Sooooooooooo, my question is, how do I tell my OB, who I will probably be going to for prenatal visits, and at least the pg test, sometime this week? (I think I'm pg now) I'm sure she will disapprove, say it's not safe, blah, blah, blah. I'm afraid she will influence dh, and I don't want to be rude, but I don't want another hospital birth either. I will also try to find out about homebirths in this country,and if they just send out random doctors, or if I can find one to stay with the whole pg. Any suggestions??? I'm kinda shy, and get intimidated easily, which is probably how I ended up with such a bad experience the first time. Somebody help...
Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan age8, Ava age 4 and baby Georgia (6/3/11).
I feel so terrible that you went through that. I was forced to birth lying down, and had an epesiotomy also. I tore with the second birth, which was much less painful. It also healed more quickly. Honestly, I would wonder why they didn't give you the baby. The hospital where I gave birth, allowed the baby to stay with the parent(s) for as long as the parent(s) wanted.
Typing all of this out has me thinking about the night we had the ultrasound done. We went for the 40 week checkup, and when we finished talking to the OB, she told us to go with the nurse for EFM and u/s. So we went upstairs, and they strapped on the EFM. After about 20 mins, the nurses started acting worried. "The baby's not responding, the baby's not responding!" I asked what they meant. Basically, it just meant the baby wasn't kicking or rolling. I told them that this wasn't the active time for the baby. It was about 7-ish and the baby usually started getting active at about 9 or so. So, they kept running in and out, the baby's not responding, blah, blah, blah. They ended up giving me orange juice and oxygen, after which the baby 'responded'. Then we went to the basement for the u/s, and by that time dh was late for an appt, so we left. We made an appt for the OB's next available time, which was 4 days later.
When we went back, she looked at the report, and said "Why didn't you come here immediately? If you would have come back, you would be home with your baby already." Now, when she said this, my first thought was "But nothing happened!!" Anyway, you know what happened after that. I feel that if there was any concern, I should have been monitored. Now that I know the risks of an induction, I'm angry that I could have ended up in a c/s. or with a ruptured uterus, or a dead baby. Thank God none of that happened, but I think it was really irresponsible of her to recommend an induction like it safe, easy, no big deal. I guess it's time to assume a little responsibility for myself.
WOW! In the states, people sue and win for less than what you went through. What mental anguish you have gone through. And did they feed your baby formula?
They are definitely WAY off to do all this to you. This reminds me of when I was in labor with my boy. His heartbeat momentarily dipped and the nurse says "I can just see she will need a "C"section." My mom was not too pleased with her, and neither were my dh and I. I was 20, and would have preferred no medical intervening, but I "had" to be induced. And I had strep b, and had to have the i.v. Needless to say, I had him vaginally, but she was so very unprofessional, and the same nurse allowed my dh's friends to come into the bloody delivery room just after I was sutured and dressed, and was vomiting into a plastic cup-like thing. She also got huffy when I asked for help with latching the baby.
Neither births were what I expected or hoped for, but yours just makes mine look even better. You should just be happy I wasn't there with you, or I would be in jail! I would have probably smacked those idiots!
Why would there be a problem with the consulate issuing a birth certificate for an unassisted or homebirth? You should call them and check into this.....it doesn't seem right that they would require it to be in a hospital to issue a birth certificate.
Best wishes in your quest. And welcome to MDC!
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So, how do I tell the OB that I don't want to do another hospital birth, just possibly prenatals? She will assume that I want the same as last time. She assumed that I wanted birth control (I didn't) and wrote out a script without even asking me about it. I don't want it to get ugly, but I do want to be stronger this time. Makes me mad at myself for not sticking up for myself last time. I KNEW the interventions werer unnecessary, and only for the OB's convenience, but I suffer from 'good patient syndrome'
i just wanted to say that i know many mothers who receive parallel care with their ob/gyns in addition to a midwife or no m/w. also, i've known moms who for *whatever* reason, just didn't make it to the hospital on time. darn!
best wishes to you and your journey to healing. often times, subsequent birth experiences can be very healing when they are on YOUR terms.
OB's do not know what a normal birth is. Normal birth is not covered in medical school - they learn how to treat anything that might possibly go wrong. I think if a doctor believes home birth is safe she will not go into obstetrics. She most likely will tell you it is not safe and then will make up a reason on why it is "especially" unsafe for you. (For example, it is not true that the placenta starts to deteriorate at 40, 41, 42, 43, or even 44 weeks!) She probably does not do this out of maliciousness; it's her job to see a woman's healthy pregnancy as needing immediate medical attention.
A good website is www.unassistedchildbirth.com
They cover the whole "witness" issue and birth certificates. (You don't need a witness! You can give birth alone in your home and still get a birth certificate, although depending on where you live they will guilt-trip you.)
But, they can't force you to go to the hospital. Some may drop you as a patient but I hear most will just be really disapproving and keep seeing you anyway, hoping they can change your mind.
If I saw an OB again I would keep the homebirth plan a secret. I think that was the mistake that landed me in the hospital.
|If I saw an OB again I would keep the homebirth plan a secret. I think that was the mistake that landed me in the hospital.|
I would not go to a dr. for a prnatal appt. until I felt educated enough and empowered enough to make my wishes known. (Prenatal appts. are largely unnecessary--if you know you are healthy and taking folic acid, I'd wait until I was ready--a month or two later is just fine--many women don't even know they are preg. until then.)
I understand you aren't pregnant now, so my suggestion is to take this time now to prepare yourself for any future births. I'd read read read. There are many wonderful books about birth and homebirth and the problems with medicalized birth. I'd start with Gentle Birth Choices and the Thinking Woman's Guide to Birth.
I too was shy and saw a dr. for prenatal care, but educated myself, fired my dr., and had a UC birth. I would never have been able to tell him I was planning a homebirth, but now I sure would. I probably wouldn't tell a dr I was planning a UC, but if you were planning on having a medical professional there, you should certainly be able to tell the dr your plans and they should help you to locate the type of professional who will assist you.
Our thinking is getting so screwed up. These people we call dr.'s are not medical gods, they are people we employ to help us. If they aren't helping us, we should fire them. We should not be afraid of their opinions or their ability to intimidate us. If we disagree or they do not give us the opportunity for informed consent and a chance to have our wishes known, then we should fire them.
Feel empowered. Educate yourself so that you you know what you want and you feel it so strongly that you won't be willing to be intimidated. There's still things I don't feel comfortable discussing with my dr. but I'll listen to his advice and leave the office and then do it my way--I'll just humor him.
It is your body, You know yourself, give yourself back your power and your right to control your own body by finding the medical people who will help you do it your way, not force you to do it theirs. best wishes, violet
violet, you're right. my, body, my baby. I guess it really is the fact that I haven't educated myself that's holding me back. If I can't refute the doctor's shpeil, then what power do I have?
However, a fireman does not start the fire.
"One can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." - Plato