UC suppport #4, May - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 194 Old 05-17-2004, 03:45 PM
 
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Hi I'm not pregnant but I've been lurking and wanted to respond on the death issue. I had pre-eclampsia with my son and he was breech so at 34 weeks I had a c-section. With my daughter I planned a homebirth but it all just went bad. I was so stressed out because I spent the entire pregnancy fighting with the midwives to get them to "let" me do a homebirth. I was fighting with them up to the week before her birth. I was doing great at home until I called them and they insisted on checking me and said I was only at 2. They kept watching me and timing me and checking me and I just gave up. We went to the hospital and i got an epidural. Within 10 minutes of the epidural she went into distress and we had an emergency c-section. Of course they say the epidural didn't cause it but I know that's not true. My daughter was fine at home. She could have died from the epidural. Being at home isn't the danger IMO.

Just a question - can you do UC after TWO c-sections? I really want to (planning to ttc next spring) but I am scared of rupture.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#62 of 194 Old 05-17-2004, 04:03 PM
 
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Shawna,

Just wanted to share a very mainstream article on rupture risks. Hope this eases your mind. Best wishes!

http://www.obgyn.net/displayarticle....icles/VBAC_dah

I have retired from administration work, so if you have a question about anything MDC-related, please contact Cynthia Mosher. Thanks!
 
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#63 of 194 Old 05-17-2004, 04:08 PM
 
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Uh, I just realized I'd been lurking on this thread and hadn't officially intro'd myself! We're expecting our third in Aug/Sept. Am completely unsure of the dates, as this pg was a big surprise. We've hired the mw from my last hb. She was not the mw who ended up attending my birth, however. Long story!

My desire is to birth alone. No mw. No guests. I've shared this w/my dh, and he's fine with it. He trusts me. I do, however, want the mw to come afterwards. Is this weird??? Since we have paid for a professional birth assistant, I do want her to come by and check things out as I'm very close with her. I'm conflicted how to approach this. Any advice???

I have retired from administration work, so if you have a question about anything MDC-related, please contact Cynthia Mosher. Thanks!
 
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#64 of 194 Old 05-17-2004, 07:32 PM
 
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Heavenly, I am not an expert on VBAC, but I believe that under certain conditions the risk of utering rupture for VBAC is not significantly higher than that for non-VBACs. Have you read the chapter on VBAC in The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth? That might have some helpful information.

I have heard of many women doing UCs after multiple cesareans. One inspiring story is Leilah McCracken's, at www.birthlove.com. She had several before doing a midwife-attended homebirth, and then her UCs. Another source for stories and information is CBirth, the UC email list at yahoogroups.

Georgia, welcome to the UC thread! So are you planning a UC (if so I will put you on the roster) or are you still just considering it? As far as hiring a midwife, the only advice I can give is to just do what feels right to you in the moment. Remember that if you've already paid her, you don't owe her anything past that. If you feel compelled to call her, do, if not, don't worry about it.

We have a midwife too (actually she is a friend who happens to be a midwife) and although I am planning a UC, I really don't know yet if I will call her to be close by, on-call, and I believe I won't know until I'm actually in labor. If all goes well, I won't see her immediately after the birth either, because I know from past experience that that needs to be a very private time for me. But at some point postpartum -- again, I don't think I'll know when until the time actually comes -- I'll probably ask her to do a newborn exam.
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#65 of 194 Old 05-17-2004, 09:28 PM
 
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So, blueviolet, what is your opinion on your previous question about death?
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#66 of 194 Old 05-17-2004, 09:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueviolet
I'm wondering how you are all dealing with the issue of death. Obviously, not being able to shift responsibility to someone else, we are in a special situation regarding death. What are your perspectives and beliefs about this?
During my last pregnancy, from early on, my feeling was this: Babies die. Old people die. It's the way life is. Sometimes babies will die in the hospital. It happens at home, it happens in daycare, death happens. So the question becomes, what is the "safest" path for a life to enter this world (and hopefully stay in it), and if a babe must die, HOW would you hope that would happen?

For me, it isn't so much the possibility of death that scares me, but what might follow. Other people's blame, my own blame, the stress on my family, my husband, my marriage.

Laura, mama to J (15), N (12), E (9) , M (6), and our little caboose, R (3).
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#67 of 194 Old 05-17-2004, 10:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueviolet
I'm wondering how you are all dealing with the issue of death. Obviously, not being able to shift responsibility to someone else, we are in a special situation regarding death. What are your perspectives and beliefs about this?
That's a good question. I haven't thought about it extensively in quite a while. I believe how I shifted through from "fear of death and sole responsibility" to not being so afraid is that I came to realize that likely, if my baby was really meant to die, then there may or may not be any way for modern medicine to save my baby. Of course, if I had said baby in a hospital, or transferred at some point, everyone would do everything they could to save the baby. All of that intervention and treatment can not be pleasant to go through at all! I've seen it and I know. If all for naught - what if my baby wasn't able to die in my arms, but was in pain and surrounded by strangers. I can't bear the thought.

So, I believe in gentle birth. I had to come to accept the idea of a gentle death as well. Intellectually I know that me and baby are safer at home, but that ( idea of gentle birth paralleling with gentle death) was something that had to settle into my subconcious. Yes afterwards I'd face blame (soemthing else people are afraid of) from every angle, likely even myself as well for a while. I came to think that I'd rather face whatever consequences and judgements there would be and know that I let baby know he was safe and loved, rather than what may happen in a hospital setting: they did all they could do, it was no one's fault (I'm off the "hook"), perhaps not being right there or holding him when he goes.

That said, I can think of a few UCs where eventually a baby tragically passed away. That I know of no one faced any sort of criminal charges (one way blame could take form I suppose).
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#68 of 194 Old 05-17-2004, 11:06 PM
 
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PS - oh yeah, Heavenly, I tried to PM you, but your in box is full!
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#69 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 06:08 AM
 
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: ladies! I have been lurking here for the past couple of days...I may have posted here a while back but I can't recall...it's that placenta brain taking over!

I am 31, married with an almost 3 year old dd (born at home with a midwife), and am 21 weeks with baby #2. We are doing a UC...

Anyway, I have a question about spotting... today I had some brown tinged mucous.... I had some with my daughter's pregnancy around the 6 and 7th weeks but not this late. I am wondering what its from. I teach figure skating and am still on the ice. Saturday, my blade was loose and I accidentily slipped and fell on my left hip/heiny. It wasn't a bad fall, or one that even hurt, as I have learned to properly fall throughout my training (you fall very gently if possible, relaxing and letting you body slide into the ice)...anyway...do y'all think that cause some capillaries on my cervix to break? I think so but I guess want some opinions! :LOL

I haven't had any rendevous with dh lately so it definitely wasn't that...

thanks!
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#70 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 06:22 AM
 
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Coming out of lurkdom to say that I think this fear can fade over time...at least for me it has. Talking to me when I was 6 weeks along and just decided on a UC I would have listed all kinds of fears. Now that I am 21 weeks (but by no means completely free of fear) I have had time to process my fears, dream about them, write about them, talk about them. For me the issue was about the birth itself...my daughter's birth was at home, but attended by a midwife who I believe had my best interests in mind but prevented me from really taking charge of my body and my baby thus resulting in a long, painful labor and my daughter being born with the cord broken.

I read Laura Shanley's book and I really got to a point where I believe that whatever happens was meant to be and if my baby is suppose to be born alive then it will be but if not then that is what was meant to be. I don't mean to sound cavalier (sp?) about it, ---it is a fleeting thought of mine from time to time...I don't want my baby to die, and I don't actually think that it will occur, but you do have to prepare for that..even if it's just thinking on it and come to terms with it as one of the many outcomes.

It is not easy to overcome the fear but the realization that yes indeed babies die, people die. The fact that homebirth is safer than a hospital birth helped me to overcome it too...

If you havne't read Laura's book I highly recommend it. I need to get to bed!

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#71 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 03:49 PM
 
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I would recommend reading Lynn Griessemer's book, "Unassisted Homebirth: An Act Of Love." She gives the best examples and reasoning as to why a midwife, or other such visitor damages the bond between you and your husband during a birth and immediatley after. Perhaps it would be wise to examine your reasons, or what you hope to gain from having the midwife come over, and compare that to what you will lose with your husband by having her there.
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#72 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 05:56 PM
 
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What a timely post. I am not planning an UC this time, but have read along here for the *next* baby. I just got off the phone with my LMs, with whom I thought I'd feel safe and comforted, but they have caused me just about nothing but stress.

I'm at 40 weeks 6 days (I'm sure of dates and have been vocal about that, so I can't really say "oh I was wrong, I'm only 39 wks now) and, despite a consultation where the main mw said that concern doesn't kick in until 42 weeks, they are now wanting me to sign up for a non-stress test (for whom is it NON stress, I ask?) and an ultrasound to check the fluid level (why? they have told me every time that they can feel the fluid level and that it's all good) for THIS Friday.

My husband is incredibly keyed in to the baby, and has been able to sense its healthy presence since we conceived. He could tell me how big the little one was, and it was always right on with what the books said (he's too busy working to read the books I've read). He knows when it's tired and knows when it's content. I trust him more than I trust any ultrasound.

So how do I go against my LM practice (please note we've already paid their exorbitant fee up front and I don't know if you get any back if you leave care this late) and either truly delay these test OR refuse them altogether, when just the *mention* of them causes stress and fear in me?

It may seem odd to ask you guys, but it seems perfect to me. Please help me be strong, or just tell me how you feel about the whole thing.

For full info...baby has dropped a LOT, but I don't feel as though I'm sitting on its head (something I've heard women say when baby is full dropped); I've had no internal exams, and can't reach my cervix to check for myself; baby is still moving and grooving just fine; I'm putting a total of 4 capsules of evening primrose oil up near my cervix a day to soften (?) it; I'm drinking RRL tea. I have pretty good contractions, sometimes painless, sometimes with pain either at the top or at the bottom of my uterus...the ones at the bottom are a new addition and I hear those are the really good ones. I have had weird, uncomfortable, almost painful sensations in my cervix area for weeks, and I wonder if that is the feeling of slow dilation.

That's in total what is going on; I don't tell it so you can diagnose and advise based on that, but just so you know where I'm at.

Thank you ladies, for just about *anything* you might have to say to me.
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#73 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 06:28 PM
 
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i'm so glad i found this thread!

i'm due July 10th and after some deliberation (lots) and soul searching (lots more) and a little bit of freaking out... i have decided on UC (for sure... or... pretty sure. just have to get a few things checked by my dr. to make sure there won't be any complications for a natural birth...) and i'm planning a lotus birth.

i haven't finished reading everyone's posts yet (still on page 2) but i wanted to respond to this ~

Quote:
I just moved into a porous non-soundproof apartment and feel kinda wiggy about the sounds of birth and neighbors, any ideas?
i've noticed that birth sounds can be extraordinarily like sex sounds...... maybe if it comes up between you and your neighbors after the birth you can just say something like, "what my partner and i do in private is none of your business, thank you,"
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#74 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 06:38 PM
 
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(on page 3 now) ~ i noticed some people asking about how we deal w/ the fear of death...

that was what caused me to waver in my initial decision for a UC. but i realized that 1) fear causes complications, so to be afraid would only put me into the situation that i fear, and 2) whatever might go wrong at home would go wrong in a hospital too, and worse, because in a hospital they wouldn't be allowing me to fully listen to my body and spirit...

i just feel that ultimately, anything that's going to happen will happen regardless of where i deliver, so i shouldn't put negative energy toward worrying about it... kwim?
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#75 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 07:00 PM
 
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Molly, I've been in the *exact* same shoes and I have to tell you that the outcome was not pretty. In fact, it was a nightmare. My best advice is tell your MWs you'll get back to them and then stop answering the phone. If you want to chat, feel free to PM or email me through my profile.
<back to lurking>
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#76 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 07:17 PM
 
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i noticed this ~

Quote:
I'm sure of dates and have been vocal about that, so I can't really say "oh I was wrong, I'm only 39 wks now
one thing i've HATED about talking to dr's is that they seem to insist that they somehow know better than *i* do when i conceived... i'm very in tune with my body and almost everybody i've encountered, when finding out we never did the routine u/s to screen for gestational age at the very beginning, ask "then how could you possibly know how far along you are or when you conceived?"

i knew the first time i was pregnant the day (instant) i conceived -- and despite what the dr's like to try to drill into my head, NO it was NOT when i had sex (besides, how dumb do they think i am?? like you just have sex and get pregnant *poof* ) -- and i also knew he'd be a boy and he'd come a little early. this time, i also knew the day i conceived, i'm pretty sure i know when she'll come (again, a little early by the 40-week model of pregnancy), and i knew she was a girl before i ever was told by the u/s tech.
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#77 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 07:17 PM
 
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Molly,

Follow your intuition. If you don't want to do the tests, then don't. Tell them that it doesn't feel right to you. People have to respect that. You can be strong. With my dd, the ob/gyn scheduled my induction at the hospital, and I called them to say that I wouldn't be there. I voiced my concern, "I don't want this baby to come until this baby is ready."

Have you been writing letters to the baby? I wrote to dd and told her that we were ready for her to come, etc.

Follow your heart. You come in the world alone and you leave alone. You know what's best for you!
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#78 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 07:35 PM
 
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Excellent words/thoughts so far, please oh please keep 'em coming!

I'm not sure why I'm so afraid to Just Say No, and I wish I could figure it out. Robert has offered to decline for me, but I'm worried (initially wrote "afraid" which might be closer to the truth) that they won't accept it and I'll get EXTRA phone calls, making sure he's not coercing me.


Those "pregnancy wheel" things just seem to be a joke. I've tried to ask them to explain the timing they've come up with (the good thing is that theirs actually DOES give a couple days between sex and conception, as it should be) and how it's strangely different from my previous midwife's wheel, but they just smile and say "they're all different".

So frustrating.


Oh, and while I haven't written to the baby (I get stuck), I sing to it, silly little songs, all the time. Today I'm singing about how great it would be for it to come out and meet the world (and our cat), and so to get those hormones rolling to help me go into labor. I know, strange, but it amuses me and MAYBE the baby is paying attention.
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#79 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 09:04 PM
 
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MollyEllis,
When I was pregnant the first time, seeing a CNM and planning a hospital birth (Yikes, what was I thinking?) my CNM had me in tears because she wanted to schedule a non-stress test and induction just days after my due date. I felt insecure and railroaded by her. After crying on my dh's shoulders he called to find out what was going on and something about his voice made her decide to let me go another week. I hate to be weak and let my man stick up for me, but at 40+ weeks, I figure you've got enough on your mind and body. IMO Let him decline for you...and then consider whether you want to birth around someone you don't feel comfortable standing up to. You'd hate to have these feelings about your birth! Perhaps you're on the UC board because you are meant to UC this birth...
Heather
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#80 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 09:09 PM
 
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s Klothos ... welcome. I'm glad to see another july momma here in the UC thread. I hope you find all the info you need to make good decisions.
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#81 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 10:25 PM
 
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Mamajaza, I do mean to answer my own question but since it's such a serious one I'm kind of waiting until I have a peaceful moment to myself so I can really think about what I want to say.

Molly, it sure sounds like your body is gearing up to give birth! Are your midwives licensed? It sounds like they don't really believe you or the baby are in any danger, but feel more comfortable with something documented in case they have to cover their buns, you know? I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, your birth attendant should be someone you trust and feel protected by, not someone you feel you have to protect yourself emotionally from. It may not even have occured to them that their requests for tests is even making this an issue. Maybe if you put it that way to them they'd back off?
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#82 of 194 Old 05-18-2004, 10:44 PM
 
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I really appreciate everyone's help so far. smooches to all of you.


They are LMs, yes. The apprentice midwife is the one that called today; we had scheduled the NST for NEXT Monday (and I thought I was being clever because that was 41w5days, when they told me their malpractice ins. co. wants them at 41 and a half) but the midwife noticed that and had her call to move it closer AND schedule the AFI.

The apprentice seems to be a master at double-talk...she agrees with me then continues to try to schedule it. And the way they have told me that tests are optional...some they really appear lax on (GTT and most other tests) but then they really push (while appearing open to your decision) GBS test and giving the baby Vit.K. Strange. And it's different, depending on which of the two midwives I see.

Anyway, I don't want to clutter up the UC thread with all this stuff, unless anyone finds it helpful in feeling strong about their UC!!!


Worst thing about it all is that I switched TO them at ~29 weeks because I was so uncomfortable with my CNM-with-birth-center. But now I'm wishing I'd just stuck with the CNM or hired the CNM practice that works out of a really progressive hospital. At least they were open and up front with me; I knew where I stood with them from day one (and from the consult), whereas I feel as though I was lied to at the consult with these women. And that is NOT a good feeling at all, especially since we're pre-paid.

Oh, and I was crying the last 10 minutes of the conversation, so they KNOW how I feel and how I don't enjoy this pressure. Doesn't stop 'em.

Harumph.

********
Can I answer the death question?

It came up today talking to the apprentice, because she (and the midwife at yesterday's appointment) kept talking about that one baby from tons of births that might die. I held my tongue yesterday but couldn't today. The apprentice was ending a sentence in something vague that was meant to evoke "oh no the baby might die" in my head, and I just said "and that would be Nature."

I think she was a bit shocked. I told her that I'm willing to "risk" that kind of thing...if something happened it would be horribly, awfully sad, and I would mourn forever. But as long as it wasn't caused by some medical intervention, I would ultimately come to peace with it. And if there were some kind of law problem to be faced, I would face it.

Speaking of that, the apprentice kept saying "you'll have the test results, we'll put them in your file, then if anyone wants to look at it they will see it was all OK" over and over. I finally had to tell her "you have to realize, letting other people look at my records is not MY concern, it's your concern."

So anyway.

On the other side, I'm basically at peace with the thought of my own death. I would feel very sad because Robert would either be alone or with an infant to care for, and I don't WANT that to happen, but I've come to terms with it. Again, better that happen naturally at home, rather than due to some medical error or intervention in a hospital.




You know what? I think I *would* have been better off just planning for an UC this time. Unfortunately, it's taken all this junk to make me realize it. Jury's still out on whether I'll actually call the midwives WHEN I go into labor, um, tonight. (crosses fingers and toes for self)
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#83 of 194 Old 05-19-2004, 03:54 AM
 
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Hi Molly,
IMO, I wouldn't call them to attend the birth--seriously...they don't sound like they are very supportive of what *you* want...sounds like they want to do what *they* want on their time (hmmm kinda makes me think of a doctor in a hospital wanting to do what *he/she* wants despite your birth plan or what you discussed with them). If you are feeling so stressed and upset at this point with them, that is only going to make your labor harder, I hate to say. How could you relax and feel at ease with people whom you are at odds with right now? I know I couldn't...I had resentment toward my midwife and I knew I couldn't possibly have her at this birth... it would make me too angry and too stressed out... I agree with the other poster...maybe you are here because you are meant to UC...I think so...and definitely let dh call them to decline the tests. I know you don't want to throw money down the drain but what are the midwives going to do that you or dh can't?

JMHO :-)

Good luck with your decision.
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#84 of 194 Old 05-19-2004, 04:23 AM
 
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ITA with what lovemygirl said. I had the same sort of experience, where I didn't really feel comfortable with the midwife, but ended up having her there. I totally regreted her coming. I think it made things way more complicated than they needed to be, and she did things that I specifically asked her not to (ie. doppler, giving baby O2 even though it wasn't neccessary, and making me give birth semi-reclining when I *asked* to stand up) If you have doubts about your midwives listening to what you feel is important, or not important, then you should go it alone. You *can* do it. It's natural. Even if you loose out on a bunch of money, you'll probably have an awesome time giving birth, that would be worth more than money could buy. If your partner is into it as well, I'd really say to go for it! That was the main reason why I ended up with the midwife before was because of my partners reluctance to do an UC.

O.K. I have to go to bed now. Sweet dreams everyone.
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#85 of 194 Old 05-19-2004, 02:42 PM
 
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I haven't read the replies to your post yet, but my advice is ....JUST SAY NO... as the old drug campaign used to say, haha. Seriously, it sounds like your body is doing exactly what it should and labor is imminent, even if a few days away. Don't be bullied! Turn on your answering machine and turn the volume OFF. Tell them you'll see them at the hospital when it's time, or you'll invite them over when it's time (if a homebirth).

Pray to God for strength to listen to your baby and body!
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#86 of 194 Old 05-19-2004, 05:10 PM
 
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Dangit. While I napped I turned this over to my hubby. What did he get me? A NST with a fetascope, and them "allowing" us to schedule the ultrasound for Monday.

What the?

This is not working for me. The midwife intervention, that is. I am simply shocked by all this. They are LMs, they were not supposed to be like this. This is why I got out of the CNM practice.

They would actually not allow Robert to 'just say no'...


Edited....

In continuing to learn about the convo with the midwife (who was graduated less than 5 years ago...the 18 year veteran is out of town until the 30th), it has come down to fear. We have to get these tests at 41 and a half weeks so that it looks good for their OB consult if I go to 42 weeks. If there's nothing done at 42 weeks, their OB will be angry at them, and is not likely to give a good recommendation.

If a good recommendation is not given, they won't go against it because two midwives have been prosecuted by the state for bad outcomes (even when the parents are asking the state to NOT prosecute). So it's all fear. And it's barely even fear for a bad outcome, is it? It's fear of prosecution.

Fear-based practice.

Not what I expected.

This is not healthy for me.
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#87 of 194 Old 05-19-2004, 05:25 PM
 
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Well, the only two things that can happen, if you refuse the NST/ultrasound, is that they either deal with it or they drop you. Did they actually threaten to drop you??

I would be PISSED. (Which it sounds like you are...)

Listen. It really does sound like your body wants to go into labor, but you know this stress is probably holding it back. The good ol' fight or flight response. My advice is to forget about it for now, let it go. Tell yourself that in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter what they want or what they think of you. Divorce yourself from the situation. Laugh about how utterly ridiculous it is (because it is!) Turn off your phone. Go do something that celebrates the goddess in you (take a drive or overnight trip to somewhere that you enjoy, eat chocolate cake, buy yourself flowers, take a walk in the sunshine, whatever.) Do that for the entire rest of the week. If you get to Sunday night without having gone into labor, well then you can reevaluate what you want to do. But there is plenty of time between then and now; don't waste it worrying about *them*.

Edited to respond to your edit: I feel sorry for your midwives, the politics of it all is not their fault, and it's very unjust. However, they were NOT upfront with you about it when you hired them (and paid them all that money.) They had a responsibility to be. So they have abdicated any right to expect you to protect them. Your sole responsibility, right now, is taking care of yourself and your baby.
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#88 of 194 Old 05-19-2004, 05:33 PM
 
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Thank you, Linda. I really appreciate it.

And I appreciate everyone who has allowed me to rant in here, it is most gracious of you to not kick me out.

I think I'm going to do just what you said. Cake, especially. I've been so focused on protein that I haven't given into the cake urges recently.

Robert's boss has just scheduled a one-on-one meeting with him for tomorrow, urging how important it is and all that, so that I have no choice but to make him miss the meeting because I am in labor LOL.


At this point I don't know what's going to happen with the midwives when I go into labor, and I'm going to just not care. Perhaps I'll pretend this is my 5th kid instead of my 1st, and just act as if I know (in my head) what to do.


Thank you. And I hope I've solidified all of your views on UC by ranting and raving in here.
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#89 of 194 Old 05-19-2004, 05:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Fear-based practice.

Not what I expected.

This is not healthy for me.
s


~ update: saw my OB today... everything is spiffy. so... planning UC.
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#90 of 194 Old 05-19-2004, 05:40 PM
 
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Hi Molly, did not realize you were already on this board and replied to you elsewhere. whoops. Don't go along with these tests unless you want them and feel they're going to be helpful to *you.* And if you feel so negatively about these midwives and these surprises, I urge you seriously to consider how they are going to behave/act at your birth and whether it is something you can live with. When I met a backup of my midwife's I was so upset afterwards I considered not using my midwife at all, until she told me the backup lives too far away to attend my birth. I am going to make more clear that I won't have that backup in my house, politely of course -I'll try anyway- but it is dangerous for your health, as you know, to feel a)such a lack of compassion and b) a lack of respect for your wishes.

It is hard on many midwives to practice depending on the local climate but you must do what is best for your health, not for their licensing or records.

And your body does know exactly what to do, first kid or fifth. Your head may not know, but the rest of you does. Seek out truly supportive help. It is never too late to change your plans.
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