Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Great White North
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Applejuice, I think it is so sweet that you became so attached to the house where you birthed your babies! I can relate a little bit even though our situations are totally different! I had dd1 in a hospital, by C section at 34.5 weeks gestation. She was in the NICU for a day and a half and in the special care nursery for the remainder of the 5 days before they "allowed" her to come home. It was a completely disappointing and shocking end to her pregnancy, pretty much the opposite of the birth I had hoped for. We had planned to be at a very small, community hospital near our home but were sent to the big hospital in a nearby city because we weren't 35 weeks yet. Anyway, I really felt attached to that big hospital for a while. When I returned the breast pump we rented for the first month (didn't end up using it much but seemed like a good idea at the time) I took Cymbre back to the NICU and the nursery to "show" my one month old baby where we'd been together. I actually went there several times with her to retrace our steps... and the saddest thing about it was that the connection that you speak of with your old house - well, of course, it just wasn't there for me at the hospital. It does make me sad that we plan to have this baby in our little apartment and we plan to move when the baby is just 3 months old or so. But I know that connection is more than just a place. And with Cymbre's birth, I was searching for something I will never find, something I'll never get back - the first day of her life when I saw her only twice, and briefly at that. The fact that although she was born, I did not birth her. How the policies and red tape of the hospital went right over my head and behind my back in caring for my child THEIR way and wouldn't even give me a straight answer about her - even though she was JUST FINE! What happened to us is something that I'll surely be sorting out for years to come.
Sorry to rant and vent so long - what I mean to say is that it makes me SO happy that there are people like you, applejuice, and so many of you other mamas, who are having birth experiences that you can look back on wistfully. I have been so excited about planning a homebirth for this new baby and now that it is getting so close (only nine weeks, give or take) I realize that I am so very scared that our plans will go down the toitey again. I long deeply for the first day of Cymbre's life and all the time she spent in her "box" instead of in my arms in those first days.
So I am praying that this little baby will come to us at home, as planned. And even if we won't live here forever, and even if it isn't huge and the kitchen cabinets look like they were cut out with a chainsaw - there is no place I would rather welcome my baby than here - in MY place into MY arms surrounded only by people who love us. It occurs to me that it might just be hard for me to let this baby go for those first days... I hope everyone who is coming to our birth will understand that!