Questions/Comments you have received about homebirth - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 58 Old 05-04-2009, 03:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by LittleLu'sMom View Post
My favorite questions were from my MIL, who asked me if the birth pool had stirrups and how the MW would be able to see to give me my episotomy if I was underwater.
Oh my! How wonderfully hilarious.

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Originally Posted by aprilv View Post
my future bil said 'so will you be having the baby on the kitchen table?' when we laughed he said 'what, under the table?' UNDER the table? WHAT?
i said 'the table probably won't be involved'.

after he walked away, my sil said she'd have to find out later if he was serious and that he would have a lot to learn before they started thinking about kids...

most people, to me, seem to be interested in where the birth will be taking place in the house.

although i do have one friend who keeps saying she will be praying a lot since it's a homebirth. (her way of disapproving- implying it's dangerous).
Yes, in our case people are alway fascinated to b/c we live in a typical NYC apartment (i.e. Small!) so I think this is a legitimate question. Of course most people assume I would use the bed,

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The biggest one I get when I say Daniel was born at home is "Really? On purpose?!?!"
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#32 of 58 Old 05-04-2009, 04:30 PM
 
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My favorite questions were from my MIL, who asked me if the birth pool had stirrups and how the MW would be able to see to give me my episotomy if I was underwater.

I would really have to bite my tounge not to say, "She'll bring a snorkel, or maybe SCUBA gear.."
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#33 of 58 Old 05-05-2009, 02:34 PM
 
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I told a mom that I met in a restaurant that my dd was born at home. She looked really concerned and asked "What happened?"

I said, "I went into labor, the midwives came out to our home, the baby was born, the midwives went home"

Heather Mike Married 8/1/99 Mom to Charlotte Aug 04, Nov 06, and Katherine Oct 07
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#34 of 58 Old 05-05-2009, 03:13 PM
 
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People often ask me in which hospital I had the baby and when I say I had him at home, they look at me really surprised, like they never even considered that option before. The most frequent comment I get then is: "Wow, you're really brave."

Some people have made negative comments about putting the baby (or myself) in danger, but I just tell them that you can't live your entire life in fear.

I don't really take the negative comments on board because I know that I made the right decision for myself, my baby and our family - and the outcome, a short 4 hour painfree home water birth with a gorgeous, healthy 9lbs 13oz boy proved me right. :
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#35 of 58 Old 05-05-2009, 07:00 PM
 
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I have a pretty mainstream cousin who has three kids, and she has surprisingly come around to the idea of homebirth. At first, I told her about all the training that MWs have, and how they are not just women coming over with burning sage, a dull knife and a shoelace to deliver my baby.

The other day she sent me an email all excited about her neighbors "involuntary" HB. She said the labor went so quickly that despite being 3 blocks from the hospital, the EMTs didn't make it to the house before the baby was born.

My cousin was all excited and said she was sure I'd be fine with my planned HB since her neighbor's was totally normal, and yet completely unplanned. I guess she is now convinced! A mainstream convert! (Although I did wonder if her neighbor planned it that way and just said "oops, the baby just came too quickly!" But I didn't ask that question...)

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#36 of 58 Old 05-05-2009, 09:36 PM
 
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Perhaps surprisingly a lot of people hb where I live so i rarely get more than raised eyebrows or the you're brave thing.
I did get the epidural comment from our neighbor after ds was born and I was confused and was thinking episiotomy so I said "yes, the mw can do an epidural at home." Whoops.
My mil has tried to make sure my dh wasn't "pressuring" me into a hb, since yes, why in the world would I choose such a thing!
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#37 of 58 Old 05-05-2009, 11:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Girl Named Sandoz View Post
Some people have made negative comments about putting the baby (or myself) in danger, but I just tell them that you can't live your entire life in fear.
I've gotten this a couple of times, and what I've said is, "No. I put myself and my babies in danger for my first two hospital births, and I still live with that guilt every day." Usually shuts them up.

My SIL made a comment the other day when I said something about my manic nesting about just needing a clean room and "some boiling water." Um, never had boiling water at any of my four births!
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#38 of 58 Old 05-06-2009, 04:22 AM
 
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I didn't get as many as I expected. Either because this is a pretty crunchy town or because I had an OB attend my HB so perhaps the term 'doctor' made people relax/shut up.

The only new ones I got were GMIL asking very nicely if I was staying home because I wanted to or because I needed money for the hospital. I'm known for being cheap and in her time apparently you only birthed at home if you couldn't afford the hospital. After I explained why and that it was actually more expensive due to ins. not paying the homebirth fee she was ok with it; I even heard her bragging on me afterwards.:

A younger guy I work with was very interested; asked all of the usual ?'s which I was happy to answer (might help out his future partner!). Thought it was the coolest thing ever but couldn't wrap his brain around the 'no painkillers' thing; he very sweetly told me that he had leftover demerol from a surgery he could bring me to have on hand in case I changed my mind.
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#39 of 58 Old 05-06-2009, 09:23 AM
 
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My wonderful MIL (whom I adore) admitted to my dh ahead of time that she was nervous about being present at dd2's birth. She was to be dd1's support person. She wondered if she should bring along some wine to calm her down at the birth.

After the birth she changed her mind. She said that our midwives treated me like a queen and now wondered why everybody didn't have their babies at home. She wrote our midwives a thank you letter.

Heather Mike Married 8/1/99 Mom to Charlotte Aug 04, Nov 06, and Katherine Oct 07
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#40 of 58 Old 05-06-2009, 10:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Belle View Post
I told a mom that I met in a restaurant that my dd was born at home. She looked really concerned and asked "What happened?"

I said, "I went into labor, the midwives came out to our home, the baby was born, the midwives went home"


I have to say I have not received negative comments. I wonder if it's too early or if it's b/c people are scared of me.
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#41 of 58 Old 05-08-2009, 11:26 AM
 
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I haven't chosen homebirth for sure, but I'm like 95% sure I'm having one. I don't know how I'm going to handle my family when I tell them. I know they will be against it, and will beg me not to do it, probably for my entire pregnancy.

You all handle it so well, but I think I'll be a blubbering, stuttering mess trying to explain myself.

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#42 of 58 Old 05-08-2009, 01:45 PM
 
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Here was my home birth exchange at the nail salon yesterday:

Lady next to me in pedicure chair: "When are you due, dear?"
Me: "Next week. I came for a pedicure because I can't reach my feet anymore."
Lady next to me: "Which hospital will you be delivering at?"
Me: "I'm having the baby at home."
[startled pause. All the women in the line of chairs, along with all the pedicurists, turn and stare.]
Lady next to me: "Oh, good for you!!!!"
Me: "Er, thanks."
Lady at the other end, to her pedicurist: "I'd never be brave enough for that."
My pedicurist, to me: "The epidural was very bad for me! Don't get one of those."
Me: "Um, they don't do those at home."
My pedicurist: "Thank goodness."

It felt absolutely surreal. In this city, we have a dozen of the top-rated hospitals in the world. Practically nobody chooses home birth here. I couldn't believe how positive everyone was! Considering how negative everyone else has been, that was a nice change!

I'm traveling the world with my kids without ever leaving home and blogging about it -- watch, taste, and share our adventures at TheGlobalStayCation.com!
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#43 of 58 Old 05-08-2009, 01:57 PM
 
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My dad keeps reminding me that although *he* understands, *everyone else* thinks that "midwife" = medicine from the 1800's and so I shouldn't talk about it. It's a bit funny how often he feels he needs to remind me.

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#44 of 58 Old 05-08-2009, 10:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LittleLu'sMom View Post
My favorite questions were from my MIL, who asked me if the birth pool had stirrups and how the MW would be able to see to give me my episotomy if I was underwater.
:

Oh my gosh these posts are cracking me up.

I'm sadly NOT having a HB, but when I told my mom that I wanted one, she said "well you're NOT going to do THAT". I wanted to punch my own mother.

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#45 of 58 Old 05-10-2009, 06:52 PM
 
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So far the only comment I got was from my friend. She said, "Now I have to ask, you are getting prenatal care, right?" Most people don't know I'm having a homebirth, so I'm sure I'll get comments after I have the baby when people ask which hospital I went to.

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#46 of 58 Old 05-11-2009, 06:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by aprilv View Post

although i do have one friend who keeps saying she will be praying a lot since it's a homebirth. (her way of disapproving- implying it's dangerous).
THIS. That's what I'm getting from my MIL mostly. Honestly it's waay better than I expected so I'm trying to not be too bothered! She just told me, "Well, I've really been praying for you because for this to go well you will need a miracle or several miracles." Oh ok!
My mom's first response was, "Oh no no no no." That was nice! She also told me she and her paramedic (or he used to be a paramedic) boyfriend will be waiting in our driveway the entire time during labor/birth. Now I'm scared to tell anyone when it's happening!
Someone also asked what we were going to do with the baby afterward.
We have only told my ILs, my mom, and my brother. Well, wait, my husband told his friends but I'm not really sure what they said.
I'm about 35 weeks and ready to go into hiding so I don't have to hear any more negative comments!
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#47 of 58 Old 05-11-2009, 10:11 PM
 
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I got a lot of really silly questions before the birth, but I learned quickly that it was better if I just refused to talk about it with unsupportive people. Some well-intended but still kind of dumb questions included:

"But how will you handle the pain?" Hmm, I guess I'll have to endure it like just about every other woman on the planet since the beginning of time.

"But what if the baby comes out feet first?" I got this one a lot. I had to try to keep a straight face while I explained about versions and ultrasounds and how midwives are trained to find out what position the baby is in...

"But what if it's twins?" Yeah.

"But what if the cord is wrapped around the neck? My baby would have DIED!" This one was delicate, because I didn't want to minimize a person's very real angst and fear about the danger they thought their baby might have been in, but at the same time I wanted to ask if they seriously thought that midwives aren't trained to handle such a common eventuality.

After the birth people just mostly wanted to know how much it hurt, if we really used the birthing pool, and where I had the baby. They always seem shocked to learn that I had him on the bed. Like it's weird or something? I don't know.

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#48 of 58 Old 05-11-2009, 11:23 PM
 
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My MIL thought that the midwives would come in with crystals and incense, chanting over our baby and whatnot. The first time my midwife met my MIL (two days before I ended up delivering), she even jokingly said, "I forgot my crystals -- don't worry, I'll have them at the birth!"

I don't think most people knew we were planning a homebirth, but afterwards, when they found out, everyone was REALLY amazed and supportive.
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#49 of 58 Old 05-12-2009, 10:12 AM
 
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My first was born at 31 weeks, so when I was planning a homebirth for my second I got the "But what if it comes early again?" question a lot. Um, then I go to the hospital, same as I did last time? It's not like having an OB the first time did me a whole lot of good.

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#50 of 58 Old 05-13-2009, 01:37 AM
 
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My homebirth(s) is/are years away still, but due to my outspoken nature I've heard a lot from friends and family. Mostly because my dream is to become a CPM, and I like to talk about it

-"Wait, but YOU won't have your babies at home, right?"
Uhh no. I want to dedicate my life to allowing women and babies to have the most beautiful, natural birth in their own home and own space but I'll sign up for an elective C myself

-"you'll change your mind."
Yes. I'm vehemently opposed to unnecessary hospital birth, have a needle/hospital phobia so bad it makes me hyperventilate to the point of passing out and don't take medicine unless my health depends on it. I'll change my mind.

-"No husband in his right mind will allow you to do that."
Ha. Because my husband/partner is the one pushing the baby out of his vagina. My pro-choice beliefs don't end at the first trimester mark...I can birth where I feel safe and how I feel safe because I'm the only one going through it. Not my husband, not my mom, nobody. Me.

-"You'll die."
Yes. Yes I will.

On the bright side, in roughly 5-7 years when I start having kids, I won't have to hear it from my family/friends. I've already heard it all.

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#51 of 58 Old 05-13-2009, 01:41 AM
 
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My MIL thought that the midwives would come in with crystals and incense, chanting over our baby and whatnot. The first time my midwife met my MIL (two days before I ended up delivering), she even jokingly said, "I forgot my crystals -- don't worry, I'll have them at the birth!"

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When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw

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#52 of 58 Old 05-13-2009, 02:20 AM
 
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My husband's doctor asked who my OB was when we were in for a routine checkup. When I explained that I was going to use a midwife and do it at home, and he calmly told me "I will not tell you not to do it because I know better, but as a doctor I know all of the terrible things that can happen, and would never subject my children to that kind of risk." I didn't even know what to say. Luckily we were already on our way out of the office. We haven't returned since he said that, but because of the limited options in our town for healthcare providers, we will. I am not looking forward to a return visit.
Toward the beginning of my pregnancy I was working in healthcare and had so many nurses react negatively to my decision, all with personal experiences to share.
Luckily it wasn't our families who gave us any negative response. They are the only people who's opinions might upset me.
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#53 of 58 Old 05-14-2009, 02:16 PM
 
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I have a feeling that's the case for most of us. I don't have anyone 'crunchy' around me at all - in fact, I'd never even heard of the term before I joined this board : ) Most people ask questions out of curiosity, but yeah, most people feel the need to let me know just how horrible their birth experience was at the hospital and use that to convince me that my birth at home is going to be an impossible disaster. My least favorite comment right now is, "Well, good luck without the drugs!" It's always said in that way of, 'Seriously, lady, you won't be able to do this without the drugs.' Oh, and I'm sick of the "You won't get a special badge for having a natural birth without drugs!" As if any of us are doing this for a stupid badge... I mean, really?!
The hospital interventions leading to a c/sec with our first are exactly why were doing a HB next time!

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#54 of 58 Old 05-14-2009, 02:35 PM
 
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A dear Aunt of mine asked, very seriously and very sweetly, "So if you have a midwife, do you EVER see a doctor? I mean...I don't know anything...so...have you ever had a checkup at all this whole pregnancy?"

She thought that I've gone through this whole pregnancy - 8 months! - without having any prenatal care. So silly...but she just didn't understand. It was sweet the way she asked, not snarky at all, and I got to poke fun at her for awhile about it ('cause we loooove teasing one another lovingly!).

Kier: wife to Jared, mama to Emma ('05), Savannah ('07), and our newest little love Reid (June 30, '09) -intact because of all of YOU! I had an ecstatic birth, at home in the water!
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#55 of 58 Old 05-14-2009, 07:02 PM
 
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My husband's doctor asked who my OB was when we were in for a routine checkup. When I explained that I was going to use a midwife and do it at home, and he calmly told me "I will not tell you not to do it because I know better, but as a doctor I know all of the terrible things that can happen, and would never subject my children to that kind of risk."
:

To that I might respond, "Well, I'm sure as a doctor you see the worst case scenarios. A natural birth is the domain of midwives. If I want surgery, I'll consult with a surgeon."

Or just "Well, it's a good thing this isn't your child."

How rude of that man. The ignorance and fear-mongering are so irresponsible and cruel.

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When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw

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#56 of 58 Old 05-16-2009, 10:44 PM
 
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Most questions I get have to do with what happens when "something goes wrong". I guess it's assumed that HB will naturally be a disaster.
You are so right. People treat birth as a scary, medical procedure. A necessary evil to get through in order to have children. They don't realize that birth is a natural thing - just a bodily function. *sigh* it just makes me sad.

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#57 of 58 Old 05-16-2009, 10:53 PM
 
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The most I got were "OMG, you're so BRAVE, I could never do that!" to which I always responded that the ladies giving birth in the hospital are the brave ones and that *I* could never do *that*!
That was always my response. And it's true. It takes a lot more strength and guts to give birth in a hospital, in my experience.

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#58 of 58 Old 05-17-2009, 12:22 PM
 
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I've noticed that the comments are a bit better this second time around compared to the first. I don't know if I seem more "credible" in my opinion since I've already had one homebirth and a hospital birth to compare to. But I haven't gotten any negative comments thus far, which has been very surprising to me. At most, just the typical questions about pain medications, emergencies, what my midwife is capable of, etc.

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