How did you convince DH to have a homebirth? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 38 Old 04-17-2003, 08:45 AM
 
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I told my husband, "I'm going to have a homebirth." His general reaction was, "As long as everything is normal." His first wife had an emergency induction because her blood pressure went through the roof. But I'll have a midwife with a backup doctor and a hospital where she can attend if I have to be transported, so we're both satisfied with those criteria. If all goes smoothly, he'll probably catch (He's caught at half a dozen births, when he was in HS he did an internship/mentoree thing with his family doc because he was thinking about becoming a doctor. If midwives weren't licensed, affordable, and readily available in our area, I'd prolly have him catch. His only objection to that idea is that if I were to tear, he doesn't know how to sew me up and we'd have to go to the hospital.)

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#32 of 38 Old 04-17-2003, 11:51 AM
 
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My DH decided it was safer to have a woman who had delivered thousands of babies deliver ours, rather than go to the hospital where a resident might be on their 10th delivery...

He did ply the midwives with questions, though. They gave him their statistics for transfers and such and he was totally convinced after that.

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#33 of 38 Old 04-17-2003, 03:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Seriously, I could have written your post. I heard the same things, "brainwashed", "unsafe", "not worth the risk", "don't want to read anything because I won't be convinced". I guess I'm considering myself lucky in that with 2 healthy births behind me (hospital births, both epidurals), DH has seen the light at least to the extent that if it's something that's going to make my birth comfortable he's for it. What helps in our situation, and I made it a point to be frank with him, was that when I needed him most to support my choice for a natural birth, in the hospital, he wasn't there for me. I expected it from the nurses and doctors, but not him. Granted he was scared and didn't want to see me go through that pain, but the disappointment afterwards was not worth the 10 - 15 minutes of pain I would have lived through. Anyway, he really wants me to have the birth I want this time around. It helped a great deal that we found a midwife he likes.

I wish you luck Amy with your DH. And hope you get to have your homebirth. Take him to some Bradley classes. Lots of folks recommended that approach.

Anne
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#34 of 38 Old 04-17-2003, 03:51 PM
 
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Amy,

Are there any birthing centers near you? Perhaps your hubby would consider that alternative.

BTW; I can completely relate to the idea of sneaking over to a friend's house to have a homebirth.
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#35 of 38 Old 04-17-2003, 03:57 PM
 
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#36 of 38 Old 04-22-2003, 05:10 PM
 
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I feel so bad for you JesseMomme.... You must feel so torn between your instincts and your husband!

All I can say is hang in there and dont doubt your gut feelings. You need to ask your husband to try and hear you out and meet with these other moms - but make it more of a social meeting than a sit-down-and-talk-about-homebirthing meeting. Let him see that these women are not "nutty" of "off their rockers" for wanting to and having homebirths.

Good Luck!
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#37 of 38 Old 04-25-2003, 09:04 PM
 
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Sagewinna, good point about not knowing who will manage your delivery in a hospital. It is usually who is on-call -- and, unfortunately, not everyone is equally qualified.

Alzymama, at my first birth my medwives were totally in charge and my poor husband relagated to the sidelines where he was absolutely terrified and sick with worry, not because anything was wrong, but because I was in so much pain and there was nothing for him to do. He didn't even feel like it was his place to comfort me because, you know, the midwives know best what the laboring woman needs. : So all he had to do was worry.

In our subsequent births he not only was directly involved (which made him feel more in control of the situation, I guess, even though he wasn't making any of the decisions, I was ) but also he picked up on my confidence and determination -- I guess he figured that if I suffered the first time around and *still* believed that everything would be okay (even if I had to suffer again), he would look like kind of a wuss if he didn't follow suit.
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#38 of 38 Old 04-26-2003, 07:22 PM
 
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I am in my first pregnancy and at first my dh was scared of homebirth. I read him all of the info, etc. and he was open to it, but thought it might be too one-sided or leaning. I'm always boasting some unusual idea so it's usual for him not to take me serious at first, and also usual for me to be right in the end . . .

Anyway, what did it for him was seeing all the tv shows on hospital births. TLC did a marathon that started with a bunch of stories of women with birth complications. One of them was told by 7 different dr's that her baby had a tumor and to abort it before she found someone who'd deliver it

Turns out the baby came out with no tumor and everyone was astonished at how it had "disappeared." Every woman on the show who they freaked out about ended up having a perfectly healthy baby and it was then that my dh realized the hype. Even with the normal births he was disgusted at the standard and sterile attitude of methodical inducing, breaking of waters, yanking baby out by it's neck, and hurridly weighing and prodding it before mom and dad even got a chance to hold it.

I know for those of you who already had hos births it may not shock him as much, but it worked for my dh. I was lucky that he had 0 exposure to birth/babies to have an opinion yet, and just needed convincing that it wasn't more "hippy bs"

Good luck!!
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