In the simplest terms, and what it really boils down to for me, is that she didn't let me and my body follow the path we were meant to take for this birth.
She had been at my previous 3 homebirths, which all progressed pretty much exactly allike. Contractions started, I dilate to about 4, then I am usually pushing within an hour and baby is born in 3 or 4 pushes. Three of my births followed that pattern. Total length of labor is about 8 hours, sometimes less.
My last birth was meant to be different. I had contractions for about 8 hours that stopped. When they picked up again (24 hours later), things seemed to be happening quickly. However, once I started to feel "pushy", the mw checked me (which I will never allow again), and said I had a cervical lip. She started yelling at me to push, and she had her hand up my yoni, trying to push the lip back. Then I also pooped during the pushing, which distressed me. But not nearly as much as when she looked ad dh and said "She really should have used an enema." She kept telling me to get into different positions, try this, try that. After the first two pushy contractions, I no longer had an urge to push, but she kept telling me to. I was trying hard to block everything out, but I just couldn't get the words out. The mw was so concerned with getting the lip out of the way. After an hour, an hour of her with her hand up me, and me pushing with no pushing urge, my baby finally started to descend. Then she starts talking about head compression, decels, and getting him out quick.
During all of this, she never once asked me what I was feeling, did I still feel like pushing. What I wanted more than anything was to tell her and everyone else to go away, leave me alone so I could rest. I now know that there is no problem with a "cervical lip", if I don't feel like pushing, then I don't have to push. But mosto f all, I realized that I don 't need anyone outside telling me how to birth, and that all they will do is interfere with me and my body.
I really don't think the mw did anything "wrong" (except the enema comment), she did mifey things. Perhaps she should have asked me more often what I felt I needed to do, but maybe that isn't the midwife's role. I chose to have her there, and in doing so, I gave up some of my autonomy and power.
I believe that the only way I can give birth in the way that is absolutely right for me, is to do it with no one else having any expectations of me. Without comparing my previous births, or a chart, or their experiences with other women. I also feel that birth is very intimate, and I don't want someone around who isn't an intimate part of my life, who I have shared things with.
I am getting a bit rambly now....does this answer what you were asking? I really enjoy talking about this, since it really was a turning point for me. Please feel free to ask me anything else about it. I am getting a lot out of discussing it.