has anyone been through the birth cert. rigga-ma-roll in nm? the state tends to be more lax on things, esp rurally (which is where we are), but not always. they can be lax or close-minded (regardless of the law), one never knows which will be encountered, so i'd love to hear from others who have blazed the trail.
good news~ my bil/sil just found out that they're having a girl--the first girl in a loooong time in the family. my mil is just *thrilled* and apparently said, "i didn't know *we* could have a girl!" she's rather controlling in a "mean girls" (the movie) kind of way. she doesn't mean *we* in a 'welcome to our family' kind of way, she means, this is her little girl that she never had, weird kind of way. she'll be filling the new one's closet/mind with all kinds of frilly ideas of how a girl should be, i'm sure. the dreams that dh, friends, and i have all had about our babe have all been the same little girl in each of our dreams, so dh and i (who live a rather earthy, practical life) had fears of having the first girl in the family and mil dolloping all the estrogen on our girl before she even has time to figure out who she is for herself. they're due a few mos before us, so IF we have a girl, hopefully, theirs will keep her occupied! whew! we're very excited. also, i have hopes that their birth and everything else will keep her more occupied and less wanting to be in our business--though i don't want to discount her ability to worry
anyone else have difficult inlaws that they told about uc plans...anyone completely avoiding telling family that they're close to about uc?
dh is figuring out how to deal with family, mil especially, with all of our choices. i doubt his family will be ever told of our uc-ing ways! one time around the thanksgiving table, bil/sil announced that they'd decided to put their ds in public schools rather than homeschool and everyone acted like they'd been holding their breath, they all sighed soo loud, and then they went on to slam homeschoolers as weird/maladjusted. dh and i just made eye contact across the room. it was the 1st time i realized what we'd be in for when we got around to having kiddos. i could see telling them about our uc's once we're done having kids, but jeez, to let them (esp mil) know before then, i might as well voluntarily sign up for a mental torture chamber. i know, i know, it only bothers me b/c i have issues, and she's really gifting me with the opportunity to work on them... also, the anticipation of dealing with it bigger than going through it--especially since dh has given me free reign to tell her what i think, rather than always giving him the space to deal with it.
dh was trying to decide if it would be best to educate his mom about uc/ec/unvax etc etc etc, or if she would just worry more. i totally think she would just have more details to think about if he told her about it. she'll worry either way. the big difference is that then we'd have to hear about it in specifics, whereas if we just tell everyone that we're not discussing our prenatal/birthing plans, she won't have anything to grab onto mentally. (this woman didn't like where we registered for our wedding, and registered for us, to tell her friends a more appropriate place to shop!, also she told sil she wondered what else she could get away with before the wedding!) i compared the questions we know she'll be asking (in making her case about how stupid we are for wanting uc), to her calling someone with an ob/gyn and asking the same questions--you know, what are their credentials/safety records, do we know how unsafe a hospital birth is, how could we imagine giving birth in that setting--she would never do that to someone with an ob/gyn. and it sounds silly to *gasp* question an MD. she would ~never~ think to do that. in talking about it, i said i thought it would be extremely self-centered/disrepectful of her to involve herself in our birth plans (b/c of how she would be involving herself). her job (and she does it really well and sweetly, luckily) is to love the grandchildren and snuggle them; we're the parents. (thanks dr phil!) i know i sound rather bitchy about her, but i've learned the hard way that if she's given an inch, she doesn't just take a yard, she takes a mile. so we're trying to set up clear boundaries early--something people tend to be afraid to do with her.
ahhhh, thanks for letting me rant! i actually deleted much of my rant, just getting it out of my head and into words helped! waiting a number of months to tell his fam about our pg has been really great so far to help us solidify as a couple and how we feel about our plans and how to share or not to share. also, telling some friends 1st has given us some time to practice talking about uc and avoiding talking about uc, depending on the friend. it was cute to hear dh telling his best friend about our pg on the phone...i heard him say, "well, actually, we don't have a due date, b/c there seems to be a 9 week window of when a baby can be born healthy; the 40 week thing is just an average." my cute new knowledgeable birth-rights activist! so cute to hear him talk about it, or see his eyes well up with tears over it. ahhh....