UC thread #9...Sept. '04 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 201 Old 09-11-2004, 11:31 PM
 
nikirj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Washington
Posts: 4,952
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
He is getting really worried, he says. We talk and talk about all the 'issues', about all the things he thinks hospitals would be good for and I go over all the reasons they aren't, but he's been sceptical ("how come so many people think that then?"). He concedes that the hospital wouldn't be safer and that I'll *probably* be fine, but he's caught up on the what-ifs and now says that he will panic, he knows it, and he wants a midwife here for a homebirth. He says that ideally, we would find one who was willing to just sit there and watch and not bug us, but I know that realistically, this just isn't going to happen.

I am now considering actually getting on insurance, and hiring a midwife who will come to the house immediately after the birth to check on things. I don't know how realistic this is, but it is pretty much as far as I'm willing to go in terms of compromise the way things stand right now. I'm feeling pretty confused about it now.

DH has other interesting ideas as well. Like, we shouldn't use tap water if we have a birthing pool, we should use filtered water. Now, that sounds fine in theory, but if we want to run water through our filters, well, it took 15 minutes to fill a 2.5 gallon aquarium.

Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.

nikirj is offline  
#62 of 201 Old 09-12-2004, 12:00 AM
 
cottonwood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
"how come so many people think that then?"

Because they aren't thinking. They're simply handing over their power and choices to an institution because they don't want to have to be inconvenienced, or because it's "what everybody does" or because they've been conditioned since they were little kids to believe that it's best. How come so many people suffer because their bodies don't look like the Hollywood ideal? How come so many people don't recycle? How come so many people buy their kids war toys? How come so many people are racist? How come so many people spank their kids? How come so many people work high-stress jobs? How come so many parents put their kids on ritalin?

Just because a lot of people do something doesn't mean that it's rational or healthy or that they've put one iota of thought into it. There is something called mass delusion; there is a herd mentality.

Worrying about the "what-if's" is not the same thing of course, that is perfectly understandable. The problem are that there are "what-if's" no matter *what* decision one makes. The midwife or doctor you hire could make a life-threatening mistake. Not to mention that their very presence would likely interfere with the normal hormonal process. But on the other hand, so would his panic. I feel for both of you, it's a hard thing to reconcile.
cottonwood is offline  
#63 of 201 Old 09-12-2004, 10:23 PM
 
Dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 77
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So, I've had very very strong feelings that this bean is a boy. When I was ten, my mother gave me three half-brothers (not all at once!) and I remember thinking when I was pregnant with my first daughter, what in the world am I going to do with a girl!! Now, after two girls, I'm thinking, what in the world am I going to do with a boy?! And, of course, there's nothing but my feelings that say it definitely will be a boy.

When I was at the used children's clothing store picking out some basic clothes for this baby, I kept going for blue. I was trying for gender-neutral or just a mix of everything, pink included, but it was like my eyes didn't even see the girly stuff. And when I lay it all out on the bed it most definitely looks like a baby boy's wardrobe. When trying to come up with names, a boy name came to us immediately (and with us, it has to feel like the right name, not just be something we like because that was the way it happened with my girls), but it took ages to come up with something for a potential girl and we still don't have a middle name to go with it (interestingly both names are kind of similar sounding, which made me think twins??, but let's not go there). Then, I had a dream in which I had already given birth and for some reason I had had to go to the hospital. The dream didn't include the actual birth part, but I remembered that I had been out cold right after the baby had been born and I all of a sudden got this panicky feeling that they had circ'ed him during that time without my consent. So I checked and they had and I was devastated.

Anyway, all that is to say that all the signs are pointing to boy right now. With both of the girls, I didn't really have a feeling one way or the other and I wonder if that's because at the back of my mind I knew that there would be an ultrasound eventually and I would know, so why bother with feelings? And I also wonder if these feelings I am having now stem from desire rather than intuition.

So, I've been wondering what other mama's experiences have been, particularly mamas who have had previous UP/UC's (or just UCs without any external input on gender). Did you have any strong feelings? How did they manifest themselves? Were they correct? I recently read something that said that moms who guess their babies genders are right 70% of the time (or something like that) and now I can't remember where I read it! Anyhow, just something I've been curious about lately.

Also, nikirj, whenever my husband used to hear someone say something along the lines of "Ten thousand (or a million or whatever) people can't be wrong!", he would always shout, "Yes, they can!!!" In the past few years, I've really come to appreciate how true that is!
Dandylion is offline  
#64 of 201 Old 09-12-2004, 11:47 PM
 
indigolilybear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: 'Burque, NM
Posts: 1,313
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
well here is my experience Stephanie....btw, we've never found out ahead of time.

Baby one--(DD)many many dreams even before she was conceived that she was a girl. "thought" she was a boy since dh had almost all boys on his side, also am much of a pessimist/get prepared for the "worst" and didn't want to get my hopes up for a girl and be disappointed. Not ONE boy dream...and she was a girl

baby two--(DS)-had mixed dreams through out but some that I felt were processing dd's birth. The ones that seemed *specifically* about ds's preg., he was a boy. During a centering moment of my blessingway, I just *knew*..It's a boy!!

Baby three--(DD) always thought (via the pendelum test w/the ring over your hand) that our next would be a girl. WANTED a girl. :LOL When we conceived I immediately thought girl but had mostly BOY dreams!! I even had told my sister she was a girl. (I swore after what I considered to be impeccable intuition/dreams taht I would finally trust my dreams!! :LOL) So I thought I knew it was a boy. BUT my old friend said she looked at me during a meeting and said she just suddenly KNEW that it was a girl....and her experinece sounded like mine w/ds during my Blessingway so I gave it some creedence. Then EVERYONE started telling me they thought it was a girl. Then dh and I started thinking that maybe they were right... (however we also "tried" for a aries and she was expected smack dab in the middle of aries....she was born 2.5 weeks early--PICSES!!! ....When I saw Jeannine Parvati Baker and told her Soleil's story she said she must have strong mercury/trickster in her chart....she kept tricking us)

anyway HTH. From what you said, I'd say you're getting strong boy vibes though!! Good luck.
indigolilybear is offline  
#65 of 201 Old 09-13-2004, 12:50 AM
 
StacyL's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Banned - period.
Posts: 3,575
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Stephanie,

I had a dream in my first trimester. I was standing up, sorta squatting, and I gave one good push and grunt and the baby came flying out so fast I had to grab it under his armpits and his butt hit the carpet - and he was a boy. Sure enough, I had an u/s at 24 weeks and baby was CLEARLY a boy!

I sure hope my labor goes as easy as it did in my dream!! :LOL
StacyL is offline  
#66 of 201 Old 09-13-2004, 01:59 AM
 
Aura_Kitten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Down by the River...
Posts: 7,244
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
with my first, i *knew* he was going to be a boy. before i conceived, i had a vision of a young, fair-haired boy standing in our hallway. when i got pregnant, as hard as i tried to use gender-neutral nouns in reference to "the little one" i continually caught myself saying "he." sure enough, he turned out to be a he.

right after he was born, i had a vision of us holding him, and a little baby wrapped in a pink blanket w/ a pink hat. after that, i had several dreams and visions of myself looking in the mirror + pregnant, and i had one very vivid dream that michael was mostly grown up, and he had a younger sister, who was 15. they were the only kids i ever had.

WELL when i got pregnant w/ Elyssa, i *knew* she was a girl. i knew i had conceived the instant it happened (as i had w/ my son) and i also knew i had conceived a daughter. it was more than a strong intuition ~ it was a knowledge.

and sure enough... once again it was right.

i fully believe that mothers know... we just have to listen.
Aura_Kitten is offline  
#67 of 201 Old 09-13-2004, 02:44 AM
 
wende's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 3,109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Stephanie, when I was pregnant with my first I had an ultrasound and they told me it was a boy. I had only a boys name picked out and bought all boy stuff. I have pictures of my baby shower cake taken 2 weeks before my due date that said "Welcome Baby Spencer". A week before she was born I told her dad "we need to pick a girls name." He said "why? They already told us that it's a boy". I said "I don't care what they said. This baby is a girl and we need a girls name!" He thought I was being silly until she was born and the doctor yelled "It's a girl!"

With my second I always knew from the beginning that she was a girl but kept my options open for a boy "just in case" I was wrong. I had an ultrasound at 34 weeks and found out that she certainly was a she.

When I got pregnant with my 3rd my ex-dh kept insisting I have an abortion and I finally looked him straight in the eye and said "this baby is a boy. This is MY boy (I'd had an abortion years earlier and always believed that he was a boy) and he is supposed to be here!" He refused to believe that I was having a girl stating "I can't have boys" well, lo and behold, boy. (btw, a friend of mine who reads cards, who didn't know about my abortion before hand, read my cards and asked if I'd had a miscarriage. She instisted that I must have because baby number 4 was that baby.)

Baby number 4. I always kind of felt that he was a boy but really wanted 2 of each so I thought maybe it was a girl and I was just convincing myself that it was a boy so instead of following my intuition I kept saying that I thought it was a girl. He's all boy

This one I keep thinking that it's a girl but then want to call the baby "he" so who knows. So far I can't get a read on it. Maybe twins? Tonight, actually, my dh and I were talking and he said "5 kids, wow, ok this is the last one" and I said "maybe 6?" and he replied, "ok, this is the last pregnancy" without even blinking. Then when we got home from our walk he said "twins wouldn't be so bad. I think that you could handle twins well...triplets however, I don't think you'd do so well" and laughed.
wende is offline  
#68 of 201 Old 09-13-2004, 09:07 AM
 
TRIBE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: finally made it to WA!
Posts: 5,891
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Stephanie
With my first I very badly wanted a girl (didn't know what to do with a boy and I was a single mom). I had a name picked out for a girl too. I recall having a dream where my stomach became translucent and I could see inside to the baby. But I couldn't see the babys gender, at least not that I recall. At the u/s they said boy and I just couldn't believe it. But I am so glad now he is a boy ;-)

With my second DH and I both had a boy alreay from previous relationships so we really wanted a girl. I again had the translucent belly dream but saw no gender. I think now the reason was because I was trying too hard to make that baby a girl. U/S again said boy. Sad yes but man I love that boy more than anything!

With my third I went UP/UC. It is really amazing how much more connected and intune to everything I was with this pregnancy. I didn;t hope for boy or girl I just hoped for a healthy happy baby. I again had the translucent belly dream and saw a girl. This was the first time one of my dreams had revealed the gender to me. I was hesitant at first to believe it but then something inside me just clicked and I went with it. At 6 mths along I started buying up all these girly clothes in pinks and purples, dresses and hair bows. I was crazy or well at least dh thought so lol After she came out and dh was holding her I asked what she was and he said "Its a girl!!" I fell back on the bed laughed and said "I told you so!" It wasn't until she was born that we had a name for her tho. With the boys we had names for them not too long after the ultrasounds.

With this one I have not yet gotten girl or boy feelings, actually I am getting a combination of both. Plus my very prophetic 3yo has told me there are 2. Well the m/w I saw only found one heartbeat but I also know the second could be hiding. I try not to think of the possibility of boy/girl twins this household is crazy enough as it is! I do have a girl name that just seems to be sticking with me and won't let go. But so far nothing for a boy. Ah well i still have 6 mths to figure it out ;-)
TRIBE is offline  
#69 of 201 Old 09-13-2004, 09:57 AM
 
plantmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: CT
Posts: 1,118
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
can I chime in, even though my UC was unplanned (though wished for!)?

I have known the sex 3 for 3, although with my first ds I wasn't ready to believe myself, so 2nd guessed until we had u/s. With dd, I knew at the moment of conception that we'd just made a baby, even though I thought it was the wrong time in my cycle, and knew it was my daughter. I did have a boy name in reserve, and bought gender neutral clothes, but still, I knew it was her. With my newest ds, I also knew at the moment of conception, although I knew it was also much earlier in my cycle than I'd ever o'd before, so wouldn't "admit it" to myself for a week or so. Nevertheless, I knew I was pg way before I missed my period, and knew it was a boy. I did have strong twin vibes early on, and kinda wonder whether there was one very early on. There was never a doubt that there was a boy in there, though.
plantmommy is offline  
#70 of 201 Old 09-13-2004, 12:11 PM
 
nikirj's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Washington
Posts: 4,952
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wende, I'm having the same "problem" this pregnancy - I "think" girl and am pretty sure that a girl makes sense this time (DH even says I look like I'm carrying a girl), but I keep calling this baby "he" and we have a boys name, but not a girls name. I don't know but I think twin fantasies are a more interesting thing for DH and I just because we didn't do the ultrasound thing this time (my first two pregnancies, we had fairly early ultrasounds to date the pregnancy, my cycles are really wonky so they weren't at all helpful until this time, when I was charting) and that opens us up a little more to the possibilitiy. I am big for how far along I am though, and it isn't about the weight gain.

With my first two I "knew" what they were. My first was a girl and I "knew", I knew so strongly that my mom was certain I'd asked the ultrasound tech and just not told her. My mom had been at the ultrasound and I don't know why she thought that. I didn't know how to 'read' ultrasound images and she did, so my mom did know. At 36 weeks I transferred care so that I could give birth in a birth center (a hospital-based one, but so much better than where I was going to give birth) and I asked to hand-carry the records since I was so close, and (miracle of miracles!) Kaiser let me. I looked at the ultrasound notes and found the doctor had written "fetus appears to be female" (the ultrasound was done at 14 weeks). And that was what I had thought all along. I didn't even have any boy clothes. My aunt, who is the least in-touch person I know, even bought all girl clothes for me (she went NUTS at garage sales and consignment shops, and I literally had so many infant clothes that there were many outfits DD never wore).

With my second, I knew it was a boy early on. We asked at the ultrasound to be told the gender because we had been afraid to have a boy, and wanted to be certain before we started preparing ourselves mentally for a boy. Sure enough, it was. No surprise for us there. The dr. that did the ultrasound (weird side-note, he was a perinatologist who did surgeries in-utero and dealt with the very most high-risk cases, but enjoyed doing ultrasounds for healthy pregnancies and so did them despite the fact that he could easily have set them on some technician - he wasn't even my doctor - it took him about 5 seconds to tell there weren't any major problems and then he spent the rest of the time joking and point out things) announced it and said something along the lines of "now your husband must be happy" but DH was so bummed...

The problem with this pregnancy is that I "know" it is a girl, the way I knew my first was a girl and my second was a boy, but for some reason I can't stop calling this baby "he" and can't come up with a girl name. I guess we'll see when the baby is born, huh?

Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.

nikirj is offline  
#71 of 201 Old 09-13-2004, 12:50 PM
 
Kundalini-Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: LOVING LIFE and oh, so thankful!!!
Posts: 2,772
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Firstly, my apologies for not being around. I've been reading, but dealing w/a lot of midwife crap in my head.

And that is what brings me here.

I have written her an e-mail that I haven't sent out yet, and would like your opinions on it. I know it can be harsh, but I am angry. I also know that she may drop me as a client, which is no loss really. The only reason I'm keeping her on, is that if I were to drop her now at 27w, I'll owe her more $ than I would if I just kept her and (oops) forgot to call her for my child's birth (due to insurance).

So I would like some input, either grammatical, spelling, or whathaveyou. I have been "writing" this letter in my head since 19weeks, and it feels great to get it out.

If you need more info on any of the points I have made, I'll fill you in. I just want to post it ASAP to see if any of you can read it right now

Thanks,
Amy

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings that came to a head after this e-mail and I'm going to try my best to put them forth in a logical and straightforward manner, w/o becoming too emotional.

I chose you for a midwife for a couple of reasons. Your knowledge of herbs far surpasses mine, and I wanted someone that I could go to for herb advice. I chose you because you are supposedly the most laid-back midwife in the state. I wanted someone who will trust my body to birth a healthy baby, as I already have that trust myself. I also chose you b/c I want an unassisted birth, but I have real concern that my father and mother-in-law would call CPS on me if they found out. I am also concerned that if I had to emergency transfer to (insert name of local hospital), how they would react if I had *gasp* planned to go unassisted.

At this point in our relationship, I'm feeling that you have no confidence in my body's ability to maintain a healthy pregnancy. When I interviewed you, we spoke of Rhogam. And I believe you spoke of an Amish community that you worked with. You said you were "biased", b/c those women never received Rhogam, yet they had tons of healthy babies w/o problem. It seems that while you have had great experience w/these women and their healthy bodies and babies, *my* body was designed to fail. *My* body was designed to try to kill my baby.

I'm concerned that you didn't have the information that I provided you with on the ins and outs of Rhogam. I'm incredibly concerned that if I would have consented to the blood test at 24w, and would have tested positive for antibodies (as I would have *just* receiving the rhogam), what would have happened? Would you have ordered an amniocentisis? That seems to be the next step in sensitization issues. This scares the hell out of me, as I was able to get tons of information on Rhogam, w/i 12 hrs (most of it while I slept), yet you did not have this information, and suggested I do further blood work.

Also, I do not doubt that I am a highly intellectual person, and feel most comfortable with information. This is *me*. But, as you do not know, I am highly intuitive, and very in touch w/my body. I do not need, nor desire any help in connecting with my body. I am already there. An image comes to my mind of me sleeping, and being woken up to be told to "sleep".

I also want to touch on my anxiety disorder which seems to be very important to you. I have "generalized anxiety disorder" and I will explain to you some of my anxieties to help you better understand my head.

*I am anxious about people breaking into my house and mutilating my son and torturing my husband and myself. *I am anxious about being attacked at night when I am out w/my son and w/o my husband.
*I am anxious about someone torturing my dogs.

I can go on and on, but my anxieties are all based on the "someone is going to hurt me or someone I love" kind of fear.

On the other hand, I am not anxious about taking a poop. Never have been. It is a natural body function, and I just shit and get it over with. No obsessing, no planning, just doing it. In the same breath, not to compare birth to excrement, but it is also a natural bodily function, so to speak. I have absolutely no anxiety about birthing. None whatsoever. My concerns are limited to people interfering in my bodies ability to do what its got to do. To get into my head and "try to help".

I'm also concerned with how many people are planning to be at my child's birth. I have a very small apartment, with one husband, one-to-be three year old, 4 dogs, and 2 cats. I do not have room for 2 midwives and a student, and I'm not talking in square footage. To be able to listen to my body, my baby, and my intuition, I need space. Having all these people that I do not know will interfere w/my child's birth and my ability to be in my body and experience the birth as my child wants to be born. This is my child's birthright.

I'm sure that this e-mail, or at least the strong feelings that have come across will come as a surprise. And for that I do apologize. I do not like confrontation, and do my best to ignore things, but despite my experience, such important things do not go away as I hope, but become more important and demand more of my energy. Right now, I need to focus my energy on my baby and my family and not all of this stuff.

So this is where I am. I look forward to your reply.
Amy
Kundalini-Mama is offline  
#72 of 201 Old 09-13-2004, 01:54 PM
 
majazama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: mountains of bc
Posts: 4,669
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandylion
So, I've had very very strong feelings that this bean is a boy. ...When I was at the used children's clothing store picking out some basic clothes for this baby, I kept going for blue. I was trying for gender-neutral or just a mix of everything, pink included, but it was like my eyes didn't even see the girly stuff. And when I lay it all out on the bed it most definitely looks like a baby boy's wardrobe....
That's what I did too. Bought ALL blue. I was SO posative that I was having a boy, that I didn't even consider that it might be a girl. When the baby came out, it was a girl! I was so suprised, but very happy. I think I thought it was a boy because I felt SO different during this pregnancy, but I think that has more to do with the fact that she is SO different.

But a funny thing is, before I was pregnant, I always said I would have two girls and then a boy, so I knew before she was even conceived, but not after. Weird. I do belive I will have a boy when I have another baby.
majazama is offline  
#73 of 201 Old 09-13-2004, 08:57 PM
 
cottonwood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Amy, what is the background here? Does the midwife understand that you want an unassisted birth? Is she insisting on being there? Did she suggest that you are not in touch with your body? Was she insisting on a certain course of action re: the rhogam?

I guess I would try to separate out what you are actually angry with her about, and what is simply information about yourself that you feel she should have. It's hard to tell which is which in the letter.
cottonwood is offline  
#74 of 201 Old 09-13-2004, 09:16 PM
 
Kundalini-Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: LOVING LIFE and oh, so thankful!!!
Posts: 2,772
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueviolet
Amy, what is the background here? Does the midwife understand that you want an unassisted birth? Is she insisting on being there? Did she suggest that you are not in touch with your body? Was she insisting on a certain course of action re: the rhogam?

I guess I would try to separate out what you are actually angry with her about, and what is simply information about yourself that you feel she should have. It's hard to tell which is which in the letter.
I'm sorry, I just realized that I post all over, I'm pregnant, midwives and doulas, and homebirth, so it is hard to get the whole story unless you are stalking me :LOL

Yes, Linda. She knows I want an unassisted birth--spoke to her about it before I became pregnant. She wants herself, an assistant, and a student there. Also recommended I might want a doula as well. She is the one that told me to stop reading and get outside my head. She thinks that I am not at all in touch w/my body.

In terms of the rhogam, I bled, a lot, at 19w. After I calmed down, came to MDC, spoke to some others, I felt okay. Spoke to the baby and knew everything was fine, that it was just a little placenta overlying my cervix. She wanted an u/s. Fine. Yup, placenta on cervix. She wanted to test my antibodies for sensitization issues, none yet, wanted me to get mercury-free rhogam. I did some research and figured that this was the best course of action for *me* at this time.

FF 4 weeks after the rhogam injection. She tells me she wants to test my blood, again. To make sure "I got enough rhogam". To make sure, "I didn't develop any antibodies". Well, I decline, much to her disappointment, she agrees to wait until the next visit. That night I do some research. Basically, rhogam tricks your body into thinking it made antibodies, by injecting donors' antibodies into your system. If she were to test my blood, she would have freaked out, b/c I "developed" antibodies. She would likely have ordered an amnio for me due to her lack of information.

Of course, funny thing is, I have a sneaky suspicion that this baby will be A- like me.

What I didn't put in the letter, which I have to add, is that she suggested that I get an u/s at 36 weeks. This was after I gave her the info on rhogam and its purpose, so I'm not sure what she wants to accomplish w/that. You obviously can't tell that I've developed sensitization via u/s...so the only thing I can guess is that she wants to check on my placenta?? Or to make sure my baby didn't turn into a pug.

I also forwarded this letter to a dear friend of mine, who is a childbirth educator, and, funny enough, works w/my mw. And she thinks that the letter addresses all of the things I have been bitching about in a calm and rational manner, and is very pleased w/it. So I'm going to send it.

Thanks Linda
Amy
Kundalini-Mama is offline  
#75 of 201 Old 09-14-2004, 12:21 AM
 
majazama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: mountains of bc
Posts: 4,669
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
amy~ you go grrl! let the mw know how you feel. these mw's need to know that their "help" is not always needed or appreciated. I wished I had wrote the mw from my first DD's birth right up till I had Samaya. I guess the uc healed that in me. It's not like the birth of my first DD was horrible, but definately went the way the MW wanted (arrg)
majazama is offline  
#76 of 201 Old 09-14-2004, 01:51 AM
 
ComaWhite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
klothos, just read your birth story, you are amazing!

re; gender
I was 95% positive that my babe was a boy. I got boy clothes, called the baby by "he" Got an us and all I could think was "wow, theres my baby boy"
I had dreams of a boy, looked like my brother, birthed right into my hands on the bed; perfect! When I dreamed of a girl she was mutilated, or ugly as heck; or instead; a talking, fully functional intellectually baby. I was so confused by my girl dreams.
I should have listened to myself.
Deep down, I really really wanted a girl. But for some reason or another, I felt that my husband wanted a boy and that I had to give him a boy. Everyone told me I was having a boy. So boy the baby was.
We had the *perfect* girl name picked out within 2 weeks of becomming pg. Never did decide on a boys name, I paniced about it, what will we name him? Finally settled on an okay name that dh picked out, but I didnt really like it.
I was scared to have a girl. Figued that I had nothing to offer to a daughter.

When she came out, I couldn't believe it. I was so shocked, and so dissapointed in myself for not knowing, not listening....

But deep inside so very very happy that I had *my* little girl.
ComaWhite is offline  
#77 of 201 Old 09-14-2004, 07:15 AM
 
Aura_Kitten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Down by the River...
Posts: 7,244
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Amy ~ i LOVE that letter! especially this paragraph:

Quote:
On the other hand, I am not anxious about taking a poop. Never have been. It is a natural body function, and I just shit and get it over with. No obsessing, no planning, just doing it. In the same breath, not to compare birth to excrement, but it is also a natural bodily function, so to speak. I have absolutely no anxiety about birthing. None whatsoever. My concerns are limited to people interfering in my bodies ability to do what its got to do.



this made me mad:

Quote:
She wants herself, an assistant, and a student there. Also recommended I might want a doula as well. She is the one that told me to stop reading and get outside my head. She thinks that I am not at all in touch w/my body.
1) who is she to invite herself + others to YOUR BIRTH??

and

2) who is she to say how in touch you are with your body??!

it sounds to me like *someone* is afraid of losing out on the experience and/or the ca$h involved in the birth (clue: it isn't you).

about the rhogam ~ are there any other symptoms that would indicate something is wrong, or is she just "being careful"?


andrea ~ thanks

interesting point about the names ~ w/ my first, i couldn't even entertain the idea of girl names... it just didn't seem right. only boy names sounded like they fit, and when we settled on his name, it seemed like it had always been his name. w/ my newest little sprite, it was the opposite ~ boy names just didn't feel right. we kept bouncing names back and forth, and even though there were two that i absolutely adored for, i guess you could call it aesthetic value ~ they didn't feel like they were her name. when we chose Elyssa Marigold, it felt right, like we had known her name all along and had just forgotten it... it was like remembering.

i think in a way, babies choose their own names, or, they already are named, and if we listen, we'll know.
Aura_Kitten is offline  
#78 of 201 Old 09-14-2004, 12:19 PM
 
rainbowmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Vermont
Posts: 11,143
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Amy I think the letter is absolutley perfect! I'm so sorry you are dealing with this but so proud you are confronting it all head on! I hope things work out 2

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
rainbowmoon is offline  
#79 of 201 Old 09-14-2004, 01:03 PM
 
cottonwood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Amy, thanks for the background. That does make more sense now. I would be livid that, knowing you want an unassisted birth, she still is pressing for extra people to be there. And a *doula*?! Clearly she thinks she knows you better than you know yourself, how infuriating! Either that or she doesn't really understand the reasons behind why you want an unassisted birth -- but geez, how obtuse can one get!
cottonwood is offline  
#80 of 201 Old 09-14-2004, 01:42 PM
 
firecat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Southwest Colorado
Posts: 531
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
thanks for your replies jennibug and sprinkle pocket. It was helpful to get some input. I guess it just comes down to doing some research and making sure I do what I think is right and best for me and my future baby. I am thinking what i need to do is take a hard look at my diet now and start making sure i am eating the vitamins I will need, and probably buying some prenatals just for those times when i don't think I am getting enough.
also, rainbow light and new chapter, are those brands of prenatals?

Amy: I am sorry you are having to go through this with your midwife. I hope things work out for you and you get what you want!

Cheryl, proud mama to Jackson... and a baby on the way!
firecat is offline  
#81 of 201 Old 09-14-2004, 10:00 PM
 
Kundalini-Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: LOVING LIFE and oh, so thankful!!!
Posts: 2,772
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you for all the and the I am feeling so freakin' fantastic

I got a phone msg from her today (yes, I was too chicken to pick up the phone :LOL ), and she just stated how happy she was to get my e-mail and how she couldn't wait to talk to me about it. I was out for most of the day and unable to get in touch w/her, but she e-mailed me as well.

As I can't post her msg, I'll paraphrase some points she made:

*She trusts my body
*she apologized for not having the medical knowledge of the rhogam; said I was her first Rh- mom to bleed prenatally. Said she prefers to put her energy into "alternative" medicine vs. allopathic, if given a choice
*she apologized for "pushing" me to get in touch w/my body
*she then started discussing the CPS issue, but missed the point that I'm afraid that my dad and MIL would call if I went unassisted, not w/her. So she just explained how she was licensed and all that.
*she doesn't have to be in the room w/me at all during labor and birth. Offered to teach my DH how to listen to heartrate
*She was excited that I'm so intune w/my body, and have confidence in my body's ability. Said she wished more moms were like me.
*Wants to discuss my son's birth in more detail (hospital birth), to see what hindered me there and such
*Apologized for "prying" into my anxiety. Revealed some personal stuff
*Said that there didn't need to be another m/w at the birth, or student. She likes the m/w there for emergencies. Asked if she wanted to have her student stop coming to the prenatals (which doesn't bug me at all, its not like its the birth or anything)
*Just reiterated how glad she was that I e-mailed her, and how she can't wait to talk to me. She also explained how she isn't a good internet researcher and welcomed any assistance I could give her.

So I feel great, and I really can't wait to talk to her. I really feel like I can move forward now w/this and stop wasting so much energy

Thanks!!
Amy
Kundalini-Mama is offline  
#82 of 201 Old 09-15-2004, 12:12 AM
 
Aura_Kitten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Down by the River...
Posts: 7,244
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Aura_Kitten is offline  
#83 of 201 Old 09-15-2004, 09:41 AM
 
Aura_Kitten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Down by the River...
Posts: 7,244
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
WELL it's taken me a few nights of staying up until dawn, after everyone else fell asleep + i could finally get some quiet time (!!!!! !!!!!) but... i think i'm almost done w/ the article!

any last-minute input you guys have would be totally appreciated!

eta ~ should i include my own freebirth experience in the article or just stick to describing unassisted childbirth??
Aura_Kitten is offline  
#84 of 201 Old 09-15-2004, 01:22 PM
 
Evergreen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Where all the women are strong
Posts: 5,400
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would include your expeience.

Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan dust.gifage8, Ava energy.gifage 4 and baby Georgia baby.gif (6/3/11).

Evergreen is offline  
#85 of 201 Old 09-15-2004, 01:25 PM
 
cottonwood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Amy, I'm glad you're feeling so much better about your situation!

Klothos, ooh ooh, I can't wait to see it -- do we get a sneak preview?
cottonwood is offline  
#86 of 201 Old 09-15-2004, 08:58 PM
 
sprinkle pocket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: on the edge of a 5 million acre forest
Posts: 520
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
amy~ i'm so glad you had the courage to speak your truth! it can be a little nerve-wracking beforehand and during, but man-o-man, sooo liberating when it's done! i love hearing about people doing that. way to go! sounds like your mw had a really great response to it, too. that must've made you feel alot better.

klothos~that's awesome that you put in the long hours to write the article!! it's so needed. i can't think of any new input to suggest. i'm sure you did an amazing job. as for including your birth story, i think, depending on the slant/approach you took, having a personal account like your birth story could increase what people take away from the article. you may even consider not saying it's your story, so people can't think you're trying to convert them to your way b/c it's the right way for you, but rather using a real life example to illustrate the points you address in the article. you know what i mean?...like when people get defensive of a new idea and attack the messenger, rather than hearing the idea? wow! i can't wait to see it in print!! let us know what they say, please, please?

firecat~ yes, rainbow light and new chapter are both brands that have prenatal formulas. both are food-based, vegetarian, and contain probiotics. they're the highest quality, most available to my body that i've found. whole foods has been having cheap (relative to regular) prices lately on new chapter's prenatals. and i actually watched ebay and got 2 huge bottles of rainbow light prenatals, with lots of time until the expiration date (important to ask!), for soooo cheap, like $10 or something, plus s/h.

Waldorf homeschooling homesteading homebirthing mama to my 2 boys '05 & '10 joy.gif & most amazing wife to my most amazing dh
sprinkle pocket is offline  
#87 of 201 Old 09-15-2004, 10:54 PM
 
Aura_Kitten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Down by the River...
Posts: 7,244
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
thanks for the input.

(( i hope they accept it!!!!!!!! ))
Aura_Kitten is offline  
#88 of 201 Old 09-16-2004, 12:54 AM
 
Asheville Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 49
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm still new to this board and just found you guys...I'm so glad I did. I have really enjoyed reading your posts.
I am hoping for some feedback from the moms who have already had UP/UC as that's what I am considering. I had my dd at home with a midwife who was very hands off so in a way, I felt I was close to UC then. But here's my issue, I am confident in my body, my connection with my baby, and how I will handle labor and birth. What I'm not as confident about is newborn assessment. I am nervous that the baby will be born and I won't know what signs to look for if there were a problem.

I feel 95% sure that the baby will be totally fine, but there's that slim possiblity that there might be some problem and I'm afraid that I wouldn't either recognize it or know how to handle it. The only thing that brings me back to having a mw is having someone who has seen more babies eyeball mine. I have talked to several mw and every time I think, "what am I doing? I don't want this."

I guess I just want some reassurance! So, if anyone has some input, I'm all ears.
Asheville Mama is offline  
#89 of 201 Old 09-16-2004, 01:26 AM
 
cottonwood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There is a pretty good section on newborn assessment, IMO, in Rahima Baldwin's book Special Delivery. I think there's also some info in Spiritual Midwifery.

And welcome to MDC!
cottonwood is offline  
#90 of 201 Old 09-16-2004, 02:01 AM
 
Carrieanders's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: the madhouse
Posts: 58
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
sonya, we already had our baby. I wanted to caution you a bit, based on my own experience. A dr treated us like we were not only insane, but garbage for asking him to assess our new born 16hrs after birth (I didn't fear he had any problems, just wanted to show him off a bit, tell our story and maybe assuage MIL's fears, she's a nag when she's concerned we'd be seeing alot of her b/c she had the older kids for a few days) he called our regular peid (who we've seen 1x in 5yrs--for one of our 3 other children, but he was listed as "primary" on our insurance). and the harassment began. I'm not shy and asked all the right questions and stood my ground.

it didn't occur to me in the least that we would set off alarms in the medical community by asking for a check up. all we got were puzzling questions and half answers. Before I knew it I was getting subtley veiled threats about how my baby HAD to been seen again. I refused (This was 1 day post partum, it was blissful treatment). Before long, we stopped answering the phone and turned off the ringer. I had 1 day of rest. then we needed a birth cirtificate (for insurance purposes) our dr withheld our baby's medical records and threw up all kinds of red tape for us at the vital records place. we were treated as if we had kidnapped the child. If we lived anywhere besides CO (which seems unusually forgiving when it comes to this sort of thing) I can see it would have been worse.

When I finally chose to see our regular dr (who seemed fairly cool and does our sports-related physicals for the older kids) we had even more complications. (questions I was forced to half answer and let him assume the rest) Even 5 mos later I'm still sick and angry about how hellish this time was, all because a weirdo like me tried to fit the mold for once and do the expected thing we've since seen specialists (at the dr's insistence) for THREE different things. when he started spouting off about "chronic smallness" and barium x rays and such i lost it, I'm composing a letter to tell him what I think of him and have since left the practice.

something about UC sets off fires under most people. (I still can't appreciate WHY! it's so foreign to me) If you have a mw that has a reputation for calmness, I'd just see her after the birth for an assessment, if you still wish it at that time.

When we have our next UC, I'l be locking the door and pulling the shades and not leaving my bed or babe for a month.

5 months later, I'm still trying to get to know my little buscuit. I feel cheated and sickened by the system.

Don't do anything in life just to appease someone else, I've learned when you do, you are asking for trouble, and compromising yourself and your beliefs.

My great grandma had 5 children, unassisted (including twins) in a one room cabin, outside an extremely poor coal town in WV. she was 4' 8 and full of nails. she drank and smoked and caught catfish with a bit of string. Most awesome lady I've ever met.

WOMEN are the experts here. Once your baby is born, you'll loose these fears I'm sure. You'll know she's wonderful and you'll enjoy your time.
Carrieanders is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off