they want me to go to a hospital birth!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 02-13-2003, 06:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, I went to the midwife yesterday for my 34 ½ week checkup. A little history (sorry I will try to make it fast) we were planning a homebirth (not a big surprise to those here who know us!! Ha ha) and we decided the $2000 was better spent on baby stuff and a new house for the growing fam! So we ditched that idea at about 32 weeks and found a wonderful Nurse Midwife. We were planning on having a birth center birth at a hospital that has a birth center attached. I casually mentioned I have a brittle bone condition and all hell broke loose! They sent us to this really bitchy “high risk” doctor for her opinion and she seemed all supportive of our decisions but when we got in the car Scott said she will say we cant birth at the center. I didn’t really think she would because she seemed to understand that I know my condition and that I understood the “low risk” of problems but she was so bitchy she barely let Scott or I talk. Well that was last week. Yesterday my midwife walks in and says she has bad news, no birth center I am too “high risk”, okay maybe I could deal with that, find my peace with knowing I still had my midwife (who I adore and who has advocated for us from day one!! Bless her heart) but then she tells me that they will not let her be my birth attendant either. I just sat there in shock. Total shock. And you ladies that know Scott, he got real mad and asked if these “specialist in high risk” had spoken to my bone specialist, because they had said they would refer me to a Nurse Midwife at UofM hospital but I found this one and we loved her. So my own bone doctors were in favor of me having a midwife. My midwife said that they wouldn’t call my bone doctors because “they are not OB’s”!!! WHAT!!!! For a matter of fact my bone doctor at UofM is an OB too!! So anyway, Scott said don’t you think that it would help if the OB talked with the bone doctor so then they can understand both sides? What a novel idea! So, my midwife says the doctors there are happy to take your care over. I am thinking I am 35 weeks pregnant and they want me to change to a doctor when 3 weeks ago I was planning a home birth, and now they want me to be put in to labor and delivery and they want me to be a patient of a group of 6 doctors and I will get what ever one is on call! I truly just sat there shocked, crying. Not to mention the hospital is 45 min form my house, and the only reason we were going that far is for the birth center and our midwife. So, now they are taking my midwife and the birth center away and they think I want to drive in labor for 45 min to get a doctor on call???? Are they nuts? So I have called my bone doctor also the OB (and she thinks I am not "high risk" and left a message for her to see if she can help. UofM hospital is only 5-10 min away. I am sick, I am totally emotional exhausted. I told the doctor that came in yesterday to talk with us that I cant birth at L&D and she said why, so I told her I know my body will shut down, I know I will end up with interventions because I truly believe that if you don’t birth in a comfortable place then your body and mind don’t work together. She just looked at me like I was crazy!

Adding one more thing to this pot, my midwife checked my tummy for baby position and she cant tell if the baby is breech! My God! We decided to wait to have a u/s for a few more weeks to see if they can tell if the baby is for sure head up or down, but what a stressful event to deal with at 35 weeks! I don’t think I can take this, I am going to go nuts.. My eyes hurt from crying.

I know you guys will understand this. My DH is as upset as me, he views birth as normal, natural and a sensual sexual experience. He wants to share this with me, not be a “coach” or “by stander”. I feel like because some specialist thinks I am defective I am taking his right to be birth father away. I feel like I have deprived him of the joy of childbirth, and he must watch and get treated like crap form the medical field who feel like “he’s a man, he has no idea birth” NO HE IS A FATHER, WHO HAS A RIGHT TO HELP BIRTH HIS BABY! We have talked very much about an unassisted homebirth, but my fears are not knowing if something is wrong after the birth, like am I bleeding too much, is the baby breathing right. I think those fears are much smaller than my fears of a hospital. Yet I feel so lost, like Scott and I are fighting this battle with out ammunition because know one will listen.
Sorry it was so long, I needed to vent!
Ang

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

RAINBOW BABY DUE MAY 4th!!!
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#2 of 12 Old 02-13-2003, 07:19 PM
 
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Wow! I am sorry hings are sucking so bad for you. Defintiely find another Dr. At least you will have the privelige of not working with the other crappy Dr. I wish I had more help to offer. Do you think your bone specialist/ OB would be willing to attend the birth. You can have a good birth in the hospital. It wioll just take a little more prep work and some supportive people around to protect you. I recommend reading Birthing From Within and hiring a doula. And laboring at home as long as possible. Or even having the baby at home and then going to the hospital to rest and have everytihing checked out. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#3 of 12 Old 02-13-2003, 08:32 PM
 
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in a similar situation I helped my sister find a direct-entry midwife and do it at home. We understood her medical issues and were comfortable with them - maybe an option. Direct entry is not legal in this state so she was technically unassisted.
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#4 of 12 Old 02-13-2003, 08:43 PM
 
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Crayon, I am sorry you are going through this. Sending you hope and strength to get through. I hope you get the natural birth you want and a healthy baby
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#5 of 12 Old 02-13-2003, 08:47 PM
 
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Do the homebirth. Get a credit card, whatever you need. Ask yourself if all this emotional break down and the possible outcomes are worth the savings/debt. Sending you

-Sheryl

Mama to DD 8 blahblah.gif and  3rdtri.gif EDD 5/21/13 joy.gif

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#6 of 12 Old 02-13-2003, 10:22 PM
 
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((((HUGS)))) I hope you are able to birth the way YOU and you dh want to.....I am pretty sure I delivered at the birth center you are talking about and my mw was WONDERFUL - I wonder if she is the same one you are seeing.....have you talked to anyone at http://www.birthnetwork.org they are a great resource in our area. pm me if you'd like...

Grace - photographer, wife and mom to 4 great kids (Ethan 5.00, Ainsley 4.02, Owen 12.04, and Ellis Ann 10.07) :
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#7 of 12 Old 02-14-2003, 03:29 AM
 
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Nobody has the right to tell you how/where you will give birth. It's yours, do what you feel is best for your family. I agree with adventuregirl, it's not worth the stress to go with the mean doctor. Can you imagine her at a birth? Gives me the shivers...this is one of those times where I would pay the money it takes to do it my way.

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#8 of 12 Old 02-14-2003, 10:42 AM
 
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(((Ang))) Have you considered unassisted homebirth? If you find out what her position is in the U/S, you might be able to do that.

Whatever happens, stay at home as long as you can. Relax. If you end up having to go to the hospital, just say you're in control...don't worry! I am sure you'll find a way! Remember- if you have to go to the hospital- tell them you are a customer, and that you want to leave satisfied, make up a birth plan, give it to everyone. Find a doula or supportive birth attendant.

I don't believe that you'll need to go to the hospital though. I think you can find a way to get the birth YOU want to have. Good luck!!! Have a healthy baby!

Francine
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#9 of 12 Old 02-14-2003, 12:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We have definitely considered an unassisted birth. And I think I will end up that route, although I am looking for an entry-level midwife. My fear with an unassisted is blood loss and the baby needing help to get going. I feel that the hospital is a much more risky place than my own home. I want peace, understanding and the comfort of DH. I know that I will not get that at the hospital unless I fight and that is the last thing I want to do. I have called my bone doctor who is also an OB and she should be calling me today. I would like to at least have her ready if I need her because living by the University of Michigan we have teaching school and I don’t want anyone learning on me and my baby. I think I will also get an U/S if there is still a question on what way the munchkin is facing. We have yet to feel the need for an U/S so we have said no to all the offers.

I need to be less stressed, we are moving in a new house in the beginning of March and I need this baby to hold off until then!!! Right now I have a futon on the floor and clothes in plastic bags. I really want to be in the new house. And we only have a shower now and the new place has a tub. So maybe I will just let everything happen and not stress this baby out- literally!
Thanks, Ang

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

RAINBOW BABY DUE MAY 4th!!!
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#10 of 12 Old 02-14-2003, 01:08 PM
 
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a direct-entry midwife. Some will take you on at this late date, if you've been having prenatal care & you give them a copy of that. Sometimes in some areas, direct-entry midwives can't advertise, but they might say soemthing like homebirth inof, homebirth education classes, doula work, etc., etc., so search everywhere. places of worship, libraries, alternative & all kinds of bookstores (I've found brochures & business cards inside childbirth books at Barnes & Noble before), homeschool groups, ask at LLL meetings (after the meeting), lactation consultants, all kinds of childbirth educators, moms at playgroups, etc. Folks have found me through the above places & methods & more. Peace, which you need to for this baby & birth, Karen Valcourt of BirthTender in the foothills of the NC Mtns.
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#11 of 12 Old 02-14-2003, 09:53 PM
 
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Homebirth midwives have what it takes to deal with excessive blood loss and a slow to start baby! It could not hurt to atleast interview a few to get a better idea of their practices and to have your fears addressed! Best of luck to you! I am sorry the medical establishment is giving you hell!
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#12 of 12 Old 02-15-2003, 10:51 AM
 
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