Are you inviting friends/family members to your homebirth? - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-29-2013, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband, son and I are moving to our IL's farm in a few weeks just to have some more space with our new baby, we'll be renting our place out.

 

They dont have much interest (thankfully) in watching me give birth and say they'll be outside with their horses.  My mom mentioned to me that she feels homebirths are family events (lol, what?) and feels a bit left out because I'm having my baby at their house and understandibly they'll get to see baby first.  I dont think she understands that my IL's aren't going to be watching..

 

I'm leaning towards having as few 'spectators' as possible, and we don't always get along so having my mom come concerns me a bit but I might consider it if she doesnt talk and doesnt look at my crotch when i'm giving birth

 

Who are you inviting? Would you invite your mom in this case? 


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Old 04-29-2013, 10:21 PM
 
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Well, I am having a hospital homebirth with my MW because the nearest birthing center is a good little drive. It'll only be my SIL and my DH there with me, along with my MW. I wanted a doula but we don't have the money for it and I don't think my medical coverage is going to pay for it. We will also be filming this too. I'm only allowed two extra people in the room with me so I can't have anymore if I wanted to. But that's fine because I can't stand a crowded room.

 

 

I would invite your mom only if you really want her there. It's your choice really. Either way, she will still get to see LO. I don't speak to my mom and the last time I had her in the room with me...let's just say she stabbed me in the back too deep..so we no longer speak.

 

Wish you the best of luck though!!!


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Old 04-30-2013, 08:20 AM
 
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I had "party births" the last two times. With my first, I was in the hospital and I had my DH, my dad, MIL and two doulas. With my second, we had it at home and it was DH, MIL, two doulas and the midwife. My dad couldn't make it because he was in the process of moving otherwise he would have been there too. This time, I'm feeling like I just want it to be me and DH plus a doula and the midwife. Go with what you feel will make you most comfortable. If you feel like having a lot of people there will make things more difficult for you, then don't do it just because you feel pressured. Or if you're like I was and you like having a room full of support people, invite whoever you want! Remember, it's your birth and your baby. You call the shots.


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Old 05-01-2013, 06:41 AM
 
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I haven't fully decided yet, but this might end up being a party birth.  When I had Dd I enjoyed having my aunt's, uncles, grandparents, and friends in the room with me (everyone but my mom really, she drove me insane) while I labored.  When it came to pushing it was just Dh, me, the nurses, and doctor though.  This time it will be Dh, my friend, my midwife, and her assistant.  My friends Dh will more than likely be on babysitting duty with their two boys and Dd.  I might have them stay though and just go to the playroom with a movie when the time comes to push.  I liked that everyone kept me distracted from the pain when I was in labor with Dd and I am hoping for the same feeling this time.


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Old 05-01-2013, 10:26 AM
 
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Last time around my good friend and aspiring massage therapist was there to rub my back and take pictures.  (Along with the usual suspects - DH, midwife, and her backup).

 

I think it will be similar this time, maybe with the addition of another friend who's birth I attended last summer.  She's got a fancier camera.  ;)  And my original friend is now a bonafide licensed massage therapist, so I really, really hope she'll be able to make it again.  My five-year-old son will be there as he wants to be.

 

Any more people then that and I think it would be a bit much for me, especially since this one will be at home instead of a spacious free-standing birth center room.  But like everyone else said, do what you think is comfortable and warn everyone that you reserve the right to kick them out and to not be insulted if you do.


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Old 05-01-2013, 12:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John16n33 View Post

I haven't fully decided yet, but this might end up being a party birth.  When I had Dd I enjoyed having my aunt's, uncles, grandparents, and friends in the room with me (everyone but my mom really, she drove me insane) while I labored.  When it came to pushing it was just Dh, me, the nurses, and doctor though.  This time it will be Dh, my friend, my midwife, and her assistant.  My friends Dh will more than likely be on babysitting duty with their two boys and Dd.  I might have them stay though and just go to the playroom with a movie when the time comes to push.  I liked that everyone kept me distracted from the pain when I was in labor with Dd and I am hoping for the same feeling this time.

See she drives me insane too, so I think i'm leaning towards no. ;)  


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Old 05-07-2013, 08:46 PM
 
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My best friend was at all three. I'm grateful she was there. We now live 1600 miles from her though and although we are pretty sure we are done, if we did it again, I'd be tempted to have her come out for it :)


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Old 05-08-2013, 12:54 PM
 
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I just had a homebirth last week. For what it's worth, since it was my first, I decided not to invite family (just DH, midwives and a very good friend who acted as doula). My mom and sister really wanted to be there, but I decided to just say no "this time" and depending on how I feel about having people around maybe next time she could come and be in charge of watching kid #1. I think she really wanted to be there because she was so excited about it being her first grandchild and because she was worried about me doing it at home, she wanted to feel some control. Well anyway, I stuck to my original decision, and I'm glad because I really wanted to be mostly alone during the labor (except when the contractions got really hard I wanted pressure on my back and I was so glad to have DH in the pool with me at the very end, but did say "don't touch me!" when the head was coming out :) 

 

Anyway, my mom got us a video camera for xmas and asked us to record the birth (which we planned on doing anyway). However, when we started to show the video to her when she came up later that day, she covered her eyes and had to leave the room. She couldn't see her baby in that much pain. So I guess in the long run it was good for both me and her that she didn't come.

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Old 05-08-2013, 09:46 PM
 
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We had my parents there, along with our midwifes and doula, for the HB of our twins. Well, except that my Dad missed the birth of Baby B because he was at Starbucks getting coffee for everyone. A total family event and we needed everyone's help for the 50-hour birthing process. Mom made me a placenta shake afterwards. My husband and Dad cleaned up the bloody sheets. Two perfect baby girls who are now 17 months!
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Old 05-08-2013, 10:26 PM
 
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You can always have your partner get rid of people you thought you wanted there and don't. Your MW can kick people out too.
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Old 05-09-2013, 07:19 AM
 
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It didn't sound like you wanted anybody extra. Just tell your mom you want it to be a private experience between your DP and you. It may help to explain that it'll just be you guys and midwife mainly. If you are comfortable with it, you can invite her over after. 

 

If I could have whoever I wanted at the birth (distance not being a factor) I'd have my best friend there and maybe her daughters(if it was daytime.) Her daughters are 18 and 14. I know my friend would be a good distraction and support and her girls would probably go play with my little kids. But, since that's not an option...

I would not really want my mom there if distance wasn't an issue because I don't think she would be very comfortable with the whole thing. She had her babies in hospital. I think she thinks I'm a little crazy, but doesn't want to say anything. :)


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