I could just cry today - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 12-20-2002, 06:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am wanting a homebirth and I have even contacted a midwife supportive of hbac. I know I can do this! The problem is, we have absolutely NO support from family or even friends I figured would support this decision because they know I would not enter into this decision lightly. I keep hearing over and over about how I am "so damaged" that I can't possibly accomplish a natural birth.

I am so hurt and worse, angry. I am angry that I was lied to, manuiplated, labeled and scarred by my ceseareans. Belief in me is almost non-existant today. Why do other women feel the need to tell me that I am a woman for whom birth just isn't possible?

I'm not damaged goods, am I?

I think I will go have a good cry...


ps
I think a "good friend" is jealous that I have made the decision I did. I just don't get it.

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#2 of 18 Old 12-20-2002, 06:49 PM
 
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Greenluv :better

You have a TON of support here, so lean on us. I I know your family and friends are doing you head in, but no doubt they are just scared for you- try and see that their negativity is them caring about you and wanting nothing to go wrong.

I am glad you have found a supportive midwife- that is wonderful. You will do a great job having a homebirth
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#3 of 18 Old 12-20-2002, 07:09 PM
 
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(((((Greenluv)))))

I am so sorry that you are sad.

You are healthy and WHOLE.

A good book that discusses these ideas is Perfect Health by Deepak Chopra. One point that he emphasizes is that you always have the power to decide your own health.

And, you already know that giving birth is a normal practice, not one that needs to be medicalized. It is especially true for someone like you who *chooses* for her birth to be healthy and normal.

Just keep reminding yourself that you want what is best for your baby, and to you, that means having your baby safely at home.



Jean

Jean, happy HS mom to Peter (5), Daniel (9) and Lucie (2) and also someone new... baby.gif
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#4 of 18 Old 12-20-2002, 07:13 PM
 
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You can do it! the people around you are just reflecting how little faith in and respect for their own bodies they have. You're in a better place than they are. And if you ever needed the hospital, I'm sure you'd go. But if you don't need it, stay out.
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#5 of 18 Old 12-20-2002, 07:41 PM
 
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You can do it!
I did it this past October! All went well! You have everything you need to have this baby - anywhere you want.
Good luck and warm thoughts to you!
Laura
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#6 of 18 Old 12-20-2002, 07:50 PM
 
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(((((((((((greenluv))))))))))))))

You have our support here. Believe in yourself. The naysayers just don't have the knowledge you do and are reacting from a place of fear, no doubt.

You can do it!!!
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#7 of 18 Old 12-20-2002, 08:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank You!!!

I needed those kind words from all of you




While chatting to the midwife yesterday, she reminded me to surround myself with positive people. I am so glad I have all of you here at MDC!!!

Thank You all again for reassuring me that I am making the best possible decision for me and baby. I really feel that this is the only way I will have the birth experience I've always wanted. I didn't need the support or approval of friends and family to conceive this baby, so we can do the birthing of this baby the same way we conceived-with love and gentleness and a certain amount of excitement

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#8 of 18 Old 12-24-2002, 04:43 AM
 
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My 2 cents - don't tell anyone else your plans. When asked say something like "we're going to the mountains, gathering pine needles and squating under an oak" - make a joke and change the subject or just say you're undecided. I've been teaching birth classes for years and have had many couples in your dilemma and this is the best approach I've found.
Amy
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#9 of 18 Old 12-24-2002, 06:45 PM
 
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I agree with birth junkie!! We lived in SE Asia for 2 years so I have started telling people (esp. family) that we are growing a rice paddie in the backyard and I plan to go out there and have the baby!!
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#10 of 18 Old 12-26-2002, 11:17 PM
 
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Sarcastic humor is a great way to answer nosy people's questions! Usually works for me.
I was just skimming through Silent Knife again today, and ran across an old favorite saying of mine, which really stuck with me through the years: "Those saying it can't be done are usually interrupted by those doing it." (or close)
Of course your body knows what to do!

Wishing you confidence and peace,

Tracy
sections 1984, '85
vbacs 1989, '91
due 2 weeks from today!
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#11 of 18 Old 01-11-2003, 07:49 PM
 
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I had my DS in August at home - first baby. Both families thought we were nuts. My mother was a nervous wreck, everytime we spoke on the phone (every other day) she's ask if I had changed my mind yet. She had so many concerns that we brought her to a mid-wife appointment so she could ask her own questions - it helped a lot, but she was still a uneasy about it.
My husband would joke to everyone that I was just going to bite down on a stick, grab hold of a tree trunk and drop the babe out.
I kept telling everyone who thought I was crazy that I could change my mind at anytime, that it was souly my decision.
You know your body and what you can take better than anyone ! If you believe that you can do it - then you can! I found out that I have an inner strength bigger than I had ever known.

In the end it was still me & my hubby's decision. We felt very comfortable with our decision and stuck by it no matter what anyone else had to say. It was our baby and my body.

I hope this helps.
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#12 of 18 Old 01-12-2003, 09:11 PM
 
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Just consentrate on how good you will feel inside a few months from now, when you are sitting there nursing your perfect, beautiful homebirthed baby, while all the people who tried to hurt you are now eatting their words!
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#13 of 18 Old 01-14-2003, 02:49 PM
 
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You can do it!

I had an HBAC this past October as well and it was wonderful!

Just remember we live in a society that is scared of birth and treats it as though it's extremely dangerous - and while the unexpected can occur you have a far better chance of having a perfectly healthy and natural birth experience in your own home than any hospital out there -IMHO

Have faith in your bodies ability to birth and if I may suggest, have you or have you considered joining the International Ceserean Awareness Network or ICAN? This is an outstanding group of women who are VERY supportive and have a lot of information and support to share - I gained a great deal of confidence from these lovely women: www.ican-online.org

Good luck to you and surround yourself with people that believe in you and your body, deal with the naysayers after it is all over and done with

Peace to you!
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#14 of 18 Old 01-16-2003, 06:03 PM
 
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You CAN do it!!!! Try not to let the nay says get to you!

We are here for you girl! If the midwife thinks you can then screw the rest!


GOOD LUCK!!!!

mama to 6 amazing children joy.gif married to my main man for 21 years love.gif and finally home FULL time dishes.gifhang.gifknit.gif

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#15 of 18 Old 01-30-2003, 01:02 PM
 
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Good luck, Green Luv! You CAN do it! I believe in you- you gotta believe in you, and i think you do. Don't worry about the negative people. Just pray for them! They are the ones who fear the unknown. Envision your birth how you want it to go, and trust yourself. Your body knows what to do.
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#16 of 18 Old 02-15-2003, 04:01 PM
 
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I think you and I need to talk! I am 35 weeks and I have gone from a homebirth mindset to the “specialist” telling me I am “high risk” I must deliver at a hospital! What?? I then tell them there is no way my body will work with my mind if I birth a hospital and I get that look from them like “I am totally stupid!” I tell my mom, and she says that my body will jut do it where ever, does she not get that my mind will not except it just anywhere. I know myself well enough to know if I am forced to go to a hospital we will be dealing with serious pp depression. The only advocate I have is DH and when we go to these doctors they basically tell him to shut up, like he doesn’t have a say. I am as frustrated as you are. I too know I am not high risk, I know my body and my mind (they are mine after all!) I am sick of the medical profession and my family telling me that I am putting my baby and myself in danger and that I am an extremist. If you need to write to me to vent please do so angbirth@yahoo.com maybe at least we can support each other! DH and I are heading for an unassisted home birth because a midwife is just too expensive. I know how you feel about not being damaged goods. That is how the medical field wants me to feel too. Like my body, that has carried a perfect pregnancy, a healthy baby cannot deliver a baby perfectly. I am less than 5 feet tall and they love to throw in that short women tend to have small pelvises and are in need of c/s more! Please, my sister is 4’ 8” and had no problem. I hate when people try to under mind my knowledge of my own body.
Ang

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

RAINBOW BABY DUE MAY 4th!!!
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#17 of 18 Old 02-19-2003, 02:59 AM
 
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Labor is one big head trip. You can do it if you put your mind to it. I did. Four times.

I ignored all those naysayers. I have nothing to prove to anyone. They have to prove it to me!

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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#18 of 18 Old 02-19-2003, 05:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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WOW!

I am really happy to see so many more responses since I last logged in!!
I've been out of the loop for a few weeks and I really missed this place! It's good to be back


I have found in the last several weeks that my resolve has been steeled. I know for sure that I am doing the right thing for me. I am even feeling rather militant about it all!

Crayon,
I really understand everything you wrote and feel the same way! I recently chatted to a midwife-even tho I have already chosen "the one"-she scared the crap out of me! I explained that I am really feeling anti-O.B. at this point and don't feel that her services or the services of her O.B. partner would work for me in any way. I'm not entirely sure she understood my reasons, so I bailed out of that convo asap.

I know my body can't work once my mind has disconnected-it's happened twice already. I now have the goal to make sure I am well "connected" and I feel so much better for it! I trust myself now in a way I hadn't before. I think it will make all the difference.

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