We are expecting babe #2 in May and are planning our second homebirth with our very wonderful and capable midwife. We have the total support of our families and I am in perfect health.
DS was born at home two years ago. I had some high blood pressure prior to labor and lost quite a bit of blood after the birth, but it was a very positive experience for both DH and I. The very minor complications we had during the labor only reinforced my confidence in our midwife. We are like the poster family for happy homebirthers.
So why am I feeling so unsure about this second homebirth? Every time I think about it I get this sinking sensation that something is going to go very, very wrong and that I'd be better just planning a hospital birth from the get-go (we have excellent health insurance and a very progressive hospital about 15 miles down the road). I wonder if I still have some cultural belief that birth is dangerous and we just "got lucky" the first time? Now that I am already a parent do I somehow fully realize how much is at stake?
Are these fears normal or a gut feeling I should listen to?
I also had a textbook perfect homebirth (aside from some minor tearing thanks to DS's huge head and nuchal hand) and have struggled with fears surrounding this upcoming second homebirth. I trust my body, my midwives, and my doula, and I know I can do it because I've done it before, so why am I worried?
Part of it is I think there's a feeling that I "got lucky" the first time. There's so much fear and scaremongering surrounding birth in our culture, so when a birth goes well maybe we sort of assume, in the back of our mind, that it can't possibly be the norm. The other possibility is now that we sort of know what to expect (instead of staring at just a great, inevitable unknown like the first time), we know a little better what could go wrong, and how.
I've been working on lots of relaxation techniques and I find talking out my fears with DH and my midwives really helps. Don't be afraid to ask for reassurance when you need it.
Loving wife and mama to my sweet little son (Fall 2008) and a beautiful baby girl (Fall 2010)
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw
I definitely believe that there is a difference between fears and intuition. I wasn't very good at separating the 2 last time, but this time I'm feeling much more in tune with my intuition. I believe that these are all fears and not truly an intuition, if I were intuitively feeling that there was something wrong with the baby I would get an ultrasound and if I was intuitively feeling that I should birth in the hospital then I would. It can help to sit with these thoughts/feelings and let them take you down that path. What would happen if, then what, etc and really let yourself feel those feelings and think those thoughts, really go there. For me, when I do that, a fear feels more settled, but an intuition feels stronger.
Last pregnancy, I wrote some quotes on beautiful paper and hung them around my house, like MY BODY WAS DESIGNED TO GIVE BIRTH. It reminded me about the beliefs I held deeply, and let go of surface, societal driven fears.
FWIW, DD2 was healthy and perfect in every way. HB2 was more painful and faster than HB1, and I did end up with an emergancy transfer to the hospital after HB2 due to PPH. But I still feel that home was the best place for me, even after having a somewhat tramatic HB2 with transfer.
My second labor started fast and furious and 2 and a half hours later my DD2 was born. I was so thankful that I was at home, realizing that I had nothing to be nervous about. My second homebirth was wonderful and birthing my second and bigger daughter in my bed with no shoulder dystocia really helped me believe even more in my body's ability to birth.
I hope you have a wonderful second homebirth!
Maegen, adventurous wife to DH, loving mom to my beautiful DD's and expecting another babe in March 2012!