Childless Friend's Take on Homebirth - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 04:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just read the comment from mom thread and had to share this one. I told my good (childless) friend that I was having a homebirth and she said, "That's your choice because it's your first baby and you don't know how much it hurts. I'll bet lots of people have their first baby at home and then the next babies in the hospital." I told her that pretty much the opposite is true.
I love her dearly and she is always cracking me up because she's got parenting and birth and all that entails all figured out.
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#2 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 04:32 PM
 
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Take it from me it does hurt like HELL! But to have an intervention free birth then I would take the pain. #1 was a c-section #2 was a vbac, both were medicated births where my body was not allowed to do what it is supposed to do naturally! I think that birth is way more mental than most people think. If in the right environment(home) & treated like the amazing vessel that it is, I think most women would do mush better at home! I look forward to having a hbac, some day.
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#3 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 04:38 PM
 
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I had my first in the hospital and am currently trying to convince dh for a free standing birth center birth (he wants the "birth center" at the hospital) I hated the hospital!

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#4 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 04:44 PM
 
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I get that a lot about my choice to homebirth. I just tell them I wouldn't allow those interventions even if I was giving birth at a hospital. I just don't think I could have my ideal birth in a hospital environment, I worry too much. Ever since I decided on HB I'm so much more relaxed. My worries have always been less along the lines of "It's going to hurt too much, something will be wrong with my baby, I'll need a c-section, etc" and more along the lines of "what if they try to push interventions on me, what if they do something to my baby I didn't consent to, what if they don't allow me to labour naturally in the positions I choose"

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#5 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 04:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frontierpsych
My worries have always been less along the lines of "It's going to hurt too much, something will be wrong with my baby, I'll need a c-section, etc" and more along the lines of "what if they try to push interventions on me, what if they do something to my baby I didn't consent to, what if they don't allow me to labour naturally in the positions I choose"
Yup, those were always my concerns too. I thought dh was going to be fighting at the door the entire time saying "We don't want that...We don't want that...You need to leave....No, we're going to do THIS...etc."

Just for the record, this conversation with friend took place a few years ago. I've already had my baby at home.
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#6 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 05:03 PM
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birth needn't hurt like hell. many women have painless and even ecstatic births.
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#7 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 05:10 PM
 
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My first birth was a hospital birth and hurt like hell- even with all the medications. Now that I know meds don't work for me, pain is not a fear or consideration. That being said, I also know that if I am in a familiar and comfortable environment ( home ) and surrounded only by people who care about me ( not heartless bitchy nurses ) whooo sorry bout the language ugh I just had a horrible nurse.... anyways if I am home, I won't have as much pain. So yeah, I'm staying home.
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#8 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 06:01 PM
 
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I think, even if I do have pain in childbirth, I will not fear it, because it is progressive. I don't fear pain because of pain, I fear pain because it usually means something is wrong. If I know nothing is wrong, I tend to go almost numb (I can walk on a HOT sandy beach or concrete barefoot, my friends think I'm crazy) The way I deal with pain, I may very well have a painless childbirth. I have an almost uncanny knack for meditation.

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#9 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 06:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poitzenlock
I love her dearly and she is always cracking me up because she's got parenting and birth and all that entails all figured out.
I remember knowing SOOOO much about child rearing when I was pregnant with my first. After she was born, I realized I knew less than I thought, but I still thought I knew a LOT. Well, turned out she was an easy, easy baby, and I didn't know how good I had it! Figured that out when #2 came along - very different from my first and very active. Now, I am much, much, much more humble! LOL!
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#10 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 06:27 PM
 
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I've never claimed to know everything about raising a child, but I do know I have a great place to come to when I need help!

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#11 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 06:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sreese68
I remember knowing SOOOO much about child rearing when I was pregnant with my first. After she was born, I realized I knew less than I thought, but I still thought I knew a LOT. Well, turned out she was an easy, easy baby, and I didn't know how good I had it! Figured that out when #2 came along - very different from my first and very active. Now, I am much, much, much more humble! LOL!


Add me to the "I was a better parent before I was a parent" club! I was so sure that if I just stood my ground, things would be smooth sailing. It seemed so simple. Then my dd was born. She gave me what I deserved...a huge reality check. My parenting philosophies are realisitic now and I'm quite flexible and not the hard-ass I intended to be.
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#12 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 06:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sreese68
I remember knowing SOOOO much about child rearing when I was pregnant with my first. After she was born, I realized I knew less than I thought, but I still thought I knew a LOT. Well, turned out she was an easy, easy baby, and I didn't know how good I had it! Figured that out when #2 came along - very different from my first and very active. Now, I am much, much, much more humble! LOL!
I thought I had some knowledge but the more time I spend on MDC the more I realize I don't know squat! :
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#13 of 27 Old 06-19-2006, 11:47 PM
 
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I'm hoping for a homebirth eventually, and I seem to remember my initial reaction being along the lines of "Interesting! Is it really safe? How does that WORK? (Logistics, and such)". I thought "that's cool, but not for me." Now, after much reading and research, I think "There will have to be a SERIOUS emergency going on before I go NEAR a hospital during birth!"

I happened to mention celebrities homebirthing in the course of a conversation this weekend (my parents and two younger sisters were in the car) and here were my sisters reactions:

"That sounds really dangerous! I want all the medical equipment the hospital has right there and doctors there to help me!" - Middle sister

"Yeah that, and I want DRUGS!!! Give me DRUGS!!" - youngest sister (who almost finished nursing school before changing courses)

Oddly, my parents had nothing really to say about it - I know my mom labored a very long time with me (in the hospital of course) before having a c-section, then had 2 repeat sections (hers were all the high vertical ones). I suspect that my dad would probably be the most OK with it, as he was a farmer and witnessed many animal births that required no help, and I've heard him say in the past regarding a friends due date "Babies come when they're ready."

My best friend thinks homebirth is a little strange, OK for other people, but "I can't handle pain - I'm gonna need an epidural." She might, based on the amount of dramatic shrieking and whining she does about such things as someone accidentally bumping into her gently, tapping her shoulder to get her attention, or dropping a pen on her toe... You'd think she'd been stabbed!
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#14 of 27 Old 06-20-2006, 10:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zoebird
birth needn't hurt like hell. many women have painless and even ecstatic births.
And a lot of us hurt. I'm glad that some women can do it without pain (my aunt was pretty much one), but for a lot of women it hurts. I don't fear birth - I trust my body - and it still hurts. Pain isn't necessarily a "choice."

That's really interesting to hear that your friend said she bets a lot of people do it at home first. I honestly can't think of a single person who did it that way - and I know quite a few homebirthers. What does she think now that you've had a homebirth?
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#15 of 27 Old 06-20-2006, 10:16 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyAngel
I suspect that my dad would probably be the most OK with it, as he was a farmer and witnessed many animal births that required no help, and I've heard him say in the past regarding a friends due date "Babies come when they're ready."
:

I've always wondered why humans make giving birth so difficult for themselves when it really is such a natural process.... :
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#16 of 27 Old 06-20-2006, 06:19 PM
 
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Elmh23-

Do not let you husband make this decision for you--he is NOT the one going through labor and I can tell you that a birth center is sooo much better than a hospital birth (had my first in a hospital, second at birth center, and third at home). Of course homebirth would be my first choice, but I can understand if you're not there yet. Try this tactic of a woman here on this forum. Her post goes like this:

Ok, it was when I put my foot down with my DH and said "Having a homebirth, dont like it you know where the nearest pub is and I'll call you when I'm done"

Obviously he didn't take this too well. So we argued and discussed and screamed and well it wasn't pretty.

Then I looked at him and told him

"If you take me into a hospital to birth, for every vaginal exam I get, you will be getting a rectal exam. And if I get an Episiotomy, YOU are gonna get circumcised" (DH is intact)

That made him seriously re-evaluate his stance and made him clue in how invasive a hospital birth can be. Especially when he asked "how many vag exams would you be getting approx" "Oh about one an hour"

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#17 of 27 Old 06-20-2006, 07:03 PM
 
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I had my fist at home and it did hurt but not in a way I couldn't handle. I know if I'd have been in a hospital I'd have been in a LOT more pain and no way is anyone going near my back with a needle so I would have had to have endured it anyway. Birth at home, in the water, is awesome. I'll be doing it all over again any time now!

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#18 of 27 Old 06-20-2006, 07:13 PM
 
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I had my first at home, went on to have my second and third at home :

Any future children will also be born at home Lord willing.
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#19 of 27 Old 06-20-2006, 07:14 PM
 
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I had my first in a hospital (I would've opted for a birth center at that point, but there weren't any nearby). As far as hospital births go, it was a good experience. {No IV, birthed in the water, not pressured with meds... }

However, I was not allowed food or drink. (Ice chips that I sucked on with all my might to get a little trickle)
I was so weak... and when pushing time came, a team of folks appeared to stare at me, ready to whisk away my baby. My dh cut dd1's cord in the tub, and I walked across the room to deliver the placenta on the bed while hospital staff did as they pleased with dd.

THe biggest reasons I homebirthed second time: Mine & dd2's safety. To be in control of my birth! To protect my dd from being poked & prodded. To involve dd1. Peace & Privacy.

Quote:
ColoradoMama -And a lot of us hurt. I'm glad that some women can do it without pain (my aunt was pretty much one), but for a lot of women it hurts. I don't fear birth - I trust my body - and it still hurts. Pain isn't necessarily a "choice."
See quote in my siggie.

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#20 of 27 Old 06-20-2006, 07:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ColoradoMama
That's really interesting to hear that your friend said she bets a lot of people do it at home first. I honestly can't think of a single person who did it that way - and I know quite a few homebirthers. What does she think now that you've had a homebirth?
She just thinks I'm kind of crazy. She does not approve of any of my parenting choices--EBF, co-sleeping, no vax, etc. None of MY family does. My husband's family is really crunchy and my SIL is a midwife & had 3 kids at home.
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#21 of 27 Old 06-20-2006, 08:20 PM
 
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Well, I know of one women who started with homebirths and then went to the hospital. The mom in "Cheaper by the Dozen". She had 11 homebirths and then went to the hospital for her last baby--making some comment about it being nice to let other people take care of things for a change.
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#22 of 27 Old 06-20-2006, 11:06 PM
 
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To be honest... My hospital birth with my first was the worst one. I was induced, and pitocin contractions are HELL!!! Then I finally got the epidural, and it worked only for a bit... It wore off, and even when they upped the meds, it didn't help. (I didn't know better at the time.)

Sure, my other two births hurt, but were much better. Even the 11 pounder. His contractions were fairly bad, but my labor was less than 3 hours. (I always hear that shorter labors usually hurt more...)
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#23 of 27 Old 06-20-2006, 11:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poitzenlock
I just read the comment from mom thread and had to share this one. I told my good (childless) friend that I was having a homebirth and she said, "That's your choice because it's your first baby and you don't know how much it hurts. I'll bet lots of people have their first baby at home and then the next babies in the hospital." I told her that pretty much the opposite is true.
I love her dearly and she is always cracking me up because she's got parenting and birth and all that entails all figured out.
i dont think its funny because she "childless". i have no kiddies and want a homebirth. for me its the "childless" ones that support me.

now my MIL and friends w/kids think im NUTS. they also thing that my babys going to die. aswell as i "have no clue how bad it hurts" and "you are going to beg for drugs.

so i dont think it has anything to do with being "childless". but more to do with being close minded or mainstream.

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#24 of 27 Old 06-21-2006, 11:20 AM
 
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My homebirth (my 2nd birth) hurt A LOT LESS than my hospital birth (my first birth).
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#25 of 27 Old 06-21-2006, 11:54 AM
 
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Yeah I knew everything there was to know about parenting before I was a parent So did a dearly beloved family member of mine - always "offering advice" because she knew a lot about a lot from nannying and young neices and nephews, etc - like the time Ds2 threw up on me with a high fever and wanted to nurse again and she said "Don't nurse him again that will make him throw up more!" (yeah what do you think I did?, )

Then she had her very high needs baby over a year ago, I feel really bad b/c she gets no support or help and she's very far away from me. Talk about a karmic bite in the ass.

My two first hospital births were the most painful, physically and emotionally because my ability to manage to work with the pain and discomfort was restricted, therby magnified, and when I knew to fight for freedom of movement, the very act of fighting was distracting from the hard work of labor. My UC's were painful (so much for exstatic birth, not that my heart was set on it or anything lol), especially my first one and THAT transistion...my last birth was the "least painful", the labor was shorter too. I walked and swayed until I was tired, and reclined so I could doze between contractions.
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#26 of 27 Old 06-21-2006, 12:19 PM
 
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When my best friend told me that she was considering a homebirth, I FREAKED OUT! This was a year or so before I had my DS. I work with severely mentally/physically challenged kids, so my point of view is a little skewed. I always think "what if". I was so worried that something would happen and they wouldn't be able to get her and my godson-to-be to the hospital. Everything went fine, she was soooo happy and baby godson was very healthy. Now that I've been through it myself, I can better understand/appreciate what a natural process it is. I had a hospital birth with no interventions (I had an AWESOME nurse and OB). I had a fairly easy labor and delivery. I *KNOW* that I could do it at home if there were to be a "next time", but I'm still too chicken. I have that little voice that says "what if" and I can't get rid of it. I worry that the fear would ruin the experience. I wish that I could do it though.

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#27 of 27 Old 06-21-2006, 03:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyTorf
When my best friend told me that she was considering a homebirth, I FREAKED OUT! This was a year or so before I had my DS. I work with severely mentally/physically challenged kids, so my point of view is a little skewed. I always think "what if". I was so worried that something would happen and they wouldn't be able to get her and my godson-to-be to the hospital. Everything went fine, she was soooo happy and baby godson was very healthy. Now that I've been through it myself, I can better understand/appreciate what a natural process it is. I had a hospital birth with no interventions (I had an AWESOME nurse and OB). I had a fairly easy labor and delivery. I *KNOW* that I could do it at home if there were to be a "next time", but I'm still too chicken. I have that little voice that says "what if" and I can't get rid of it. I worry that the fear would ruin the experience. I wish that I could do it though.
That's really very normal to feel that way. I and a lot of mamas are always happy to talk about the different "what ifs". Discussion and research can help dispell and minimize a great many fears. Oftentimes the Great Fear Dragon is just blowing a lot of smoke and hot air.
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