving for anything!".

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#3 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 08:12 PM
 
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four years old is pretty yong - or i should say it's that age where they put their own logic to reality and the results can be 'iffy'.


i might consider having someone take a photo account to share with her afterwards. and the she can revisit it whenever she wants to talk about it.

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#4 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 08:19 PM
 
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my dd was 3 and was fine...only thing was that I yelled REALLY loud as ds crowned ( he tore me badly and the pain was excruciating) and that scared dd, but daddy calmed her down and then baby was out and she was so happy to see her baby brother.

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#5 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 08:21 PM
 
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My dd had just turned 4 12 days before my ds was born and she was there. She had the option of being in the room or not and had her gparents there to take care of her.

She still remembers ds's birth and I am so thankful she was there.

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#6 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 08:23 PM
 
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my son will be 4 1/2 and we're planning to have him there. He'll have his own "adult support person" (hopefully my mom but if she can't make it- she's across the country!- it will be a female friend) so he can choose where he wants to be and how involved. He says he's excited. Other times he says, "maybe it will be kind of scary". I said its true, that it might be, and thats why he doesn't have to be there if he doesn't want to be.

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#7 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 09:34 PM
 
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I personally don't like my kids to be around. Its difficult as it is for me to concentrate on the task at hand. If its hard for an adult to sit quietly for hours yea it will be hard for a child. My dd was 9 at the last birth and she was there and was so excited and when I was pushing I made everyone leave the room except mw and dh. I just couldn't deal with people there.

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#8 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 09:43 PM
 
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start with some youtube videos of homebirth....see how she does with those. I thought my DD (2.5) would be horrified to see me give birth but she has become obsessed with watching homebirths on youtube and has since become so much more connected with my pregnant belly

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#9 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 10:14 PM
 
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start with some youtube videos of homebirth....see how she does with those. I thought my DD (2.5) would be horrified to see me give birth but she has become obsessed with watching homebirths on youtube and has since become so much more connected with my pregnant belly
I've had the exact same thing happen with my dd, who is 5. I started off watching waterbirths with her on youtube, and she loved it, so I moved onto "dry" births which were more graphic, and she loves that too. She even asks me to put them on.

I don't know if we're going to have a homebirth yet, but even if it's in the hospital I definately want her to be there, she says that she wants to see, and we're going to ask her if she wants to cut the cord. I can't wait, it's going to be so special with her there

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#10 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 10:34 PM
 
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My DS was at DD's birth, he was 2 1/2 at the time. Grandma was there and kept him occupied and out of the way until the birth was imminent. It was great having him there and he remembers it fondly.
I think the key though is to have someone there who's job it is to keep them occupied until the baby starts crowning.
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#11 of 19 Old 02-14-2009, 10:41 PM
 
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We showed DS1 (4yo) HB vids on Youtube too. He has a few on my faves that he really liked and would ask to watch over and over. We'd talk about what was happening, and how this would happen to Mommy, what it would feel like, etc. I tried to get whatever "I'm getting a little sister/brother" books I could find at the library but they always had the mom disappear to the hspital and come home with a baby! DS1 always asked me why! We also read "Welcome With Love."

I had planned on grooming him to be at the birth, but in the end we decided not to have him there. He was VERY upset when I was in labor and my mom came to get him. I felt bad because I think he really wanted to be there! Maybe with the next one?
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#12 of 19 Old 02-15-2009, 12:13 AM
 
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Dd1 was 3 at her sister's birth. She played in her room with my MIL until I started swearing while pushing. Then one of our midwives went to go get her. She sat quietly on Grandma's lap and watched. I don't remember what she did, but I've got pictures of her pointing and telling Grandma what was happening. She was well prepared. After the birth she told Grandma that the "Senta" will come out now.

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#13 of 19 Old 02-15-2009, 01:21 AM
 
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Dd was just under 4 at ds' birth. She was very involved and I was glad she was there.

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#14 of 19 Old 02-15-2009, 03:25 AM
 
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Ds1 was just under 4 at ds2's birth. He did awesome & seemed to really like that he was here for it. He played games in the living room & slept for most of it, but was right there (taking pictures ) when his brother was born.

mom to all boys B: 08/01ribboncesarean.gif,  C: 07/05 uc.jpg, N: 03/09 uc.jpg, M: 01/12 uc.jpg and far too many lost onesintactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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#15 of 19 Old 02-15-2009, 06:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AniellasMommy View Post
DD just told me this. She was talking about when the baby comes and said "You have to go to the hospital to have babies K (her aunt) is." I told her "K wants to go to a hospital because she thinks she will be more safe and comfortable there, I don't" I think its strange that she thinks so, I had her little sister at home. (actually I think I'm suspicious that she thinks so, probably some family member brainwashing behind my back.) Now I'm thinking it would be good for her to be at the birth. To see how it can be done, and forever etch in her mind the way a normal birth looks. I just am hesitant because she is young (she will be five) and shes loud and bouncy and talkitive and it might bug me in labor. I don't want to concentrate on anything else. y/k?
For those who have done it with kids there...did it help or hurt the process and what did you/would you do to prepare for them, to keep them busy during the lulls and such?
we had our kids present for our last 2 babes ~ the ages for babe 1 (3, 5, 7 roughly) & babe 2 (22 mos, 5, 7, 9). We had family here to tend to them during my actual labor....for one my sister took the kids out in the yard to play...the other my mom put them to bed & woke them up for the actual birth (except the youngest @ 22 mos, we let her sleep since she was exceptionally clingy to me). My oldest was awake for my entire last birth & was such an angel.....

We prepared them by reading books, watching YouTube & videos that I also have.....the youngest ones were also @ my MW appointments too.

For me it was important to have them there....the kids have a very close relationship with the younger ones & IMO it is due to seeing them born & taking part in everything. My oldest was able to cut the youngest's umbilical cord last time too!!! Besides me or my DH our kids were the first ones to hold the baby & even got to tell us boy/girl!

I think your DD's age is fine, given that my one DD was younger. As long as you have someone there to tend to her needs everything should be fine. Make sure she is prepared for the noises & sights......my ODD likes to tell me how loud I was , ah well...i always tell her birth is hard work!

Dana
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#16 of 19 Old 02-15-2009, 08:53 PM
 
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We've had four home births. Our other children were at all of them (aged 22.5 months - 8 years over the four births).

Periodically we have a discussion about birth choices (I have five dds). Usually they are curious as to why anyone goes to a hospital. ETA: They like to emphasize that the woman having the baby gets to pick. Sometimes I'll bring up the fact that other people might not approve of home birth, even the baby's father. My 4yo very adamantly said "He's not the one having the baby. He doesn't get to pick."

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#17 of 19 Old 02-15-2009, 09:09 PM
 
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My daughter was present at her little brother's homebirth. She was four days shy of two years old. I wasn't worried about her, based on how she normally reacted to things and the fact that she hadn't yet developed a sense of empathy. She wasn't very verbal at the time so we didn't do much of anything to prepare her except talk about the fact that we were going to have a baby and the baby was in my tummy. She was present for a few midwife appointments. We planned to have a support person there for her, but we called too late.

She had a good time - she laughed at the noises I made, handed me tissues when I cried between contractions, and tossed tissues in the birth pool for fun. She got quiet and still when pushing was happening (but wasn't scared). As soon as her brother was born, she wanted to get close and see him, hold him, touch him. It was great for all of us.

I don't know about future births - it would definitely depend on the individual child/children. Generally speaking, though, I would like to have them there. I think it's normal for a child to see their sibling born and think it can be very meaningful for the sibling - it is an instant connection/attachment.
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#18 of 19 Old 02-16-2009, 09:43 AM
 
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Originally Posted by AniellasMommy View Post
DD just told me this. She was talking about when the baby comes and said "You have to go to the hospital to have babies K (her aunt) is." I told her "K wants to go to a hospital because she thinks she will be more safe and comfortable there, I don't" I think its strange that she thinks so, I had her little sister at home. (actually I think I'm suspicious that she thinks so, probably some family member brainwashing behind my back.) Now I'm thinking it would be good for her to be at the birth. To see how it can be done, and forever etch in her mind the way a normal birth looks. I just am hesitant because she is young (she will be five) and shes loud and bouncy and talkitive and it might bug me in labor. I don't want to concentrate on anything else. y/k?
For those who have done it with kids there...did it help or hurt the process and what did you/would you do to prepare for them, to keep them busy during the lulls and such?
Oh my... this sounds exactly like me when I was 5 and my mom was planning a homebirth with my sister.
I had seen a sesame street episode that was probably designed to reassure young children about the births of younger siblings, and they way they portrayed the birth process was that the mom packs her bags (the kid helps, they sing some kind of song about mommy having a baby) and then in the next scene the kid is visiting the mom in the hospital with the dad, with the new baby magically out of the belly.
So I started asking my mom pointedly when she was going to the hospital and I think she got kind of annoyed to get that kind of thing from her own 5 year old daughter and finally kind of snappily told me that not everyone goes to the hospital and it's perfectly normal to have your baby at home and kind of implied that sesame street was a stupid show full of brainwashing (which it mostly is, I have to admit).
I like the idea of testing the kid's reaction to birth with youtube videos. Funny how many kids turn out to be surprisingly matter-of-fact about that kind of thing... much more so than most grownups!

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#19 of 19 Old 02-17-2009, 11:44 PM
 
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We plan on have DS there and he will be 3 at the time. I am already preparing him with videos and such and we have a couple friends who will be there just to focus on him. I am not so worried about him being there during the labor (for the same distraction reasons) but definitely want him there for the birth- I think it will make the transition easier for him to actually see where this new little person came from.
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