Join Date: Jun 2002
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|Originally posted by bunny's mama
disclaimer: forgive me, i'm a licensed psychotherapist and your story just brings out the therapist in me...
|are you going to hide EVERYTHING from them that they might disagree with?|
|my advice (not that you asked) is to go to therapy (i know THE BEST therapist in the world who practices out of berkeley) and begin to transform yourself into someone who can clearly state her beliefs to ANYONE and not back down or be made to feel inferior or defensive about her choices.|
|p.s. edited to add, i just linked to your website and i gotta say your wedding photos are stunning. i LOVE the butterfly wings on the women. how unique and beautiful!|
|Will you have someone at your house with you after the birth that can be a support person?|
|Maybe the midwives can help dismantle the birth tub quickly afterward?|
|But you should be respected for your choice even if they don't like it.|
|Could you just pretend you had an "accidental" homebirth?|
|maybe hire a doula to help be support and tell them off? Or your midwives could tell them to take a hike (mine would have for sure!).|
|y'know, how close do they live? cuold you just be evasive and try not to talk w/ them much while you're pg? and could you wait a long time to tell them, so there is less time for them to argue with you about your choices?|
|Originally posted by SpiralWoman
wow, your situation sounds pretty intense. I wonder how much of what you foresee happening is written in stone?
|It sounds like the only way to keep them from ever knowing & ever giving you grief about it is to give in & have a hospital birth. Frankly, that sounds easier than all the rest, bcz I just can't see how you are going to have the home birth you are dreaming of with them 15 minutes away & up your butt. I mean, if you are in labor for even 12 hrs & they know you're due, aren't they going to be calling constantly & even dropping by? Aren't they going to know that something is going on? It doesn't sound like you wil be able to make this work with as invasive & manipulative as they sound from your description. [/B]|
|On the other hand, maybe this will become one of those situations that will turn out to be important enough for you & DH to stand up for yourselves. [/B]|
|Originally posted by applejuice
For heaven's sake, you are an adult are you not?
Surround yourself w/ supportive people and do what you want. Get a doula, and maybe a close friend to stand by you and support your decisions. If you think they are going to get on you for having a hb, wait till you do extended bf, or have another child, or no-vax or selective vax or cloth diaper, or delay solids or hs.
This is only the beginning. Grow up.
Let everyone know this is your baby, your body, your medical bill.
|Originally posted by frogertgrl
If I had a million bucks, I'd lay that on the proverbial table tonight and say that if you do not stand up and face your inlaws now. you will be coming to MDC to post a myriad of 'please help me with my in-laws!!!' as you raise your baby. AppleJuice is right. I know it sounds harsh to you now, but really, Lisa, that's how much is at stake.
It is not fair to be 'nice' and fib a bit to get some space and still not directly offend your inlaws. After birth, if you are this fierce mama who doesn't want MIL telling you what to do or how to mother, then you might look crazy to your DH and he might not support you. You might just act so radicallly different after birth that no one takes you seriously. 'Hormones!', they could say.
|I was always respected in the end. Many times we agreed to disagree.|
After 4 m/c, our is here!
|Originally posted by RachelMolly
I wrote to you somewhere else on another thread that I am so with you. I understand that you don't want to tell them at all. But keep in mind that it will be after the fact. Don't you think that the grandparents will be so happy to see their new little baby grandchild that they'll be less angry?
But what I am trying to say to you is...I don't know how you'll deal with the tub issue...there's no way to hide it, unless (I don't know how far away they live), you can get some friends to come and empty it, and maybe get a truck to borrow and store there for a while?
You might find that, going back to my first point, they'll be more understanding once they see that cute little tyke that you successfully birthed in the comfort of your own home!
|Originally posted by Lisa_Lynn
What would you have done if you were NOT respected? If they refused to 'agree to disagree'. [/B]