Anyone have a doctor (friend, family member) or similar non-MW/non-doula HCP at their homebirth, or plan to? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 6 Old 04-28-2012, 10:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
buko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,113
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

And how did that work out for you?  Or how are you expecting it to go?

 

In my case, it would not be in her capacity as a doctor, of course, but my mom is an MD, and I would like her to be at my HB. 

 

She is supportive of HB, had two NCBs in hospitals with me and my brother, and would be there almost exclusively for emotional support, like any other mother might be, as I just feel that "you can do it" would mean a lot, coming from her, for a variety of reasons I probably don't have to go into.  I also kind of want her there, even though she absolutely wouldn't be there "as a doctor" for a couple of other reasons...

 

1) In case the MWs don't get there in time (though for me, as a primip, I'm sure they will), it couldn't hurt.  We'd still read up on emergency childbirth and all that, but just sayin'...  (I know, my MOM could also not get there in time, but that's less likely, as she lives out of town and would be staying with us from around my EDD on.)

 

2) In case of transfer, I totally trust my CNM HB MWs to handle things well, but if I do need to be at the hospital for a while, I know sometimes how things get done more easily when a doctor speaks to another doctor.  I'm sure this won't come up, and my mom would never overstep unless it seemed really necessary, or the MWs asked her to, but again, just sayin'...

 

3) Also POSSIBLE that if my MWs needed an extra pair of more skilled... I guess "confident" hands, in the case of something funky, my mom would be a better choice than my DH, because although she spent most of her career in research and regulatory work, she has boards in Internal Medicine, etc. and she did moonlight as an ER doc.  She is totally unflappable and awesome in any sort of urgent/emergent medical situation. 

 

IDK... Just wondering if this makes sense for me, or if I'm setting myself up, somehow?  I know how my mom is-- she's very non-interventionist anyway (wonder where I got my predilection for HB?) so no way would she bug the MWs or try to direct the birth or anything like that.  At the same time, I don't want there to be a weird dynamic, nor am I sure I have quite the right expectations about having her in the sort of "just in case" scenarios above...  Like, I'm just questioning my own mindset. 

 

I mentioned the possibility of her being there to my HB MW and she was very "you invite who you want," and didn't SEEM threatened, but at the same time, then turned around and said, well, later in the pregnancy, we sit down and talk about who you really want to be at the birth, and why they might or might not be the best choices...  So I sensed some hesitancy on her part-- whether it was connected to my MD mom being there, or maybe just some sense of my attitude/expectations about my mom being there...  I don't know.  I kind of made a joke about how, as my mom, the fact that she's a doctor helps, because the way I was raised by her (she's even given me very personal exams as an adult), I would have no problem pooping on her, or whatever, LOL, and neither would she...  I.e., I wouldn't be inhibited.  I will say that my MW also mentioned during another part of our visit that she has had MANY clients who were MDs, wives of MDs, L&D nurses, even an OB!  So I'm sure the doctor-being-present part, in itself, isn't a huge issue to her.  Though perhaps there's a possible liability issue (for my mom, not the MWs)?

 

Anyway... just looking for thoughts and experiences from folks in a similar situation, who had partners, friends, family members, et al. at their homebirths, who happened to be doctors, nurses, etc.

 

Thanks!


WAHer & Wannabe, Wife to DH banana.gif1998, Mama to Buko, Born at Home joy.gifMarch 2013

buko is offline  
#2 of 6 Old 04-28-2012, 10:30 AM
 
amcaugusta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 26
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Going to be watching this thread intently. I am expecting baby #5, all NCB in hospital. Using a midwife this time, but she doesn't do HB. We have considered switching to a HB midwife, but my DH is an MD, and I really don't want any angst in my birthspace. Good luck with whatever decision you make!

amcaugusta is offline  
#3 of 6 Old 04-28-2012, 11:19 PM
 
Kirsten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Washington state
Posts: 5,463
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My first thought reading this was that if you are feeling like you need an MD there "just in case" then you probably shouldn't homebirth.  Which hurts me to say 'cause I had a homebirth with my third and LOVED IT!  I can't imagine a scenario where your mom would be in any position other than emotional support for you.  Either the midwives would handle it or you'd be transferred.  The midwives are birth professionals and you should feel confident in their abilities to handle whatever comes up.  If you don't then you either need different midwives or you need an OB.  In my opinion.  :)  I hope you come to a decision that is comfortable for you. 

Kirsten is offline  
#4 of 6 Old 04-29-2012, 07:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
buko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,113
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirsten View Post

My first thought reading this was that if you are feeling like you need an MD there "just in case" then you probably shouldn't homebirth.  Which hurts me to say 'cause I had a homebirth with my third and LOVED IT!  I can't imagine a scenario where your mom would be in any position other than emotional support for you.  Either the midwives would handle it or you'd be transferred.  The midwives are birth professionals and you should feel confident in their abilities to handle whatever comes up.  If you don't then you either need different midwives or you need an OB.  In my opinion.  :)  I hope you come to a decision that is comfortable for you. 

 


Well, that certainly made one thing clear-- how my thoughts may be misinterpreted by my MW (and others)!  ROTFLMAO.gif  As much as I'd want my mother with me regardless of place of birth, I'd homebirth with a MW even if my mom threatened to disown me (which she never would-- she totally supports it).  Heck, I'd HB with a MW if my husband threatened to divorce me (which he never would)!  Everyone who knows me knows I will only go to the hospital to birth if I somehow end up in a truly high-risk scenario.   Shoot-- my MW doesn't attend breeches, in which case, I'll pack a bag and hitch a ride to The Farm, LOL.

 

I really do not feel I need a doctor (who happens to be my mom) at my HB, "just in case."  It's more that I want my mom (who happens to be a doctor) with me for emotional support, and I'm thinking it doesn't hurt (or at least, I hope it doesn't hurt) that she happens to be a doctor.  Like if the baby comes before the midwives, it doesn't hurt.  Or if the midwives need extra hands on something and they request help, it doesn't hurt.  But in no way do I want my mom doing anything in a medical capacity unless it were some sort of "emergency"-- and only a very specific sort of "emergency," like the above, where the MWs are either not there or request her help.  And my mom is completely on board with that.

 

But your comment did crystallize that my MW might be thinking I do want my mom acting as a doctor, or that I don't fully trust my MWs, which I should probably spend a little time clarifying with them as I move forward.  Thanks!


WAHer & Wannabe, Wife to DH banana.gif1998, Mama to Buko, Born at Home joy.gifMarch 2013

buko is offline  
#5 of 6 Old 04-29-2012, 12:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
buko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,113
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

For clarity's sake, that I am thinking it helps that she's a doctor (for me) just with respect to the emotional support aspect, if that makes any sense.  That is, some people, in the "goop" and general "other-level"ness of birth, might feel inhibited around their mothers for various reasons, but because my mom is a doctor (having worked in the ER, at that), like I said, literally she would not care if I pooped on her biglaugh.gif , and I know that on a completely intuitive level, which makes her even more of a good/reasonable choice for someone to have around in labor.  
 

I can also see, though, why I might have sensed some hesitancy in my MW, even though my MW went on to say she could tell I was the daughter of a doctor (in a good way), and she had lots of MD clients.  And that is, that my mom could mess with the birth vibe if she saw birth as a medical event.  However, my mom really doesn't...  she has always been a big NCB proponent and is huge into informed consent, evidence-based practice, very hands-off unless necessary (when practicing), etc...  Like I told my MW, she was actually head of OTC drugs for a major government agency at one point and all she really allowed in the house was Tylenol!  So... yeah.  

 

I can see that in the back of my mind, I know that telling other people, who may not be comfortable w/homebirth, that my mom will be there, will be a sort of "shut them up" tactic.  But that's such a minor issue IMO...  Not at all why I want her there.  And now that my mom has recently moved 8+ hours away by car, well, I know she might not be able to be there at all, and while I'd like her to be, I'll totally live if she doesn't make it.


WAHer & Wannabe, Wife to DH banana.gif1998, Mama to Buko, Born at Home joy.gifMarch 2013

buko is offline  
#6 of 6 Old 05-18-2012, 11:50 PM
 
knittyrobin's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 13
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm curious how this is working out for you.  I actually AM a doctor having a homebirth in the next few weeks.  I can tell you, it all depends on the attitude of the individual, not their training.  If you watch this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfcZjnRrrEc, a number of the moms and dads are in the medical profession.  I know another physician in my area whose wife had a homebirth.  Our pediatrician is supportive of it.  I've actually not had a single negative comment from anyone--but of course there are various levels of comfort and knowledge about the whole thing.  

 

Ultimately, even though we have a good relationship and she lives close by, my own mom has not been invited to our birth despite the fact she has zero medical training, had 6 vaginal births (5 natural, one had complications), etc.  She just is not all that good at being emotionally supportive.  If your mom is a good support person, I'd have her there for sure.  That said, speaking again as a physician myself, I would not want her to have a medical role at all.  Most physicians can't think clearly about their own family members even if they say they can plus her training (like mine) is in a medical model and may very well be at odds to what your midwives would do.  Have her there as a mom.  Sure, in a pinch she can deliver.  But in a pinch, almost anyone can deliver a baby because if they come out that easily, both you and the baby were ready.

knittyrobin is offline  
Reply

Tags
Homebirth

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off