I need some advice ladies .... I'm in tears at the moment - Mothering Forums

I need some advice ladies .... I'm in tears at the moment

slave2myprincess's Avatar slave2myprincess (TS)
01:29 PM Liked: 12
#1 of 10
03-03-2012 | Posts: 138
Joined: May 2008

My dh & I are currently expecting our 3rd in October. I automatically knew we were having a homebirth since we had such a beautiful experience in 2008. Since we have Kaiser out here, I knew we were looking at paying out of pocket. The average price out here is $2800. And i knew dh would have an issue with that. I was so determined that i found an full-time job outside of the home.I'll be bringing in $1000.00 after taxes but IMO its enough to contribute to the household & make payments for my hb. I made the mistake of telling dh the price today & he flipped out. He pretty much said that we can't do the HB. He made the comparison on how much cheaper it would be to just stick with Kasier. I have knots in my stomach just thinking about delivering there.Mind you we've had issues with them since we switched in January. We bad BCBS last year. He pretty much just blew me off, saying it'll  only be one day & i would be fine with having the baby in the hospital with him & my mom around. I feel like i should be happy right now & be excited that we are adding onto our family but the thought of my hospital experience with my DD in 2006 just makes me upset that i will have to experience that all over. Part of me wants to continue on & say the heck with him. I feel like i can make it work. The midwives who I've talked with over the phone said they would do a payment plan but is there anything else i can do (Unassisted is out of the question) ?  I feel like if the price was $1800 he wouldn't be freaking out. Thanks for listening my to vent....any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.....

fruitfulmomma's Avatar fruitfulmomma
01:51 PM Liked: 32144
#2 of 10
03-03-2012 | Posts: 4,198
Joined: Jun 2002

I am having an unwanted hospital birth this time around for lots of reasons so I can relate... the prospect is kinda sucking right now.


I am wondering how much your insurance is going to cover the prenatal care and birth? I understand that lots of them don't cover the full amount and you are going to end up paying a lot out of pocket anyway. My OB care right now is $2800 plus I got a list with average birth costs from the hospital and it is going to be another $5000 or so and that is only for normal birth, one day stay, no labs or anything extra. Totally crazy. The only way we can even swing this is that we have full medicaid coverage. I could probably have scraped together enough for our midwife, who was willing to work with us on payments, but she is no longer practicing.

fruitfulmomma's Avatar fruitfulmomma
01:55 PM Liked: 32144
#3 of 10
03-03-2012 | Posts: 4,198
Joined: Jun 2002

Are there any out of hospital birthing centers in your area that may take your insurance?


I looked into the one closest to here and it looked really lovely, but being a grand multip risked me out.



ETA: Found this one in Savannah - http://themidwifegroup.com/

modestmothering's Avatar modestmothering
04:55 PM Liked: 13
#4 of 10
03-03-2012 | Posts: 152
Joined: Dec 2011

We are dirt poor and paying 3000 out of pocket for our midwife and homebirth.  Dirt.  Poor.  We shopped around for a midwife who can work with us on a payment plan that is doable for us. 


I am not willing to compromise on my choice to deliver at home, if possible.  I feel like if you have a particular way that you would like to birth, that you should work toward making that happen.  For example, there may be expenses that you can cut out to make room.  Also, if you are having a baby shower you might request that instead of gifts friends and family donate funds to your homebirth account. 


On the other hand, sometimes it just isn't feasible to pay out of pocket no matter how many expenses you cut back, creative ways you imagine offsetting the cost, or how small you can make payments.  In that case, I would focus my energies on making my hospital experience the best that it can be.  Good luck to you!

mommabones's Avatar mommabones
08:59 PM Liked: 11
#5 of 10
03-04-2012 | Posts: 31
Joined: Apr 2009

Would it be feasible for you to look around and see if you can find a midwife you like that has any sort of "sliding scale" fees? We're poor and the average homebirth here is about $3500, but I found a midwife through a friend who understood our situation (baby #4, really bad hospital experiences, want a homebirth but don't have a lot of expendable income) and is charging us only $1500. She is a saint! Maybe you can find someone willing to work with you and bring things down to a price a little more agreeable to your DH?



uwritegirl's Avatar uwritegirl
07:00 PM Liked: 11
#6 of 10
03-08-2012 | Posts: 23
Joined: Jan 2010

Well, your baby is a long way off.  October is a far way away.


Your birth is VERY VERY important.  But so is your marriage.  There are ways to take care of both - the idea of "forget him and his attitude and do it anyway" may not really help you in the long run.


When I first investigated out of pocket homebirth with our second child, my husband was not on board and our price tag was $5000.  When i first told him the cost he had the same reaction as your husband.  So, I started out just taking him to prenatals with my midwives - he and I and our little toddler!  It was lovely.  He started to soften up.  I also got him a lot of information about home birth and specifics about how our hospital birth (bad) with #1 would have gone SO SO much differently using midwifery approach and not resulted in XYZ bad aftereffect upon me and upon our daughter.


In time, he came around to the idea, even though the money was crazy a lot and very stressful for him.  That was our 2nd daughter, who was a homebirth hospital transfer - so we paid the $5000 AND the copay for the insurance anyway!  And I kid you not - he told me it was worth it.


All that to say - here we are expecting at any moment our 4th baby, and HE is more of a homebirth advocate than I am at this point. (our 3rd was born at home - he says it is the highlight of his life, and although he doesn't say it was more memorable and wonderful than our wedding I wonder if that is truly how his heart feels).  He has completely changed his feelings on the entire issue.


The other thing that was helpful for my husband was breaking down the costs - so much for prenatal visits, so much for the actual birth, so much for other fees and expenses.  Also it was helpful for him to think about homebirth midwives' income as a whole - as in, they make NO money.  Each individual birth sounds like a lot of money, but factor in all the costs and the total number of births that any one person can attend - that helped him see it in perspective.  It's not like the homebirth midwives were making such a fortune of money per year that he felt cheated.


Another thing that helped him along in our journey was having to go to the hospital at one point during pregnancy with #2 for some potential complications.  They scared the wits out of us and it turned out to be nothing, and i was only 22 weeks or something like that.  Then, at the next midwife appointment, they deconstructed the whole situation and identified the true cause of what was wrong (in agreement with the medical assessment, although we told them the medical story after they assessed the symptoms) and gave me nutritional advice and suggested chiropractic to correct the issue, which cleared up my issue in short order.  I threw out the hospital prescription.


Good luck.  You know your husband very very well.


PS - at the very very worst, if this goes unresolved, you can hire a doula, who will GREATLY change your hospital experience.

TrumpetMom's Avatar TrumpetMom
05:07 PM Liked: 12
#7 of 10
03-09-2012 | Posts: 21
Joined: Sep 2011
I feel your pain. We have Kaiser in Colorado. My first two babies were planned hospital births, my third was a homebirth (an HBA2C). Unless OP's Kaiser is different somehow, no they will not cover anything except a birth in their partner hospitals. (If you have to go to the ER that's a bit different.)
slave2myprincess's Avatar slave2myprincess (TS)
07:59 PM Liked: 12
#8 of 10
03-09-2012 | Posts: 138
Joined: May 2008

I just wanted to update everyone..... My hubby is on board for the HB !! We talked it out  that night & it was my attitude that made him turn around lol. Its not too many things that we debate each other on & i normally compromise. So me being that upset & about to continue with the process " with or without him" made him understand how much i wanted this ! We are pinching & saving. I meet with my local midwife next week the day before my first prenatal visit.

babylightsagain's Avatar babylightsagain
04:18 PM Liked: 0
#9 of 10
03-17-2012 | Posts: 70
Joined: Dec 2008

Yay!  Great news! 

uwritegirl's Avatar uwritegirl
01:03 PM Liked: 11
#10 of 10
03-20-2012 | Posts: 23
Joined: Jan 2010

I am so glad for you!  Enjoy the process!  I hope your husband enjoys it too!  homebirth is so beautiful.

Tags: Homebirth
Reply Subscribe Homebirth
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3