Need some encouragement after homebirth transfer - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 37 Old 08-03-2012, 10:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Alenushka, you really summed up how I've been feeling, and what I've been coming to terms with.  Birth isn't "inherently safe" or "inherently unsafe" or inherently anything.  It's just ..... life.  Or death.  And everyone's experience is different.
 

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#32 of 37 Old 08-04-2012, 07:46 AM
 
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Well put.

I've had two attempts at a homebirth.  I risked out of the first one due to pre-eclampsia, and ended up with a natural in-hospital birth.  Second time, I figured I had it in the bag so long as the pre-e stayed away.  I ended up with a transfer from home after 24 hours of painful labouring only to have an emergency c-section because baby was laying cross-wise across the birth canal.  Two fervent and committed attempts at a homebirth, both thwarted.  Happens often.  Which you find out when you start talking with other mamas about your own.  It's a very important discussion.  Even though I am a passionate supporter of homebirthing, I can't say that I haven't been jaded by my own experiences, and those of women I see as a paramedic.  Wish I still had my rose-coloured glasses.

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Originally Posted by nabisco View Post

 

I think the home birth community has focused on advocating home/natural births, and we have not talked enough about the hospital transfer.  We have tried to take the fear out of birth, to reclaim power over our bodies, to reclaim our strength.  I understand all of this in a historical context -- births had become so hospitalized, sterilized, medicated, feared, etc., and we want an alternative!  Of course, we first want to normalize home/natural birth.  We want people to know that it is safe, and that this can be a responsible decision for a mother to make.  And all of those things are usually true. 

 

But, I think it's time to talk about the complexity of home birth.  We need to have a sub-community of women, just like the one you have started in this conversation, to pull together and encourage one another.  How can we help other women prepare for home/natural birth, including a scenario with a hospital transfer and interventions, without fear?  How can we tell ourselves that we are strong, that our bodies are made to do this, and then not feel like a failure when it doesn't happen? 

 

 

 

 

 

 


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#33 of 37 Old 08-18-2012, 05:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Heather Lyn View Post

All I remember is exhaustion, helplessness and pain.  There were moments toward the end of my home labor, and the whole car ride, where I kind of wanted to die. . . .  it practically took a military operation to get him out of me.  I needed so much help, and by the time I got to the hospital, I was more than happy to be a medical patient, because that's how I felt! 

 

 

What if this is the gift of this birth to you?

 

I have not had serious birth trauma, but I have been through other extremely painful (emotionally or physically or spiritually or some combination of the three) traumatic experiences in my life.  And while I am not happy about them, I do recognize that having had them has changed me.  I have learned things from that pain I couldn't have learned any other way.   The culture of natural birth people in our society is all about making birth non-traumatic for women and a positive, life-changing experience.  I think this is a good goal in many ways, but there is also a problem with it - wonderful experiences are not the only life-changing ones.  Traumatic experiences are also life-changing, and some women will have traumatic births even if the whole maternity system is set up to empower and nurture birthing women.  Some of those will be because something actually went wrong (as in your case) and some of those will be because it can be traumatic to have our expectations not met, and sometimes no matter how a woman prepares for birth, her expectations are unrealistic and get blown out of the water.

 

Could it be possible that you might have a very different kind of experince with another birth and get to have wonderful transformative memories instead of painful transformative memories?  Yes, definitely.  And it is also possible that you may be able, with time and work, to accept the painful memories of this birth as simply what is.  That may not need to be fixed or glossed over for your clients or your child or yourself.  Sometimes birth is exhausting, painful, and debilitating.  Having had a birth like that doesn't say anything about who you are.  What you learn from, how you change as a result of it does say something about who you are.


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#34 of 37 Old 08-18-2012, 09:10 AM
 
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Or someone can go to a hospital, have an epidural  and not have to deal with pain and transfer.

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#35 of 37 Old 08-18-2012, 10:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Mamabeakley View Post

 

What if this is the gift of this birth to you?

 

I have not had serious birth trauma, but I have been through other extremely painful (emotionally or physically or spiritually or some combination of the three) traumatic experiences in my life.  And while I am not happy about them, I do recognize that having had them has changed me.  I have learned things from that pain I couldn't have learned any other way.   The culture of natural birth people in our society is all about making birth non-traumatic for women and a positive, life-changing experience.  I think this is a good goal in many ways, but there is also a problem with it - wonderful experiences are not the only life-changing ones.  Traumatic experiences are also life-changing, and some women will have traumatic births even if the whole maternity system is set up to empower and nurture birthing women.  Some of those will be because something actually went wrong (as in your case) and some of those will be because it can be traumatic to have our expectations not met, and sometimes no matter how a woman prepares for birth, her expectations are unrealistic and get blown out of the water.

 

Could it be possible that you might have a very different kind of experince with another birth and get to have wonderful transformative memories instead of painful transformative memories?  Yes, definitely.  And it is also possible that you may be able, with time and work, to accept the painful memories of this birth as simply what is.  That may not need to be fixed or glossed over for your clients or your child or yourself.  Sometimes birth is exhausting, painful, and debilitating.  Having had a birth like that doesn't say anything about who you are.  What you learn from, how you change as a result of it does say something about who you are.

YES, to this powerful message! I cannot LOVE this enough!! SO insightful!
I believe that we have the experiences that we have, both in birth and out of birth, that are most likely to help us grow as spiritual beings. I think it is very narrow to view any path as a potentially easier path than another. Yes, there certainly are some courses that were way more treacherous, but perhaps that is what was needed in order for you {or your LO or your partner or anyone else involved in the experience} to get the message from the Divine, to become open to the message that was needed to be heard. 
I had a long, powerful labor between home and the BC with a transfer to the hospital because I was exhausted and in too much pain to go on. Going to the hospital gave me my power back, even though it wasn't planned or wanted and was traumatic at the time. It took me a long time and a lot of deep soul work to recognize that there was an empowering experience held within that trauma and that it WAS exactly what I needed in order to KNOW my own strength and power. I did vaginally birth my DD after 70 hours and I fought hard for that--it wasn't easy like I thought it would be, but it was amazing and I learned a lot! It was exactly what I needed to help me prepare for my next birth {this december}!

Have you done any professional birth trauma work? It could really benefit you I think <3

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#36 of 37 Old 08-21-2012, 09:49 AM
 
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I also had a transfer for my first birth (a planned HB). It's OK to wish for a better birth despite having a healthy baby and mama. I also tend to agree with a PP -- the problem with birth in this country is that interventions are used before they are truly necessary -- not that they are used when a birth indicates. It sounds like you had a good use of all the support that should be there for all women, should they need. Hugs to you, mama!  

 

P.s. I went on to have a pretty straight forward homebirth with my second. 

 

P.s.s. Lots of really wise words on this thread!! I do agree that this experience can be a lesson and a chance for growth - I think my transfer was good for me in the long run. Good thoughts, mamas! 


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#37 of 37 Old 08-23-2012, 04:21 PM
 
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I have had one birth with epi and one natural birth and I am planning a third natural birth. And as much as I want that third birth to be natural, I am very free about telling people that epi I had with my first was the best choice I could have made. I also narrowly avoided a c-section. My water broke first, baby was posterior, and although I dilated to ten fairly quickly the baby didn't descend for another five hours!!!! Thanks god I had the most liberal midwife on staff who gave me time.

 

My experience really helped me prepare for the next delivery though and I was a chiro several times how adjusted my pelvic bones and muscles (I was breech for a time) and also a acupunturist to help labor. And you they really, really did? It made an amazing difference and I actually had a two hour labor with the second which resulted in an unplanned, unassisted birth.

 

I loved my natural birth. It was an amazing experience. But there is a time and a place for intervention when the body and baby aren't in harmony. And that doesn't mean that you cannot be an advocate for a natural birth. It just means that you have experienced the other side of the coin. And there are good, solid reasons for interventions.

 

My homebirth midwives' contract specifically says they don't do vacuum or forceps? When asked about they said that yes, they know how to do it but they really believe that a birth that requires them should take place in a hospital.

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