Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. My dad and I have a pretty good relationship and everything but I am just terrified to officially break the news to him (even though I think he's figured it out).
My dad is a super smart, extremely well-read guy who has typically been my point person for any information I want to know. Except, within this past year or so (I'm 28), I've really gained this confident grasp on who I am, what I want, and I've realized that I don't trust so many facets of our country, and I've started to just research myself, and I don't really care that much about what other people think about my choices in the end. I don't know if it just came with the territory and huge responsibility of being pregnant or what, but I definitely no longer rely on the opinions of my parents and pretty much do what I think is best now using educated decisions.
And what is best for me is a homebirth. I'm healthy, my pregnancy seems to be healthy, I've never been in a hospital before for anything medically-related, so why would I go now? Obstetrics and birth technology is important, I just don't feel like I'm a candidate that needs to be in a hospital with all of those interventions at my side. And, considering its my dad's career, I don't expect him to really agree with that, but it feels kind of weird to think that my dad is "wrong" or "doesn't know". My parents of course assumed I would go to my dad's OB practice, which I politely declined early on, but it wasn't until recently that I decided to have a HB (I just moved from NYC to the state where my parents live, so there have been a lot of decisions and transitions going on, and this is just one of them). My mom is also not easy- she can be very pushy and has a hard time thinking outside the box in terms of realizing that people have different opinions than she does. She has spent the last month picking apart my baby registry telling me that I should go with this brand instead because "it's better", etc. Ugh.
Well, the day my husband and I moved back to the DC area, we spent the night at my parents, and what was on the nightstand in my old bedroom? An article claiming that homebirths carry 3x the neonatal death rate than hospital births (thanks, dad). My dad told me when I first got pregnant that homebirth was nuts. In that same conversation I also gathered that he believes in episiotomies, in epidurals, etc.
Anyway. I've told my mom I'm having the baby at home and she is doubtful; her case is "but wouldn't you want to be within a hospital if something goes wrong, for your baby's sake?" as if I'm being irresponsible. Then, the other night at a very nice dinner out with my parents, she says "So, did you tell your dad you're having a homebirth", to which I replied, no, and then changed the subject. I was irritated because that was so not the right time and place for that conversation, and let me bring it up on my own, for god's sake.
But I'm finding lately that I don't know when the right time is to have this conversation. Ultimately, it's my husband's and my decision and we will go ahead with it regardless of what my parents say or think. But what concerns me is if I ultimately have to transfer, because then I know it will all be blamed on me and my homebirth and the argument will continue that I should have just gone to my dad's practice.
Sorry for the novel...I guess I had to vent after all.