I am a proud momma again..but much more proud this time.
My midwife and assistant came over Sudnay evening because I was having contractions every five minutes. They didn't hurt but they were noticable. Anyway, they came and I felt really silly because I was in no obvious pain and we were just hanging out. Well finally we decided to get some sleep. My midwifes passed out in the living room. Dh and dd and I went to bed. I dozed for about half and hour but I really couldn't ingnore the contractions so I got up and after a bit got dh up with me. Laying down durig a contraction was horrible...so glad I was home .
Anyway, the contractions went the same all night, five minutes apart and not painful, just a litte insistant. I was so much doubting myself. 'Am I really in labor?' 'THis doesn't hurt at all...it can;t be labor' By morning they were 3 minutes apart. I got a little discouraged by then so I asked my midwife to check me. I was dilated to 4 and she stretched me a bit with the next two contractions. I was so proud of myself.
Having been induced with Serra and knowing that my mother had been induced with both her children I have this great fear that my body just couldn't do it. But I was doing it!!! I got excited then and rejuvinated.
Since it is freezing outside dh and i walked around and around out little apartment. Not realy exciting, but it got the job done. By around 10 or so the contractions were only about 1 or 2 minutes apart. I still felt no real pain, just pressure. I would walk and then at the contraction lean over my birth ball and dh would rub my lower back while I rocked on the ball swinging my hips. I got in the tub sometime around there. It was so nice. I would lean against the edge during a contraction and rock my hips and do little moaning noises. I was so proud of myself that I was doing it. At about 11 or so I was getting discouraged. It still wasn;t too painful, just a little uncomfortable, but I was just tired after no sleep the night before. So she checked me and I was at 8. That was good and kept me encouraged for awhile. Around 12:30 or so I was getting really discouraged again. I was so so tired, I just felt like i was gonna pass out. I knew I had to have the baby soon or I would just fall asleep. I had my midwife break my water at about 1. Then it got intense. I almost lost it for a minute, crying and just wanting to give up, but then I got control again, thinking about how close I was. During this, transition I guess it was, I was still leaning against the edge of the tuba nd rocking my hips and moaning, ever louder and looser. I was also visualizing my body opening and the head coming down. And begging God to let this be the last horrible contraction before I got to push. And in between contractions I made jokes. Laughter really helped my through this labor. The few minutes when I was crying was the worst feeling. All the other time when I was laughing was so much better.
Anyway, I finally had this HORRIBLE string of contractions, one after another...I was having such a hard time coping with it...then my body just started pushing. I have to admit that this was horrible. I really didn't think pushing would be that painful, but it was. I don't know if it is because it went so fast and I was freaked out, but if I ever do this again I will definately try some relaxation during the pushing phase. I was just screaming...It took me awhile to realize that everything was ok. I just thought I was getting ripped apart. I was just one huge contraction with no break at all...I could not stop it. i think being out of control of my body like that really freaked me out. Finally I heard my midwife when she said everything is fine and I kind of calmed. i still screamed but it was a low pushing scream. I pushed only a couple of times. One(or maybe 2) big pushes and the little head was out. then a few seconds later the shoulders. I was still on my hands and knees so I flipped over somehow and held her.
Hero Anabelle was born at 1:26 and January 21st...we missed sharing a birthday by one day.
She is 7'2" and 19 1/2" long. And pretty cute.
I feel so proud of myself. I had so many doubts about my body. I had been undermined by the hospital and doctor 'authority" last time so I was sure I was defective and could never birth a baby on my own. Now I know I can.
Oh, and I didn't tear. After an episiotomy last time I thought that part of me was defective too.
Anyway, I am so happy and I had to share.