Convice my husband, please! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 02-10-2011, 08:04 AM - Thread Starter
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Any scientific resources I can throw at my husband to convince him that a home birth might be in our best interests?


A little background: I'm 42 and will be delivering before I turn 43. My previous two births were in a hospital setting with no drugs. My first labor was about 5 hours. My second, I delivered within 40 minutes of arriving at the hospital - a sum total labor at 2 hours and 40 minutes. We joke that traffic was so bad, we almost named our daughter, Ted, the name of the tunnel we were stuck in.


At my last birth I was treated with that advanced maternal age "complication." And spent the last 3 weeks with multiple visits to the antenatal testing unit for monitoring. I was also required to go through genetic counseling where they apparently scared the begeezus out of dh with all the what ifs. We chose not to have have testing other than simple blood tests. I would have been feeling way more empowered at this birth if it wasn't for the fact that I spent about 7 to 10 weeks of the second trimester with mono. I was both physically and emotionally drained by that (because no one could figure out what was wrong with me).


My dh, is completely against us having a home birth. He is insisting that it be at a medical setting. We have one birth center option that is less than a 30 minute (in traffic) drive from us. However, their transfer rate is rather sketchy and I have yet to find out from them whether they will automatically reject me due to my age and a benign heart condition (PVCs, no meds). I don't want to have this baby in our car and I would much rather avoid being hooked up the entire time to a monitor so I can do my usual labor dance wink1.gif What can I show or have him see so that his anxiety is reduced?

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#2 of 11 Old 02-10-2011, 09:16 AM
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One book that I've found that's GREAT with the numbers, stats, etc. is 'Pushed' by Jennifer Block. If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you do! And give it to hubby as well. There are also some great links, blogs, sites out there to point him to. The Business of Being Born is a great video to get him to watch as well, if he hasn't already. It's on instant play on Netflix, if you have that. Maybe have him go interview a midwife with you. 


I really hope he comes around. It makes things go so much smoother when you're both on the same page. Best wishes to you!!!

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#3 of 11 Old 02-10-2011, 11:46 AM
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Ina May's Guide to Childbirth has a lot of numbers in it to back claims.  Which for DH (the numbers guy engineer), numbers are good.  Men want "concrete" evidence.  Have him skip the first half of the book, which is birth stories, and read the second half.

Wife to DH geek.gif, mom to DS (4/09), and DD (8/11)fly-by-nursing2.gif, and crafty and hardworking in my own right!  In my parenting journey I've  delayedvax.gif, signcirc1.gif, familybed2.gif, h20homebirth.gif, andcd.gif.  To each family their own!!



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#4 of 11 Old 02-10-2011, 12:31 PM
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Born in the USA by Marsden Wagner was the book that convinced my DH that birthing in the hospital was crazy talk wink1.gif. Before he'd been OK with a homebirth but after reading that he was firmly in the 'only if medically necessary' camp.

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#5 of 11 Old 02-10-2011, 05:52 PM
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I second The Business of Being Born. That was the movie that turned my husband from hospital to home birth. :) My hubby doesn't read much so giving him a book to read was never going to convince him. But the movie gave him all the really important info. Good luck!

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#6 of 11 Old 02-11-2011, 07:50 AM
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I agree with "pushed" "Born in the USA" and "BoBB." "Gentle Birth Gentle Mothering" is pretty good too - also has the 'authority' of coming from a medical doctor, which may help strengthen the arguments in some people's view.


Is he open to the idea of birth center? If so, LOL, you can sorta 'trick' him - if he thinks that's OK, you can turn right around and say, "OK, then HB is safe too b/c an FSBC has nothing from a safety perspective that a HB MW doesn't bring with her!" (The only way FSBC could be more safe is if it's closer to hospital in case of transfer.)

But you have the added disadvantages of driving in labor, losing the comfort of your own personal space AND, most likely, not getting to chose your MW & asst/nurse. IMX, most FSBC have a group of MWs & nurses who rotate, whereas most HB MWs are independent so you get YOUR MW and her asst.


While that may seem like a mere luxury, I really think the trust you & the MW build in one another (so MW knowing/ trusting YOU - not just the other way around) can increase safety. I've heard way too many stories of HCPs not trusting Mamas when they said something "felt" off - & I imagine that's much less likely to happen with an HB MW you've gotten to know well through hour-long prenatals. Ah - there's one more perk - hour-long prenatals! :) My hospital-MWs with DS did 15-minutes! (Not sure what most FSBCs do.)

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#7 of 11 Old 02-11-2011, 09:13 AM
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OH! And the movie, "Pregnant in America". The dad is the one taking the video throughout his wife's pregnancy. I bet your husband will get riled up no matter WHAT his beliefs on the subject are when the dad gets laughed at by a hospital administrator for asking a question. Yeah...I STILL can't get over that! 

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#8 of 11 Old 02-14-2011, 11:47 AM
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another vote for the book "pushed", also "homebirth" by kitzinger.  my husband was not too comfortable with homebirth, but was open to to it.  after me reading and educating myself, and discussing with him (not trying to force it on him, but talking about the things i was reading), he was totally sold.  he even brought up the topic with both our families and defended it quite well (when I was thinking of not saying much at all yet to them Sheepish.gif).


we did watch TBOBB (a couple years ago), but it was a bit too over the top for our tastes.  what worked for him (and us) was being able to read lots of personal stories and get to know the history of birth in america via studies and facts.  


i later read spiritual midwifery and ATE THAT UP!  great book.... 


good luck and i pray that you will both get to a place a peace for your decisions for your little one!

mother to girl (8), boy (7), girl (5) and twin boys (12/07) and a little boy due Feb 5!!
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#9 of 11 Old 02-19-2011, 08:39 PM
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Great thread! I'm taking notes! ;)

Michelle SAHM to K (3/2004)  H (8/2006) P (7/2011) & we're missing Finley Jonas born still, July 27, 2010 

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#10 of 11 Old 02-20-2011, 04:30 AM
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if you choose a well qualified midwife, then you are getting the same care you would get at a free standing birth center. they have access to the same tools, meds, etc. For example, with my second homebirth, I did IV GBS antibiotics- my CNM can do those things at home, just as they would do at a birth center. so there really is no difference except, like PP said, the birth center could be closer to the hospital.

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#11 of 11 Old 02-20-2011, 06:36 PM
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Search for the canadian homebirth study-- it should come up right away. It was based in BC, is relatively new, compared to most statistics, and the results wholeheartedly support homebirth. Looking through the charts of statistics, it's easy to see why homebirth is a wonderful, and safe, option.

Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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