Homebirth Mama's March 26 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 01:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Old thread : homebirthing mamas march 2-25 thread
A new thread for a new season~~!!
I loooove Spring so much all my flowers are sprouting and my herbs are looking green I looove it!

JUst thought this last thread was getting long!! But I am so happy to see there is so many of us enjoying each others beautiful stories of homebirths and brand new babies. I feel such a strong sisterhood here! I hope that doesnt sound silly!! But it feels great to communicate with people who feel so strongly about birth and family! Thankyou to all of you and to Tabitha for her great website and keeping us all talking and sharing all of our baby and belly pics!!

Happy spring!
Tanja homebirthing mama to Raven 11, Jakob 4, Ben 2 and our new baby girl Maiya almost six weeks old!
~mykids~
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#2 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 02:06 AM
 
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Good for you! It was getting too long.

I've told a few people of my homebirth plans and no one has said anything unsupportive, but I'm worried that I will somehow jinx it by telling everyone. Last time I told everyone right from the beginning and ended up not having one and telling them all I would surely go to the hospital next time. I only changed my mind and decided to go with homebirth again a few months before deciding to TTC.

Probably nothing to worry about yet, but I know that dh's family will be unsupportive and don't want to be surrounded by people who think I'm out of my mind and worry that something will go wrong the whole time.
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#3 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 10:44 AM
 
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I havent told many people about my homebirth plans either, those who know have been supportive, thankfuly. My mom wont even talk about it with me though. She also wont say my midwifes name, she says "that woman, not your dr..." Its irritating. She is a Dr. worshipper though and has been all her life so I guess that explains it.

I also feel like Ill jinx myself if I talk about it too much. With my last pregnancy I went on and on about my plans and I ended up having a miscarriage.
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#4 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 12:23 PM
 
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somewhere in the middle of that last thread, does anyone remember me telling about my surprise meeting with a homeschooling OB asking about my homebirth?

anyway, she's come up to me twice in the last two weeks, really friendly and wanting to know more about how my pregnancy was going and how it was different from a hospital birth. at first i was suspicious, but now i think she's genuinely curious... she's heard about homebirth, but i don't think she's ever met someone in the flesh who has done one!

i almost... just on the spur of the moment, curse these hormones!... invited her to come to mine this summer. i dunno, if she really turns out to be a lovely lady, i still might. i know several OBs who have had major changes of heart regarding birth choices because of being allowed to witness a lovely homebirth.

one OB back in CA actually had something pretty cool happen to her. her first birth was a managed mess that of course wound up being an emergency c-section... second birth was a hospital vbac. and her third birth... she called one of her practice's CNMs to come by her house and check her, because she didn't want to go to the hospital too early. the CNM gets there, and her boss is PUSHING! she has a surprise homebirth! last i heard, she changed her tune about doing DEM backups...

katje
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#5 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 12:30 PM
 
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This time, I'm assuming everyone knows we're having another homebirth... no one has asked. It's been a complete non-issue.

My mom was a bit concerned when I decided to have Roland at home, but her first labour was 2 days long, and I told her I had the option of transferring to the hospital anytime I want. I'm quite sure she thought thats what I'd do!! :LOL ...and I didn't care about anyone elses opinion. We didn't have to deal with months & months of fuss, because I didn't decide to homebirth until I was about 34 weeks pregnant.

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#6 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 01:07 PM
 
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I find it interesting that folks feel free to pass judgement on a woman's choice of place to birth. I mean I don't go around judging folks for birthing in the hospital. Yet, after successfully giving birth at home I have still come across some people who actually get angry with me for endangering my child. To the point that they are shaking. I recognize that this is about their own experience and has next to nothing to do with me. I just feel sad that we live in a world where mothers are judging each other and missing chances to embrace the diversity that makes mothering so unique.
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#7 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 01:18 PM
 
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"I find it interesting that folks feel free to pass judgement on a woman's choice of place to birth."

I agree. And it's a double standard. I was present at my friend's birth, and the "cascade of interventions" from the beginning was obvious even to me.

But I don't feel "allowed" to talk about it with her. While she feels completely comfortable grilling me about my planned homebirth. I SO want to talk to her openly about her birth, and how sad it was to watch everything go downhill (it ended with possibly the "best" epidural in the history of epidurals, and she was able to squat in labor and push the baby out, but she had lots of drugs along the way and thinks she NEEDED them), but I just can't do it.

Perhaps if she were planning on more kids I would feel forced to tell her it didn't have to be that way. But she's not, so I keep quiet about her DD's birth.

While I get pummeled with questions, doubt, and flak from her.
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#8 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 01:31 PM
 
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The biggest surprise I have had so far is that with 95% of people, if I mention my midwife, or correct their assumption of doctor to midwife, their first question is, are you having the baby at home? I totally did not expect that. I know lots of people who have midwives and not homebirths. I hardly have mentioned hb to anyone but lots of people know because they asked at mention of mw. Weird.

-Sheryl

Mama to DD 8 blahblah.gif and  3rdtri.gif EDD 5/21/13 joy.gif

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#9 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 01:56 PM
 
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It has been a long time since I posted to this thread, so I thought I would check in.

I totally sympathize with the mamas who are getting flak for their homebirth decision. In my first pregnancy, I was living in another state from the bulk of my family so I didn't have to face them very often, but my mother made up for it all on her own! She was sooo anxious about the homebirth and did her best to try and talk me out of it, especially once I moved back to my hometown in my second trimester. Once, when I was still living out-of state, she called me and, before even saying hello, blurted into the phone, "YOU AND THE BABY ARE BOTH GONNA DIE!" It's kind of funny now, but at the time it was just very heavy and disappointing.

Having that first baby did a lot to alter our relationship, in the sense that she started to see me as an adult and not just as her post-adolescent kid. This time, she is a little apprehensive because I have chosen to work with a relatively new practice, instead of my previous midwives who had attended over 1000 births, but the stress level is nowhere near where it was in my first pregnancy. She has also heard a lot of my doula war stories and is beginning to appreciate the fact that my desire to not be in the hospital is less based on my own irrational fears and prejudices and more based on the actual sick state of hospital-based OB care in this country.

I am helping to write copy for the website for the midwives I work for as an apprentice, and one of the articles that I am writing is titled, "Why a homebirth?" It has been interesting to try and process all of the reasons our clients have for choosing an out-of-hospital provider/setting. The thing is, the bulk of the reasons I/they have come up with have very little to do with being at home. I think that is surprising to a lot of people who just don't get it and say things like, "Well, those LDR rooms are just beautiful now, not like a hospital at all! It is just like being home!"

I would love to hear input from you mamas about why you chose a homebirth. Maybe I can polish off this article and be done with it!

As for my own pregnancy, everything seems to be smooth sailing. I have about 3.5 more weeks to go before I will be considered far enough along for a homebirth. I haven't had any symptoms of pre-term labor, but my first son was born premature-looking without a real solid due date, so it is something in the back of my mind. I have almost entirely phased out my birthwork and miss it terribly, but it is just too physically hard for me to do. I am attending one more birth in about 2 weeks, and will probably come home crying! I have made arrangements to go back to work in the winter next year, but I am sure I will be itching to do so sooner.

Good luck to everyone!

Stacia

Stacia -- intrepid mama, midwife, and doula. Changing the world one 'zine at a time.
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#10 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 02:04 PM
 
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What I get tired of hearing is, "Why would you want to feel all that pain?????" with a look of almost complete disgust on their faces.

Mostly it is girls who I graduated who say this...I live 1700 miles away from them, so I only hear it when I go home for a visit. So it's not like I hear that all the time...but it is the most annoying thing.

In fact, my best friend from early childhood/elementary/jr. high is all, "slap me up if I start saying I want a natural birth...I don't THINK so! Load me up with drugs AND an epidural if they won't give me a c-section!" I only hope once she actually gets pregnant she reads some books that will set her head on straight as to the facts. If she still chooses an intervention filled birth, fine...but just know what the repercussions can be (either way).

And these are women who are intelligent and educated in many areas of their life, but just willingly turn their bodies and babies over to the medical establishment without so much as question!

Maybe it is because I've had so much experience with the medical establishment to know that they are NOT gods!! OY!

End of rant.

I've just recovered from the stomach flu. Everyone in my house got it, but today I feel GREAT!

As far as this homebirth goes, pretty much everyone knows, and no one is being negative...and maybe this is because I just don't allow those who might be negative into my circle of reality (???? LOL). Plus, I don't talk about it with those who I'm not entirely sure are supportive. So there's that.

I think I'm around 27.5 weeks now. I checked with my midwife and they have my due date listed as June 24, even though according to my ovulation/LMP I should be due on the 18 of June. I will likely go until nearly the 24 though, so it is fine with me! We all know they come when they want to!

WOw, this is turning into a long post.

Take care,
Abby
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#11 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 02:16 PM
 
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I'm going to need some mental armor next week. My family got me a train ticket (with a sleeper car no less!) to go to a family reunion in CA (I'm in WA). I'm really looking forward to it, BUT...

My stepmom (much beloved) is a neonatal nurse. Ugh. You can imagine the kind of conversations we've had in the past when it was all hypothetical. I'm terrified of what's going to happen now that it's "for real".

I've managed to avoid talking to her on the phone, but I don't think I can avoid her for a week at the beach. Even running away isn't an option, because she has much longer legs than I do, and isn't weighed down by a baby belly!

Sigh.
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#12 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 03:29 PM
 
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I have a hard time remembering the reasons I wanted a homebirth before Roland was born. I know I didn't anticipate the reasons I'm really glad I did it, now.

I chose midwives because the only other option was OBs at the hospital (my family doctor doesn't attend births, hes got a young family of his own) and with them, there was no guarantee I'd have even met the person who'd be at the birth.

I had planned on going to the hospital with the midwives. I remember being *really* stressed out about it... maybe I didn't have any real solid reasons, but more of a gut feeling. I was afraid they'd make DH leave, and I'd be there alone, after the baby was born. Once we decided to have the baby at home, ALL my fear went away.

Because I've never had a hospital birth, I take being able to move around in labour, being able to eat & drink & use the toilet if I want, etc. for granted. So, the reasons I'm glad I did it are probably less practical than most peoples. It was just nice to be in my own space. The biggest thing for me was actually after the birth, when DH & I snuggled up with our newborn baby, in our own bed, just a few hours after he was born.

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#13 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 03:48 PM
 
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My mom has been quite supportive of our decision to have this baby at home. My MIL thinks we are crazy though. Most people I tell IRL give me strange looks but don't say anything rude outright. I'm so excited about it I have been telling lots of people.

Why homebirth?
With my first I was interested in homebirth but didn't know very much about it. I thought I could have a natural birth in a hospital (ha!) but I ended up induced, then with Stadol, then with an epidural. I feel so lucky that I got out of there without a c-section after pushing for 3 hours and having a 10 1/2 pound baby.
This time I know that I want a birth attendant who shares my philosphies of birth, rather than one who is ignorant to them or disagrees with them. I want someone who will treat my pregnancy and labor and delivery as the beautiful, natural process it is rather than a disease that needs managed. I want to have my baby in a calm, loving, supportive environment that I am in charge of. I don't want somebody else to tell me what I can and can't do. I want to birth my baby in the environment that is safest for us both. So those are my reasons.

Molly, and strength to you for your trip! I hope your Stepmom surprises you and is supportive of your decision.

Better go get myself to a nap before my boy wakes.
Love,
Chrissy

Chrissy, lucky mama to Noah (9), Lilah (6), Rowan (3) and Laney (1).
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#14 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 03:51 PM
 
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There should be a website that lists all counter-arguments to every "what if" and terrible birth story someone could come up with.
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#15 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 03:52 PM
 
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Oh thank you Chrissy...

That would be nice, but I highly doubt it. Even though she birthed my half-sibs easily (the third was almost born in the car) she still feels that the hospital is the only place to have a baby. She sees the worst things that can happen, and refuses to understand that they are the worst. She ignores her perfect former-babies and thinks that she sees the norm.

Perhaps if she'd been a nurse for a longer period of time she could see it, but she's only been out of school for about 8 years. Hasn't had a chance to fully develop, I think.

But maybe!
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#16 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 03:54 PM
 
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Nobody questions me any more -- we're on our fourth homebirth, so I guess they've given up. :LOL

Why a homebirth? For a healthy woman, birth is a relatively simple, safe process until you start messing with it. Hospitals mess with births. I don't want a messed-up birth. Simple enough.
Plus, I am really not interested in a hospital-acquired infection.

Of course, it's just a lot nicer too. Hospitals are seriously uncomfortable places. Strangers walking in and out of your "private" space and harassing you about this or that hospital policy, no good furniture, fluorescent lighting, bad food, antiseptic smells, and just that generally vibe that *they* are in charge. It's their turf, not yours. To me, none of that is conducive to relaxation, which is important for labor to progress properly.
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#17 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 04:56 PM
 
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I'm entering the homebirthing thread pretty late but as I sit here waiting for labor to begin I realized that I was expecting a TON of grief from my family about home birthing but I think my strategy in the beginning paid off. When we decided to HB, I sent a letter to our famliy members telling our plans to HB. I gave them our reasons and a little information about the safety of Hbing and then I invited them to discuss any concerns they had with us AFTER they had done their own research. I also insisted that we required their support and if that wasn't possible then we did not want to discuss our choice with them. Sooo, thus far, no one has really asked too many questions, which is fine with me. I expect to hear all sorts of interesting comments afterwards.

I've been reading MDC for months now and I'm not sure why I have finally delurked but I'll just say that it is a comfort to know that there are so many likeminded, strong women around. Thanks for being here.

Kimmy (#2 due at any moment)
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#18 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 05:14 PM
 
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Kimmy,

Wishing you a great birth---can't wait to hear all about it!!! Glad you're here with us

I have retired from administration work, so if you have a question about anything MDC-related, please contact Cynthia Mosher. Thanks!
 
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#19 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 06:38 PM
 
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my reasons for wanting homebirth
were that in all my experiences w/ docs and hospitals
i felt powerless and reduced to a smiling and nodding idiot
me, i am normally, and have always been
so bouty bouty, so strong and doing what i want
so i hate that feeling, that somebody else
has all the expertise and can tell me what is best for me
i had a miscarriage in the hospital and was treated
like a nothing nobody
i was raped before
i think this all contributed to the feelings
that i don't want to give up any control
where my body is concerned
and also didn't want to be cared for by any men
having had all of my kids at home
has been very empowering
i'm definitely no longer a smiler and nodder, doctors be damned
i am even more rooted in my independence
and trusting my instinct and ability to make decisions for myself
and now my family
i rock
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#20 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 07:56 PM
 
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This is my first post to this thread, so I will introduce myself. I don't think anyone here knows me, except maybe Katje since we both belong to the August mamas thread.

I'm almost 19 weeks preggo with baby #3. My first ds, now 6, was born in the hospital with a cnm, my second ds, now 3, was a home waterbirth with a LM. This baby too will be born at home, possibly another waterbirth, with the same midwife.

I recieved a lot of flack when planning my first homebirth, but I think everyone just expects me to do it again this time. I haven't so far endured any rude comments, hopefully it will last!

The reason I chose to homebirth is similar to a lot of other mamas here. I was rather traumatized by the treatment I recieved in the hospital. The first thing I did was bawl my eyes out as soon as I walked in the door with my new precious bundle. I don't think I realized how inhumane a hospital birth can be.

I'm a very private, modest person. I need my own space, and I need to be able to make my own decisions. I also need not to be repeatedly violated with rough, unnecessary exams, poked with needles, harrassed about medication (I could go on and on). I love the warmth and normalcy of homebirth. I love how I feel (am) so much safer at home with my family and midwife. And I love knowing that no one is going to try to take my baby and do anything with it I don't want. I'm a fierce mother bear after I give birth, and I don't want anyone hurting my precious babe.

It's nice to have such a supportive group of mamas. I don't know why it took me so long to post here. It's not like I don't need the support! No one around here homebirths! Nice to meet you all.
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#21 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 08:30 PM
 
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Can I complain? I don't know if this is the right place to do it, perhaps the May thread would be better, but bear with me.

One of my friends who is simpatico with me offered to give me a baby shower. She was the first friend I told about baby, and I thought it was great that she 'called dibs'. She knew that I wanted more of a Blessingway, a bit more pagany than floofy baby shower.

I had just gone through a floofy wedding shower last summer, and she knew that it wasn't my cup of tea. I wanted a rite of passage, but not too out there, because I wanted all my friends to feel comfortable.

Well, unfortunately, she doesn't have a good place to have it now, as she is having marital difficulties. So another friend, who LOVES floofy things, offered her house. Little did we know that she would take over.

Cool friend just called to warn me that it's not going to be anywhere near what I wanted, that we JUST got out of having crepe paper streamers, and that she had to knock it into friend#2's head that we were NOT having any insulting or disgusting games (measuring me or tasting baby food/smelling baby food in disposable diapers). I'm a principled person and am against Gerber and Pampers, etc, and friend#1 knew I would NOT like those companies to be supported for my "benefit".

So she stood up for me, but #2 has taken over quite a bit. I should have insisted that it be at my place, I shouldn't have let #2 offer her place. I don't enjoy surprises, which is why I know *anything* about the shower at all, but I have no say.

AND #2 is marrying in July, I'm a b'maid of hers, and she invited HER bridal party to MY shower. I know 1.5 of those women. :

Well, think good thoughts about my patience tomorrow. All I wanted was henna on my belly, and perhaps a cool poem to be read. Now I've got this traditional shower thing that I didn't want, and I doubt I'll be hennaed (didn't get that for my wedding shower either, even though I talked about it for 2 years).

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#22 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 08:37 PM
 
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Molly: I found an old post of yours in the Washington/Oregon/Idaho tribal area forum... are you in Oregon? 'Cause I'm sure I round up some homebirth mamas I know and we could henna each other's bellies... whaddya think?
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#23 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 08:39 PM
 
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Alas I'm in Washington. Got married in OR though. Keep me in mind, OK? I'm busy next week (going to CA) but after that and until May I'm free.

Whether or not I'll be able to drive myself down to OR is another matter LOL!
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#24 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 08:57 PM
 
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previous c-section and unmedicated birth so the homebirth just makes sense...

Even after the c-section I wanted out and wasn't comfortable. I had to fight to get my kids back and I had to fight to leave the hospital. For what, they billed me for sitting on my butt with crummy sevice and bad cable. I refused everything including their food. Truly a waste of time and money. We started off in the hospital setting, and no regrets - I was allowed to call all the shots. I know that sounds odd since I had a c but they were willing to let me labour longer but I had a gut feeling since 37 (and I was 42+) that I needed a c. There were complications with my son and I decided that it was time to get him out. The Dr didn't force me and promised before we went in to protect my ability to vbac in the future. The vbac was unmedicated and the Dr. slept on the couch until I felt like pushing. Told the nurse to take the darn monitor off me and didn't care what I did. I didn't get to the hospital until I was in active labour so the car ride was awful and I didn't pay attention to anyone else. We started off the hospital route because 1) I was new in town and didn't know the right circle to get the right mw. The others were phyician based practices on a rotation so really what's the point and 2) DH is a paramedic and had to attend 5 women all with poor outcomes. He acknowledges that is due to poor prenatal care but it had a pretty rough affect on him. Now he also sees no point in the hospital

later
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#25 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 09:12 PM
 
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Claudia and Molly!!!!

I want to have a henna'ed belly, too! (Claudia, did I tell you about this already?!) I've been looking for someone semi-professional to do it here in town, but I'd loooooooove to have a henna party with ya'll and do it ourselves. Let's get together! Claudia, do you know how, where to get supplies, etc.? I am a mehndi newbie...

Sarah
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#26 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 10:05 PM
 
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You know I read about the henna bellies and loved the idea but have not heard a sole around her talk about it let alone do it. I'm jealous I live over here in yuppiedumn.

I thought about having Dh and DS do the belly cast but we lack skills and the ability to work together so that could be a problem. Plus a 2 year old with that stuff might not be a wise choice. Anyone have one and where do you keep? How do you display it?
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#27 of 163 Old 03-26-2004, 10:12 PM
 
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I was never much into the belly casts, but then I saw one at a midwife's office that was really nice. Most of the time when they are just painted, they look really naked to me. But this one was draped in a lovely, embroidered fabric. Like a pregnant woman wearing a drapy, flowy tunic.

I loved it.

You can just use plaster of paris and gauze or something like that, or you can buy all sorts of kits for various prices from the internet. Just google "belly casting".

I don't think it requires you guys working together; rather I think it involves you sitting still while someone else does it to/for you.

As for henna, I'm concerned with the tickle factor, but I once did henna on my foot and on my ankle, and I LOVED it. I had a tube of the paste and some sticky stencils and just filled in the stencils. There were no directions so I think I took the stencils off too early (or perhaps too late) so they were messy, but I still loved them.
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#28 of 163 Old 03-27-2004, 12:46 AM
 
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hello, myjo! nice to see you here!

adventuregirl, if someone says "midwife," i think of a CPM or DEM or LM... someone most likely to be doing homebirths. if someone says "nurse-midwife," i think CNM and hospitals. not many CNMs do homebirths, and i know that the docs have set things up so no CPMs are welcome at the hospital!

mollyeilis, you and your sisterfriends (and i mean just a few of them!) need to do a blessingway. get that one friend to do it... just grit your teeth through the babyshower thing and know that this friend means well, and then hook up with your close galpals, whip up some henna (you can use the hair kind if you don't have a mehndi kit... just put it in a plastic sandwich baggie and snip a tiny bit off the corner), and have a ball! let everyone do your belly, and be sure everyone gets a little design on her cheek or arm or whatever. even if it's just you and her, you'll get your henna and your lovin' and your blessing, which you need and deserve!

it doesn't have to be in a big room. just light some candles, put some flowers in a vase, and have some nummy cookies and juice around. put libana on the stereo, let your hair down, and really sing to this baby! please don't miss out on this... just set a time and place and let it happen, and the magic will manifest! and then come back here and tell us all about it...

defenestrator, i had a homebirth because i don't like hospitals, and i had some friends who had homebirths who explained clearly and carefully why they chose that path. it made perfect sense to me, and i've never for one second felt i needed to be in a hospital. i never felt sick or hurt or wrong... sure, it was hard and sometimes overwhelming, but nothing i needed to get "fixed." since my last homebirth, i've been a doula at about 30 births, most of them hospital (about 5 at home, though). i haven't seen anything to convince me otherwise (although i am a firm believer in a mom being where she feels she needs to be... if she intuits that she wants to be in a hospital, i've learned NOT to argue with her!).

katje
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#29 of 163 Old 03-27-2004, 12:50 AM
 
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My main reason for choosing a homebirth (besides the fact that while I was growing up, I thought it was how everyone had babies!) was that I want the baby to be able to call the shots. Second-in-command would be me, then the midwives, and then poor dh. In the hospital I would come somewhere near the bottom, and the baby's wishes would not be considered at all.
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#30 of 163 Old 03-27-2004, 01:49 AM
 
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molly=your shower will be fine
it might not be what you would have planned
but it will still be a gathering of people
wishing a lot of good will on you and your baby
i'm sure you can endure it
and it would probably be fun
if you or you and another friend
brought a couple of your own plans into it
like henna or something
i'm sure everybody would enjoy it
and it might help you get to know some of them better
(you said you will be ina wedding party together later?)

doing henna is a tradition in a lot of african and arab muslim communities
at holiday time
i have seen some BEAUTIFUL incredible designs
where i live, a woman set up a temporary booth
in the mall to do henna for women before holiday
if you asked somebody in the muslim community where you live
i'll bet you could find (if you live in a city or university town)
a woman who can do beautiful work
not that it wouldn't be fun to do w/ your girlfriends
but it would be cool to have an "expert"
i really wanted to do it on my belly my last pregnancy
but never did

have fun at your shower
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