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#1 of 25 Old 11-02-2004, 01:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So here I am about to go any time now. I had posted when I was first pregnant about my family and their ridiculous resistance to my homebirth plans. My MIL who is wonderful and delivered her last daughter at home was supposed to be our back up to help watch the our other kids. At the last minute she was sent to DC for work and I don't know what to do now.
My sisters will tell my Mom if I call one of them while I am in labor and she has maintained her position that she will call the police if I have the baby at home. I really don't have anyone that I can ask to come and take the kids or anywhere I can send them.
It is throwing off my concentration to be honest.

Stephany
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#2 of 25 Old 11-02-2004, 01:47 PM
 
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Wow what an awful situation to be in! Is it illegal to have a baby at home in your state? I'm sorry your mom is being this way. No kidding you're distracted!
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#3 of 25 Old 11-02-2004, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It is not illegal for me to have the baby at home, but my mother still thinks that they would "do something about it" if she called. Iowa is a pretty backwards little state and I live in a SMALL town so they might. The real problem is that it is a felony for my CPM and her team to be "practicing medicine without a license" and I am afraid she will get in trouble, Besided I want a beautiful, gentle, peaceful birth, without all sorts of drama and problems. Then there is the fear that CPS would become involved if she called the police and they are very homebirth unfriendly in this county. It is just ridiculous.

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#4 of 25 Old 11-02-2004, 02:05 PM
 
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That is very scary. I'm worried for you.

How old are your children? Could they possibly stay during the birth?

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#5 of 25 Old 11-02-2004, 02:10 PM
 
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Can your midwife come up with a plan or some sympathetic moms to come and help out? I mean, if my midwife called me and said, listen, I have this woman who has this problem... I would be there whenever, with toys, books, whatever it takes to keep your kids (and you) happy. She is there to help, right?
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#6 of 25 Old 11-02-2004, 02:36 PM
 
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That is a great idea pickle it!

Also, maybe see if your midwives work with any doulas who might be willing to work pro bono, given the situation!

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#7 of 25 Old 11-02-2004, 04:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That is not a bad idea, I will have to talk to her about it on Thursday. I guess I worry about freaking her out too.

Stephany
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#8 of 25 Old 11-02-2004, 09:38 PM
 
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I would just hire a couple of doulas in the area to come and take care of the kids. Any doula would love to attend a homebirth for free and can help out in other ways if needed.

www.dona.org

I would definately go that route!!

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#9 of 25 Old 11-03-2004, 12:45 AM
 
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I think it is something you really need to share with your midwife. I usually ask how the extended family feels. With her illegal status if you have to transfer your mother might make real trouble for your midwife. Is she frankly illegal or is there some wording that if she is careful she is just meeting the letter of the law?
She may know someone who would be able to come just for your kids, a childbirth educator or a doula or an extra apprentice. But you would probably want to meet her and her to meet your kids if possible before labor.
What is going on with your mother? fear, her own birth experiences, power trip with you? how was she and where was she when you had your others? My family was afraid when I had my first homebirth and each one asked me if I was sure. But my mother's mother had some of her 15 kids at home and some in hospital, so it was somewhat normal to her.
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#10 of 25 Old 11-03-2004, 11:15 AM
 
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How old are the kids? We kept mine (8,6,4) occupied with a stash of new videos.
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#11 of 25 Old 11-03-2004, 12:11 PM
 
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I would NOT call your sisters or your mother. I would hire a doula or have a dear friend come over and watch the girls. If either your mother or sister calls while you are in labor, then have them answer the phone and say you are watching the kids while you sleep or are at a movie or something. I would lie!!

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#12 of 25 Old 11-03-2004, 12:23 PM
 
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Definitely don't tell your mom or your sisters!

If my mom were to threaten me with calling the police, I would threaten her with never seeing her grandchildren again.

Do you have any friends, playgroup moms, LLL moms, anyone who can volunteer to watch your kids?


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#13 of 25 Old 11-03-2004, 12:36 PM
 
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How frustrating. I hope you find a good resolution. I think you have had a lot of good suggestions. My midwife keeps talking about students that she would like to have come. Maybe yours has some that might be able to help out in that respect.
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#14 of 25 Old 11-03-2004, 12:57 PM
 
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During my 2nd HB, my 3.5yo and my 22mo were kept happy with a stash of new toys(from the new baby of course!), and some new movies. My dh was able to keep an eye on them while coming in to support me when I needed him. Once the midwfie arrived, her apprentice helped a little with the kids. It really went very smoothly. I have very easy labors though, so it wasn't a big deal.

I really recommend the other suggestions that were posted. Your midwife is bound to know some other people who would help you out with your kids. You might even get lucky and have the baby in the middle of the night and your kids will sleep through it.

If I were you I would not answer the phone while you are in labor at all...no reason to make anyone suspicious

Good luck! I hope you find a solution.
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#15 of 25 Old 11-03-2004, 03:19 PM
 
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I can tell you exactly how much my mom would get to see her grandchildren if she pulled that crap on me! WHAT A LOT OF NERVE THAT WOMAN HAS. I'm sorry but that really ticks me off!!!!!!!!
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#16 of 25 Old 11-03-2004, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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[QUOTE=mwherbs] Is she frankly illegal or is there some wording that if she is careful she is just meeting the letter of the law?
QUOTE]

Lay Midwifery is just plain illegal in the state of Iowa.

I don't know what my mom's issue is. She has never been near me or included in my deliveries. We don't have that kind of relationship.
I had never planned on calling any of them when I am in labor anyway because at best they would be rude and mean to my midwives whom I absolutely love. They think Melanie is weird because she is a Wiccan and homeschools and I can't trust any of them to treat her respectfully. I actually didn't plan on calling them until a couple of days after the baby is born. It is just dh's mom being unavailable that threw a wrench in the whole program.
Melanie knows my family is nuts, she doesn't worry much.

Stephany
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#17 of 25 Old 11-05-2004, 12:51 PM
 
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I just wanted to say that I'm sorry your mom is causing you this kind of stress. When I saw the title of this thread I had to read it cuz my mom is pretty insane too. :LOL But I totally get what you mean when you said that you didn't want your mom to treat your mw disrespectfully. I never planned to have my mom there for the birth but the baby came before the mw got there, so I called her to have her come over (for the extra helping hands since she lives so close) and she arrived just after the mw (wish I hadn't called!). She ended up making this comment to my mw about how I didn't need her at all (like, "what good are you anyway?"). And while she said it in a joking manner, it mortified me and I quickly said that I *did* need my mw and that she's great. I really hated that she made a comment like that - and in front of my mw! So I can see how your mom could say a whole lot worse! Good luck - the suggestions already posted here have been great! I'm sure one of these will work out for you.

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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#18 of 25 Old 11-05-2004, 01:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks,
I am trying to line something up although there aren't a huge number of doulas in the immediate area, a friend of mine gets back from Europe today who has said she will let the kids hang out with her, so I am feeling better. It is a good thing because MIL e-mailed me this AM and she is going to be stuck in DC for another week.

I am starting to feel a little isolated and paranoid about the whole thing though. It is a good thing I have my MDC friends or I would be batty.

Stephany
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#19 of 25 Old 11-05-2004, 08:54 PM
 
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I'm glad it sounds like things are working out!

I just wanted to tell you to be careful *after* the birth as well. (Coming from someone who used a lay MW in Illinois and who has the origional psycho-mom...) I heard a story here from a MDC mom that when her baby was a few days old, CPS showed up at her house demanding either the baby be taken to the ER for a check-up or they would take the baby for her. They got a call saying the baby was medicially neglected or something.

If your "family" is endangering the well-being of your real family, I would think hard before calling them.
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#20 of 25 Old 11-05-2004, 10:40 PM
 
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http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ad.php?t=94554

I don't want to add to your stress, but since Faith mentioned it, I thought this thread might be of interest to you.

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#21 of 25 Old 11-05-2004, 11:04 PM
 
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mom2radata, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this so close to delivery! My mother was pretty wierd until I invited her to the birth on the condition she not interfere. I'm not saying do this! Just that I know the mom thing. If I lived closer, I would raise my hand and volunteer! I love being at a birth
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#22 of 25 Old 11-07-2004, 05:29 PM
 
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My mom is insane too. I am surprised she didn't call the police. I didn't call her about the baby until he was a couple days old though. My mom was horrified I had a homebirth "how can you have that baby at home with all the complications you had last time?", um, er, all the complications last time were the nursed coercing me into things- first I needed an IV, then I needed to stay in bed, it's too much trouble, you need to stay in bed, no, you can't walk around, you are too tense! you need an epidural or your baby could die! So then I get the epi, took three hours to push because I couldn't feel a damn thing and they had to use a vacuum extractor. My mom doesn't get it that the complications were theirs, not mine. She had no meds and pushed us out with 2-3 pushes each. Urgh! My mom is psycho all around. We don't ever talk. She is so unsupportive in everything I do and is a judgemental psycho bitch. oops, sorry!

I hope you find someone, I bet you will! NO mom deserves to be stressed out about that kind of BS. If my mom threatened to call the cops I wouldn't ever speak to her. I am so sorry!
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#23 of 25 Old 11-13-2004, 01:18 PM
 
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mom2radata had her baby!!!

And she had him at home!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!

I just wanted to let you know Steph that you have been in my thoughts, and I am SO happy for you!

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#24 of 25 Old 11-13-2004, 01:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breathless Wonder
mom2radata had her baby!!!

And she had him at home!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!
Woohoo! : Congratulations & welcome little Brower!!!

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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#25 of 25 Old 11-13-2004, 10:37 PM
 
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YEAH!!!! Congratulations!
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