Homebirthin' Mama's Thread...April 22,2004!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 108 Old 04-22-2004, 10:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow mama's!! I think that it is time for another thread.

I know that it has been awhile since I have posted. I have been so busy. I just finished up my last two births this week as a doula. That was hard as I am 31 weeks pregnant and tired! The girls are doing great. Hannick, who is three and Kettie, who is two, just got a playground for outside. A Little Tykes 8 in 1, and two swing sets. So now I can have them outside a lot and not have to constantly watch them. Yay!

My little girl is still tranvserse, which she has been the whole time. I am just about to start trying things to turn her. I will give it one more week. She is so active. Anyways, just thought that I would start a new thread! Only 9 weeks to go!

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#2 of 108 Old 04-22-2004, 11:15 PM
 
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Hey Sarah, good to see you. Thanks for starting a new thread!

I hear you about being tired. The third trimester fatigue is hitting me...along with the crabbies.

I take care of a little 4 year old boy every Thursday-Friday from 1:00 until about 6:30. I'm TIRED of it! But, I'm going to keep doing it through the 14 of May. 4 more weeks to go. I figure I need the last month all to myself (well...without OTHER people's kids to worry about anyway).

That's all from me,
Abby
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#3 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 11:03 AM
 
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Hello ladies! I have not posted in a long time either. Been busy sewing and lurking I am finally in the third trimester! 28 weeks. I have not hit the third trimester slow doen yet, knock on wood! I feel pretty good, am getting really excited that my time is nearing. I feel like I will go a little earlier than my due date, not sure why, just a feeling. I was right on time and two days early with my girls. I have got to start ordering my birth supplies soon. Beginning to feel the nesting urge. Already not wanting to go out and about much. Hope everyone else is feeling well and happy!
Brandi

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#4 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 02:19 PM
 
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5 weeks to go for me! I just remembered I haven't made any more birth announcements for awhile...
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#5 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 02:31 PM
 
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I've got some sort of compulsive nesting disorder. This can't be normal. I've got 2 more huge yardwaste bags, and an old suitcase of stuff to go to my moms second hand store. I cleaned/organsied the laundry room, and had DH drag the deep freeze in there. There are 30 premarinated meal potions of meat in there (for dinners after the baby is born) The barbecue is on the front porch, now. We've put in the hardware so the baby gate can be moved around. I cleaned out all the kitchen cupboards, and the fridge. The garden is weed-free, and ready for plants (I'm labouring back there) and the front porch is adorned with macrame hanging baskets & potted plants, and a plastic adirondack chair (somewhere closeby for me to have a breather when I need one) I'm going to be baking a whole 20 pound bag of potatos today, to freeze with the meat, so they'll just need to be heated on the barbecue (they take twice as long as the meat, otherwise) The flea treatment doesn't seem to have worked 100%, and even though it's guaranteed for 6 months, DH is ripping out the carpet next weekend (hardwood floor beneath it) because I dont want to repeatedly spray chemicals into our living space, especially once the baby isn't using my body as a filter anymore (MIL is going to but that might be kinda fun...) the week after next is spring clean up week (garbage men come around and take unlimited crap away) and I've been pacing the house, looking for stuff to chuck. there isn't much on my agenda this weekend (get DH to disassemble the swingset, and mow the lawn) but I'll think something up, I'm sure!

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#6 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 07:58 PM
 
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Hello Ladies! You all are getting ready, so exciting! I'm 21 weeks tomorrow, so I still feel like its so far off, but things are certainly developing. I had an appt with my mw this week and everything looks great! My dh got to hear the hb thru the fetascope! He was thrilled. It was still too faint for me to hear thru the longer tube, but it doesn't bother me one bit. The little nugget is kicking all the time now, so I know he/she is alive and moving!

So I am asking everyone this as it is on my mind, so please ignore if you read and responded on another thread. What are your plans for family/help/visitors after your birth? I am trying to figure out if I want my mom to come and stay to help out and when. I am thinking a lot about taking a week or so for some space, just me, dh and baby to get to know each other and have some down time before visitors arrive. What have you done in the past and/or will you do this time?

Hope all is well in your worlds!

-Sheryl

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#7 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 08:10 PM
 
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With my first dh stayed home for a week and my mom came for five days. In retrospect, I should have had my mom stay after dh went back to work, as it would have been much nicer having the privacy bonding with our first wee one. And I could have used the help when dh went back to work. With my second we lived with mil, and she was wonderful. Had lots of help and she was excellent about privacy. With #3, I don't really want any visitors for a while. I will only be allowing people to drop off food and say a quick hello, but no big visits for a week or two at least. I don't think dh will be able to take any time off this time, as he will be starting a new job right at baby's arrival time. I can't say what is best for you, but I do recommend to make sure you have alone time for just your new little family and the beginning, but definately accept help or offers to have food brought or laundry done.
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#8 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 08:41 PM
 
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MOST of the visitors we had were very respectful (stayed only a 1/2 hour or so, or brought some food with them, or helped fold the laundry conveniently left in the livingroom (hint!hint!) My inlaws came and stayed for 3 HOURS!! MIL didn't lift a finger to help out (my grandma was over & MIL let her serve her) I had to fight with her to get DS back when he needed to nurse. I don't know if I want to prevent DH from inviting his parents over (it's his baby, too!) but I'll definetly take the baby & go to bed if I feel like it. If it were up to only me, we'd go to their house after 2-3 weeks.... but thats not going to happen.

~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#9 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 08:56 PM
 
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Hi Everyone,

I'm a newbie here . . . only 17 weeks, and haven't spent too much time in this forum. But I saw adventuregirl's question and wanted to chime in.

With my 1st, dh took off 2 weeks, with my mom staying with us for the first 5 days. We had also struggled with the privacy question and were a litle shy about asking her to stay so long. Turns out, I could not have survived that forst week without her. She did EVERYTHING in our home, to the extent that all dh and I had to do was take care of ds, and that was enough! We were so grateful to her for allowing us so much time with him.

So she says that after 5 days I told her she could go, but *my* recollection is that she told me she had to get back to work, but would come back if needed, and then never came back. All of our parents live in town, so it never occurred to them that we needed live-in help. They would just pop in for brief visits. This was nice for privacy, but I didn't get NEARLY the help with cooking or housework that other friends did when their parents came to stay. And when dh went back to work, I could have REALLY used the help . . . ds was a "velcro" baby so I was trying to eat, pee, dress myself, talk on the phone, etc with only one free hand. And forget showering -- it did not happen until dh got home from work each day. For MONTHS. I felt incredibly isolated.

So while I agree with the privacy idea in concept, it turned out to not be what we needed. Of course you never know what kind of baby you're gonna get, so maybe there's a way to line up support and then see how much you need?

Hope you mamas who are getting close are comfortable and excited! I feel like I have ages to get to where you are, but I know it'll be here in a flash!

Eleanor
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#10 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 09:03 PM
 
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Last time dh told everyone who called that they could come over. He said it would be rude to refuse them, since they were bringing food and gifts.

I told him this time I don't want any visitors and that if he invites people over, I will take the baby and lock myself in the bedroom and be very, very rude.
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#11 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 09:28 PM
 
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I am in denial. So we have no plans. CNM will come over and we will have a baby. If anyone calls they will be invited to come wash diapers. With 2 in cloth I am washing every other day what's three going to do to me? I even typed up a set of destructions so there should be no confusion.

I have decided this time that I am going to stay off my feet and cuddle with my baby for a while. The last 2 times I rushed out to get going and prove how strong I am. How stupid - here I am three years later and very tired. I will take any kind of pampering I can get. I am going to keep myself upstairs and limit who can come up but anyone that wants to drop by downstairs go for it. DS and DD will probably enjoy the attention. I have a "Do Not Disturb" sign I made when DS was born that I still use to this day so I will keep that up and of course unplug the phone. DH is pretty protective. When I was in labour with DD one of best friends called and he totally blew her off. She couldn't believe he didn't even tell her! Then he sent out an email notifying people we had a baby. That was it - We had the baby.
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#12 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 10:40 PM
 
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ketilave, that sounds like great advice (the upstairs/downstairs maneuver). I will keep that in mind. I was like you last time, and was so proud to show people that we were home from the birth center 4 hours after ds was born. Now we'll be home 1 second after Baby is born, but if I play it right, we won't see anyone for a while! :LOL

Can I throw out another question? Are any of you having doulas in addition to your birth attendants? I had one last time (for my birth ctr birth) and she was CRITICAL. Could not have done it without her. But this time I'm less scared, don't have to time any contractions or make any decisions about when to leave, plus my m/w has an assistant. And it sounds like they come over pretty early in labor and just hang out. So I'm wondering if I need additional support.

I trust my m/w's technical skills 100%. I have yet to figure out if she'll be able to nurture me as I might need. But is that what the assistant is for? And do you need a doula the second time around?

What are others doing?
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#13 of 108 Old 04-23-2004, 11:17 PM
 
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Since I just went through this, I thought I'd share what we did.

My mom arrived 10 minutes after the baby was born, and stayed for two nights, and it was nice to have her here. She pretty much stays out of our way, but did all the cooking and laundry, and ran some errands, while she was here. When my first was born, she stayed for a week, and the help was great. She stayed for about 3 or 4 days when my second was born. THis time, dh was home from work for a full week, which was awesome. Basically he took care of the 2 older kids, and I had all the time to spend with karis. I think it probably depends on how much support you'll get from your partner, and whether you have other kids, and how helpful your mother or MIL or whatever will be.

As far as labor support, we had my best friend/doula/hypnobirthing instructor/lactation consultant here, along with the CNM that caught my first 2 babies (as a friend), and our hb mw. Not too much, not too little. We also had someone here that hung out with dd and ds downstairs while the baby was born. DD was in and out of my bedroom during labor, but ds had no idea we were even home!

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#14 of 108 Old 04-24-2004, 10:00 PM
 
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my parents, and dh's parents, are all well into their 70s and really not up to coming and managing a household for us after the baby gets here. they all want to come SEE the baby, and we'll let that happen... just a few weeks after everything has settled down. and they'll be in hotels...

my sister's stepson is due to be married about three days before my due date, so she won't be able to come and help get the house ready like she has before (bummer! she's really a clean freak... the midwives loved her!). i might be able to talk her into coming out for a week in early july, though... then she'll come after the wedding and hang out until the baby's born (or if the kid gets here before that, she'll come and help out for a week or so, until we all get sick of each other!).

a very dear friend also volunteered to come and stay, so she'll come on aug. 8... probably about the time my sister's leaving, and most likely after the baby arrives (but possibly not!). so there's a pretty good chance i'll have someone around to help out, unless the kid decides to get here really early (and i bet my sister would blow off the wedding if that happened!).

dh has two weeks of paternity leave, plus a whole bunch of vacation he's saved up this year. his job (research scientist) will require that he shows up for a few hours each week to maintain the experiments he's working on, but it won't be bad at all... the times are really flexible, and the lab is only a mile away.

i'm feeling pretty good about how things are shaping up, support-wise!

i'm a doula and i'm a big believer in birth support, but other than the midwife's apprentice (who is also a doula) i don't think i'll have one at the birth. if i knew someone here that i was comfortable with, i'd hire her... but i just don't know many folks here that well yet (we just moved here in aug.)

also, i've done this three times before and i feel pretty confident that everything's gonna work out fine. if for some reason i had to go to a hospital, though, you can bet your bippy i'd have a doula or two on hand!

katje
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#15 of 108 Old 04-24-2004, 11:06 PM
 
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#16 of 108 Old 04-24-2004, 11:07 PM
 
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OOOO, I kind of like the features on this new format. I'm not terribly keen on the layout or the colours...but I like that i can change the colour of my text and the font and such.

Hee hee...I like stuff like that though. Now, please don't tell me I could do that before, because I don't want to know. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm just reposting to make sure I'm still subscribed to this thread and get email notifications. Nothing much to report...just that I'm still pregnant...32 weeks now.

Wow...32...YIKES!

Abby
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#17 of 108 Old 04-25-2004, 12:26 AM
 
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I was blessed at my son' s birth to have my sister as my doula. She stayed for two weeks and did all the cooking, cleaning and laundry. She also arrived two weeks before the birth and helped me get the house in order. The day my ds was born my mom, dad and brother made a quick visit, stayed in a hotel and left the next day. We were not bothered by another visitor for ten days. It was perfect.

This time my sister lives a five minute walk away and should be free to help out again. She is fabulous. My mother in law is arriving two days beore be due date I am not sure how I feel about this. She will be staying with us in our two bedroom house, most likely in sleeping in our living room. I am know she will be great for ds, I just worry what she will be like at the birth. I am sure my parents will arrive for short visit after the birth. My intent is to keep other visitors away atleast until dh heads back to work. I think he will have a week off.


I personally, love my doula, as she is my sister... but mostly because all her time was devoted to ME. The midwife worries about me and the baby, my doula created the space for me that I dreamed of, supported me just as I needed and anticipated my every move.
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#18 of 108 Old 04-25-2004, 01:12 AM
 
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I'm due july 3rd, with a big ole' baby (boy, I think). I'm actually going to go it unassisted. But it will be a homebirth, so I still qualify, right?

Anyways, power to the homebirthers, we are the ones who change the world, one peaceful birth at a time. Hope I didn't offend anyone:
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#19 of 108 Old 04-26-2004, 02:54 PM
 
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I've never had a doula, nor wanted one, but that's just my personality. I find it distracting and irritating to have extra people around, and I don't like to be touched or talked to during labor. Breathe, if you do better with that nurturing presence, then I'd say the only question is whether your midwife and her assistant can provide it, and if not, find someone else to do it! Of the five midwives and assistants I've had attend me in birth, there was really only one that I felt was capable of doing that for me (had I desired it) -- the others were really more focused on monitoring and directing the birth.
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#20 of 108 Old 04-26-2004, 03:27 PM
 
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just quickly checking in and subscribing myself to the thread.

re: visitors. ideally my mom would be here for the delivery and a week or so after. i love having her around and want her to meet our new baby right away. she lives several states away though and will have to fly in. i don't want her to get here too early and miss the baby so we'll probably schedule her trip for 2 weeks or so after my "due date."

forcing myself to go take a nap now,
chrissy

Chrissy, lucky mama to Noah (9), Lilah (6), Rowan (3) and Laney (1).
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#21 of 108 Old 04-26-2004, 03:51 PM
 
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Well, I'm now 35 wks, 4 days; huge, swollen and generally very uncomforable, lol! I've suddenly got the nesting bug BAD and am starting to drive Dh a bit bonkers I just have a few more things on the to-do list, but then I also keep remembering other things that never made it to a list. Ah, it's just stuff to do to pass the time anyway, the world won't end if it doesn't get finished (rihgt?? someone please tell me the world won't end!!)

As for visitors and such, last time we had a ton of visitors at the hospital, which wasn't too bad cause I just laid in bed. Both of my parents were going out of town a week or so after my EDD so they just came over for a few short visits, in the hospital and once we came home. At home, MIL came over for an afternoon and a few friends hung out with us, nobody brought food or helped with anything, but I don't think I really paid much attention. DH had lots of time off, but was on a big project and they kept bugging him so I sent him back after a week.

This time we'll be at home so no crazy visiting like at the hospital. I'm thinking of just not having anyone come by except our parents for at least a week. DH is taking 2 weeks and then doing some 4-day weeks for the rest fo the summer. I probably won't be able to be as laid back this time with Ben needing attention, but we shall see...

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YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#22 of 108 Old 04-26-2004, 03:53 PM
 
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I had a doula in the hospital, and thought it was helpful, but at a homebirth it might be just too many people. Since the midwives are there all the time for continuous support, I don't think I'd need a doula. It was helpful in the hospital since the doctor and nurses aren't there more than every hour or two, and dh needed an extra hand so he could get something to eat.

But my doula was a bit medically-minded for my taste. She was a nurse, and was employed by the hospital, and a lot of that came through in the care I received.
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#23 of 108 Old 04-26-2004, 05:52 PM
 
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Hi again to all your homebirthing mamas!

I'm about 35 weeks now and have been feeling extra large the past week and a half. We have a midwives appointment tonight before our birth class, and I'm curious to see how much my belly has grown. I've been having lots of (ligament stretching, digestion, intestinal gas, belly stretching, braxton hicks, i don't really know what) pain in the upper right corner of my uterus for the past couple of weeks, and it's really not very comfortable. It's usually especially bad when I first wake up in the morning and it disappears while I'm up and around and walking and moving and seems to return when I sit for too long. That's why I am leaning towards it being something intestinal/digestion related.

My mother blessing is less than two weeks away now, and I'm kind of looking forward to it and nervous about it at the same time. My best friend and I planned it together, so it's definitely my kind of gathering and not all commercially-oriented and such. We designed it for my women friends who live here locally and not the long distance family and friends, but I have a feeling that my partner's family are probably confused by the invitation. His mom thinks we're very "earthy" (we're really not!) since we're not having a baby room or a crib, and one of his sisters is just totally commercially-driven and wanted to buy us a baby monitor (I can hear my cat walking down the hall!), a stroller (we will probably get one, just later so baby can try it out and we can see which one they look/feel most comfortable in), a diaper-genie (umm... we're cloth-diapering) and I forget what else.

Our house is reasonably organized, but it really needs a good, thorough cleaning and some touch-up organizing. Our home office is perpetually cluttered (my partner does this without even realizing it), our front living/dining room has some boxes in it that need to be unpacked, our kitchen pantry and our freezer need to be cleaned out and organized, our family room has somehow acquired a computer and two buckets of papers that need to be filed, and the bookcases need to be moved out of our bedroom into the front room and a couple of shelves to be hung up and we need to buy a rocking chair/glider for the corner. I have a one page list of all the things we still need to buy for the homebirth and for the newborn. It's stuff that I can collect in a day's worth of errands, but I'm just not motivated to do it by myself. Maybe I can talk my best friend into running errands with me now that she is done with school... I can't believe she graduates with her nursing degree this Sunday!

Anyway, I think I have whined enough now. I feel kind of unsettled and not quite ready, and I'm not sure I like this feeling. Every couple of days or so I start randomly crying because I don't want to be pregnant anymore and I'm not sure I'm ready to be a mama or something is on Oprah and makes me sad or I'm too hot because it's 80 degrees out or maybe it's all because Mercury is in retrograde.

warmly,
claudia
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#24 of 108 Old 04-26-2004, 06:31 PM
 
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Well, just my 2cents - I am not into commercial doulas. I believe women in labour should be surrounded by people who love them and it's hard for someone to have that connection with only one or two visits. Most people I know that hire doulas do so for hospital settings. Please, no one get upset with me, this is just my thing. So, I think DH and I are doing this with my MW if she is here - if I go too late she has her annual family vacation. And I will have some form of family member - depends on who is not bugging me - around to watch the kids. My Dad will be in Iraq and my mom does not want to be around for the birth after all the complications I had with DS's birth - too hard for her to watch her baby suffer.

Claudia - Lots of love and hugs. The good news is that it sounds like your hormones have got you right on track to have this baby as your body starts to kick up the labor hormones. I know that doesn't help. Those are the days when close the door, or get in the tub, with the lots off and indulge in a little of whatever I feel like and then go straight to bed as close to relaxed as it gets. No talking to anyone they just make it worse. I am struggling because I need the good cry and I just won't let go even though I know it will make me feel better.
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#25 of 108 Old 04-26-2004, 06:57 PM
 
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Breathe,

I will not be having a doula with this birth. I did with my VBAC and had a very nice labor, but some things happened after the baby was born that I was extremely unhappy with so I have decided that I would like it to be just the midwife and I this time.

I am very private and I have asked that the asst. stay in the other room until I am pushing. My midwife has said that she can "doula" me if I need it so I am hoping that I can really depend on her. Because trust is one thing I dont have a lot of after my last birth.
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#26 of 108 Old 04-26-2004, 08:12 PM
 
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Thanks for all of your replies on the help situation, it is a lot of help to hear what others have to say and much appreciated!

As far as a doula goes, I am not planning on having one. Since I will be at home with dh, mw and mw assistant, I don't see a need for another person. I am very happy that my mw will act as my doula if a transfer occurs, that is a nice safety net.

Wonderful birth wishes to you who are so close!

-Sheryl

Mama to DD 8 blahblah.gif and  3rdtri.gif EDD 5/21/13 joy.gif

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#27 of 108 Old 04-27-2004, 01:13 AM
 
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whoa, I just realized I took a week away from myself! I'm only 34 wks, 4 days. Not that that really makes any difference in the long run, but, much as I feel wretched and want to have this baby ASAP, I don't want to rush him out

Claudia, I've been super weepy, too. I remember it from the last time; sitting in the middle of the floor of the baby's room amoungst the unassembled crib (we didn't start out very crunchy ) trying to make everything fit (it was my office, too) and sobbing to DH that we just could NOT have a baby, cause there was no room for him! The funniest part is that I was so serious! It's reassuring to know it's supposed to be this way, means we're closer to meeting our sweet babes!

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#28 of 108 Old 04-27-2004, 10:20 AM
 
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When I transferred to the hospital with ds, both my midwives came with me and stayed with me for the whole time and that was invaluable. I felt bad for them because they took SO MUCH crap from the doctor staff, but then so did I. It helped so much to have them sitting by my side the whole time the first doctor was lecturing me, telling me I was only 4 cm dilated (lie), needed a section (lie). They were my birth guardians. I can't wait to have a baby with them again.
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#29 of 108 Old 04-27-2004, 01:03 PM
 
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I have never personally felt like i would need a doula, all I ever wanted present was my dh..I dont really like to be touched and i find lots of people distracting when in labour. At my last birth i can honestly say i wasnt in any pain and I was so calm and focused it is still amazing to me, I didn't need any support or instruction it all happened so easily.
I think doulas would be amazing for someone who is was in a hospital birth scenario.
I never had anyone help or stay with me after any births but im someone who likes to do things myself i guess which at times is almost silly. My dh was given the week off with pay but i sent him back to work on day 4 because he was spending his afternoons napping and that was very annoying to me! Maiya is 10 weeks old and i think i have had 2 naps since she was born and Im doing ok, physically tired but emotionally really good! I found the first week hard with the non-stop visitors, especially the first day from the hour she was born untill ten oclock at night we probably had about 15 visitors. People kept tellling me geez you look really pale,... hmm maybe i just had a baby, and i should be lying in bed. I know people are excited for a new baby so it was hard for me to say no. People seem to forget when you have a homebirth that you still need your rest and space so dont be afraid to remind them. Our midwives make a list to hang on the door with instructions for visitors, if anyone is interested i could type them out for people to post on their door.. theyre quite good.
Theres a new recent pic of maiya on my website!
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#30 of 108 Old 04-27-2004, 02:35 PM
 
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Tanja, I agree about the visitors. For some people it's probably comforting to have lots of people around paying attention to them, but for me it's exhausting and emotionally taxing.
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