Confusing homebirth experience, not sure how to talk to MW - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 39 Old 02-19-2013, 11:52 AM
 
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I agree with Alenushka. I'd be unhappy, and I'd tell her -- in an email, if you don't feel up to saying it in person or on the phone. Just, "My partner was very concerned about cleanup following our baby's birth. When I asked you, you assured me you guys would take care of all that, but instead, our house was left with Y and Z all over. We both felt very disappointed that after our child's birth, we had to deal with this." 


To be honest, I think part of the problem with the relationship that midwives build with their clients is that, too often, women feel like they can't speak up when something worries or annoys or angers them. I may not feel like my OB is family, but I can sure tell her, "Hey, I wasn't happy about X."

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#32 of 39 Old 02-19-2013, 11:59 AM
 
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#33 of 39 Old 02-19-2013, 11:59 AM
 
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OP, what I would do is sit down and write out or type out every single thing you were dissatisfied with and either give it your midwife, or at least bring it along so you don't forget what you want to say.

She won't be mad at you, she won't make people mad at you for being upset with the level of care you received. And if she DOES....well then go ahead and complain about her unprofessional attitude to anyone who will listen.

Unfortunately, nothing will change if nothing is said. Good luck!
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#34 of 39 Old 02-19-2013, 07:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#35 of 39 Old 02-20-2013, 07:58 PM
 
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OP, good for you.

It will feel good to get your words out.  And hopefully, other mamas who birth with this midwife will benefit from your letter, too.

 

Good luck!

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#36 of 39 Old 02-21-2013, 10:56 AM
 
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Yelp....vitals.com./ Other people should know. I review all my doctors on those sites.

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#37 of 39 Old 02-21-2013, 12:00 PM
 
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I hope you get some closure with your letter. You need it. It seems, just in the course of this thread, you are getting more annoyed at the situation. There could be many answers, along the way, that make it not so bad.
Perhaps when she knew you were in labor (and that it's your 4th baby), she headed closer to where you live so that she when things did change, she'd be readily available. For midwives, who are in my town, it still took 45 to an hour for them both to get to me. I'm also a doula, and in my contract, parents sign, that they allow me up to 2 hrs to get to them.
Communication is key. I can't give you any answers as to why she didn't sit on the phone whole you having a contraction to see how you were tolerating it...unless with them being 10 mins apart, and you being very conversational, she made her assessment based in that.
Her assistant arrived first? That seems normal, to check things out.
Seems like the birth happened more quickly than anticipated, but there is no one to blame.
I'm sorry an otherwise great birthing experience has this dark cloud over it!
Hope you get answers and can move through this smile.gif
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#38 of 39 Old 02-21-2013, 02:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#39 of 39 Old 02-28-2013, 09:20 AM
 
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"I wasn't sure that I really was in labor until about 12 hours after the contractions started. I mean, contractions that are 20 minutes apart isn't the definition of active labor, right? I informed my midwife not long after they started, and she told me to call her back if anything changed, so when things DID change, we called her right away. When my contractions went from about 20 minutes apart to 10 minutes apart, I called her. There really wasn't any assessment done, few questions were asked and she left it up to me whether I wanted her to come then or not. I didn't know, I'd never had a labor like that before! My other kids births were completely different! After that conversation with her, I ended up calling her right back and telling her I thought she should come, which she did. The problem was, she didn't get here in time."

The same thing happened with my last two births!  One ended in a UC, and one the MW barely made it!  I'm such a terrible judge of labor too, and I don't like "bugging" people, lol.  I however LIKE a hands off MW.  I like to do what I want and have the MW here "just in case."  I believe a *doula's* main role is to support the woman in labor. 

 

I'm so sorry you're not happy with your experience, but I do hope that other women can learn from this.  Talk about theses things during the interview process.  Make sure your MW is the kind of care provider you need/want BEFORE you settle on her, BEFORE its too late.  If you need a hands on MW, make sure to find one.  If you only have the option of a hands off MW, hire an experienced doula.  Talk about things like after care/ clean up, make sure you connect, and are "on the same page." 

 

I would definitely try to express these concerns to your midwife, maybe over lunch or in a polite letter.  If anything, it will help you process and release your feelings.  :)     
 


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