My partner is not comfortable with home birth, any advice? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 38 Old 03-11-2013, 09:10 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Buzzbuzz View Post

By the way, you know what people say about assuming...my childbirth history is not what you are claiming. 

I think that part of the disconnect here is that in the HB forum those of us for whom this forum is intended open ourselves up here and share our birth choices and often our medical histories and intimate details of our family lives. Posting with sensitivity towards that is the best way to approach your involvement in this forum if posting from outside of the community of homebirth families. 

 

With that said, we do have a good general UA here at MDC and as this discussion gets heated I want to remind everyone to have a look, especially as we welcome new members. 

 

Welcome mama to 12!  It's a pleasure to have you. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. 

 

Back to the topic of the OP, I really like the articles from Midwifery Today. They are very well sourced (the ones I've read) and are often very approachable. It's possible that they have published a good article or two on the choice to HB from a beginner's perspective.  

 

Also, another thing that was of interest to me (and perhaps to your DH too) is to look into the diversity of your HB community in your area. This would vary wildly depending on where you live but when I was in CA the parents from the mainstream medical community were in the top three professional groups giving birth with my MW.  You could meet with a MW and ask her about that. It's telling!  

 

Along those lines, OP, I was still on the fence when pregnant with my first and was doing a local hospital visit. I mentioned to the hospital birth MW there at the hospital that I was interested in HB and she told me she had her children at home and encouraged me to start with a HB midwife. She said she felt it was more comfortable to change my mind from a HB to a hospital birth than the other way around. That's what I did...  

 

Please keep us updated and I hope you will forgive a little bickering on your thread. redface.gif


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#32 of 38 Old 03-11-2013, 10:20 AM
 
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"What is the "post-caesarean life"?"

 

The inevitable poor health, reduced mental function and general lack of specialness that is the doom of all c-section babies.  You mean you can't tell who was a c-section baby and who was a vaginally birthed baby when you meet a new co-worker, neighbor or friend? 

 

IdentityCrisisMama -- As I have posted here several times, I myself have had two homebirths.  You post as if your position (acknowledging a rise in mortality and morbidity in homebirth) is the generally accepted position within the homebirth advocacy community.  It is not.  As is demonstrated by someone else elsewhere on this board using a 30 year old study from Britain to claim that homebirth is equally safe for all mothers regardless of their risk level.  The claim that homebirth is as safe as (if not safer than) hospital birth can be found on this board and all over the internet generally.

 

With regard to "traditional midwifery practices" my point, which I appear not to have communicated well, is as follows: that there are practices which are generally "traditional midwifery only" (in that your average ob will not, for example, use castor oil to induce labor).  These practices are, by and large, not supported by reliable scientific evidence.  I believe (though certainly others may dispute) that if they were scientifically supported practices, you would see obs start to incorporate them into how they practice medicine (such practices would become standard for obstetrics, much like the historical use of willowbark has become incorporated into modern medicine as asprin).  In any event, if your problem is that obs aren't scientific enough, it seems strange to me to pursue care from a group which tends to engage in practices that are even LESS supported by scientific evidence than the practices of obs. 

 

Sorry, I'm sure I'm being as clear as mud here.

 

In any event, I will attempt to bow out now in order to prevent the further derailment of the OP's thread (for which I apologize!).


I support homebirth that meets the qualifications set forth in the AAP's 2013 policy on homebirth.

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#33 of 38 Old 03-11-2013, 11:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Buzzbuzz View Post

"What is the "post-caesarean life"?"

 

The inevitable poor health, reduced mental function and general lack of specialness that is the doom of all c-section babies.  You mean you can't tell who was a c-section baby and who was a vaginally birthed baby when you meet a new co-worker, neighbor or friend? 

 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3093169/figure/F0001/

 

 

From:

 

 

 

 

 

...I know that wasn't the end of the study, I just like to amuse myself with that tidbit of info wink1.gif

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#34 of 38 Old 03-12-2013, 04:30 AM
 
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Now I'm getting confused...

 

My coffee hasn't set in yet but I want to be sure that everyone knows that Buzzbuzz was being sarcastic in the quote above. As far as the edited quote (which should be edited out of any one else's post, btw), I'd like it we could let that new member edit and move on. The discussion was heated and it's best to practice some forgiveness when someone kind of talks off the cuff. I know we've all been there. 

 

As for that study, Escaping.... sometimes it's more interesting to me what scientists study than what the actual outcome is, don't you think? Also goes to show part of why I think studies are such a complicated way to look at this issue and part of why, though I don't agree with the conclusions of the Wax study, why I do appreciate it nonetheless. 


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#35 of 38 Old 03-12-2013, 04:47 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Buzzbuzz View Post

With regard to "traditional midwifery practices" my point, which I appear not to have communicated well, is as follows: that there are practices which are generally "traditional midwifery only" (in that your average ob will not, for example, use castor oil to induce labor).  These practices are, by and large, not supported by reliable scientific evidence.  I believe (though certainly others may dispute) that if they were scientifically supported practices, you would see obs start to incorporate them into how they practice medicine (such practices would become standard for obstetrics, much like the historical use of willowbark has become incorporated into modern medicine as asprin).   

I think this can get a response and still be supportive of the OP.  OP, what you will find in looking for a MW is that your individual choices depend quite a bit on the area where you live, the culture there and quite a bit on the MW you choose. I've seen 3 HB MW's and though they all practiced quite differently than an OB in many ways, they did not recommend any really "out there" stuff to me. The implication that this is common place is not accurate in my experience.  It's possible that your DH holds some of the same stereotypes about midwives and clients as other people have and that's worthwhile to investigate.  


Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#36 of 38 Old 03-12-2013, 11:30 AM
 
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Back to the OP's original question...

 

I think it's important to find out all the reasons that you husband has hesitations, not just reasons related to safety (though those are obviously important).

 

When my DP & I were talking about home birth as a possible option for us, it came up that she was worried that if I made a lot of noise during labor, the neighbors would hear and that would cause problems (worst case scenario...and my DP is really good at thinking of worst case scenarios...they would call the cops because of the noise). That concern hadn't even crossed my mind, so it was really helpful when I realized that this was a concern of hers & we could talk about it. Not only because it helped move us towards a mutual decision about where to birth, but because it also gave us a chance to talk about how she would respond if I was making a lot of noise in labor (my message was basically: figure out a way to be OK with it if you want to be at the birth, because I can promise you that I'm not going to be quiet).

 

Anyway, my only point is that there can be lots of reasons why someone might have concerns or hesitations about HB. Nosy neighbors, inviting strangers into your home, concern about caring for other kids in the home during birth...those are a few that pop into mind. (OP, those might not be specific concerns for your hubby, but I'm just brainstorming here).

 

Good luck! I hope you can find a way to arrive at a mutual decision with your husband.

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Living in Wisconsin with my partner of 20+ years and our DDenergy.gif(Born 10/09/08 ribboncesarean.gif). Why CI Mama? Because I love contact improvisation!

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#37 of 38 Old 03-26-2013, 07:37 PM
 
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Thank you for your advice as to where & what I should be posting but I'm afraid that sounds like censorship .

Ypu might not like my opinion but  as someone who has been delivering babies for 30 years , I am entitled to it .

In any case , we have somehting in Australia called free speech .
 

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#38 of 38 Old 03-27-2013, 06:44 AM
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heatherfd, this is a privately owned community, not a public government run by a democracy. We set rules for participation and require all members to agree to our rules and our basic guidelines for polite posting and setting a comfortable atmosphere for discussion when they request membership. We don't hesitate to censor people who prove themselves to only be interested in arguing their viewpoint rather than focusing on offering personally helpful information to the person posting about their situation.

 

IdentityCrisisMom has already addressed your posting behavior and your dismissal of the opinions and research of others. I think you've been given a fair chance to participate in this discussion and you continue to abuse it. We can agree to disagree but I think your membership here has an agenda to it since you look upon the members of this community with a lack of respect and accusation of ignorance. If you would like to continue your membership you can contact me by email to discuss further - cynthiam@mothering.com


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