Found my Midwife and im already butting heads with her (Regarding veganism) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 02-20-2013, 06:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I found the only midwife near me well not the only one but shes the cheapest and im already butting heads with her. She called me today to tell me the lady who gave birth in December (she was her midwife) will call me when she has the time. So we can talk about The midwife. She wants me to know more about her thru her clients. The problem i have is how she basically keeps telling me or asking me to rent her $400 tub. I dont think so! I told her no and im going to buy what i want and what is cheapest. I am buying the Oasis birth pool for $65.00 So then she said well i need to know how big it is and if its going to work. Um last time i checked you dont need to be inside with me?? And its my choice... I dont like hands on midwifes and i want to do what i WANT. this isnt her Birth even though i have her as a midwife. i can simply find someone else but i dont know yet.

 

Then she said to me "Go to trader joes and buy the rainbow Prenatals" i said uh huh then i spoke up and i said About the Prentals, i dont take any and never have and my kids are fine. I told her i get sick with any prenatal even Vegan ones. I told her i am Vegan and i eat healthy. I dont thinks he understands what Veganism is. I told her No dairy no Meat just to be straight forward. She asked me if i like eggs for breakfast i said No i dont eat no eggs, no milk, no animals. That i do not agree with that type of food and how it is unhealthy. Nobody is going to change my mind and i been a vegan since Feb 2012. And before that i was a Vegetarian.

 

I told her i eat all foods like Beans, Rice, Legumes, Fruits, vegetables. I use Raw Protein powder for my shakes. I eat a lot of Lentils, Beans, Avocados. I make Awesome meals. I make food from scratch every day. She then started telling me how there is only 14G of Protein in my shake. How would she know? She doesnt know what vegan is much less Raw. That she doesnt want me Anemic... Im not.. but im also not going to eat like a pig sorry!  I eat how i want and i dont eat for two, i eat for my self. I dont believe in the whole eating for two theory. I eat when im hungry and drink water when im thirsty. Im 5 weeks friday and im not any more hungrier then i was before i found out i was pregnant.

 

She was telling me the lady she helped with her pregnancy is Anemic and eats "Organic foods" Like its a bad thing. We have a Language barrier also, she is Mexican and im half Mexican but i cant understand when she speaks English and i dont think she "Understands" My lifestyle. Im vegan, i breast feed, i co sleep, i dont like prenatals.. Im kinda of a hippie with food and stuff. Shes been a midwife for 20 years as what i read. but im not really clicking with her. She is charging $4,000 with out the Tub

 

idk i feel conflicted. i mean shes nice and all. She asked me about my Religion if i had one. I dont know why any of that matters. I am not religious, im a Wiccan... She said oh the cosmos.. that was rude. I believe in the Goddess and The God but not the christian one. I rely on my husband for support and nobody else. i dont chant every hour to my gods lol. She wants me to do Art? like draw stuff.

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#2 of 10 Old 02-20-2013, 09:51 PM
 
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Is she having you do at least a three day food diary? Then you and she can both see if there are any nutrients that you would need to supplement (either through food or extra vitamins).

 

As far as eating more goes, at this point in pregnancy, you don't need a lot of extra calories. In the second and third trimesters, as baby grows, I do think it's important to get more calories in.

 

Asking about religion is pretty normal, both for homebirth midwives and hospital practitioners. For many people, it's a big part of your life and understanding your belief system can help them understand you, though it sounds like she may not understand where you're coming from.

 

Have you met with other midwives in your area? You said:

 

 

Quote:
I found the only midwife near me well not the only one but shes the cheapest and im already butting heads with her.

 

If the two of you don't click, it's not good for either of you if you go with her just because she's the cheapest. Maybe if another midwife is a better fit, they would be willing to work with you on the cost.


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#3 of 10 Old 02-20-2013, 10:28 PM
 
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It does sound like she may not be the greatest fit for you. I don't think asking questions about your diet or religion is out of line. It is a bit of a problem if she doesn't understand veganism and isn't prepared to learn. Anaemia is a problem for many people during pregnancy, even if their diet is good. People who eat vegan have to be even more aware of it because the easiest sources of iron aren't available to them. I know you know all this, my point is that if she doesn't know how to make vegan-suitable suggestions (and it is well within her scope to make dietary suggestions as your midwife) then you will probably keep clashing.

As the PP said, it may be worth the extra money to go with someone who is a better fit.

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#4 of 10 Old 02-21-2013, 06:25 AM
 
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She's asking normal questions...but if you don't click..I would find someone else! The extra money you spend will make your pregnancy (you've still got a loooong way to go!) so worth it if you feel a real connection with your midwife smile.gif
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#5 of 10 Old 02-21-2013, 10:29 AM
 
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To add...'cheap' should not be the basis for your decisions. You sound very bright, and know your options. You are very educated on foods, nutrition etc. you should obtain the services that suit you best. In some instances, it may be the cheapest~but to say, I'm getting everything at the lowest price possible, unfortunately may mean you will pay big time (emotionally) for it.
Since you are so early on, see how you can create a reasonable budget for the things you desire.
Also, see where this midwife is coming from. If you can't understand her, she doesn't understand your lifestyle, and your personalities don't click~that's not a good combo.
If most her moms rent the birth pool, she is probably very comfortable working with it. Being able to see the baby crowning etc is a huge part of what she'll be doing. She doesn't want you be in a tiny tub where she'll have to keep asking you to change positions so she can check the baby.
Overall, you seem to have a pretty negative vibe with this situation. I hope you find someone who is perfect! You seem to be a midwives dream! Healthy eater, informed & educated about your choices!
Again...good luck!!
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#6 of 10 Old 02-21-2013, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof34me View Post

To add...'cheap' should not be the basis for your decisions. You sound very bright, and know your options. You are very educated on foods, nutrition etc. you should obtain the services that suit you best. In some instances, it may be the cheapest~but to say, I'm getting everything at the lowest price possible, unfortunately may mean you will pay big time (emotionally) for it.
Since you are so early on, see how you can create a reasonable budget for the things you desire.
Also, see where this midwife is coming from. If you can't understand her, she doesn't understand your lifestyle, and your personalities don't click~that's not a good combo.
If most her moms rent the birth pool, she is probably very comfortable working with it. Being able to see the baby crowning etc is a huge part of what she'll be doing. She doesn't want you be in a tiny tub where she'll have to keep asking you to change positions so she can check the baby.
Overall, you seem to have a pretty negative vibe with this situation. I hope you find someone who is perfect! You seem to be a midwives dream! Healthy eater, informed & educated about your choices!
Again...good luck!!


Hello,

Thanks... I am very informed. I didnt think of her wanting me a big tub to see me crowning. Makes sense! I am looking around, i emailed one lady but she hasnt responded back yet so im waiting. Another midwife i know is more Hands on and i dont like that. So i wont be contacting her again. The midwife that i dont click with has been a midwife for 20 years but her background is of "Medical" Which i didnt know or she has a informative Website what so ever. its very plain and has no info for a new clients. The client i spoke to last nite told me she just started getting into Natural stuff like foods but is more into Organic meats because thats what she believes in. I dont, and i dont want anyone pushing me or talking about it. I dont know why i need a food log? I dont have time for that and i never did it with any of my 3 other kids. I ate what i wanted and when i wanted. They are all completely healthy now and at birth. My son was born at 8lbs 21 inches long, my placenta was in tack and healthy. I just dont want all in your face midwife asking me a million questions. i just do not like that approach.

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#7 of 10 Old 02-21-2013, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by katelove View Post

It does sound like she may not be the greatest fit for you. I don't think asking questions about your diet or religion is out of line. It is a bit of a problem if she doesn't understand veganism and isn't prepared to learn. Anaemia is a problem for many people during pregnancy, even if their diet is good. People who eat vegan have to be even more aware of it because the easiest sources of iron aren't available to them. I know you know all this, my point is that if she doesn't know how to make vegan-suitable suggestions (and it is well within her scope to make dietary suggestions as your midwife) then you will probably keep clashing.

As the PP said, it may be worth the extra money to go with someone who is a better fit.


Hi,

Yes im going to start looking for other midwifes. Like i said before, i dont want a all in your face person asking me a million things

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#8 of 10 Old 02-22-2013, 07:50 AM
 
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It sounds like you are well informed. Have you considered UC? I know many midwives who are hands off if the mom wants them to be, I hope you find some too. This sounds fustrating. While I am not a vegan for my own reasons, I know most vegans spend significants amounts of time and energy in making sure they have enough nutrients. However I know most providers push the meat/animal protien thing... I know seeds have a ton of protein. I remember when I was vegitarian I got the same kind of remarks and someone even implied that is why I lost my first baby! Seriously!

 

Yea, finding a provider who trusts you and who you trust is vital to this process. Good luck!!!


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#9 of 10 Old 02-25-2013, 08:21 AM
 
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Sounds like there are a lot of barriers.  Is transferring care an option for you?
 


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#10 of 10 Old 02-25-2013, 08:43 AM
 
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It sounds like your not very happy. Maybe you should start looking for other options. You want to be able to enjoy your pregnancy and not stress about all of this stuff. Good Luck!

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