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#1 of 31 Old 07-17-2012, 08:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Mummas!

 

I was just chatting with my midwife about when/if we want visitors after bub arrives..

I know that I will be on cloud 9 after s/he arrives, but I would love to make the most out of that precious first feed, and then (hopefully) that glorious long sleep that newborns can take after the birth.. I plan on this being the time that I eat some food, have a shower (if I am up to it!) and sleeeeeeeep or at least rest!

We will have two midwives attending (if all goes well of course and no flat tyres!) so bub and I will be looked after, and someone else will be there to help with clean up...

When did you have people visit? Why? Did you have plans? Did they change? What happened immediately after birth?

Did it make a difference if it was day or night???

 

:) 


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#2 of 31 Old 07-18-2012, 09:56 AM
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My daughter was born at 6pm.  So, we got all settled, stitched and cleaned up, ate something, and then were dozing/napping by 10pm.  We did have a friend come over the next morning to bring us all her extra chux pads. LOL  We ran out, and she had said she had a bunch of extra and wasn't ever going to use them.  She came over first thing in the morning.  I think she also brought breakfast. LOL She brought her kids.  Her son climbed in bed with us and watched the baby, her 11month old daughter curled up on the floor and fell asleep. LOL  She was the first person (outside of DH, me and midwives) to hold the baby.  I think another friend brought us dinner and chatted for a bit a couple nights later.

 

After that, let's see.  My MIL came to visit 3 days after DD was born.  My SIL arrived a couple days after that.  They primarily helped with unpacking, as we had just moved.   

 

Then it was while before friends came over...at least not until she was over 3 weeks old.  

 

I'm not sure how this one will play out. I'm guessing that the same friend will come over the day after the baby is born.  But nothing is set.  


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#3 of 31 Old 07-18-2012, 02:05 PM
 
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My baby was born at 10 am on a Saturday after Thanksgiving so there were plenty of people in the neighborhood.  My whole family lives very, very close anyway.  My mom and sil were at the birth and my brother and his kids came right away.  So did my other sil.  It was fun.  I was able to nurse, shower, and eat and it was fine.  Later on, my dad brought my grandfather over and they stayed for a few minutes.

 

I think most people know not to overstay their welcome.


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#4 of 31 Old 07-19-2012, 10:40 AM
 
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My son was born in the morning and I had the grandparents visiting that evening. I stayed in bed though and they didn't stay long. Other people came throughout the week but I stayed in bed for those too. I found that people seemed to make their visits brief if they had to hang out in my bedroom and I was in my PJs. smile.gif

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#5 of 31 Old 07-19-2012, 12:30 PM
 
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my DD was born at about 1pm, my MIL and FIL were in the house for the birth - they waited in the living room while i was in the bedroom..  I nursed, delivered the placenta, and then got in a bath with the baby and nursed some more.. while i was in the bath my big kids came in to meet the baby..  then i got out of the bath, got in bed and my midwife stitched me up while i nursed some more - then my DH took the baby to the living room to meet the grandparents and get dressed while I ate a sandwich (while the midwife was still working on me, i tore pretty bad) .. then everyone left and the grandparents took the other kids - i had one friend stop by briefly around 7pm - then had 1 or 2 visitors a day for a few days.. i didn't really 'invite'  everyone to come visit, i just texted a few close friends and said they coudl come by and otherwise everyone waited until things had settled down a few weeks after birth.. 
 


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#6 of 31 Old 07-19-2012, 04:33 PM
 
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My mom was there for DD's birth. It was an unassisted homebirth so she was the only one in the house besides myself, DH and our (at the time) 14 month DS. DD was born at 3:50am so DS was sleeping away. Never woke up. I'm a pretty silent laborer except for the two yelps at the end... One with each push, haha. Gave birth in the tub so we cleaned her up a bit right there and we bonded for a bit. My mom dressed her and DD slept while I delivered the placenta. We then drained the tub and I cleaned up a little bit then got into bed with DD and DH, nursed and slept off and on for a bit while my mom cleaned up. (side note, my mom is awesome) Then my mom went and got DS up, fed him breakfast and brought him in to meet baby sister. Talked to my midwife on the phone and got all clear from her- no need to go in. The whole day from there on was very relaxed and wonderful. My husband is in the Army and that evening around 6 or 7pm his company commander, battalion commander and the battalion commander's wife all stopped by to visit. They were all pretty intrigued by the whole unassisted homebirth thing (it wasnt planned). They didn't stay very long. That was it for a few days. When my mom flew home a few friends came over to bring us meals. Then 8 days after DD's birth my sister, BIL, and 16 year old nephew flew out to visit for a week. By the time they left it was pretty much back to life as usual. :-)

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#7 of 31 Old 07-19-2012, 04:40 PM
 
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My family lives on the other side of the country so it was a few weeks for my dad and stepmom, then a month or two before my mom visited.  I had some local friends stop by the day of the birth (one picking up the placenta for dehydration and then she dropped off smoothies for me for the next few days luxlove.gif and a few people dropped off dinner) but not really many people came over, it was rather peaceful.  DH was also military at the time and had 2 weeks off after the births.

 

This time DH will have little, if any, time off.  I think I'm going to have my mom come out around the time I'm due to help take care of my other kids after the little one is born.  I wouldn't have been comfortable with this idea in the past, but this time it just feels right to me.  


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#8 of 31 Old 07-20-2012, 07:44 PM
 
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Never.  My inlaws came at two weeks and I didn't want them there but wasn't given a choice and it was for less than 24 hours.  For everyone else, if I wasn't ready to venture out, I wasn't ready to see them either.

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#9 of 31 Old 07-27-2012, 03:45 PM
 
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DS was born at 5pm at home. my mom and sis were at the birth, so they hung out for a bit, helped clean up and mom made us dinner. me babe and DH did get that quiet calm precious hour or more afterwards. we didn't get anymore visitors until two days later, and even then seemed too soon. we also didn't leave the house for four weeks, so we really hibernated! 


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#10 of 31 Old 07-29-2012, 12:15 AM
 
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My DS was born at 10 pm - MWs helped me shower while they cleaned up, and that night's sleep/the next morning all peaceful and quiet is one of the greatest memories of my life.  Friends "dropped by" to see the new babe around 3 pm the next afternoon, and because we live about an hour away from anyone and it was rush hour traffic time, they all overstayed their welcomes and didn't leave until about 8 pm, despite the sign on the door from the MWs telling people not to stay longer than 15 mins and me in medical knickers sitting on chux pads...it was exhausting.  This time around, we're going to be much firmer in either kicking them out explicitly or not even inviting anyone to visit for at least a few days.

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#11 of 31 Old 08-01-2012, 10:21 PM
 
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We had DD2 at 2am and people came over about 40 hours later.  No one stayed every long b/c they all had kids under a year and understood.  My parents and in laws are out of town so it was ~1.5 weeks before they came for a weekend and then my mom came for a full week around 3.5 weeks.


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#12 of 31 Old 08-01-2012, 10:52 PM
 
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I wonder how this will work for us this time.  Our church usually organizes meals for the first week, so people essentially are "invited" for a few minutes.  Its nice to have food all hot and ready but I probably should amek sure DH knows I plan to sleep on the newborn's scheduale, not our visitors.  No one stayed more than ten minutes last time.  I suspect this will be different, though, because I won't, Lord willing,  be on those awful CS meds taht made me look (and feel) like a 90 year old.  :)  

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#13 of 31 Old 08-03-2012, 06:52 AM
 
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I wonder how this will work for us this time.  Our church usually organizes meals for the first week, so people essentially are "invited" for a few minutes.  Its nice to have food all hot and ready but I probably should amek sure DH knows I plan to sleep on the newborn's scheduale, not our visitors.  No one stayed more than ten minutes last time.  I suspect this will be different, though, because I won't, Lord willing,  be on those awful CS meds taht made me look (and feel) like a 90 year old.  :)  

Honestly, the Church's behavior with our second child is WHY I didn't allow visitors with my third child.  People came in under the understanding they were dropping off food and I had one lady walk throughout my entire house looking in each and every single room. I have no idea what she was looking for (maybe a mess not cleaned up for the birth?) but there was no need to walk back through the bedrooms of my house.  Nothing came of it as my house was clean but it made me uncomfortable.

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#14 of 31 Old 08-03-2012, 11:03 AM
 
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Our in-town visitors typically come the day after birth or so, and don't stay long.  Anyone bringing meals stays just a few minutes on their meal delivery day.

 

My parents are from out-of-town and I've had them come at 1 week pp for one baby and 3 weeks pp for the next.  This time we are asking them to wait until baby is over a month old.  I know they want to come see the baby sooner, but it has been really stressful for me to have longer-term visitors when I wasn't really ready to be up and around a lot yet (they don't really help, just sit around... having helping out of town visitors is a different story).  

 

So I don't really want visiting the first day, that's for me and my immediate family, and after that first day, just short visits here and there.  Out of town visitors who aren't helping run the household need to wait until I'm up and back to the "new normal." 


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#15 of 31 Old 08-10-2012, 12:57 PM
 
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Honestly, the Church's behavior with our second child is WHY I didn't allow visitors with my third child.  People came in under the understanding they were dropping off food and I had one lady walk throughout my entire house looking in each and every single room. I have no idea what she was looking for (maybe a mess not cleaned up for the birth?) but there was no need to walk back through the bedrooms of my house.  Nothing came of it as my house was clean but it made me uncomfortable.


Wow, that's completely weird! I'm part of a Meals on Wheels program that delivers food to new parents and I don't even come in unless whoever answers the door invites me in to put the food down. Some people do and others take the food in on their own. I can't imagine just wandering around somebody's house looking into rooms. How strange =/


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#16 of 31 Old 08-10-2012, 12:58 PM
 
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We don't have a ton of family out here anyway and also won't have many friends around by the time our baby is born (we're military and a lot of people are PCSing this year), but I will be asking for at least a week to recover and for us to bond with our baby before we start inviting home visitors.


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#17 of 31 Old 08-11-2012, 10:20 PM
 
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camprunner, I wonder if the lady was trying to find the bathroom?  I've done that before *BLUSH*.  Or had people looking through four our of my only five cupboards before they notice me staring and ask, "where are the cups?"  Of course its in the fifth cupboard and now they've seen my entire kitchen storage system in its not-very-organic state.

 

I actually talked about this with my sister the other day.  She's like, "you can have us over right away, after you nurse and have slept and showered and brushed your hair."  :)  I was so blessed by that comment, I had to share it.

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#18 of 31 Old 08-12-2012, 06:30 PM
 
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camprunner, I wonder if the lady was trying to find the bathroom?  I've done that before *BLUSH*.  Or had people looking through four our of my only five cupboards before they notice me staring and ask, "where are the cups?"  Of course its in the fifth cupboard and now they've seen my entire kitchen storage system in its not-very-organic state.

 

I actually talked about this with my sister the other day.  She's like, "you can have us over right away, after you nurse and have slept and showered and brushed your hair."  :)  I was so blessed by that comment, I had to share it.

Um no. She walked beyond the bathroom and into my bedroom.  In her defense, I had been resting in the bedroom with the baby and my husband had come back to get me.  I heard him tell her to wait in the living room. It is possible she thought I would be more comfortable visiting in my bedroom I guess but that is just a little wierd for me.  As we walked down the hall she looked in each room and when she got back to the living room told me "You did a good job cleaning up the house." redface.gif  The same woman had peeped in my windows when I missed churched unannounced once (wasn't aware I needed to share travel plans with our new church, was newly pregnant and sick as a dog. the house wasn't in the best state.)  Whether the intentions were good or not, it was more than I could take on the same day she was born.

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#19 of 31 Old 08-12-2012, 06:50 PM
 
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dd was born after 1 am, we had guests the next day
 


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#20 of 31 Old 08-12-2012, 10:29 PM
 
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Um no. She walked beyond the bathroom and into my bedroom.  In her defense, I had been resting in the bedroom with the baby and my husband had come back to get me.  I heard him tell her to wait in the living room. It is possible she thought I would be more comfortable visiting in my bedroom I guess but that is just a little wierd for me.  As we walked down the hall she looked in each room and when she got back to the living room told me "You did a good job cleaning up the house." redface.gif  The same woman had peeped in my windows when I missed churched unannounced once (wasn't aware I needed to share travel plans with our new church, was newly pregnant and sick as a dog. the house wasn't in the best state.)  Whether the intentions were good or not, it was more than I could take on the same day she was born.


This would be more than I could take EVER.  I think it would make me leave the church and just pray on my own for the rest of my life... smile.gif

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#21 of 31 Old 08-13-2012, 02:19 PM
 
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We tend to keep to ourselves, I had visitors right away with my first and it was very exhausting. Now we let everyone know that we'll tell them when we're ready for visitors. My latest was born a week ago and we have yet to have anyone (aside from the midwife) over, mind you we've had a crazy busy week with other stuff and haven't really had the chance to invite anyone!

MIL will be coming in another couple days, I might take him over to meet the neighbors tomorrow.


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#22 of 31 Old 08-15-2012, 06:00 AM
 
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I don't anticipate any visitors. We have only lived here a year and a half and the friends we have made are not hugely baby oriented or anything. My family will never travel to visit anyone. They won't see this baby til I drive the 800 miles back to FL and if I don't do it 'quick' enough they will blame me for not 'letting them see the baby'.  (epic eyeroll, haha!)

After each of my births it's just been my mom or grandmother coming by a few days later-(no real help at all, no meals or anything). My in laws came to visit after two of our births-but that was after a month. My sis-in-law may visit a few months later. 

However, If I lived in a 'normal' world and people actually did visit, I wouldn't want visitors for a few days edging towards a week.


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#23 of 31 Old 08-15-2012, 06:14 AM
 
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with my last two homebirths, we called everyone an hour or two after the birth when we were cleaned and settled. some came over and some waited. i like having family over. i don't at all feel it interferes with bonding or breastfeeding, plus grandparents are thrilled to be able to bond with a fresh new grandbaby! we do not have pushy, rude, loud parents like some others do, though.


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#24 of 31 Old 08-17-2012, 11:09 AM
 
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With DD my MIL stayed all day every day during the hospital stay and felt like she came over daily when we went home... talk about WAY too much of her... same thing with DS at the birth center... though she didn't come over too much when we had him home.. Needless to say, she stresses me out and annoys me, so I want her nowhere near my labor and she can come over a few hours after birth :P

We had visitors early on with both kids, but everyone(minus MIL) realized how long an appropriate stay was. I don't plan on having anyone come see this new baby until a few days after birth.


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#25 of 31 Old 08-18-2012, 12:30 PM
 
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I'm a solo mama, so I needed help and visits despite being an introvert and not very social... I had one guest every day for an hour or so (everyone brought a meal and helped with a chore or two - dishes, garbage, etc)... for the first two weeks starting with my best friend staying overnight on the first night to keep an eye on us.


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#26 of 31 Old 08-18-2012, 07:53 PM
 
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This would be more than I could take EVER.  

 ditto, she must be really nice the rest of the time or something.  That one, I'd be too sick to let in for awhile.

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#27 of 31 Old 08-21-2012, 10:06 AM
 
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IT has varied to some degree, but we have allowed our parents and my sister first day access (my mom is super baout helping and we all live close by eachother--she takes my kids for a few days...).  Friends and church members (just a few) tend to come by wit h a gift or meal with in the first week.  I always mean to delay visits til after the first week, but then change my mind once baby is here.  Although the last time, I really did not want to pass him around to anyone--"you can look, but not touch" feelings were high, lol.

I'll probably do the same thing with our parents, but try to push back the visits from others to the next week. 


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#28 of 31 Old 08-23-2012, 08:09 PM
 
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I had my first and only (so far) at home 20 months ago. It was a planned water birth at home in the middle of winter up in a mountain cabin. It was my parents' house, so they were already there. However, I was in the downstairs and they were upstairs. You have to walk outside to go between the two. I didn't even tell them I was in labor, but I think my husband did. Plus the midwife and doula showing up probably gave it away. whistling.gif

 

The cabin was at least 2 hours away from all our other family and friends with two closed roads up the mountain. There was a snow storm coming our way so we wanted to give them a good amount of warning to get here, but didn't want them waiting around for hours. We only invited our parents, my brothers and our two best friends (godmother and godfather). Total invited was 9 and 8 showed up (1 of my brothers didn't come).

 

Since it was our first pregnancy we were trusting the midwife to tell us when a good time was to call everyone. Around Noon my husband called everyone as I was in more active labor, but not yet pushing. I started pushing at 2:20 and she was out at 2:45 pm. My parents heard her cry through the floor, but didn't come down. They are very respectful of my space.

 

The first visitors were my FIL and his wife to show, quickly followed by the rest. Everyone was surprised that she was already born by the time they arrived. They all headed upstairs and hung out waiting for us to invite them down. Thankfully our families get along well.

 

Immediately after her birth my husband and I climbed into bed. I got her attached within the first 15 minutes. We relaxed and waited another 15-30 minutes before cutting the umbilical cord, then about 15 minutes later pushed out the placenta. My midwife started a bath for me so I could get cleaned up. Once dressed and in bed again my hubby got everyone from upstairs. It was probably an hour or two from her birth before they were invited down. Then we all guessed how much she weighed and everyone got to hold her.

 

We had plans and they went smoothly. I think it helped that it was in the middle of the day for everyone to show up. I really enjoyed it and didn't feel tired or stressed with everyone there. Everyone was supportive and calm. Actually many stayed all night and slept over as the snow storm hit. However, they didn't really overstay their welcome as they slept upstairs in my parents section of the house. It made it easier for each person to spend a few hours with us and the new baby. Many of them wouldn't be seeing her for a few weeks or months later so we were more open to them staying longer.

It was actually a very peaceful day. joy.gif

 

(Sorry for the novel. Thought some back story was needed to understand the situation.)

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#29 of 31 Old 08-25-2012, 08:05 AM
 
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ecmom, aww, that's so sweet!    If we had out of town family coming, I could see doing that.  Our house could work exactly like your parents except reverse the floors and not host quite so many people.  I too feel anti holding for the most part but don't mind a visit and short time away from cutie if need be.  No one can be grumpy when they hold a baby....

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#30 of 31 Old 08-25-2012, 04:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fayebond View Post

ecmom, aww, that's so sweet!    If we had out of town family coming, I could see doing that.  Our house could work exactly like your parents except reverse the floors and not host quite so many people.  I too feel anti holding for the most part but don't mind a visit and short time away from cutie if need be.  No one can be grumpy when they hold a baby....

 

Thanks. My husband and I are actually very private people. We tend to like being just us most of the time. Even though we planned on doing this to accommodate visitors I didn't really want to at the same time. My MIL can be very draining. She is so sweet and kind, but just drains your energy if you know what I mean... Plus my hubby has a great relationship with her so if it's draining me he'll flat out tell her to leave for a bit (without secretly holding it against him). That REALLY helped. :)

 

So I was surprised that I was so okay with passing her around and having people stay. I wouldn't have changed a thing though. It was a great experience for everyone. 

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