How to get Husband on board? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 13 Old 04-07-2014, 06:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We're in the process of planning baby number two and I really love the idea of having a home birth. My first birth experience in hospital left me with a botched episiotomy (blunt scissors, and I'm not joking. The doctor apologized and said there must have been a mistake and somebody left them in the med pack) and nurses waking me up every hour for tests on myself and my baby. At one point night shift nurses came in at 4 am to teach me to bathe my baby. We we're told our baby was going to have Down syndrome (he does not) and it seemed like it would be safer to deliver in hospital in case of any complications. Now that I've delivered a baby I'm not "scared" and I feel confident in my ability to birth and i want to do it comfortably in my own space. However, hubs does not like the idea of it AT ALL. I hate the idea of pulling the "my body, my choice" card because its his baby too and I would not want make his birth experience a negative or stressful one either. Has anyone had a reluctant home birth partner? How did you resolve your issues? Did you compromise? Any advice or information I could use to help change/ease his mind?
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#2 of 13 Old 04-07-2014, 07:51 PM
 
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Following. Sorry mama, same boat over here minus the botched episiotomy.

24 years old. Central PA. Married to a medical student. DD1 - Valentine's Day 2013. treehugger.giflactivist.gifcaffix.gifdelayedvax.giffamilybed1.gifwhale.gif
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#3 of 13 Old 04-08-2014, 06:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know 4 other women that delivered at that hospital and all 4 had c-sections. I feel like I escaped the slaughter greensad.gif
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#4 of 13 Old 04-08-2014, 06:33 PM
 
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Natural birthing classes got him really on board with no interventions. He also skimmed the Henci Goer book about evidence based stuff and got pretty angry about hospital procedure. I gave him extra info and my opinions whenever I could, most guys won't read much. Talking to the midwife about transfer processes and what she's capable of handling and such worked out the rest.

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#5 of 13 Old 04-09-2014, 11:54 AM
 
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DH was pretty much on board with the idea, but he felt like paying for a MW was too expensive (vs. our copay for OB prenatals and the hospital birth).  However, once he met with the midwife for our interview, he was 110% on board.  I honestly think he went just to humor me, and after he met her he was totally into it.  All of the midwives I spoke with did a free interview, so that would be my main suggestion.  

The other thing is, what is he most worried about?  Your safety? Baby's safety? Cost? Mess? I would really try to listen to his concerns, think seriously about them, and offer him some concrete facts about them.  Have you reminded him of your experience and talked to him about that?  I think sometimes guys can forgot the details of things, so he may not remember it to be the same experience that you do.  Once DH and I talked about all of the parts of the process that were stressful to me (testing that the OB requires, etc. etc., etc.) he remembered all of the little things that happened during my pregnancy and birth that he didn't want to repeat either.

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Mama to a DD, born 5.20.2012

Expecting #2 in Early November 2014!

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#6 of 13 Old 04-09-2014, 04:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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His main concern is definitely risk to me and baby. We're Canadian so the whole shebang is covered under our health care. He comes from a family that believes "a pill for every ill" if his family heard about my plan to do a home birth they would flip too. I might as well tell them I want to remove my own appendix at home! LOL
I'll look into speaking with the midwives (just have to get preggers before I can get an appt!) Thanks smile.gif
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#7 of 13 Old 04-10-2014, 08:56 AM
 
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DH wanted statistics, studies, and research. He's just like that about everything. I also took him to the consultation with the midwife so she could answer questions too. Do you know anyone else who has had a homebirth that could get their husband to talk to yours? I'm jealous of your insurance covering homebirth!! :)


Anna: married to my best friend (12/2005), mommy to DD (10/2006) and DD (12/2008). Thrilled to be expecting our third and last sometime in October'14! It's a boy!
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#8 of 13 Old 04-10-2014, 09:01 AM
 
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Does your insurance cover well woman visit with a midwife?  Maybe just schedule one of those, and then you could also talk about the birth process with them then.


Mama to a DD, born 5.20.2012

Expecting #2 in Early November 2014!

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#9 of 13 Old 04-10-2014, 10:07 AM
 
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The main thing that helped my husband was talking to other dads that did homebirths. I know there's a book out there somewhere that has tons of stories from home birth dads, I'll see if I can find it

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#10 of 13 Old 04-10-2014, 10:26 AM
 
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I'm considering a UC (due next week, and there's not a midwife to be found here) and the idea of that still makes my husband very nervous. I'll probably cave and go to the hospital at the last minute, hopefully at a point when the change in environment won't affect my labor much.

 

I did finally get him convinced of why I want a natural birth, wherever it happens. He had that oh-so-irritating "doctors know everything" mindset at first, and wouldn't read or Google a blessed thing to educate himself. So I read to him while he pretended not to listen, and described the 'cascade effect' - which his ex was subjected to in the worst way, resulting in a C-section - and he finally decided that giving a tiny unborn person doses of artificial hormones and anesthetics and narcotics probably wasn't ideal.

 

If this birth goes well I'll be more confident about a homebirth or UC next time, and perhaps so will he. I fully understand why a UC could be nervewracking for a husband, but if you have a competent midwife I'm not sure why he'd still be so uncertain. Maybe men just prefer knowing there's machinery nearby. =)

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#11 of 13 Old 04-10-2014, 10:42 AM
 
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I couldn't find the book, but this is a wonderful article that links to a couple of references
http://www.homebirth.org.uk/blokes.htm

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#12 of 13 Old 04-14-2014, 06:35 AM
 
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What is a UC? Unassisted Childbirth?
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#13 of 13 Old 04-14-2014, 09:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shamumama View Post

What is a UC? Unassisted Childbirth?


Yes. UP= Unassisted pregnancy (do your own prenatals) and UC= Unassisted childbirth.


Anna: married to my best friend (12/2005), mommy to DD (10/2006) and DD (12/2008). Thrilled to be expecting our third and last sometime in October'14! It's a boy!
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