Questions/Comments you have received about homebirth - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 12:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
NYMama27's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: NYC
Posts: 136
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is my first homebirth and I am really looking forward to it and ALWAYS talking about it. People are always asking questions, which is to be expected, and I am more than happy to answer them but boy are people weird!

Almost everyone I know (fairly smart people!) has asked me how the midwife will administer the epidural at home?!

A lot of people, upon hearing I am not having any u/s done, ask me how my midwife knows that I'm pregnant (this is my favorite question -- I always say "because I told her!" LOL).

My MIL asked me if I was having a HB b/c my insurance didn't cover a hospital birth (and she said it like she felt bad for me in a very sweet way).

But the best was today when I called my OB's office and asked them to transfer my medical records to my midwife they asked me "What's a midwife?"

Can you imagine?!
NYMama27 is offline  
#2 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 01:33 AM
 
marrymeflyfree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 458
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMama27 View Post
But the best was today when I called my OB's office and asked them to transfer my medical records to my midwife they asked me "What's a midwife?"
What??!? Ohhh my. There's just too much wrong with that to think about!

I haven't had much weirdness. But my mom, who is pretty midwife-friendly, keeps asking if the doctors say everything's going well. She did it all through my last (midwife care-only) pregnancy, too. I just tell her, "Well I say everything's going well..."
marrymeflyfree is offline  
#3 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 07:03 AM
 
littlebb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 398
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've had the epidural a thousand time, but an OB's office not knowing what a midwife is? Scary scary SCARY!!

I laugh at the epidural question. Usually right after that I get the, "But you HAVE to have an epidural!!" I stole the response my sister used with her first birth, "What, my vagina will close up if I don't get an epidural?"

Most questions I get have to do with what happens when "something goes wrong". I guess it's assumed that HB will naturally be a disaster.

Andi, 32 - SAHM to Aaron Patriot born at home on 8/7/09 and devoted wife to Paul. : EC, Non-Circ ::
littlebb is offline  
#4 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 10:18 AM
 
Genesis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,540
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A family member of DH's asked if I was going to have another homebirth with this baby, and I said yes. She said, "Well, how does that work exactly? You don't even take prenatal vitamins then?"

Because I am birthing at home, that means I don't take prenatal vitamins? She thought that homebirth meant no prenatal care, and apparently no proper nutrition??

ETA: My mother has also asked in the past, "What if there's an emergency and there's no doctors around?" I think that one is a really common question/concern of people who don't know anything about midwifery/homebirth.

knit.gifMama to reading.gif  and  babygirl.gif
Genesis is offline  
#5 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 10:29 AM
 
Lynn08's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lancaster County, PA
Posts: 558
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Man, I didn't any "good" comments like these! I'm jealous!

I actually got a lot of positive response to my hb - I think it helped that I worked in a very *crunchy* environment and that my mother had hb'ed my 2 younger sisters. So most of my family, friends, & colleagues were supportive.

The "negative" comments were mostly in the vein of incredulous looks with "oh my gosh, you're so brave! I/my wife could never do that" followed by a horrible pain/intervention-filled birth story. Because that's exactly what I want to hear shortly before I give birth.

Me read.gif, Kenny REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, Liv blahblah.gif, Evie baby.gif, & brokenheart.gif
Lynn08 is offline  
#6 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 12:00 PM
 
littlebb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 398
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynn08 View Post
The "negative" comments were mostly in the vein of incredulous looks with "oh my gosh, you're so brave! I/my wife could never do that" followed by a horrible pain/intervention-filled birth story. Because that's exactly what I want to hear shortly before I give birth.
I have a feeling that's the case for most of us. I don't have anyone 'crunchy' around me at all - in fact, I'd never even heard of the term before I joined this board : ) Most people ask questions out of curiosity, but yeah, most people feel the need to let me know just how horrible their birth experience was at the hospital and use that to convince me that my birth at home is going to be an impossible disaster. My least favorite comment right now is, "Well, good luck without the drugs!" It's always said in that way of, 'Seriously, lady, you won't be able to do this without the drugs.' Oh, and I'm sick of the "You won't get a special badge for having a natural birth without drugs!" As if any of us are doing this for a stupid badge... I mean, really?!

Andi, 32 - SAHM to Aaron Patriot born at home on 8/7/09 and devoted wife to Paul. : EC, Non-Circ ::
littlebb is offline  
#7 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 01:33 PM
 
jitterBug mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Posts: 109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
lol to some of these!

No, I don't think I've had any funny ones, but I don't talk that much about it either. Not that I'm embarrassed or anything, but just because I tend to be more private I guess.

Mostly I get "why??" Or "what if xyz happens?" I actually don't mind when people ask me what would happen in particular scenarios, because I think I have good answers for those questions and can help homebirth be perceived as more safe. People are surprised that my midwives carry oxygen, pitocin, etc. I think they picture me birthing out in a field somewhere with a midwife equipped only with dirty rags and incense.
jitterBug mom is offline  
#8 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 02:35 PM
 
littlebb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 398
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jitterBug mom View Post
I actually don't mind when people ask me what would happen in particular scenarios, because I think I have good answers for those questions and can help homebirth be perceived as more safe. People are surprised that my midwives carry oxygen, pitocin, etc. I think they picture me birthing out in a field somewhere with a midwife equipped only with dirty rags and incense.
Yeah, that's pretty much been my experience. People think midwives show up with rags, boiling water and newspaper. I've had a much easier time 'educating' people as opposed to trying to convince them. It seems that over time people come around to at least respecting it if you answer their questions with solid information.

Andi, 32 - SAHM to Aaron Patriot born at home on 8/7/09 and devoted wife to Paul. : EC, Non-Circ ::
littlebb is offline  
#9 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 03:07 PM
 
GoldmanBaby09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 526
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Genesis View Post
Because I am birthing at home, that means I don't take prenatal vitamins? She thought that homebirth meant no prenatal care, and apparently no proper nutrition??
My mom is a midwife (who lives 250 miles away), and although we have a separate hb midwife who will be attending, my ILs did not understand how things were supposed to work when we told them I am having a homebirth. They seemed to think I wasn't going to get any prenatal care are all and that my mom was just going to come up and deliver my baby in the dark of night!

Brittany- Wife to Eric : Mama to Asher : born 7/15/09
GoldmanBaby09 is offline  
#10 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 03:45 PM
 
billikengirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: TN
Posts: 413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A friend wanted to know if the midwife does any kind of prenatal care.

My dad asked "doesn't a board certified OB know more than a midwife?" I said "yeah, more about SURGERY, and I'd like to avoid that if possible."

Melissa, wife to Brian, mommy to my home born, breastfeeding, sling-riding, sleep sharing, cloth diapered, intact kiddos Adam 11/09 and Leah 8/12.

billikengirl is offline  
#11 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 03:59 PM
 
momasana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,259
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For the most part I just got wide-eyed stares when I talked about it.

The most amazing comment came from a male coworker who said "Wow, I can't believe your husband is going to let you do that."
momasana is offline  
#12 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 05:43 PM
 
2+twins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: At NPT
Posts: 3,488
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, I've always had LOTS of people asking if the mw was going to give me an epidural at home. They also seem to think that there's no prenatal care involved and that I basically picked up some uneducated hippie woman off the side of the road to come catch my baby. Oh, also, during my last pregnancy which was twins I didn't get any blood work done and I got the same question from people - "how do you know you're pregnant then?" I'm like, "Ummm, have you seen me? I'm HUGE!"

People are strange!

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
2+twins is offline  
#13 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 06:00 PM
 
JamieCatheryn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: SW Pa
Posts: 5,120
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
We asked a friend to come watch DS during the labor during our homebirth and a couple times she asked if we would have a midwife there or it would be just DH and me, I guess she forgot the first few times we told her about the MW. Anyway, this friend felt she needed to clarify she would NOT be catching the baby. Really though everyone has been great and really got it when we mentioned the homebirth, or held their tongues.
JamieCatheryn is offline  
#14 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 07:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
NYMama27's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: NYC
Posts: 136
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
LOL, yes my mom asked me what my husband has to say about all this, as if I am forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do but he is just going along with his crazy wife, HAHA.

For the most part when people ask me questions about what would happen I am okay with it b/c I think those are normal questions for people who haven't been exposed to it. It's the other weird questions that always leaving me
NYMama27 is offline  
#15 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 07:07 PM
 
Mamatoabunch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,864
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I mentioned we HB, actually UC, but that was beyond this women I felt, the other night at a HSing meeting and the mom was amazed to find out we don't have U/S's. And of course she had her story of how her dd would have died.

Annabelle Catholic wife to Jeff '92 and mom to Makaley 19 Arden 19 Anniston 17 Taegan 14 Balen 12 Kellen 10 Ellery 8 Innish 6 Eiley 4 Finnian 3 Esca 2 our 8th uc.jpghomeschool.gifwaterbirth.jpgIHhbac.gifbftoddler.gifvbac.gifand expecting sweet pea January 2014.

Mamatoabunch is offline  
#16 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 07:31 PM
 
AniellasMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 333
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jitterBug mom View Post
I think they picture me birthing out in a field somewhere with a midwife equipped only with dirty rags and incense.
AniellasMommy is offline  
#17 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 07:33 PM
 
AniellasMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 333
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by billikengirl View Post
My dad asked "doesn't a board certified OB know more than a midwife?" I said "yeah, more about SURGERY, and I'd like to avoid that if possible."

OHHHH MYYY GOSH, Im stealing that one!!!!! So freakin' true.
AniellasMommy is offline  
#18 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 07:48 PM
 
Amber Lion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Oregon
Posts: 2,441
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The most I got were "OMG, you're so BRAVE, I could never do that!" to which I always responded that the ladies giving birth in the hospital are the brave ones and that *I* could never do *that*!

Mama to my Addie Bug wool.gif (10/2008) and angel1.gif (6/2010); nursing student & childbirth educator
Amber Lion is offline  
#19 of 58 Old 05-01-2009, 08:03 PM
 
Limabean1975's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,541
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My neighbour down the street- who has a 1 year old, which would have made me thought she was aware of our PUBLICLY PAID HEALTHCARE OPTIONS here in Ontario, when I mentioned homebirth the other day said "Ohhhh...are you going to have one of those "women"...what are they called??" Like it was all mystical and strange.
Seriously. Here in Ontario, when you're pregnant, you can choose ob/gyn, gp, or midwife. It's your choice and it's all completely covered by the provincial health plan. How can she not know what a midwife is? That saddened me. I'm hoping tosubtly educate her before her next babe!

DS 12/22/05 and DD 5/24/09
Limabean1975 is offline  
#20 of 58 Old 05-02-2009, 12:05 AM
 
Beauchamp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: PDX
Posts: 1,559
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
None of our parents say anything. (I think they are afraid to.)

Except my MIL, who once commented about "the way we're doing it now."

Mama to Fenergy.gif(06/11/09) and baby boy C baby.gif (06/09/11) 

Beauchamp is offline  
#21 of 58 Old 05-02-2009, 09:49 AM
 
Pernillep's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: The Weeesst Siiide (Chicago)
Posts: 652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am almost jealous that I am not getting any good comments Still early enough that I would have some fun with those questions. Just don't ask me when I am 41 weeks and misearble in the august heat.

Never got the epi question. People know how I feel about needles and honestly, I will take almost death before I let anyone stick a needle in my spine.

I only get the what if something goes wrong, how close is the nearest hospital, or the wow I couldnt do that comments. Which are fairly common.

I am actually surprised because I am very open about my decision to switch to HB and was expecting more weird comments.

Pernille, Married to : mom to my 2 littel boys :4/12/07 and : 8/24/09
Pernillep is offline  
#22 of 58 Old 05-02-2009, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
NYMama27's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: NYC
Posts: 136
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pernillep View Post
Never got the epi question. People know how I feel about needles and honestly, I will take almost death before I let anyone stick a needle in my spine.
This is what I told my mom! She was all "I don't know...I don't know...I went natural with you and I would never do that again." and I was like "Well, yeah, I guess you don't know b/c I would rather give birth in a field by myself than ever have someone stick a needle in my spine again." I had a really traumatic experience with the epidural during my first pregnancy (I moved b/c I was so terrified and got YELLED at by the MD and then it never even worked so my OB thinks it wasn't even administered correctly). Why would you think I would put myself through that again?!
NYMama27 is offline  
#23 of 58 Old 05-02-2009, 12:11 PM
 
BethandLC's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 136
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by billikengirl View Post

My dad asked "doesn't a board certified OB know more than a midwife?" I said "yeah, more about SURGERY, and I'd like to avoid that if possible."

I used this line just this morning - thanks!

Beth, Mama to my two nurslings, DD 2.22.07 and DS 6.20.09 Worn, Intact, CD, Unvaxed, Born at Home!
BethandLC is offline  
#24 of 58 Old 05-02-2009, 12:28 PM
 
fruitfulmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Between the Rockies and a Flat Place
Posts: 4,213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)
Quote:
But the best was today when I called my OB's office and asked them to transfer my medical records to my midwife they asked me "What's a midwife?"
When I was pregnant with my third, I called my doctor's office because I needed an ultrasound. I stated that I wanted to make an appointment for an obstetrics consultation. The lady had no clue what I was talking about. So I had to use the term OB and explain to her that I was pregnant. I would have loved to see the look on her face when I told her I was 42 weeks. I think she almost dropped the phone.

Quote:
as if I am forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do but he is just going along with his crazy wife, HAHA.
My husband had someone mutter under her breath at him that he must be forcing me to birth at home, cause I guess no woman would choose that on her own.

I haven't really gotten too many comments myself. My in-laws and grandparents and my great-aunts & uncles were all born at home. One of my friends, who is an OB, called me "granola" and said I was brave and she could never do that because she wanted to be near the drugs. The only other person who questioned me was a stranger, who asked about the safety issue and I told her I lived two blocks from the hospital, so that seemed to assuage her though she thought I was crazy.

fruitfulmomma is online now  
#25 of 58 Old 05-03-2009, 03:31 PM
 
LittleLu'sMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Arizona
Posts: 35
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My favorite questions were from my MIL, who asked me if the birth pool had stirrups and how the MW would be able to see to give me my episotomy if I was underwater.
LittleLu'sMom is offline  
#26 of 58 Old 05-03-2009, 05:58 PM
 
MommyMad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 245
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I haven't received any interesting remarks because I actually just shared the news about a homebirth a few days ago. I'm sure as time goes on, I'll get more interesting remarks.

I don't plan on sharing our homebirth plans with most people as I am more of a private person and I don't want ot go through the process of having to explain.

MC #1: 12/05; MC #2: 1/09 Mama to our first that arrived 11/2/09
MommyMad is offline  
#27 of 58 Old 05-03-2009, 09:14 PM
 
aprilv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 373
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my future bil said 'so will you be having the baby on the kitchen table?' when we laughed he said 'what, under the table?' UNDER the table? WHAT?
i said 'the table probably won't be involved'.

after he walked away, my sil said she'd have to find out later if he was serious and that he would have a lot to learn before they started thinking about kids...

most people, to me, seem to be interested in where the birth will be taking place in the house.

although i do have one friend who keeps saying she will be praying a lot since it's a homebirth. (her way of disapproving- implying it's dangerous).
aprilv is offline  
#28 of 58 Old 05-04-2009, 12:49 AM
Say
 
Say's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 86
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amber Lion View Post
The most I got were "OMG, you're so BRAVE, I could never do that!" to which I always responded that the ladies giving birth in the hospital are the brave ones and that *I* could never do *that*!
That's exactly how I feel and what I say.

My father-in-law (after the birth) kept asking, "no pain medication?" as though there secretly was something I must have taken.

And to be honest, before a friend of mine had a homebirth four years ago, I didn't know midwives handled all prenatal visits and were equipped to handle stitches or dehydration or brought oxygen, etc.
Say is offline  
#29 of 58 Old 05-04-2009, 12:57 AM
 
annettemarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the Restricted Section
Posts: 41,827
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
The biggest one I get when I say Daniel was born at home is "Really? On purpose?!?!"

Flowers, fairies, gardens, and rainbows-- Seasons of Joy: 10 weeks of crafts, handwork, painting, coloring, circle time, fairy tales, and more!
Check out the blog for family fun, homeschooling, books, simple living, and 6 fabulous children, including twin toddlers

annettemarie is offline  
#30 of 58 Old 05-04-2009, 01:25 PM
 
littlebb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 398
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is such a great thread. It's easy in day-to-day life to get a little frustrated that people can be disapproving and try to talk us out of a homebirth (in some cases), but seeing all these little anecdotes in one place really puts in to perspective that these things are easily laughable. So many of these little stories make me smile and sort of lighten the mood a little where all this is concerned : )

Andi, 32 - SAHM to Aaron Patriot born at home on 8/7/09 and devoted wife to Paul. : EC, Non-Circ ::
littlebb is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off