Help me choose a midwife! - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 4 Old 06-07-2013, 12:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
tillymonster's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Central Coast California
Posts: 1,020
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I also decided to make this more general and xposted in homebirth. I need help!

 

I am SO annoyed I can't make this decision, so I am hoping mothering mamas can help me. There are only a few midwives available for my upcoming homebirth in late Sept., we already ruled out one due to distance, though I really liked her too!

 

Midwife A:

Love her. She's got a great sense of humor. I really love that she comes for home visits and is very flexible. She costs less and the birth pool is included in the package. She lives close by as well. And did I mention HOME VISITS? I'm a little apprehensive because I'm not sure how she feels about my insurance/financial situation and am worried she wont call me back because of that. The hilarious thing is now I'll be getting a great PPO because my husband just started a new job.

 

 

Midwife B team:
I absolutely adore them both. I think they mesh better with my personality. They only do appts. Tues, Weds and Thurs from 9am-5pm, are about 30 minutes (with zero traffic!) from my home and my husband wont get to go or be a part of any prenatal visits. He probably wont even meet them until the birth! They are more expensive and very busy as well. The home I'll be visiting for my appts. is freaking amazing. The most tranquil, peaceful setting ever. But as you see above, a few major inconveniences. I should also note that the interview I was scheduled for was with another couple at the same time?!?! I found that pretty annoying because I wasn't able to ask as many questions and had 3yo DD to worry about. So I am calling asking these questions and because they are busy, they don't call back. *sigh*
 
How do I make this impossible, agonizing decision? Should I keep looking? I have to hurry, they are all booking up fast! Do I go with the one I mesh with personality-wise and pay more, or the one who would be much more convenient and close by and costs less?

geek.gif Mama + superhero.gifDaddy +energy.gifDD (12/20/09) = heartbeat.gif

Expecting stork-girl.gif #2 in September!

tillymonster is offline  
#2 of 4 Old 06-07-2013, 02:53 PM
 
salr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 228
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

Based on what you say here, I'd go with midwife A.  Too many negatives, and the one positive (the prenatal visit place) has nothing to do with home birth.

 

It sounds like you like this midwife A and don't have a problem with her personality at all.  I'd try to contact her again and see how the relationship seems to be developing.  If she's flexible, maybe whatever you're worrying about won't be a big deal to her.

 

On a second read of your post, I'm seeing so many negatives for midwives B. They scheduled an appointment with you and another couple at the same time and same place intentionally?  Like you were in the same room an expected to divulge personal information in front of this other couple...or were they in another room and you took turns quickly because they double-booked? If it's the former, then NO WAY would I have anything to do with those people.  And they didn't get back to you?  That's what I look for in a midwife, someone you can call at any time with any worry and they respect hearing from you/respect your worries.

 

If midwife A seems like she is put out by the financial issues or something feels off with that, then I would keep looking. Did it seem like she felt weird about it when you met her?  I'd want to clear all that up with further communication no matter what.  And then sign a contract you like if you went with her.

salr is offline  
#3 of 4 Old 06-07-2013, 04:09 PM
 
PrimordialMind's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 327
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd pick midwife A also, she seems like she'd do a better job at being there for you and answering questions you have which is very important. It also sounds like you might find you get along with her great, especially since she will have more time for you. This will allow for more getting-to-know-you type conversations. If she doesnt call you back then call or email her and let her know you're interested in a payment plan or whatever else is needed to make it work. I doubt she wont call you back, though, most midwives are more than happy to work with where you're at.
PrimordialMind is offline  
#4 of 4 Old 06-07-2013, 06:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
tillymonster's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Central Coast California
Posts: 1,020
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrimordialMind View Post

I'd pick midwife A also, she seems like she'd do a better job at being there for you and answering questions you have which is very important. It also sounds like you might find you get along with her great, especially since she will have more time for you. This will allow for more getting-to-know-you type conversations. If she doesnt call you back then call or email her and let her know you're interested in a payment plan or whatever else is needed to make it work. I doubt she wont call you back, though, most midwives are more than happy to work with where you're at.

 

She called back and we immediately hit it off on the phone again. I'm just a little worried about the logistics of everything but it was even more unclear with the other set of midwives. But I feel like I *liked* them more. I don't know why I thought we wouldn't hit it off. Oooh the mind of a pregnant lady... 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by salr View Post

Based on what you say here, I'd go with midwife A.  Too many negatives, and the one positive (the prenatal visit place) has nothing to do with home birth.

 

It sounds like you like this midwife A and don't have a problem with her personality at all.  I'd try to contact her again and see how the relationship seems to be developing.  If she's flexible, maybe whatever you're worrying about won't be a big deal to her.

 

On a second read of your post, I'm seeing so many negatives for midwives B. They scheduled an appointment with you and another couple at the same time and same place intentionally?  Like you were in the same room an expected to divulge personal information in front of this other couple...or were they in another room and you took turns quickly because they double-booked? If it's the former, then NO WAY would I have anything to do with those people.  And they didn't get back to you?  That's what I look for in a midwife, someone you can call at any time with any worry and they respect hearing from you/respect your worries.

 

If midwife A seems like she is put out by the financial issues or something feels off with that, then I would keep looking. Did it seem like she felt weird about it when you met her?  I'd want to clear all that up with further communication no matter what.  And then sign a contract you like if you went with her.

 

With midwife A, I just got the *feeling* from her that I would be essentially be wasting lots of time trying to get medi-cal (government assistance) to pay for anything, and if I truly CANNOT afford it out of pocket, I should go with a hospital birth. Which is true! But I was desperate at the time. Thank goodness DH is back to work and we can use a PPO.

 

She did made me feel very comfortable and safe and is SO convienient in many ways. She called back today and talked more with her, and she was enthusiastic about taking me on, so I think I'm just going to do it! It's such uncharted territory for me being my first home birth (first was a horrid hospital birth). 

 

With midwives B, yep. They double booked the appointment. I didn't care *that* much at first, then realized I wouldn't get half my questions answered and I would have to listen to the other couples' concerns which was not something I wanted to do. DD was with me, and such an angel the whole time, so I had to take her out a little earlier than I wanted to because she wanted to see their pet birds. I was hoping to go back in and talk to the ladies privately, but saw then there was another couple waiting to be seen! I guess, in hindsight, that was pretty darn unprofessional wasn't it? Thank you for bringing it to my attention!


geek.gif Mama + superhero.gifDaddy +energy.gifDD (12/20/09) = heartbeat.gif

Expecting stork-girl.gif #2 in September!

tillymonster is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off