I lost my Homebirth - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 10-15-2013, 08:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi. I'm 32 weeks pregnant and I was happy for having an uneventful pregnancy, and a very well planned HB. I was going to stay home, and have a gentle and empowering birth, I even wanted to catch my baby with my own hands.

Now I lost it all. Two days ago, completely out of the blue, I started hemorrhaging heavily. It was so sudden and profuse I got really scared. It took us 5 minutes to get in the car and drive to our nearest hospital, wich is a very good one. I continued to bleed while the doctors checked my baby with an ultrasound, and I also learned I was 2cm dilated.
I eventually stopped bleeding bright red cloths when they hooked me up with an IV and put medication in it. I am hospitalized now, they switched to oral meds, and I am a lot better. Maybe I will get discharged tomorrow.

I am grieving my HB. I had a supportive family who now is pushing for a hospitalized birth. And I have to concur. I don't know what will happen next, it wasn't just some spotting, it was a scary hemorrhage, I thought I was having a placental abruption, the US showed that my placenta was fine (and so is the baby), but there's no other explanation to the sudden bleeding. I had no pain at all, no contractions either.

I guess now the best for me and my baby is to have a hospital birth, and I am so angry and sad. I know it's the best, I mean, what if I have a placental abruption in the middle of labor?

I guess I need some support. I'm still in the hospital, the doctors won't release me until they see I don't hemorrhage again if I'm treated with just pills. I was not bleeding red anymore until a moment ago, when I passed a very small red cloth. Jeez, I'm so upset. If I pass more red blood I will have to tell them, and they will keep me here for weeks. I know it's for my best interest, and my baby's, but even with how comfortable they keep me here, and how everyone is so nice, I still want to go home! I swear I had a perfect pregnancy, I don't know where this is coming from.

Now my husband wants me to give birth here, considering it is so close to home, and the hospital is very nice and competent. I would have to get a new OB, and surrender to most hospital birth procedures. This is so not what I wanted for my birth. I'm a first time mom and I was so excited with the idea of being in control of my birth. I had an amazing MW team and a great plan.

I'm usually a very logical person, I guess I'm upset even knowing all along that complications do occur, and being ready to transfer if we had one during labor. But now I won't even be able to try a HB.

Anyway, thanks for reading my vent.
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#2 of 16 Old 10-15-2013, 10:19 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. :-( I don't know anything about hemorrhages such as yours, although my friend had one and it was terrifying! Have you spoken with your midwives? What did they have to say about it?

You can still have a natural birth at the hospital. I know it's not what you envisioned, but I just wanted to put it out there. <3

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#3 of 16 Old 10-15-2013, 10:36 PM
 
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Anablis, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I lost my long-desired homebirth, too. I am still trying to come to terms with it, 3.5 months later. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you will get to have a natural birth. See if your midwife will be your doula/advocate at the hospital. Mine refused to, but it would have made a huge difference to me if she would have. Again, good luck, and I hope that you will get to go home soon. My heart goes out to you...hug2.gif

TizTaz5, wife of a wonderful husband and mother of an angel (lost June '09) and two rainbow1284.gif babies born in July '13. Great things really do come in pairs!
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#4 of 16 Old 10-16-2013, 03:28 AM
 
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That would be so hard- I can't imagine! Make a birth plan and focus on what you want to happen. I like to think babies come how they want and sometimes it's not how we imagine but it helps us learn something! I would definitely hire a doula if your midwife can't be there!! Positive visualizations can only help and hopefully you can find a good OB smile.gif
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#5 of 16 Old 10-16-2013, 07:24 PM
 
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That's so awful. It sounds like you might be more comfortable at the hospital than at home, which is totally understandable. I agree with PPs, get some support for the hospital birth (such as a doula), see if you can do it naturally at the hospital, definitely do up a birth plan. If the hospital is decent and the care providers somewhat competent then you can still have some (hopefully lots of) control.

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#6 of 16 Old 10-16-2013, 08:21 PM
 
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I am sorry for your loss. I know it is very hard to concentrate on the silver lining but it is good that the hosptial was able to stop the bleeding and  the baby is well.

 

Many things in parenting do not go the way we planned. Tis the nature of the beast. I am sorry it started so early for you.

 

I had perfect pregnancy and easy birth. I have a child with serious condition that is not curable.  We make plans and Universe lols.

 

I agree with people about about getting a doula, have a meeting with your knew OB to discuss your birth plan.

 

I hope all goes well and you have easy and safe labor in the  hospital.

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#7 of 16 Old 10-16-2013, 08:23 PM
 
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Sorry, mama!!  The vast majority of HB mamas do consider the option of hospital birth in the event that it is necessary but that doesn't mean that we can't regret or feel some sadness when that occurs (no matter how grateful we are).  For you I think the hardest thing is that you have to morn the loss of your (and your baby's) HB without the beautiful distraction of having your baby here with you now, right?  I mean, I transferred with my first but that was during birth so I was...a little distracted. ;-)  

 

Anyway, I'm sorry. That sucks. I hope that you have a beautiful and safe hospital birth and that your baby comes and wipes away some of this regret for you. 

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#8 of 16 Old 10-16-2013, 08:38 PM
 
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:HugI've planned 5 homebirths and had 3. With #6 for several reasons we decided on a planned hospital birth and ended up with a necessary pit induction, but it all went really well. Since you are already so far along will your midwife doula for you? Mine did that twice for me.


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#9 of 16 Old 10-17-2013, 05:50 AM
 
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Anablis I had the same thing happen w/ my 3rd, something called a placental lake. I soaked 7 cloth diapers (I was 15weeks, no pads) & was amazed to see a heartbeat. A HB midwife picked me up even after that, but due to schedule conflicts (she ended up having to be out of town) she had to drop me in my last month.I don't know if it''l make you feel better, but it didn't affect my natural hospital birth & I went to 41 weeks.


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#10 of 16 Old 10-19-2013, 12:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much for your kind words! I am home since wednesday, with instructions to take it easy and rest a lot.

 

I have been talking to my HB MW, and she's coming to visit me next thursday. We are trying to find a way to have her with me as my MW in the hospital. They allow an OB to assist his patient with his own team, but we can't find a decent OB who would be hands-off and let me labor and deliver with my MW at the hospital. What I'm trying to do is possible, but extremely difficult. My MW works 2 days a week as a regular MW in another hospital, she could assist me there for sure, but that hospital is more than half hour away from home, and the whole point is to be 5 minutes from medical assistance, in case something happens. I am interviewing an OB next monday, but it's a blind date, I have no idea if she's good, bad, strict, nice, or anything. I just need an OB that works with that hospital and she's one option. I don't have that much time either, I'm 33 weeks now, and I'm getting closer and closer to my due date.

 

If I can't find a way to have my MW with me at the hospital, then my chances of having a nice natural birth are almost non existance. I would have to relay purely on luck to find an OB with the little time I have left that would be open to bypass the oxitocine drip, the litotomy position to deliver, the episiotomy, and then allow the delayed cord cutting, the skin to skin with the baby, and so on...

 

What upsets me the most, is that I had everything lined up, and now I'm close to giving birth and I don't even have a goddamn OB. I was having shadow care with one OB that now I won't use for different reasons (the most important one, he wouldn't come to assist me to this hospital). 

 

Voondrop, I never heard of placental lakes. I did some research, and I guess I could have that, except that I had many ultrasounds in the beggining of the pregnancy, and nobody detected anything. Even hospitalized, I had 2 u/s with two different techs, and both agreed that everything looked perfect. I am going to mention it next time I get an u/s, thank you for pointing it out.

 

Thank you all. I will start working on a birth plan, although I don't think they're going to pay much attention to it. When I got discharged the Director of Labor&Delivery came to visit me (she actually came to see me the day before as well) and she was competent and nice, but it was clear as day that she has a traditional mindset (she's an OB as well). And she's the boss there!

Well, we'll see what happens. I know I should be thankfull that we got to stop the bleeding and that baby and I are ok, trust me, I am. I have nothing bad to say about the care I got at the hospital. I just wish non of this had happened, and that I could be able to have my HB. I adhere to the phrase "everything happens for a reason", and I try to keep that in mind everytime I get sad about this.

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#11 of 16 Old 10-19-2013, 03:11 PM
 
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I have a midwife attending my birth as a doula. Can you sneak her in that way? They can't tell you who can and can't be at your birth.

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#12 of 16 Old 10-19-2013, 07:16 PM
 
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Could you plan a hospital birth at the hospital where your MW can attend you? You can always go to the closer hospital if there is an emergency and you need to get there quick for some reason. I would think that if you do show up with either you or the baby in trouble they would care for you even if you don't have an OB that you're currently working with at that particular hospital.

 

It sounds like a very difficult situation for you. I think it's perfectly okay to mourn the loss of your homebirth and how you planned for it to go. Just because this is what is necessary doesn't mean you can't feel sad. I'm currently PG with baby #2 and while we're planning a homebirth again it's always in the back of my mind that something can go wrong (either during the pregnancy or labour) that will cause us to go to the hospital and I know I would feel very disappointed if that happened, no matter how necessary it was.

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#13 of 16 Old 10-21-2013, 06:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OMG you guys I am SOOO HAPPY!!! I saw the OB today, the one I was referenced to, that can assist me at my nearest hospital during labor. Like I said in my previous post, I had no idea what to expect, I have met 6 OBs so far during my pregnancy, and it was one nightmare after another. So we went to see her with my husband, and we liked her immediately. She looks kind and caring. She checked on me and the baby, looked at all my scans and studies, wrote all the instructions and recommendations (more bed rest and duvadilan, I am still 2cm dilated) and all that stuff.

 

But the part that makes me giggle with joy is the fact that she is pro-natural birth. I asked her about the oxitocine, the delivery position, the episiotomy, and she told us that as long as everything goes smoothly without complications, it is my body and I get to choose what I want for my labor. She said, and I quote "if you want to deliver the baby standing, or squatting on the floor, it's fine by me". She said that she doesn't perform routine episiotomies (she actually tries to avoid them), and she is fine with delaying the cord clamping. She told me that for her very own birth, she didn't want an epidural, and didn't need an episiotomy. She doesn't support HB (I decided to be totally honest about everything and told her about my previous plans), but in a hospital setting, she believes in letting the mother call the shots.

 

I left the appointment almost crying from joy. I swear, I have been searching for this type of OB during my entire pregnancy, I even had one tell me that the "phisiological position" to give birth is flat on the back. I left the consult of another one crying from frustration, becaushe she wouldn't take me as a patient because she knew my then-current OB (the one I'm not seeing anymore), and wanted me to keep seeing him, even after I told her he wanted me to pay him even with my stellar health insurance (and even if what he demands is illegal). It has been one frustration after another, until today. 

 

So I have an OB! And she is going to assist me in the hospital I chose, and she will let me give birth naturally. I said in my last post that I would have to be very very lucky to find a nice pro-natural birth OB being 33 weeks pregnant, and looks like I have. I still can't believe it.

 

I am going to bring the subject again the next time I see her (in a week), because I want to go through every aspect of labor and delivery, and the way I want to handle it. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted out of my shoulders. It is so important to me not to be manipulated by medical staff like I'm a piece of meat without opinion.

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#14 of 16 Old 10-21-2013, 07:00 PM
 
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Great news, Anablis!!  

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#15 of 16 Old 10-23-2013, 05:35 PM
 
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I'm so happy for you Anablis!

Wife to Joe and Mama to Rosie, 6/28/06, Jack, 10/25/08 and JoJo 3/18/10.
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#16 of 16 Old 10-23-2013, 06:15 PM
 
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Awesome news!!

 

I lost my HB. I had an awesome one with #5. Planned this one to be another, with the same MW. Went into the ER with severe leg pain at 11 weeks and found out I had a DVT. I was (am) completely devastated and still not over it. I so don't want to be in the hospital. So far my OB seems to be ok with me doing whatever in the room. TO labor like I want. But I'm bringing it all up again at the next appt. I also asked my MW to be my doula. So I hope that helps.


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