final chapter of the saga in post #108 (was "really conflicted about homebirth and need advice") - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-27-2011, 06:14 PM
 
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I do not think I could birth in a hospital setting. I would not feel safe there, personally. If you are going to do the hospital birth I 100% recommend having a doula at least. She can advocate for you and provide that needed support.

 

Good luck!


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Old 03-27-2011, 07:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do not think I could birth in a hospital setting. I would not feel safe there, personally. If you are going to do the hospital birth I 100% recommend having a doula at least. She can advocate for you and provide that needed support.

 

Good luck!


I work there as a L&D nurse so I absolutely feel "safe" but just that it's more of a battle to make them go against their routine. My OB will bend over backwards for me and so will the L&D nurses but the nursery staff and pediatricians are a little harder sell.

I mostly just dont want to be messed with right after delivery. I want to be able to enjoy the birth and rush of hormones and excitement that comes with it. It is likely our last baby so I want to enjoy every second of it. ugh, such hard decisions and only you, my virtual tribe, to discuss it with. I have no friends or family who have homebirth to discuss it over with and since I work there, it makes it a more unique and annoying situation.
Maybe its not as concluded as I thought

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Old 03-27-2011, 08:00 PM
 
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hug2.gif Hi Mama... I wonder if maybe you should hire a doula. I know you feel safe around your hospital team, which is a huge benefit. But maybe a doula would be able to help you assert your needs and have people leave you alone once your baby is born?

 

 

 


 

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Old 03-28-2011, 06:19 AM
 
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Personally I think it  may make it more difficult that you work with these people. If they start calling you non-compliant and they are your co-workers you may either a) completely freak out on them b/c they know you and why are they trying to order you around (and then have to work with these people again) or b) just give in when they tell you for the 3rd time you need some intervention you don't want. They also may use it to their advantage like you know me, I wouldn't hurt you or the baby, you need x,y,z. We do this everyday it is safe. ect ect

 

Even if they would bend over backwards for you, I also worked in the medical field as an aide and I know how fast someones personality can change once a patient becomes a "PIA" (which is always that they are just specific in what they want/need ect) for some reason it seems the medical field worker does not feel comfortable unless they are "in control"

 

Do you know what I am saying?

 

If you want to give birth their that is awesome and 100% do it, but watch out for the above and definately get a doula! Since it is your last baby I would esp be more inclined to have a home birth so you can get that experience, but if it isn't doable then that is ok too.


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Old 04-04-2011, 08:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hold on this is a little soap opera-y and confusing redface.gif...
After writing this its super confusing so I'm going to use the fake names of "Anna" as the midwife who I would want to be my primary and "Mary" as Anna's backup midwife.

OK, so I felt pretty content after I "decided" that I couldn't find a suitable midwife and I was just going to go ahead with a hospital delivery... for a week or so. Then the feeling that I really wanted a more hands off delivery crept back into me like it did before. I have been reading books during this whole ordeal which mostly fuel the flame to deliver at home. (which, btw, my favorite has been "Gentle birth, gentle mothering : a doctor's guide to natural childbirth and gentle early parenting choices by Buckley, Sarah J. and the WORST ever was "The best birth : your guide to the safest, healthiest, most satisfying labor and delivery" / McMoyler, Sarah, I only skimmed it but its basically a lazy labor nurses guide how to be the best patient eyesroll.gif) .

Anyway, since I couldn't find a midwife that I liked that would actually for sure be around (Anna is going to be on vacation for all of July but said that if I delivered within a couple days of my due date-7/30- she would be able to attend) I started thinking that I'd rather UC than go to the hospital. But then I started thinking if I was going to plan a UC I might as well keep trying to find a midwife that might be around for me. So I found one I liked over the phone and she said she would send me her packet of info and after asking her a couple times if she'd sent it, I still haven't gotten it and I kind of lost faith in her, plus she's only a CPM so I'd have to pay 100% OOP. So I was back on the hunt.

So I called one of my coworkers who is a CNM but only in CA and who is the birth attendant for Anna and we talked about my sticky situation. I explained about how I hadn't had good interactions with Mary but that the only times I'd met her was when she had to transfer a pt to our hospital so maybe she wasn't her normal self. My coworker said that Mary really was pretty good and that I should call her and meet her so maybe I'd be more comfortable with her being the back up during the month that Anna was gone (Id see her for the last month of prenatal visits and delivery if it was more than a couple days before my due date). So today I called Mary and she literally said she couldn't understand why she would want to take time to have a consult with someone who had no intention of being her patient. I think it's the first time I've had a random teary breakdown during this pg. I dont even know what I felt except almost humiliated that I even thought that that might be a good idea. I can understand that time is money but how long would it take to meet me and is she THAT busy? She suggested that I either just use her as the primary, meet her sometime during my normal prenatal appts with the primary midwife, or ask the primary midwife to find a different back up that wasn't her. The latter wasn't a half bad idea because Mary was the only midwife I had initially crossed off my list based on previous encounters and this one did NOT make me feel better, at all.

So now I dont know what to do. Having the person I've come to know and trust be the attendant is pretty important to me and using Anna would mean betting that I would go to full term. Or I could use her and ask her to find someone else as her back up besides Mary, which would make me feel better about it if Anna wasn't able to make it. I would also really love for my coworker to be there as the attendant. Or I can just continue with my OB and make a very, very specific birth plan with her, which she will be happy to oblige because that's just how she is.

My original worry about what my OB and coworkers would think if I had a homebirth is a little less worrisome to me now that my gut is actually telling me something. Before my head wanted a home delivery but my gut wasn't speaking loudly enough for me to be sure it was the right thing to do. Now I know that it's what I would most want I just have to somehow find a way to make it happen. I'm not totally opposed to UC'ing but I know I wont be in my right mind while delivering so I worry a little about weather I'd be capable of handling emergencies if one was to arise.

So what do you all think? dizzy.gif

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Old 04-05-2011, 07:13 AM
 
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I would 100% request a different back up MW and have my home birth.

 

If you are going to have a co-worker be their during your labor, choose wisely, b/c she comes from a hospital and may want to take charge and be hands on, or make suggestions you don't want/need.

 

I also highly recommend the hypnobabies at home kit. I think it will help calm you and you seem like you really need that. I had a hypnobirth and it was awesome (although not completely pain free)

 

 


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Old 04-05-2011, 08:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

I would 100% request a different back up MW and have my home birth.

 

If you are going to have a co-worker be their during your labor, choose wisely, b/c she comes from a hospital and may want to take charge and be hands on, or make suggestions you don't want/need.

 

I also highly recommend the hypnobabies at home kit. I think it will help calm you and you seem like you really need that. I had a hypnobirth and it was awesome (although not completely pain free)

 

 


thanks!
I'm *actually* downloading the hypnobabies MP3's onto my player RIGHT NOW! smile.gif We're going on vacation so I figured it'd be a good time to get a good start on it.

my coworker works only per diem and Im not choosing her because she's my coworker. She is the primary midwifes birth attendant on a regular basis. She has been working on call at the hospital just to keep up on some skills but is actually a midwife herself and is very involved with our local Birth Professionals group. Once I decided for the second time that I'd rather have a homebirth but was still unsure who the midwife would be, the only person I could actually picture being at my birth was her. So I have trust in her. Now my other coworker who I'm actually friends with outside of work who really wants to be at my delivery... not so much. She doesnt even know I'm leaning toward homebirth.

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Old 04-05-2011, 11:28 AM
 
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Perhaps you should talk to Anna about having a different back up in case you do go into labor while she is on vacation. I think that it was incredibly rude of Mary to refuse to meet with you. There's a decent chance she would need to attend you with Anna being on vacation in July so I really don't see a meeting to be an unreasonable request.


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Old 04-05-2011, 11:37 AM
 
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What specific things are you worried about in the hospital setting?  (Sorry if this was previously addressed toward the beginning of the thread ...)  You said that you would feel safe at this hospital because you work there and you would know your nurse, but it also sounded like knowing your nurse could be part of the problem ... do you have any colleagues who would/could come in just for you who you would feel comfortable being your L&D nurse, and who would work with you on whatever things that are "standard" that you will be doing differently?  Since you said your OB will totally be on board with your birth plan, which is super important, it sounds like you are worried about L&D nurses and/or postpartum, but it would be helpful to know which things you plan to decline that you think people might give you s**t about.  Also, how is your DH in terms of sticking up for you?  Is that a job he could handle?  If not, the doula idea is a good one.  I don't actually need emotional or physical support during labor, but I hired a doula to help me make sure that my wishes are respected (I think they will be, but just in case, for my peace of mind, I wanted a second person there).   

 

Your midwife situation definitely sounds complicated.  It's too bad that Anna is going to be on vacation during some weeks when you could potentially give  birth, otherwise it would be a no-brainer.  It's also too bad that Mary doesn't sound like she's going to work out as a backup.  Maybe she's great for others, but after two negative interactions with her it's obvious that you aren't clicking.  If you've really exhausted all your midwife options, maybe there is a way to make the hospital work for you?  It's probably not a good idea to choose UC out of desperation rather than because you really feel that it is right for you -- ideally if you were planning to do that you would engage in a lot of preparation in terms of learning what to do in case of emergencies.  Perhaps as an L&D nurse you already have a lot of this knowledge, though. 

 

I hope things come together for you in one way or another pretty soon -- keep us posted!


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Old 04-05-2011, 11:37 AM
 
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Hi!!  I only read the first few posts, so I apologize if I repeat what someone else said.  I just wanted to answer your question about the birth center.  I wanted the in between the hospital/home birth experience, so we also chose to deliver at a birth center.  However, the closest one is an hour away.  We definitely received quite a few raised eyebrows on that, but we made it no problem!  We left right after my water broke and the car ride was suprisingly tolerable!  I felt really confident in our decision after reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and the countless stories of women in labor for hours and days.  Hope this helps!!  Much love to you for a beautiful delivery on YOUR terms!!

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Old 04-05-2011, 01:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know this is a long thread and I'm always confused and blabbing, but it really does help me so much just to talk about it with other people. The questions that you all raise help me flush out in my head what it is that I really want, which wouldn't be easy for me if I were trying to do it alone. thanks.gif

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Hi!!  I only read the first few posts, so I apologize if I repeat what someone else said.  I just wanted to answer your question about the birth center.  I wanted the in between the hospital/home birth experience, so we also chose to deliver at a birth center.  However, the closest one is an hour away.  We definitely received quite a few raised eyebrows on that, but we made it no problem!  We left right after my water broke and the car ride was suprisingly tolerable!  I felt really confident in our decision after reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and the countless stories of women in labor for hours and days.  Hope this helps!!  Much love to you for a beautiful delivery on YOUR terms!!



We have a birth center about an hour away by car, and another, more preferable birth center even more precariously located 30min car ride, 30 min ferry ride, 10 mins drive from here. I thought about that but last time the 20 min drive from here to the hossy was SO bad. And my first labor was only about 4 hours so I'm not sure how this one will go. I've been reading every book on Homebirth, natural childbirth, etc. that I can get my hands on from 2 different library systems. They all make me more confident in my feeling to deliver at home.
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What specific things are you worried about in the hospital setting?  (Sorry if this was previously addressed toward the beginning of the thread ...)  You said that you would feel safe at this hospital because you work there and you would know your nurse, but it also sounded like knowing your nurse could be part of the problem ... do you have any colleagues who would/could come in just for you who you would feel comfortable being your L&D nurse, and who would work with you on whatever things that are "standard" that you will be doing differently?  Since you said your OB will totally be on board with your birth plan, which is super important, it sounds like you are worried about L&D nurses and/or postpartum, but it would be helpful to know which things you plan to decline that you think people might give you s**t about.  Also, how is your DH in terms of sticking up for you?  Is that a job he could handle?  If not, the doula idea is a good one.  I don't actually need emotional or physical support during labor, but I hired a doula to help me make sure that my wishes are respected (I think they will be, but just in case, for my peace of mind, I wanted a second person there).   

 

Your midwife situation definitely sounds complicated.  It's too bad that Anna is going to be on vacation during some weeks when you could potentially give  birth, otherwise it would be a no-brainer.  It's also too bad that Mary doesn't sound like she's going to work out as a backup.  Maybe she's great for others, but after two negative interactions with her it's obvious that you aren't clicking.  If you've really exhausted all your midwife options, maybe there is a way to make the hospital work for you?  It's probably not a good idea to choose UC out of desperation rather than because you really feel that it is right for you -- ideally if you were planning to do that you would engage in a lot of preparation in terms of learning what to do in case of emergencies.  Perhaps as an L&D nurse you already have a lot of this knowledge, though. 

 

I hope things come together for you in one way or another pretty soon -- keep us posted!


that made me giggle because it so is! I feel like I'm in a friggin soap opera in my head. There is one other midwife that I might be able to meet with, who lives over an hour away. but I'd heard she wasn't doing many deliveries lately because she's been traveling so we'll see where that one goes.
It would be a no brainer if "Anna" wasn't going on vacation for the whole month. And yes, after my initial negative interactions with "Mary" that were reinforced by her response make me for sure not want to use her as a back up. And I really do want to know who is going to be at my birth. I wouldn't say I'm a shy person, but I am very private. I dont talk about my personal business at work, I dont like people in my space and Im not the person who enjoys random hugs from people I dont know. So that's another plus to delivering at the hospital because I know my OB is on call for me 24/7 and if for some really random reason she wasn't around, I know her back up very well and am able to choose which of her 4 colleagues I would want to be there.
I'm not particularly worried about delivering in the hospital and I think although, DH has come around to the idea of a homebirth, I think deep down he would be more comfortable in the hospital. My biggest beef with the hossy is that I just want to skip the hustle and bustle after the baby is born. I dont want the nursery nurses taking baby to do their "routine" which can easily be put off until a later time. I am totally able to call in who ever I want to be my L&D nurse, and would probably call the nurse that is also "Anna's" birth attendant I am also able to pick who will come to the delivery from nursery but cant call someone in just for that- I'd be able to pick anyone to come in that is already there though- including another labor nurse- it doesn't have to be nursery, just someone with NRP and call nursery only if there was trouble. I did have moderate Meconium with DS and was GBS positive, although I only got one dose because I went too fast. I plan to wait even longer until we'd head in this time so I'm really hoping I'm GBS neg this time.
DH would not be good about standing up for anything so in addition to a detailed birth plan, I do plan to have a doula type person there. I think I'll need more support when I get to transition than I had last time. As long as everything is good with baby I'll be able to do the same intermittent monitoring that they would do at home and I liked laboring alone with DS so I think the L&D part of being at the hossy would be fine. It's more the after part and not wanting them to mess with baby and our first precious moments.
I would be able to plan and be prepared for a UC and am probably a little more prepared than another first time UC'er just because I have had to resuscitate a newborn before, deal with PPH, Shoulder dystocia, etc. And I'll be able to have all the equipment- aspirator, non-rebreather resus equipment, etc on hand at home. But being in the right mind to be able to use it might be another issue.
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Perhaps you should talk to Anna about having a different back up in case you do go into labor while she is on vacation. I think that it was incredibly rude of Mary to refuse to meet with you. There's a decent chance she would need to attend you with Anna being on vacation in July so I really don't see a meeting to be an unreasonable request.


Thank you! I thought it was kind of rude but maybe that's the norm and I just didn't know it.

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Old 04-05-2011, 05:12 PM
 
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yeah it was definately rude I'm sure I would have went off on her


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Old 04-05-2011, 09:29 PM
 
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Yeah. Mary's response was totally out of line. You probably handled better than I did, I would have said some sort of smartass remark like "Yeah, I kind of like to meet people who are going to see my vagina, it's this strange quirk I have"  Maybe you should the midwife that you like if she has a better backup for you.

 

 


 

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Old 04-07-2011, 01:13 PM
 
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Quote:
My biggest beef with the hossy is that I just want to skip the hustle and bustle after the baby is born. I dont want the nursery nurses taking baby to do their "routine" which can easily be put off until a later time. I am totally able to call in who ever I want to be my L&D nurse, and would probably call the nurse that is also "Anna's" birth attendant I am also able to pick who will come to the delivery from nursery but cant call someone in just for that- I'd be able to pick anyone to come in that is already there though- including another labor nurse- it doesn't have to be nursery, just someone with NRP and call nursery only if there was trouble. I did have moderate Meconium with DS and was GBS positive, although I only got one dose because I went too fast. I plan to wait even longer until we'd head in this time so I'm really hoping I'm GBS neg this time.
DH would not be good about standing up for anything so in addition to a detailed birth plan, I do plan to have a doula type person there. I think I'll need more support when I get to transition than I had last time. As long as everything is good with baby I'll be able to do the same intermittent monitoring that they would do at home and I liked laboring alone with DS so I think the L&D part of being at the hossy would be fine. It's more the after part and not wanting them to mess with baby and our first precious moments.
 

 

Well, I totally understand this concern ... dealing with declining newborn stuff is among my least favorite parts of being in the hospital.  But, at the end of the day, you know you can decline anything you don't want, or ask them to delay it -- you just have to be firm.  You know best how much grief they will give you for doing so, but I would think that they might be more amenable to accommodating a coworker's request than that of a random patient they don't know, especially if you are well liked, which it sounds like you are.  I just found out today that I will probably have to give birth at a different hospital from the one I thought I was going to, and one of my two choices has a "mandatory separation" policy where at the time the mom is transferred from LDR to postpartum, they take the baby to the nursery for the first bath and then probably time under the warmer and supposedly parents are not allowed to accompany ,,, um, not. gonna. happen.  I mean, even if we have to bodily hold them off, it is not going to happen.  How much grief they are likely to give us about this will probably determine which of the two hospitals we choose, as they are the same distance from our house.  

 

If your OB is willing to give baby straight to you after birth, then all you have to do is either ask or have your DH ask the nurse politely to hold off on doing any newborn stuff ... though at most hospitals here it is standard for baby to go right to mom and not be weighed until after having a chance to nurse and bond.   


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Old 04-07-2011, 01:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I totally understand this concern ... dealing with declining newborn stuff is among my least favorite parts of being in the hospital.  But, at the end of the day, you know you can decline anything you don't want, or ask them to delay it -- you just have to be firm.  You know best how much grief they will give you for doing so, but I would think that they might be more amenable to accommodating a coworker's request than that of a random patient they don't know, especially if you are well liked, which it sounds like you are.  I just found out today that I will probably have to give birth at a different hospital from the one I thought I was going to, and one of my two choices has a "mandatory separation" policy where at the time the mom is transferred from LDR to postpartum, they take the baby to the nursery for the first bath and then probably time under the warmer and supposedly parents are not allowed to accompany ,,, um, not. gonna. happen.  I mean, even if we have to bodily hold them off, it is not going to happen.  How much grief they are likely to give us about this will probably determine which of the two hospitals we choose, as they are the same distance from our house.  

 

If your OB is willing to give baby straight to you after birth, then all you have to do is either ask or have your DH ask the nurse politely to hold off on doing any newborn stuff ... though at most hospitals here it is standard for baby to go right to mom and not be weighed until after having a chance to nurse and bond.   


jaw.gif wow. I hardly knew places did that anymore! Yikes. No way no how!

My OB, and every OB at every delivery, gives baby straight to mom unless babe needs resuscitation. They usually let mom hold baby for 15-20 mins then take baby to do a quick assessment and get a weight- all in the room- then give baby back to mom. Some nursery nurses are better at diverting from their "comfortable routine" than others. And especially since I"m going to ask OB to wait to clamp the cord, haha baby's still attached to me! wink1.gif I think it will actually be fine to deliver at the hospital. I just swing so widely from day to day- one day I'm happy at the hossy as long as I'm a little bossy (hehe) and others I really want to just be at home. We'll see... I'm going on vacation tomorrow where there isn't much to do besides relax and maybe explore a little if it's not too hot so I'm hoping to have some time to reflect. I'm bringing hypnobabies on my MP3 and as my in flight reading. smile.gif

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Old 04-07-2011, 07:21 PM
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I do not post much but really felt the need to reply to you.  I am a NICU nurse turned SAHM so I completely understand your concerns over the "what if's."  I had a hospital birth with #1 and a home birth with #2.  I LOVED my homebirth but those concerns constantly were in my mind because of some things I would see at work.  I'm pregnant with #3 now and I'm not sure what we are going to do this time.  You really have to decide what YOU want and not listen to anyone else.  I do want to say that even with my training I would have not been able to do a UC birth with an emergency.  My nursing skills went out the window when I was in labor and I can't imagine doing that on my own especially if there was an emergency.  Good luck with your decision.

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Old 04-07-2011, 11:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I do not post much but really felt the need to reply to you.  I am a NICU nurse turned SAHM so I completely understand your concerns over the "what if's."  I had a hospital birth with #1 and a home birth with #2.  I LOVED my homebirth but those concerns constantly were in my mind because of some things I would see at work.  I'm pregnant with #3 now and I'm not sure what we are going to do this time.  You really have to decide what YOU want and not listen to anyone else.  I do want to say that even with my training I would have not been able to do a UC birth with an emergency.  My nursing skills went out the window when I was in labor and I can't imagine doing that on my own especially if there was an emergency.  Good luck with your decision.



I've come to think that myself. So I have definitely decided against UC.
I'm assuming that some time I'll KNOW without a doubt what I want to do. We'll see. Hearing everyone's opinions and questions does help me flush out what my real feelings are though.

Jenica- Wife to R & mama to C 8/27/09, my little blonde bombshell and D 7/23/11, whom we love so much we gave him an extra chromosome      cd.gifwinner.jpgfemalesling.GIF
 

 

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Old 04-18-2011, 03:04 PM
 
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Okay, here's a thought I had about your situation. Could you switch to Anna as your primary provider and continue to see your OB at the same time? Tell Anna that you want to work with her, but that you are uncomfortable with her backup. Explain that you will continue to see your OB and that you will not work with Mary during July, just your OB. If you deliver early, you will use your OB as backup and go to the hospital. Don't know if that would work or not, but it's an idea anyway.

 

These decisions are so hard - UGH!


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Old 04-18-2011, 10:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, here's a thought I had about your situation. Could you switch to Anna as your primary provider and continue to see your OB at the same time? Tell Anna that you want to work with her, but that you are uncomfortable with her backup. Explain that you will continue to see your OB and that you will not work with Mary during July, just your OB. If you deliver early, you will use your OB as backup and go to the hospital. Don't know if that would work or not, but it's an idea anyway.

 

These decisions are so hard - UGH!


At first I thought that'd be a super great idea and it is probably my best/only option to have a home birth if I go long enough. But, if I see the midwife but end up transferring, except to her backup (whoever that might be), then I have to pay her $700 for the prenatal visits. I'm 25 weeks now so there wouldn't be a ton of them and somehow we overpaid uncle sam a bunch last year so will actually get a refund for the first time ever, but still, it's $700 and I doubt she'd prorate it.
UGH youre so right! These decisions are so hard!!! I've been on vacation for the last 10 days and haven't really thought much about it. I keep trying to picture my birthing day and can only bring up memories of my DS's birthday. I can see myself laboring in the water for at least some of labor but that's about it. I can picture accidentally delivering at home in my tub but no one else is around. thanks to this thread and the great responses, I think I've determined that its mostly the immediate delivery time that I'm most concerned about. I think with a detailed birth plan and some help from my OB and the charge nurses I can make it happen. But then I watch some amazing, raw home birth videos and it makes me want to do it again. I just feel like I'm on the end of a pendulum!

Jenica- Wife to R & mama to C 8/27/09, my little blonde bombshell and D 7/23/11, whom we love so much we gave him an extra chromosome      cd.gifwinner.jpgfemalesling.GIF
 

 

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Old 04-19-2011, 11:30 PM
 
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What I learned from my homebirth, and the time leading up to it, is that this is the time to listen to your gut and intuition. Sifting through fears is part of the process, but eventually, it's time to own your power as a birthing woman and stand in your truth.  That doesn't mean you necessarily have to tell the truth of all the details of a homebirth plan to others.  On the contrary, it might mean little white lies to get the result you want.  But make your intentions clear to yourself at least, and the baby, and obstacles may start to clear the way for what you want.  Don't let your decision come from your hubby, as important as his feelings are, he needs to trust YOU on this one.  I think many men are uncomfortable about birth no matter what the circumstances, simply because they can't relate and can't control it. They are better able to understand and trust the machines in the hospital than the 'mysterious' forces of a woman's body.

 

This time last year, I knew 100% that I wanted a homebirth, but had almost zero confidence that it was going to happen because it was a VBAC.  So the approach I took was what I'd call 'non-attachment': to plan for the best, but stay prepared for any direction the birth might take with an open heart. I literally walked every day and said to myself, 'I am open to everything this pregnancy and birth has to offer.'  So NOT TRUE when I first started saying it, but eventually my mind started to accept it the more I did it!  I would also say to the baby, 'I'm doing everything I can to give you the most natural birth possible.  Please help me do that for you.'  I proceeded planning for a homebirth AND and left myself the option of the hospital should I want or need it.  I had parallel visits with my CPM and OB (without telling the OB), did intensive yoga, hypnosis and Birthing From Within classes to release my fears, massage and chiropractic care, and kept the hb plans a secret from all unsupportive family and friends to protect my emotional state (I always had vague answers and then changed the subject).   I thought I didn't need a doula, but after interviewing the first one, I loved her so much I hired her right there.  She was worth the money just to have someone to talk to who was positively giddy excited about my birth!  ICAN meetings were also a great place to talk to successful homebirth mamas.  

 

In the end, I could not have imagined a more perfect labor and birth.  9 hours total, and I thought the first 6 were Braxton HIcks.  My son was born under water in the bathtub, and I was surrounded by love and the most amazing energy I've ever felt in my life.  Afterward, I was so happy to not need to fight for my rights or worry who was asking to take my baby to nusery this time - I could just be in my own bed.  By the way, I was also GBS positive, but my midwife explained that doucing with Hibiclens was more effective than the IV antibiotics. 

 

Sending you positive, happy birthing thoughts...

 

Laurie


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Old 04-20-2011, 01:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What I learned from my homebirth, and the time leading up to it, is that this is the time to listen to your gut and intuition. Sifting through fears is part of the process, but eventually, it's time to own your power as a birthing woman and stand in your truth.  That doesn't mean you necessarily have to tell the truth of all the details of a homebirth plan to others.  On the contrary, it might mean little white lies to get the result you want.  But make your intentions clear to yourself at least, and the baby, and obstacles may start to clear the way for what you want.  Don't let your decision come from your hubby, as important as his feelings are, he needs to trust YOU on this one.  I think many men are uncomfortable about birth no matter what the circumstances, simply because they can't relate and can't control it. They are better able to understand and trust the machines in the hospital than the 'mysterious' forces of a woman's body.

 

This time last year, I knew 100% that I wanted a homebirth, but had almost zero confidence that it was going to happen because it was a VBAC.  So the approach I took was what I'd call 'non-attachment': to plan for the best, but stay prepared for any direction the birth might take with an open heart. I literally walked every day and said to myself, 'I am open to everything this pregnancy and birth has to offer.'  So NOT TRUE when I first started saying it, but eventually my mind started to accept it the more I did it!  I would also say to the baby, 'I'm doing everything I can to give you the most natural birth possible.  Please help me do that for you.'  I proceeded planning for a homebirth AND and left myself the option of the hospital should I want or need it.  I had parallel visits with my CPM and OB (without telling the OB), did intensive yoga, hypnosis and Birthing From Within classes to release my fears, massage and chiropractic care, and kept the hb plans a secret from all unsupportive family and friends to protect my emotional state (I always had vague answers and then changed the subject).   I thought I didn't need a doula, but after interviewing the first one, I loved her so much I hired her right there.  She was worth the money just to have someone to talk to who was positively giddy excited about my birth!  ICAN meetings were also a great place to talk to successful homebirth mamas.  

 

In the end, I could not have imagined a more perfect labor and birth.  9 hours total, and I thought the first 6 were Braxton HIcks.  My son was born under water in the bathtub, and I was surrounded by love and the most amazing energy I've ever felt in my life.  Afterward, I was so happy to not need to fight for my rights or worry who was asking to take my baby to nusery this time - I could just be in my own bed.  By the way, I was also GBS positive, but my midwife explained that doucing with Hibiclens was more effective than the IV antibiotics. 

 

Sending you positive, happy birthing thoughts...

 

Laurie


that bolded statement is SO true!!
hug2.gif for your reply. You're right. I think I"m letting my mind try to overrule my gut because of something Im not sure of. I think I'm going to take a pp's advice and go to the midwife I like and see my OB as her "backup". that way the only thing I need to "hope" for, is that I dont deliver more than a couple days before my EDC.


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Old 04-20-2011, 12:24 PM
 
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Laurie ~ What a BEAUTIFUL birth story and beautifully written! Congratulations on having the birth of your heart's desire :0)

 

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Old 04-22-2011, 11:45 AM
 
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OP any news?


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Old 04-22-2011, 09:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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no news yet. we were on vacation and I'm just getting back into the swing of things so will have to call her on Monday. Although I did get a recommendation from a random person in salon yesterday about a midwife that I've never heard of so Im going to try her also. I'm just so annoyed with myself because I still have such annoying inner conflict about the whole thing. I go back and forth so easily and quickly. Today on my way home from work I was imagining delivering in the hospital in the bath tub with no one around then just putting the call light on after I delivered and say oops, it just happened so fast. All signs basically point to hb but I still have the nagging annoyance of working there and bringing it up to my OB. UGH! I'm going to talk with the new midwife Monday and maybe the one I've been in contact with if the new one doesn't sound promising. and try to go from there. I'm not sure how long I have to finally make a decision once and for all so hopefully it'll come to me in a vision soon! wink1.gif

ETA: so I researched the midwife recommendation I got the other day and she's been a midwife for almost 2 years and has done only about 120 deliveries. Would anyone be concerned about that? Im not sure who her birth attendants are so...
The midwife we liked was similarly inexperienced having only started last year but brings with her a midwife (who is the midwife I dont like) who has lots of experience as one of her attendants.

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Old 04-23-2011, 06:27 AM
 
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Well I think it depends. A lot of it goes by gut. I would thoroughly question her on "what if, WWYD, ect" for emergency situations/transfer worthy

 

I prefer a very hands off MW and I think it would be fine for me b/c I have experienced a home like birth (it was a detached birth center in an old victorian house) and you could probably get her cheap, but if you are one of those people who think *something* may go wrong initially and are borderline of homebirth, well it could make you nervous that you have someone with less experience. I think it all depends on what you want.

 

Didn't you say before you were thinking a UC even? Maybe b/c of your background and everything it could work out with the less experienced MW b/c you know what to watch for yourself.

 

Of course nothing is  guarantee in life, but if all your births were smooth as butter, you have no known complications, and you are comfortable with it, I would go with the new MW (of course as long as we clicked).


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Old 04-23-2011, 06:53 AM
 
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For me personally, I only felt comfortable with very experienced midwives---the ones I chose had both attended over 1000 births.  I also had specific questions about scenarios (when would you transfer, how do you handle meconium, what do you carry for antihemorrhagic, how many resuscitations have you performed).  That being said, an interview is always worth it--maybe she apprenticed at a very busy birth center and had lots of experience there and only has 150 primary births. 

 

Also, I wanted to reassure you that I second guessed my decision the entire way too---I'm not one of those people that thinks if you're conflicted, it's a sign you shouldn't do it.  I had to work through my fears, sit down and go through the what-ifs, and then mentally prepare for a transfer.  And I had a lovely, picture perfect waterbirth.  I'm all for positive thinking and focusing on the positive because it reduces anxiety in general, but I keep that for the end---after I've faced the tiger so to speak.


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Old 04-23-2011, 01:31 PM
 
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I ended up with just a student midwife attending my birth (my midwives had three births in less than 20 minutes, I went into labor last, so they sent the student ahead, not knowing I would go so fast). I had a fairly standard birth, just a sticky shoulder, no tearing that had to be repaired, so even though it was her first solo delivery, she was more than qualified for what she needed to do. my experience is that Seattle midwifery school does a pretty good job at making sure by the time students graduate they have the knowledge to deal with most things, even if they don't have the hands-on experience with everything. I would be okay with going with either of the midwives as long as there is a detailed plan about how to deal with different problems and a detailed transfer plan. you're in the unique position of knowing what can go wrong and how to deal with most situations  that might arise. 


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Old 04-23-2011, 09:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I think it depends. A lot of it goes by gut. I would thoroughly question her on "what if, WWYD, ect" for emergency situations/transfer worthy

 

I prefer a very hands off MW and I think it would be fine for me b/c I have experienced a home like birth (it was a detached birth center in an old victorian house) and you could probably get her cheap, but if you are one of those people who think *something* may go wrong initially and are borderline of homebirth, well it could make you nervous that you have someone with less experience. I think it all depends on what you want.

 

Didn't you say before you were thinking a UC even? Maybe b/c of your background and everything it could work out with the less experienced MW b/c you know what to watch for yourself.

 

Of course nothing is  guarantee in life, but if all your births were smooth as butter, you have no known complications, and you are comfortable with it, I would go with the new MW (of course as long as we clicked).


I dont have the feeling that anything is going to go wrong, but DH is more concerned with having someone with experience just for his comfort. I did have Meconium and GBS pos with DS so I'd be mostly worried about getting transferred for the mec. I'm not as worried about the catastrophic emergencies because they're just so rare. As far as UC, I decided against that. Although I think I could probably do it, I decided I couldn't trust myself to be in the right mind to deal with an emergency if it arose and DH would never be able to either.
After I took a walk this afternoon I decided against having the original midwife that we liked. She uses the midwife I don't like as a birth attendant and I wouldn't love that. And I have the feeling this baby isn't going to make it to the EDC so I dont want to have to go through all the hassle of breaking up with my OB just to end up with her anyway. So I've decided to look into 2 more midwives that may be feasible. After I talk with them I will have exhausted my options for midwives in my area.

Jenica- Wife to R & mama to C 8/27/09, my little blonde bombshell and D 7/23/11, whom we love so much we gave him an extra chromosome      cd.gifwinner.jpgfemalesling.GIF
 

 

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Old 04-25-2011, 01:48 PM
 
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Good luck interviewing the other midwives!  One question though - why do you have to 'break up' with the OB?  I know some moms who do parallel care until the very end, to have a second opinion and keep a backup.  However, if/when you are done with the OB, just don't go back!  I eventually just stopped going one day at week 20 - talked to receptionist to cancel my appointment and faxed over the request to have my records transferred.  I never had to explain anything or talk to the OB, and they never called to check on me either.  I would think the worst thing to do would be to have a conversation with the OB in which you say you're having a homebirth!  why not just leave the door open at this point?  Don't worry about the OB's feelings in this  - you don't owe her anything and this is strictly business and not personal. Do what's best for you!


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Old 04-26-2011, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just waiting to hear back from one of them. She's been attending births for 25+ yrs anD a mama on here PM'd me to recommend her so I figured I'd start there. I had my 26 week appt And glucola today And everything seems to be spot on although I won't know glucola results for a couple days. I'm not worried about it though.

At this point, if I cAn find a midWife, I think the best plan for me will be to keep seeing my OB concurrently. That way if I needed to transfer I could without anyone being the wiser. We'll see. I'll updatE after I talk with midwife #4.

Jenica- Wife to R & mama to C 8/27/09, my little blonde bombshell and D 7/23/11, whom we love so much we gave him an extra chromosome      cd.gifwinner.jpgfemalesling.GIF
 

 

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