What do you do when you panic? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 06-15-2011, 03:39 PM - Thread Starter
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So after lots of soul searching, I switched from my OB to a midwife at 28 weeks. I'm 33+ now and everything is going fine. I have never had any reservations about homebirth until somehow I just got reading the traumatic homebirth threads. greensad.gif aside from being depressing and super sad because my heart just hurts for these mamas who have lost their babies, it made me nervous! My midwife has already warned me to read lots of positive stories so I'm really not sure how I ended up there reading those. I'm a L&D RN and am already aware of all the bad things that can happen. I KNOW that the really bad things that happen are so so rare and are so so unlikely to happen to me, especially because I'm really low risk. The disturbing part of some of the stories was that they trusted the midwife to catch the red flags and to transfer if needed but that they didn't. While I trust my midwife, I dont know her like I know my OB (since I work with her every day) and how do I trust that she will catch the red flags if they start popping up?? Can I trust myself to monitor baby at home myself after delivery? I dont know how I would handle myself and the "boos" that I would get if something bad did happen that could have been prevented if delivering in the hospital. I'm sure this feeling will pass after a while and re-immersing myself in positive stories and talking about it with my midwife. But ugh, the thought of losing a baby due to birth place is just so devastating!

So what do/did you do when you were getting ready for your first homebirth and got scared?

Jenica- Wife to R & mama to C 8/27/09, my little blonde bombshell and D 7/23/11, whom we love so much we gave him an extra chromosome     
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#2 of 6 Old 06-15-2011, 04:39 PM
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As long as you don't have presenting complications late in pregnancy and you KNOW what to look for as far as labor complications, as well as having a midwife assisting you, you and your baby should be perfectly fine. I would double check for any true knots or cord around the neck with ultrasound if you have that option available, just to set your mind at ease. This is my first homebirth as well, and I read some traumatic birth stories as well that were homebirths. Some of the things could have been rectified through hospital transfer, so with you being an L&D RN, you have a very great advantage! If you're worried about your midwife being competent enough to catch complications in labor, don't be afraid to ask her questions about what she would do in an emergency or to tell her about your fears so she can help set your mind at ease. Before you panic, just breath and arm yourself with information. Ask questions, get references. Good luck, momma!

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#3 of 6 Old 06-16-2011, 11:33 AM
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My first homebirth? I wasn't scared. The hospital had gone so well and I'd dealt with a lot of fear.  I was ok with ME dying at home and did enough research to realize that if I had a competent midwife, she'd transer me or the baby in time or death of baby was likely to occur at either the hospital or home. I hope that made sense.


My second homebirth, I was a lot less trusting.  I'm not sure that I truly trusted my midwives until a few weeks before birth.  But, I talked to them about my main worry A LOT.  They reassured me it would go fine.  In the end they were wonderful at the birth and when a tiny thing did start to go wrong, they had it taken care of before I knew anything had happened.

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#4 of 6 Old 06-18-2011, 05:55 PM
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I am dealing with that right now.  (I just had 2 friends give birth this week.  One her son has been sent to he NICU and she was told to expect him there for a MONTH due to severe jaundice.  The other was my Bradley instructor that has the CNMW I wanted to see so I know she was in good hands but she had to have emergency surgery after birth.... She gave birth this morning and is still heavily sedated.) 


I am so trying not to focus on them.  I am trying to remind myself that I am having my baby at home because I believe that is the best place for him to be born.   I keep reminding myself that I trust my midwife to transfer me.  She is not a "Home at all costs" midwife.   The hospital is 5 minutes away, the NICU hospital is 10 minutes away and there is a Firehouse with an ambulance stationed at 2 blocks from here.   When my daughter fell and got knocked out the Dr wanted her to go to the ER via ambulance despite being told it was not a high priority call they were here in no time.  (I called her first cause she came to... I knew since she lost consciousness we needed to go to the ER but I didn't want to call 911 if I could transport her. )


So those things reassure me.  Those are the things I focus on.

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#5 of 6 Old 06-18-2011, 11:20 PM
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I suddenly felt that scared I would trust my intuition and go to the hospital.

I had several of those experience with my kids....the kind of wired fear out of no where and I am glad I listened ot myelf. One time we caught atypical pneumonia very early and another time Kawasaki desease.

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#6 of 6 Old 06-19-2011, 07:42 PM
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Read more positive stories - talk about all your fears and possible scenarios with your midwife and husband.  Your midwife is probably very used to this and will (and should) go through them with you.  Generally, in all aspects of life, it is good to rehearse the plan for worse case scenarios in your head and with those that you might be with during that time. (i.e. fire drills, infant CPR, etc. ) It is highly unlikely that you will ever have to use what you rehearsed but it sets your mind at ease that you have a plan.  Then read and watch more positive hb stories - againsmile.gif


Is there anything specific that you are worried about?  If so, you may want to post something on this forum to get some friendly feedback.  (i.e. Worried about pph, at what point should I transfer if midwife cannot get it undercontrol?)


I had my first HB last fall. I am the type of person that likes to be very well researched before doing most things.  So I needed to read the traumatic HB stories as well as the wonderful ones. I wanted to know what to look for and be aware of in case of a complication.  When I was looking apprehensive one day, my midwife asked what things I was worried about and she explained various scenarios in detail (if I see this, we do X; if Y is happening for more than 5 mintues then we immediately get into car and to hospital, etc.)  We discussed various tranfer plans (getting in car vs. calling ambulance) and timeframes for each.  She talked frankly about past hospital tranfers and the timing for all of them. Her answers were exactly what I needed to hear and they put me at ease that she could handle complications competently and professionally.  I also talked to DH in detail about what he needed to do to backup this plan, what he needed to look for and to err on the side of caution if he at all felt like the hb was not going well.  We even talked about what to do in bad weather condition vs. good ones (snow in mountains can double the time to hospital for us) and timing for all of this. 


I know everyone births differently but I just want to throw this out there - during my homebirth (second child), I was far more aware of everything going on around me and within me than I was with my hospital birth (first child).  I was far more in control (in fact, I might even say completely in control) throughout the birth and if I had a moment were things did not seem right, I definitely would have been able to let it be known. I know that this is not the case for everyone (and if I was having a complication perhaps it would prohibit me from being in control) but, I was more than pleasantly surprised by it.

Catholic wife to S and mama to my two loveys V dd1 10/04 and G dd2 11/10 - #3 due in August 2013.  Here we go again.  homebirth.jpgwinner.jpg selectivevax.gifcd.gif

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