anyone choose not to have someone there just for their kids? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 08-08-2012, 06:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm debating about whether it would be ok to NOT have anyone here for my other kids when the baby is born.  I like to labor alone and DH has never done anything besides watch (he did catch DD but the midwife could have done it just as easily) so I don't need him during labor.  DD watched her brothers' births and I'm not worried about her.  DS1 would be fine.  Not sure about DS2, but DH could just hold him if need be.  I don't see him flipping out and needing to leave the room or anything.  There were too many people in the house with DS2's birth (midwife, assistant, DH & kids, my mom) and there would be just as many this time if someone was here for the kids.  Also, I don't have anyone I could count on to come no matter what so I might have someone lined up and the birth would be when they were working anyway.  I would have a plan in place for the kids in case a transfer was necessary.

 

Has anyone chosen not to have anyone there for their other (young) kids?

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#2 of 11 Old 08-08-2012, 07:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by caedmyn View Post Also, I don't have anyone I could count on to come no matter what so I might have someone lined up and the birth would be when they were working anyway.  I would have a plan in place for the kids in case a transfer was necessary.

 

I don't follow. You have unreliable care but you have a plan in the event of transfer? Is your issue with your mother or her tipping the scale into too many people zone? 

My homebirths were smooth and no one was ultimately needed to watch the kids but we did have my mom fill that role. She watched the kids and didn't hover. I'd feel terrible if an emergency transfer was needed and, because it can't be planned, my SO would likely have to stay home with the kids. Not only would I miss his support and him advocating for me when I'd surely be compromised by the emergency, but he would miss the birth of our child. My MWs require someone be present for the older children and, in the event of a transfer, someone to drive me to the hospital. If my SO were left with the kids and it was not a situation where an ambulance was needed I don't know what would happen. Hold on babe, we have multiple children to possibly wake, dress, and put into car seats? I'd rather call my mom! 


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#3 of 11 Old 08-08-2012, 09:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't have anyone who'd be willing to take a day off from work or school, or be able to arrange reliable childcare for their kids to come to my house without them.  My mom lives 3 hours away.  She just happened to be visiting for the weekend when DS2 was born.  I would prefer there not to be anyone extra there though.  I think we are going to have to hire a doula though as emergency back-up because my midwife lives 5 hours away (doula is trained as a midwife but not certified, long story), and maybe I can just have her watch the kids if necessary when the midwife gets there.
 

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#4 of 11 Old 08-08-2012, 10:00 AM
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I had someone (my mother) who was going to be at the birth for my daughter.  But...then she bailed on me and moved away.  Leaving me with only friends with kids who might not be available. So, we don't have anyone specifically who will be around for her.  She has decided she wants to take pictures. LOL We'll see how that goes.  And we do have a couple of friends to call in case things get to be too much for her.  She's older though. I'm guessing she will get bored, and ask to go watch TV.  And if she wants to leave, we will call someone and they will come get her. 

 

Not my ideal plan, but it should turn out okay.


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#5 of 11 Old 08-08-2012, 10:25 AM
 
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If you're okay labouring alone, the having your husband there for the kids seems like a solid enough plan.

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#6 of 11 Old 08-11-2012, 03:44 AM
 
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When we have another baby, I don't want anyone there except me, DH, the midwives, a doula(actually even this is iffy, I've had one completely natural birth without a doula, and I'm a doula myself... idk if I *really* need one/want to shell out the money for one, but anywho...), and the kids. IF something didn't go as planned and we needed to get to the hospital, we could easily take the kids with us, and my MIL is under 30 minutes away from the hospital, so she could come pick them up or stay with them after we get admitted. 

 

But yeah, I definitely don't want a babysitter at the house during my birth. 2 out of 2 of my births have been early morning births, so maybe baby #3 would be just as cooperative and my kids would sleep through it all lol.gif. If they were awake for it, I'm sure they'd do just fine. DD would love to watch a baby being born, and while I'm not 100% sure about how my son would handle it, I bet putting on Dora and giving him some snacks would distract him enough. 


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#7 of 11 Old 08-12-2012, 06:52 PM
 
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i will be sending the kids over to my friends house if they are awake.  i really want a peaceful birth and dealing with kids while im in labor sounds stressful to me
 


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#8 of 11 Old 08-12-2012, 09:54 PM
 
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We don't have a lot of *close* friends nor babysitters that I'd feel comfortable having here, and we're a couple hours from any family.  Last birth, we just went with the flow, since I labored mostly at night when they slept.  This time, I hired a doula to support me, with the premise that my husband is primarily with our kids (and me, but in charge of them).  He usually kind of gets nervous and starts putz-ing around anyways; he never really knows quite what to do.  Last time, I had him sleep while I labored on the bed in the dark throughout the night alone so that he could reserve energy for the kids the next day. This time, I'm grateful I'll have a doula along-with my midwife to help me during those times.  We *may* have family present, depending on when I decide to call them (holding out until it's pretty intense to increase the likelihood it will just be our little family at the birth winky.gif),  so they could hang out with the older 3 if needed. 


 

Last birth, I had worked with a couple local college students who babysat a few times for us.  I tried asking them if they were interested in coming out to watch the kids while I birthed....2whistle.gif.... Yeah the sound of crickets was resounding.  I don't think they were nearly as excited about a homebirth as I was!
 


 

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#9 of 11 Old 08-21-2012, 04:53 PM
 
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we haven't needed help for my last 2 homebirths.  my mom had my son and daughter for the first one, and my son actually came in and watched the birth (his idea, not mine), while my daughter was napping.  and for my last one, we had a couple of friends who were on the 'to call' list, but the baby came in the middle of the night and everyone was asleep so no one got called.  BUT- i think having on-call friends who (more than 1) who have given you verbal "i'll be there IF you need me" is key.  I haven't got it lined up here (moved), but will probably have at least 3 friends on the list just to make sure, and hope I have another midnight baby.  our housemate didn't even know we had the baby until the next morning.... sometimes it's just not that much of an event!


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#10 of 11 Old 08-22-2012, 09:48 AM
 
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I didn't really have any serious plans for help with DS1 when I was in labor with DS2, though I did have someone on standby just in case I decided I needed someone. This time I'm planning on the same thing. FWIW, I also like to labor alone, have fast labors and I don't even like having DH in the room with me until I'm ready to push baby out. 


- Jen, Mama to DS1 (02.04.05) and DS2 (02.11.10) & baby #3 due in early January 2013

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#11 of 11 Old 08-22-2012, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by itsajenism View Post

I didn't really have any serious plans for help with DS1 when I was in labor with DS2, though I did have someone on standby just in case I decided I needed someone. This time I'm planning on the same thing. FWIW, I also like to labor alone, have fast labors and I don't even like having DH in the room with me until I'm ready to push baby out. 

 

This is so me!  Last time DH sat in an armchair and just watched me while I was in the birth pool.  I had to close my eyes so I couldn't see him because it bothered me.  Apparently I'm not assertive enough to say anything while I'm in labor.  This time everyone will have strict instructions to stay OUT of the room until I'm ready to push.

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