New intro from me. :) Not pg yet, but planning homebirths for any tiny blessings - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-20-2005, 01:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello everyone,

I'm fairly new to the mothering.com forums, been lurking here and there and reading. Name is Andrea, been married to Timothy for just over a year. Still trying NOT to get pregnant right now since both of us want me to be a stay at home mom if we're blessed with children, and with our finances the way they are right now and paying off debt etc it's just not possible right now. (We already don't have cable, just have dial up, eat out very rarely, etc...). But that is beside the point.

Anyway back to wanting a homebirth. DH and I used to live in Oklahoma, where we actually met with a direct-entry midwife and loved her to bits. We met with her mostly to get Tim's questions answered since I'd been doing research on the matter for much longer. :LOL But anyway so we were planning that whenever we started our family then we would use her as our midwife.

Then we got transferred out of state. We are now in Missouri. We can still have our homebirth, but if we use a direct entry midwife then we'll have to go "underground" because the current law prohibits anyone except a CNM from practicing midwifery. There is a group that's been trying to get the law overturned to decriminalize midwifery and they were VERY CLOSE this past legislative session (runs from Jan thru May). So depending on when we start TTC and when/if we get a tiny blessing, then there MAY be a new law passed and everything will be without worry.

But for right now I'm going on the worst-case-scenario that it won't, just in case, to prepare myself. The group that is trying to get the law changed also will be able to put me in contact with a few of these "underground" midwives. I still want to use direct-entry instead of CNM because the law, while it allows it, makes it very difficult for a CNM to attend a home birth.

DH is very on board with the homebirthing idea. Immediately after talking with the Oklahoma midwife, he was happy about it. But then I guess he started having second thoughts, and on a long drive home from visiting my parents one night we had a "discussion". And he eventually came around. In fact, he was SO on board with it, that next time we were visiting my family (this time at my aunt's house but my mom and sisters were there too) we got to talking about birth and babies b/c of my little nephew, and Tim let it "slip" that we were thinking about a homebirth. I KNEW my family wouldn't be supportive of that so I tried to shush him but I was too late. My sister heard so she of course told my mom at the earliest opportunity. I was expecting a big lecture but instead she just said "I don't think that's a good idea." And that was it. His family is fine with the idea.

That comment by my mom will have been at least 2 years ago by the time we get pregnant, so hopefully when I call to announce that a new grandchild is on the way she will have forgotten about our plans. But if she didn't, then I'll have to be firm with her and let her know that if she can't support me and Tim in our decision then I don't want her talking about it at all because I don't need that stress while I'm pregnant.

Then if we have a boy... hopefully I can convince DH that he doesn't need to be circ'ed. Right now, before there is an actual real life baby in existence, he still wants to, but I'm thinking that the homebirth environment (no surgeon handy to make the cut), plus the euphoria of birth will help to convince DH that "this perfect tiny little person that God gave us is so beautiful just the way he is... you don't REALLY want to cut a piece of him off, do you?"

He's also not all the way on board with cloth diapering... but since I'm the one going to be doing most of the diapering then he'll probably just go ahead and let me do it, and then once he sees "in real life" how easy it is then it'll be no big deal. And breastfeeding is a given. My first sister gave up before her baby even got started (C-section). And my second sister mentioned that her doctor "wouldn't let her go past 40 weeks" so I fear that she may end up with a C-section too. And I saw in her bedroom that she has Ezzo's book. My jaw dropped. (Insert jaw-dropping icon here). But there is no talking to her right now. Having to walk on eggshells lest she get very angry. LOL.

But going back to the 40 weeks thing. I've heard that first-time mothers go an average of 8 days after their "due date". Because of this, I don't want to stress myself out over a particular day so what I think I'll do is calculate my "due date", and say it's September 20th. Then when people ask when I'm due I'll tell them "early October." That way there won't be a Big Date to stress out over. Baby will then have the freedom to come when he/she is ready.

So anyway those are my thoughts for the morning. Feel free to give me any other tips, comments, advice, or just chat.

Andrea
(insert witty signature line here)

Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B, J, J

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Old 06-20-2005, 06:10 PM
 
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Welcome, Andrea! Nce to have you here! There are actually quite a few mamas-to-be-oneday here at MDC. Nice to see you've really have great ideas about what you want when the time is right! That research will pay off well!

Lay Midwives are WONDERFUL. Truly, I would probably be more hesitant about a CNM doing a homebirth instead. I would be afraid of them medicalizing the event more than a Lay Midwife would. Just because homebirth MWs are underground in MO, doesn't mean tthat they aren't great. When the time comes and you want to interveiw some (either TTC or newly pregnant or sooner even if you feel the urge) then have your partner ask all those questions about his fears. That's the best way to overcome them.

Everything else will come into place when the time is right. The intact debate, the CDing everything else, it's probably not worth a lot of energy right now in trying to change your DH. You can probably just mention things here and there so he knows how you feel, but it certainly isn't worth worrying over. Id' focus your energy in other ways.

Sorry you're not seeing role models like how you'd like to parent. Glad you found MDC. If you can't get it in real life, you can at least get it here!

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Old 06-20-2005, 07:01 PM
 
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HI Andrea,

Sounds like you have thought things out well.

Get some articles on circumcision, let your dh read them. There are some really good ones that will make your dh think twice about circumcision. I didn't know much about it, and my mom had said it's more "sanitary" but after talking to my mw and reading some stuff, I was convinced it was not the thing to do.

There are a bunch of links here:
http://www.homebirthbc.com/links-circumcision.html

About the due date, my mw advised us to do exactly what you were saying. You tell people that your due date is 2 weeks later than it really is. My dd was 12 days early though and so it seemed to these people that she was almost 4 weeks early! ha ha ha. Oh well. Better early than late.
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