Midwife First Visit - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 03-25-2013, 07:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello! I'm meeting my midwife for the initial interview in a few days. I was wondering if it would be weird for me to make bread and tea to offer her? I mean I'm assuming I should be hospitable and that people usually offer their midwives food and drinks. What about future visits, should I always have a snack to offer? She comes to me for prenatal care btw.

 

Also, this is awkward, but when will she want to do a pelvic exam? That seems so weird happening in my house. I mean we'll just go upstairs to my bed and I strip naked? And I've never had one before so I'm weirded out anyway...yes I'm 21 and immature sorry.

 

I'm 9 weeks if that is useful.

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#2 of 10 Old 03-25-2013, 08:00 PM
 
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I've NEVER had a homebirth midwife do a pelvic exam on me unless I was in labor AND requested it.  If's it's your first it might be different, maybe they do check for space? I think you can decline though.  My appointments have always been: check the hb, check the bp, measure belly, pee in a cup, etc. Most of the appointment is discussing  my concerns and/or things from her checklist.

 

I've also never had a midwife accept food that I offered her.

 

I may be 33 and immature because I really don't like the idea of a pelvic exam either!

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#3 of 10 Old 03-25-2013, 08:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by camprunner View Post

I've NEVER had a homebirth midwife do a pelvic exam on me unless I was in labor AND requested it.  If's it's your first it might be different, maybe they do check for space? I think you can decline though.  My appointments have always been: check the hb, check the bp, measure belly, pee in a cup, etc. Most of the appointment is discussing  my concerns and/or things from her checklist.

 

I've also never had a midwife accept food that I offered her.

 

I may be 33 and immature because I really don't like the idea of a pelvic exam either!

Well I feel a bit more relieved now, thanks for the input. I think I'll take your advice on the food thing too, I won't make anything special just maybe offer a snack or drink.

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#4 of 10 Old 03-25-2013, 08:16 PM
 
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I had a pelvic exam at my first visit to my birth center midwife. They do so many of them that they know how to make it the least awkward and most comfortable as possible. The first pelvic exam helps the midwife to assess the shape of your pelvis and how it's likely to work with your baby on birth day. Good luck!
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#5 of 10 Old 03-25-2013, 09:16 PM
 
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When I am out doing home visits, I usually am drinking coffee in the car and/or have a water bottle with me and so people don't need to have anything to offer. A cup of tea is a nice gesture, but know that your midwife won't think you are rude if you don't have refreshments :)

 

As far as a pelvic exam goes, discuss it! Ask her if you need one and then be sure to let her know that you have never had one before. How it works, if someone needs a pap in my practice and I am doing a home visit, we set up the space where we are going to do it while chatting about the procedure, I step out and the woman can undress from the waist down and cover with a sheet or blanket, and then she can holler at me that she is ready for me to come back in the room. It ends up feeling a lot less weird then one would think, but anything that makes you nervous or uncomfortable is something to bring up and talk about so she can know what is going on with you and can adjust accordingly :)

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#6 of 10 Old 03-25-2013, 11:34 PM
 
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That's a good question bc on one hand she's a guest in your home, but ontoh she's also working... I mean, it's her job...

 

To answer your question, no, I don't think it would be weird. I feel more comfortable in my home if I offer anyone, and I mean anyone something for their comfort-- even if it's only a glass of water, or the comfiest chair. It seems like you'd at least like to offer a snack (since you asked), so I don't see why you shouldn't (or why you'd be expected to, either, really).

 

As far as future visits, take your cue from her reaction this time, also from your own energy and comfort level- she likely doesn't want you wearing yourself out or feeling pressure to entertain her.

 

If you do want or need an exam, most midwives will find out what you are most comfortable with (keeping in mind that eventually she will be seeing you in various states of undress and discomfort in your own home, so she can catch your baby!)

 

You don't seem immature for having questions!

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#7 of 10 Old 03-26-2013, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by writeonyogamama View Post

I had a pelvic exam at my first visit to my birth center midwife. They do so many of them that they know how to make it the least awkward and most comfortable as possible. The first pelvic exam helps the midwife to assess the shape of your pelvis and how it's likely to work with your baby on birth day. Good luck!

This is true, thanks.

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Originally Posted by MidwifeErika View Post

When I am out doing home visits, I usually am drinking coffee in the car and/or have a water bottle with me and so people don't need to have anything to offer. A cup of tea is a nice gesture, but know that your midwife won't think you are rude if you don't have refreshments :)

 

As far as a pelvic exam goes, discuss it! Ask her if you need one and then be sure to let her know that you have never had one before. How it works, if someone needs a pap in my practice and I am doing a home visit, we set up the space where we are going to do it while chatting about the procedure, I step out and the woman can undress from the waist down and cover with a sheet or blanket, and then she can holler at me that she is ready for me to come back in the room. It ends up feeling a lot less weird then one would think, but anything that makes you nervous or uncomfortable is something to bring up and talk about so she can know what is going on with you and can adjust accordingly :)

Thanks for describing the process, that puts me at ease a bit. I will definitely talk to her about it. If I should have one for the baby I totally will, I mean no woman *wants* one lol.

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Originally Posted by mum4vr View Post

That's a good question bc on one hand she's a guest in your home, but ontoh she's also working... I mean, it's her job...

 

To answer your question, no, I don't think it would be weird. I feel more comfortable in my home if I offer anyone, and I mean anyone something for their comfort-- even if it's only a glass of water, or the comfiest chair. It seems like you'd at least like to offer a snack (since you asked), so I don't see why you shouldn't (or why you'd be expected to, either, really).

 

As far as future visits, take your cue from her reaction this time, also from your own energy and comfort level- she likely doesn't want you wearing yourself out or feeling pressure to entertain her.

 

If you do want or need an exam, most midwives will find out what you are most comfortable with (keeping in mind that eventually she will be seeing you in various states of undress and discomfort in your own home, so she can catch your baby!)

 

You don't seem immature for having questions!

 

I understand how offering refreshments makes you feel more comfortable, I always offer people drinks at least. I will take my cues from her as far as that goes.

 

I know she will see all of me at one point or another so it isn't a huge deal like I'm making it out to be.

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#8 of 10 Old 03-27-2013, 01:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CLplus1 View Post

 

I know she will see all of me at one point or another so it isn't a huge deal like I'm making it out to be.

 

I totally understand! EVERYTHING seems like a HUGE deal to me this pregnancy! Although if a friend described to me exactly the same dilemma I'm having, it would all seem so simple, LOL!

 

...in fact that may be a good meditation exercise for me-- trying to give advice to "someone else" who is stressing about issues I'm having...

 

TY, CL-- your post may have helped me learn to cope with my own "huge deals" better C:

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#9 of 10 Old 03-27-2013, 03:10 PM
 
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I would be happy to sit around and drink tea with clients :) I think it helps us get to know each other.


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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#10 of 10 Old 03-27-2013, 03:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I'm glad mum4vr. Although I'm gathering that this pregnant thing is all about making a huge deal out of everything.

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