Can apartment manager keep me from hb? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-27-2010, 01:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We just got a new on-site manager and management company at our apartments. I have been trying not to say anything to anyone about having he birth here since I didn't want any issues. Tonight the new manager came by to introduce herself & DH told her we would be having the baby here. She had a 4 month old herself and just asked if we had had our other children at home. We said yes and she didn't seem bothered or really shocked, but now I am nervous that she will go back to the management company and then tell me that we can't have the baby here. Does anyone know if they can give us any issues? My last birth was really fast (2 1/2 hours) so I could probably get away with it anyway except that the midwife & so many others (mom, MIL, asst mw...) will be here.

Cheryl, wife to an amazing man, homeschooling SAHM to Gavin 12/03, Rhys 09/06, and Ian Aug 11, 2010.

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Old 07-27-2010, 06:44 AM
 
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I'm pretty sure they can't stop you. What would the reason be? If it's not in the apartment rules, and you don't break any of the listed rules to do it... They have no legal standing. Lots of people have apartment home births. I'm planning one. And honestly, if you're not worried about your deposit and you aren't breaking the noise rules (butter the neighbors up with cookies and a warning)... You've got nothing to worry about. IMHO.

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Old 07-27-2010, 12:50 PM
 
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I don't see how they could justify it unless someone complains about excessive noise or there is damage to the building or something.
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Old 07-27-2010, 01:19 PM
 
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The only thing they could REALLY complain about would be a birth tub, especially if you're on the second floor or above. Just because, like with large fish tanks, there's always a risk that it will break and flood water everywhere.

As far as I know, though, there's noting in apt rules that says, "No homebirths."

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Old 07-27-2010, 01:43 PM
 
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I would agree that I don't think they would have a leg to stand on in telling you that you can't have the baby at home. If it's not specifically written in your lease and you aren't disturbing the other tenants, there is no reason they should have a problem with it. Obviously, if during the course of your birth you would do damage to something in the apartment such as carpeting, etc, they could charge you for damages -- but that's about as far as I would imagine that could go.

We are renting a house and will be having our homebirth there. If we were in a normal apartment, we'd do the same. So don't worry about it and enjoy your birth!

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Old 07-27-2010, 03:20 PM
 
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Don't spend energy worrying about it. They can't tell you that you can't have a homebirth there.

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Old 07-27-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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Don't spend energy worrying about it. They can't tell you that you can't have a homebirth there.
Exactly! It's the norm here in NYC.

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Old 07-27-2010, 03:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks all for calming my anxieties a bit. We just moved here a few months ago after owning our home for 10 years so I guess I just get weird about things. We do have a tub, but I have a feeling we won't use it. I am a little parnoid about it too but we don't ahve a pump to drain it so that creates a bit of a problem as well.

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Old 07-28-2010, 03:45 PM
 
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As long as it's not illegal and it's not going against anything that is directly stated in the lease, they can't stop you.

I hate to talk about worse case scenarios here, but I had similar fears and working out the 'what ifs' really helped me. Basically, the worst thing that could happen is that someone hears you during labor and makes a noise complaint. At that point, either another tenant or the land lord could come to the door. If you have extreme neighbors, I suppose the cops could be called based on assumptions that something is wrong. To alleviate those fears for myself, we decided that we'll probably make up a sign to put on the door during labor. It will say something like "Legal homebirth in process. Please do not disturb." You can let your neighbors know before hand if you'd like. Tell them you are having a LEGAL homebirth and that if they hear any noise to rest assure that things are okay and that you would like your privacy during that time. You can also assign someone who will be there (midwife assistants are good for this job) to answer any knocks at the door. They'll take care of it and know what to say and you'll be none the wiser. Chances are, nobody will hear you/care and everything will go just fine. But it's good to have a back up plan so that it isn't something that is going to stress you out during labor.

P.S: it sounds like your manager was really cool about it, so I'd take that as a sign not to worry. Good Luck.

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Old 07-28-2010, 04:43 PM
 
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Ditto everyone else, but just to be safe, I would avoid mentioning it again and I'd downplay it if it did. But I'm just paranoid that way

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Old 07-29-2010, 05:07 PM
 
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I so feel the same paranoia! I am having my second home birth - soon. My first i owned my home, but this a decade and a divorce away from that! I always carry a huge bag in front of me so my neighbors dont even know im pregnant. I really dont think they can do much, and your history of short labors really helps! You can always say you had planned on going to the hospital - and ran out of time.
I am planning on using water and we are on the second floor - my DH is pretty freaked out by this....but again, i really think its just overactive brain. Im sure it will be fine!

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Old 07-29-2010, 05:37 PM
 
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Can you whack your DH on the back of the head, like an Italian mother, just for me? Thanks.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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Old 07-31-2010, 07:21 AM
 
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Can you whack your DH on the back of the head, like an Italian mother, just for me? Thanks.
LMAO. (I feel the same way!)
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Old 07-31-2010, 07:34 AM
 
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OP, I wouldn't worry, but you might warn dh for future reference that he needn't announce this stuff to anyone.

I'm rather surprised that some are advising telling the neighbors ahead of time. I mean, I understand that it's perfectly legal and all, but I guess I'd be paranoid that some "concerned" individual might call 911 and say there's a woman giving birth at home and she needs help ...

And probably nothing would come of it. It probably wouldn't happen, and if it did your dh could turn the medics away at the door -- but I'm just thinking it's easier to avoid all that from the beginning by not saying anything in the first place.

It's just ... some people might eat your cookies and still think they need to intervene, and some people can be really weird about this stuff. If you've already been telling everyone, then don't worry because it's just one of those very unlikely risks that I just don't see any reason to take.

We gave birth to dd2 in a rented duplex; we did tell the couple upstairs because they are trusted friends. They said they never even heard a sound the night dd was born, 'til they heard dd crying.

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Old 07-31-2010, 11:17 AM
 
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Just from my experience - I was vocal but it wasn't screaming bloody murder or anything. I think that's pretty rare.

If my neighbors had heard me I think they would have assumed my DH discovered some Tantric techniques.

And I think it goes without saying that they would have left us alone.

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Old 07-31-2010, 01:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Can you whack your DH on the back of the head, like an Italian mother, just for me? Thanks.
That is about what I felt like.

DH is REALLY worried about the yelling. Admittedly I did do alot of screaming not so nice words while pushing with DS2. However I also was feeling very out of control and scared, not expecting such a fast and intesnse labor that almost became an unassisted delivery. I am trying to focus on moaning & being a bit calmer (without restricting myself) this time rather than screaming obsenities. I figure the pushing phase was really only about 15-20 last time so it isn't that long.

I think he just needs something to be nervous about. I am just worried that they will come to me beforehand & tell me I can hb here but at this point I think it would have happened already.

Cheryl, wife to an amazing man, homeschooling SAHM to Gavin 12/03, Rhys 09/06, and Ian Aug 11, 2010.

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Old 08-02-2010, 02:48 PM
 
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As a landlord, here are the two things I can think of that would be legitimate reasons for legally discouraging a homebirth (not that I'm saying I WOULD, just thinking for you....I'm waiting for my own HB to happen!):

1) if it is illegal in your state, it would be "doing something illegal on the premises" which is a no per our lease wording. (However, I'm in OR, it's legal, and therefore, not a problem HERE)

2) the tub. Our leases specifically ban waterbeds/water filled stuff, and a birthing tub in the middle of an apartment WOULD probably be potentially legal grounds for claiming lease violation, which while they might not be able to STOP you from doing it, if they could demonstrate that you DID do it (and in particular, caused damage as a result) it could be grounds for eviction.

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Old 08-02-2010, 03:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As a landlord, here are the two things I can think of that would be legitimate reasons for legally discouraging a homebirth (not that I'm saying I WOULD, just thinking for you....I'm waiting for my own HB to happen!):

1) if it is illegal in your state, it would be "doing something illegal on the premises" which is a no per our lease wording. (However, I'm in OR, it's legal, and therefore, not a problem HERE)

2) the tub. Our leases specifically ban waterbeds/water filled stuff, and a birthing tub in the middle of an apartment WOULD probably be potentially legal grounds for claiming lease violation, which while they might not be able to STOP you from doing it, if they could demonstrate that you DID do it (and in particular, caused damage as a result) it could be grounds for eviction.
Thanks! It is legal in my state so that isn't a real issue I guess. The tub is something that has been in the back of my mind. We do have one but I am not convienced that I will use it & I think it is because of this exact reason lingering in the back of my mind.

Cheryl, wife to an amazing man, homeschooling SAHM to Gavin 12/03, Rhys 09/06, and Ian Aug 11, 2010.

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Old 08-02-2010, 03:32 PM
 
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Thanks! It is legal in my state so that isn't a real issue I guess. The tub is something that has been in the back of my mind. We do have one but I am not convienced that I will use it & I think it is because of this exact reason lingering in the back of my mind.
I would just be prepared to pay for any water damage *IF* something were to happen with the tub (leaked or something) otherwise I wouldn't worry about it.

Also birthing at home is not illegal anywhere though MW are. So you may have to play down that there is actually a MW there (she would become the doula) and it would be considered an UC rather than a HB with a MW. If that makes sense.. Births happen quickly and in all sorts of scenarios.

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Old 08-02-2010, 04:38 PM
 
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Just for the record, homebirth is legal in every state.

In some states, it's illegal for anyone other than an MD to be in the business of assisting home births. But no-one's tenant would be breaking any laws by home birthing.

I totally agree on the water issue, though - if I were a landlord I might have concerns about a birthing tub in some apartments or with some people.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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Old 08-02-2010, 05:40 PM
 
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nope they can't stop you. and don't let them tell you otherwise!

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Old 08-04-2010, 01:34 AM
 
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I'm rather surprised that some are advising telling the neighbors ahead of time. I mean, I understand that it's perfectly legal and all, but I guess I'd be paranoid that some "concerned" individual might call 911 and say there's a woman giving birth at home and she needs help ...

And probably nothing would come of it. It probably wouldn't happen, and if it did your dh could turn the medics away at the door -- but I'm just thinking it's easier to avoid all that from the beginning by not saying anything in the first place.
Actually, we're hoping for just the opposite. We own our home, so we don't have the same worries as the OP, but we do live in a duplex (it's basically a townhome but with only one side attached). We warned our (two female) neighbors a few months ago, and will probably mention it again next time we seem them outside because I'm due any day. I basically said, "Just so you know, I'm due the first week of August and planning to have a homebirth in the master bedroom. So if you here me yelling or anything around that time, nothing's wrong, don't call the police or get worried. There is a certified midwife coming." And all they said was, "Cool, good for you." That was the end of it. I don't expect a problem from them- if I have one I'll update! If anything I imagine they might knock on the door if I'm REALLY loud to ask if they can help with anything. We don't know them well, but they're good neighbors.

On the other side, our neighbors are the local fire and ambulance corps. When we looked at the house, my immediate thought was that this made it perfect for a homebirth. I could yell out my window and have an ambulance in minutes! It's also a great excuse to all my friends/family who are concerned that a homebirth would be unsafe. We decided to let the paramedics know what we were planning. We explained that a CNM would be there, that we had done natural births before, etc. They weren't worried at all! They simply said that if we decided we needed a quick transfer we should send someone over immediately. The best part was that they actually offered to send one or two paramedics over as "helpers" even if we didn't want to go to the hospital.That'd be a weird situation to need that, but I thought it was nice. DH thinks that they saw this as a good opportunity to get some training on what happens in a natural birth- they probably rarely see that in my neighborhood. I was pleasantly surprised about how open and accepting they were of the idea. They also said I should bring the baby over to say hello when we were ready.

Ok, sorry that was off topic, but I thought it was cool and surprising.
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Old 08-05-2010, 02:56 AM
 
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That is pretty cool, EMAID.

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Old 08-05-2010, 06:12 AM
 
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Those who would tell the neighbors in advance - why? Because of the noise level? I was worried about this before my last birth as well, because the walls are a bit thin and you can hear other people going about their business sometimes. Someone on MDC told me to put some music on, and the neighbors would probably assume there the noises they heard during labor were sex. Nobody would call the police on your for having sex in your apartment, right?

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Old 08-05-2010, 09:42 AM
 
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Those who would tell the neighbors in advance - why? Because of the noise level? I was worried about this before my last birth as well, because the walls are a bit thin and you can hear other people going about their business sometimes. Someone on MDC told me to put some music on, and the neighbors would probably assume there the noises they heard during labor were sex. Nobody would call the police on your for having sex in your apartment, right?
Through most of my last labor I was just moaning quite quietly. But the last 45 minutes were intense and I got LOUD. I mean I screamed. What started as a low moan at the beginning of a contractions turned to high pitched screaming noises at the peak of one. Pushing/crowing was similar. I was saying things like "I DON'T WANT TO" and at one point (probably when I tore) screamed pretty loudly. So, for me I could see neighbors getting the wrong idea in that last 45 minutes. Chances are that by that time they already have figured out what's going on, but you never know. Also, my douplex is pretty much paper thin. We know exactly where my neighbor is in his house at all times and vise versa. Even though the cops can't do anything if they come, it's not something I want to deal with in labor. And more importantly it's not something I want to be worried about if I don't prepare for all of the possibilities before hand. But that's all a personality thing and a personal decision based on my last labor.

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Old 10-28-2010, 04:48 AM
 
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I know this is old but I wanted to post for future people who come looking for answers to the same question.

The following is from Waterbirth Internationals website and was written about the Birth Pool in a Box

"Is there any danger of the pool falling through my floor?
In over 6,000 pool rentals, we have never had a pool fall through the floor. The weight of the pool is equivalent to 4 large adults sitting around a table. Water weighs 8.2 pounds per gallon, so once filled, the pool weights approximately 840 pounds."

An AquaBorn is a little large capacity at 170 gallons so 6 large adults sitting at a table is probably a great visualization.
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Old 10-28-2010, 12:05 PM
 
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OP, sorry that your Dh spilled the beans! My Dh loves to tell everyone that we have our babies at home, and I'm always left to deal with the questions! DD1 was born in our tiny apartment -- and as for telling the neighbors, I wouldn't bother. Our upstairs neighbors never had a clue that we had a baby just below them, and I was not quiet at all! It was the middle of the night, and they were definitely there... we could hear them!

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Old 10-28-2010, 11:19 PM
 
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Just from my experience - I was vocal but it wasn't screaming bloody murder or anything. I think that's pretty rare.

If my neighbors had heard me I think they would have assumed my DH discovered some Tantric techniques.

And I think it goes without saying that they would have left us alone.


Same!

We're debating on whether to tell people or not. We live in a large complex. The last home birth we were renting but it was a privately-owned complex and more mellow regarding 'rules' and such.

Grace-based wife & mama to 2 unschoolers! One & . We live simply & mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015 Praying for another
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Old 10-28-2010, 11:59 PM
 
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is there something in your lease that states you cant? if it aint in the lease, then you're good to go!

we live in an nyc highrise.. as you can imagine.. these walls are mighty thin. we're having a homebirth too.. it isnt something i plan on running by my building manager though.. i dont even know how id start that conversation!

"hey pete.. sooo... i'm thinking about delivering this baby in a kiddie pool near the dining room.. do you think that will be a problem? can i still get my deposit back after that?"

lmao!

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Old 10-30-2010, 03:09 PM
 
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can you play it off as a joke if you need to? if you're worried about harassment, that is. sometimes better to avoid the battle.

you could just say, "oh, the last birth went by so fast. my husband's cracking jokes about the next." technically, you're not SAYING you intend to go to the hospital...

my husband is hoping to drop the bomb to our manager around the due date, maybe shortly after. just to have the pleasure of giving the jerk a conniption.

they can't do anything to stop you. they can only make it a hassle.

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